OU vs. Iowa State

It wasn't that long ago when this OU - Iowa State tilt was a mere formality. A final tune-up for Bedlam and the biggest game of all time. A winner take all trip to the national title game.

Oh, those were the days! We were young and fancy free. We were sheltered from the cruel realities of a harsh and unjust college football landscape. We were naive in thinking these Sooners were worthy of a title shot.

Hardy-fucking-har.

It's hilarious to look back and think this Sooner defense might be some kind of juggernaut. "The best of the Stoops era" some thought. Shit that's rich. You know who has played consistently well on this defense? Ronnell "The Hammer" Lewis (now injured), Big Frank Alexander and Jamel Fleming. That's it. Last week it just happened to be Javon Harris's turn to look the shittiest.Everyone has played a part in this debacle though.

Last week I mentioned the different phases of the season. I forgot one. It's the one where Sooner Nation starts calling for Brent Venables job. That call is getting loud and if things don't go well the next two weeks it will reach full throat. Our boy Travis texted during the game last week that he wasn't renewing his tickets next year if Venables is on the sideline and he was serious.

Venables's bend but don't break defense is, on rare occasions, awesome. But when it's off my God it's terrible and the lack of adjustment is infuriating. Last week the Sooners got beat deep no less than five times. The Sooners never even saw it coming and never seemed inclined to do anything about it. I didn't read any interviews or watch the coach's show but I'm sure there was lots of talk about just being out of position, not knowing assignments and that sort of blame on the players. Whatever. At times this defense hasn't looked ready to play and it's the job of the coaches to have them ready.

Enough.

Sooner Nation needs to wipe the collective snot off its face and get ready for the ballgame this week. Iowa State boasts brings a Quarterback who has three starts under his belt. He can occassionally complete a forward pass (always gives us fits) and they have the biggest rah-rah coach in the conference. If the Sooners have a woe-is-me attitude who knows what'll happen.

I'm worried about Iowa State. That's how far we've come!

OFFENSE

Lost in the rubble of a bombed out 2011 Sooner campaign is the heart and guts the offense has shown pretty much all year. At times they've been ineffective but they've never given up. They've never looked totally lost. Last week they should have run the ball more. But they make plays and they scrap and they put up enough points that they should win every game if they had a defense that was worth a shit.

Get ready for a steady dose of running the football. The wind is howling today. That makes Stoops nervous. That said, I'm going with Brandon Williams. He looked good last week and he has to have a breakout game at some point this year. Today is the day.


Before I forget, how about the Belldozer? Dude is an animal. Like last week I probably should pick him. The Sooners would have scored on that two-point conversion as well. Book it.

DEFENSE

Oh, c'mon Maw, do I have to pick someone? Can't I boycott? I'm going to go with a Senior since it's Senior day. That means it's Big Frank, Travis Old Steady Lewis or Jamel Fleming. I'll go with Old Steady. The Iowa State passing attack really should be useless so Old Steady should have a chance to make a number of plays. Will he? I don't know! That's why they play the games.

THE SCORE

I just don't know. This jekyl and hyde defense has me doubting things I thought were infallible. True to my nature I will turn a blind eye to reality and cling to the hope that our best team shows up. The defense will play decent enough to win. The offense will not get too spooked by the wind and the Sooners will win just like they are supposed to.

OU 42, Iowa State 24

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner

OU vs. Uterus

Damn I hate the Longhorns and I hate them now more than ever because they are ruining my weekdays. Just as recruiting chatter is the bane of my offseason existence, conference realignment speculation is the bane of my gameweeks. And these elitist cockbreaths in Austin are the cause. This week I've had to endure reports that Tulane might be joining the Big 12.

Fucking Tulane?

I'm gagging, barfing and laughing at the same time. I'm laughing so hard I just vomited through my nose and then I vomited so hard I just had to laugh. I even think I wet-farted my pants just know.

Now I've wasted a whole paragraph of my OU-Texas piece not talking real football because of these fuckwits. See how these devils never quit? Let's move on.

I love this matchup for OU. I mean, I'm giddy about it. Here's why:

texas Freshman QB Case McCoy

This Pumpkinhead is texas's starting QB. His Daddy and Mommy are good Texans. They named their boys after a gun and a knife manufacturer, respectively (Colt and Case). "How-do!!, pardner!"

By the way, does anyone want to lay odds that Brent Musberger alludes to this gun and knife business as ABC cuts to commercial following some miracle Case McCoy scramble? 2-1, 3-2? I might, nee will, smash a hole in a wall if this happens. Case is a Freshman and he'll be, "sharing time under Center" with fellow Freshman David Ash. I imagine Brent Venables and the Sooner D are looking forward to giving these two some different looks. In fact, the Sooner D probably feels a little like this guy:

The texas offense leans heavily on the run because Case and Ash (sounds like a Bravo reality show), while accurate by some unknown accounts, are not "gunslingers". They've attempted 55 passes combined on the season. Landry has completed  over twice that many by himself.  Now I've not watched texas (why would I?) enough to call them one dimensional, but they aren't as potent a spread as Mizzou either. All this to say that the Sooner defense is predicated on making their opponents one dimensional. When an opponent does this for them it plays heavily into the Sooners favor (see picture above).

The Sooners have already been forged by fire. Texas has not. The Sooners played well in a very hostile environment in Prime Time and left town victorious (FSU for any knotheads who might be reading. Wait! I didn't mean it, please don't leave the site, we need you). Also, the Sooners dealt with a pretty feisty Mizzou squad. It took a miracle for texas to pass it's only test of the season, at home, against BYU.

Finally, Mack Brown just doesn't have the bullets in his gun. He's playing about 15 freshmen and none of them are named Vince Young. He has almost an entirely new coaching staff. Normally I'd be scared that the horns might have that "back to the wall" mentality but not here. Not with Mack Brown. He just doesn't want to get embarrassed.

OFFENSE

How could I go against Dom Whaley? Sure, I Iignored him for three weeks. I prentended he existed only as motivation for Roy Finch. But Dom Whaley is easily the Sooners' best weapon outside of Ryan Broyles. The fact you have a triumvirate of Landry, Whaley and Broyles makes me feel good. This group of talent is as perfect a trifecta as any collegiate football team could hope for.

I'm taking Whaley just because someone on the Sooners Offense has to step up. No one can make a difference quite like Dominique.  Choosing Broyles is too easy. Also, choosing Landry is unacceptable. Landry is bound to throw some picks and do some stupid shit. As always, his numbers will be gaudy but you'll be left wondering what might have been.

Dom Whaley is a great story. But if you isolate him to this game he's an ever better story because he's going to be the player that people have heard of but haven't experienced. This game always has a Cinderella story Now is his opportunity. Someone has to step up.  If it isn't Whaley I'll also accept Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills, Jaz Reyonolds or Brandon Williams.

DEFENSE

The worst thing that can happen to the Sooner Defense is for texas to have success running the football. If they can do that twice in consecutive series, the Sooners could lose confidence.I'm not terbbibly worried about it. This defense and team is resilient. They can get popped in the mouth and hit right back.

With Travis Old Steady Lewis wearing Number 12 I really can't pick against him. His enthusiasm will be off the charts. I'd also like to pick Tony Motherfuckin Jefferson but my gut insists on Old Steady.

THE RESULT

OU should have their way. The longhorns have earned nothing.Their undefeated record is probably the weakest in college football. Yet, they are texas and have nearly found themselves in the Top 10. The good news for the Sooners is that, for at least this Saturday, this victory will look a lot better than it actually is. Good news for people who like polls and realignment chatter.

OU 35 Texas 17

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner