OU - Iowa in the Insight.com Bowl

Tonight in Tempe the Sooners cap off a season of disappointment and unrealized expectations. The Sooner coaching staff had us sitting at their feet and eating out of their hands with talk of this years squad being the favorite for the National Title. Oh how we lapped it up. Oh what a bummer.

So now here we are. The Sooners (4th place in the Big 12) versus Iowa (4th place in the Legends Division of the Big 10).

What a matchup! What stakes!

Let's review the storylines:

For Iowa, they lost their best Running Back. I don't know his name and I don't know his replacements name. But I do know that this replacement ran for something like 40 yards this year. Sounds like someone is due for a breakout performance and I know just the defense to help make it happen.

Speaking of, did you know Sooner defensive "lynchpin" and team captain Travis Lewis hasn't spoken to the media since Halloween and, rumor has it, all his teammates have pretty much ceased speaking to him as well? Camaraderie. The Sooners don't gots it.

There's also been a rash of transfers for the Sooners. "Cleaning House" according to Bob Stoops. I'm fine with it. If a guy doesn't want to play in Norman, fare thee well.

Whilst on the subject of roster thinning, how about not having Ronnell Lewis? Or Jaz Reynolds?

So there's two ways this thing can go. One, the Sooners buck up. They tuck in their bottom lip and change a shitty attitude that's been pervasive all year. Or, they put a nice tidy bow on a heaping turd of a crap cake.

Who's excited to see what happens?

OFFENSE

So, Landry hasn't thrown a touchdown pass since Ryan Broyles went down? And Jaz "Hands" Reynolds is injured? And Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills has inexplicably failed to step up? And, through injury and transfer, the Sooner backfield consists of Roy Finch, Brennan Clay and Trey Millard?

Well then everything should be humming like a sewing machine.

I'm going with Millard. He's been under-utilized to Stoops's chagrin. It's time to unleash the beast.

DEFENSE

Well I'm already scared that an anemic Iowa offense is going to come unhinged. The Sooner D gave Robert Griffin 3 a shove to the Heisman podium. Maybe the can get a Hawkeye on the long list going into next year?

I don't know what to do here. I'm going to say Jamelle Fleming for sentimental reasons. He's a Senior. He's played as well as anyone all year. He'll be eager to leave on a high note.

THE SCORE

I haven't felt less sure about a game all year. I don't know if the Sooners care. My crimson colored glasses tell me they will and they will shut down an Iowa offense that is not dynamic.

I hope, I hope, I hope.

I hope if I'm wrong that I remember it's a meaningless exhibition to close out a season that, by Stoops-era standards, was a major disappointment but by John Blake standards is still an overwhelming success.

Sooners 24, Hawkeyes, 13

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner. Happy New Year.

And a special shoutout to Kate Bendick, now engaged to Cousin Brad. Mazel-tov!

I See Your Bullets and Raise Ye Bullets

I seen that Navin put together some bullets mid-week. That's the kind of hard hitting journalistic gim-gam that will take this blog places. Well played.

Not to be outdone here's some thoughts of my own:

• This is a big week for the Steamroller. This blog's co-authors are going to be together, in person, in Norman for the A&M tilt. There's gonna be a party y'all. If you'd like to meet up, get autographs, touch our sleeves, etc. hit us up. We'll be hanging out in Norman long after the ballgame to watch the LSU-Bama national championship semifinal. After that Navin will be hosting a writer's workshop on drunk blogging. It's "can't miss". 
• I have an idea for filling the void left by Dom Whaley. Trey Millard and Roy Finch doing their best Thunder/Lightning impersonation. They can be on the field together in multiple formations. They both can line up virtually anywhere, and both are dependable. I'm not opposed to sprinkling in some Brennan Clay and Brandon Williams but I think the combo of Millard and Finch deserves about 25 carries. Finch obviously is picking up a lot of the load but Millard has more than earned some touches. Dude is a beast. My father-in-law seems to think Millard will move to Tight End next year. 
• Didn't think I'd be saying it but it sure was nice to have Tom Wort on the field again. He tied for the team lead in tackles and had two sacks. If the Sooners can get Jamelle Fleming back they'll be in business.
• Navin already mentioned the defense but it seems their effort has gone underappreciated. They held a top 10 team, in a hostile road environment to one first down in the second half. Kansas had about 10 yards in the second half against them. When this defense is on I'd put them up against anyone in the country.
• Jaz Reynolds is a bad motherfucker. He continues to improve and has become the 3rd receiver everyone thought the Sooners needed to make things easier for Ryan Broyles and Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills. 
• Speaking of Broyles, is there a craftier carrier of the football than him? They way he uses the sideline is incredible. You think there's no way he stays in bounds and next he's gone 20 yards for a score. The Sooners are going to miss him.

This:

Tony Motherfuckin Jefferson and Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Still as Caped Crusaders

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner

OU vs. Tech Post-Mortem and OU vs. Baylor

I'm about to write the easiest "piece" in the history of football. The only thing making it difficult is that I'm so drunk every sentence takes me about 10 minutes to hammer out.

I failed to write a column leading up to this Texas Tech game. If you co-write this blog you already know this. If you don't, then I'm just taking up 0's and 1's on the "Interwebs" and wasting my e-breath.

Had I written an OU-Tech pregame it would have said something about how Landry Jones (no nicknames; Solidarity) was certain to throw for 400+ yards and who knows how many touchdowns. Well, he had 5. Big fucking deal. I would have said DeMarco would be steady as a rock and how the defense would get some sacks and get some turnovers. Well, they did. Of course they did. It's a fucking joke how this team is all-world at home and first class pant-shitters on the road. I couldn't even enjoy this game because every time something positive happened I couldn't help but say to myself (or, because I may or may not have been inebriated, to every one in my purview), "OF COURSE THIS HAPPENED BECAUSE WE ARE AT HOME, NOT ON THE FUCKING ROAD!"

It's so easy to predict it's sickening. The Sooners can beat anyone by two touchdowns at home. I'd love to make it a challenge and look forward to the road games coming up (Baylor, OSU)  but it's not so much an anticipatory adventure as much as a fucking crapshoot.

Oh well, on to bigger and better things.

Baylor should be as close to a home game on the road as Texas is at the Cotton Bowl. I mean, all bets are off if the Sooners don't show up for this one. But Robert Griffin III is quite capable and to call us shaky on the road is like calling Tony Parker foolish for cheating on Eva Longoria.

But who gives a shit because you know why? I'm going to New York City to watch this one with my buddy and fellow co-blogger Navin. I could not be more pumped. I COULD NOT BE MORE PUMPED!

We'll be enjoying some adult beverages at a hole-in-the-wall, Sooner-themed bar in Manhattan where we'll, together, get to witness an OU road-game bed-wetting. Innocent bystanders might not be ready for the scene, even New Yorkers.

I'd like to say we'll have the wherewithall and inclination to do something maxo-zune-dweebie like co-blog or live blog the game and our experiences. But we are not assholes so unless something really strange happens (probably won't because we'll be so sober) don't count on it.

Quick picks before I hit the road.

Offense
It can only be one of four players. DeMarco, Ryan Broyles, Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills or Roy Finch. I feel like I pick DeMarco every week so he's out. Ryan Broyles only sets records at home because Landry gets confused when he isn't wearing a red jersey. So he's out. Ditto Kenny Fucking Shitbag. Roy Finch might not get on the field. Coaches Stoops and Wilson will explain it away like the Baylor scheme wasn't right for him or something nonsensical. Nonetheless, I'm stealing a page out of Navin's playbook and picking Roy.

Defense
Another crapshoot. Obviously someone is going to have to shadow Robert Griffin III. So whoever that is makes for a good candidate. But that person is probably a LB. That means Tom Wort (fuck no) and Travis Lewis (becoming the pick du jour a la DeMarco on offense). Shit. Well, I guess I'll go with Jamelle Fleming. Demontre Hurst never gets opportunities and Griffin III will throw to someone so it's Fleming by default.

The Score
Well, let's see if the Defense can defend the middle of the field. Let's see if they can keep Griffin III from running roughshod all day long. Let's see if the offense can keep from stepping on their own dicks. Of course I'm hopeful. But then of course I'm delusional.

OU 35 Baylor 21