Tech

I'm pumped for today's game reader(s). I plan on settling in on the sofa with my pants around my ankles, a beer in one hand, and my junk in the other. Why? Well that hunk of a man Kliff Kingsbury of course. He looks exactly like Ryan Gosling, right? Right? Needless to say I'm pretty tired of hearing that shit. That's a passing comment, not a "feature piece". Furthermore it means absolutely nothing in terms of the game. Speaking of that douche, I really feel good that he's their head coach and I was out of school when he played there. Being old sucks. 

I also see that Bobby is calling for fans to be loud today. Nothing says "great fan base" like a coaching pleading them to not sit on their hands. Though the last time he did that (also against Tech incidentally), I recall it being pretty crazy. Sadly, that's the exception not the rule. I hope it's loud, and I hope we respond. I also hope it inspires Josh Heupel to call some plays that I, nevermind Tech, don't see coming. 

Offense

For those who haven't seen a game this year, we stink on offense. Partly because our QB is inept at the forward pass, and partly because our offensive coordinator is hell bent on not playing to our strengths (read: running the ball) or adapting his game-plan to what the defense is doing. However, I'm hopeful that today we realize that we can run the ball and do so with great determination and success. With that in mind I'm picking Brennan Clay today. He's been steady all year, living up to his well-earned moniker of old-steady. He'll get in the endzone once and rack up a heap of yards. (Preview to next weeks post: why did Brennan Clay not play last week?)

Defense

As you may have ascertained from what you've read up to now, I'm not feeling terribly inspired by today's game. It's 10 v 15 but I just don't have a ton of faith in either our offense or defense. We've been decimated up front in what was a surprisingly solid front. Kingsbury likes to throw it and we've not been great at stopping that (see: combo, bad). I'd like to pick Motherfuckin Colvin, but I'm not feeling it. I'm going with Ass Tapper. Chaz Ass Tapper.

That is all. 

Score

I think Tech is good, but I also think overrated. They'll be a challenge for the Sooners today no question, and I'm predictably nervous about. I do think the fans show up and become more of a "factor" than normal. I think that is enough to get us past them and keep our conference championship hopes alive. Sooners eke out an ass clincher 30-28. 

Boomer to Motherfuckin Sooner

OU vs. Texas Tech

I had no idea before the season started that this would be a game I'd be skeered of. It was an afterthought, an assumption. But I'm a little nervous about a potential butt whoopin. It's not even that I think Texas Tech is even as good as their number 10 ranking. I think the Sooners are just that bad. Texas Tech has played nobody and that's the best news. The worst news is doesn't matter because Klifford K. Kingsbury and co. probably think mighty high of themselves and this is a showcase game for them.

It raises my favorite question to ask year after year. Can the Sooners match the intensity of an opponent not named Texas or Oklahoma State? They better.

OFFENSE

Josh Heupel had some unused razzle dazzle from the texas game that he showed off last week and the result was LaColtan Bester throwing the best ball of anyone this whole season. I kid but it was a nice ball and why the fuck was a handoff to Trey Millard the Sooners most exotic wrinkle against Texas?

Anyways there's always today. This game is right in our wheelhouse offensively. We have to control the game clock and plod along and keep those Red Raiders off the football field. That means we gotta run around em and through em and over em.

This could be another game to highlight the wunderkind Keith Ford but he fumbled last week so he'll probably sit the rest of the year, be out with a leg and ask for a medical redshirt. So I'm going Brennan Clay today. The old war horse is ready for action.

DEFENSE

This is where I'm scared shitless. It's not that the Sooners are inept, it's that they're decimated and apparently have no depth. Things could get real ugly here. The saving grace is that Texas Tech, unlike OU, likes the forward pass and stopping that is what our defense does best.

That said if we don't have our head on straight this Texas Tech team could score more points than our offense could in a wet dream. In short, we need to bring it.

Having said all that you'd think I'd go defensive back here but nah. I'm going Ass Tapper. He's going to get some good rushes on the quarterback today.

THE SCORE

Oh boy. We really have to play well on D today. Flawless. I still think they'll score 21 so I'm going 27-21 in a "As close as the score would indicate" type of game.

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner

Tulsa

Over the course of the week I was able to go back and watch the ballgame. Youtube is the best by the way.  In hindsight I think the Sooners got pretty lucky. West Virginia had chances and they simply made one or two more mistakes than the Sooners. WVU had a dropped pass in the end zone, some wide open misses and, of course, their share of turnovers.

For the Sooners, Trevor Knight was lackluster (to put it nicely) in the passing game but he had help. There was that LaColtan Bester fumble after a nice throw and run for instance. The turnovers in the red zone were inexcusable, however.

So this week we have intrigue. Knight is dinged up with a "leg" and Blake Bell gets the start. Wink Wink Nudge Nudge Nuff Said. A good performance entrenches him. But if the passing game continues to suffer there may be chaos, panic and disorder. Kendal Thompson has even been cleared to practice and evidently will be the Belldozer's backup this week. Worst case you could halfway through the season and have literally no idea what you have at quarterback. I still don't miss Landry though.

OFFENSE

My thoughts on Josh Heupel are well documented but it is incumbent on him to get this passing game off the ground, so to speak. The run and gun offenses of years past thrived on quick slants, screens and outs. Oh, how we hated them back then when Landry would get the snap, turn and fire to Ryan Broyles et al. But now that short passing attack seems pretty good. Also, what about screens to these running backs or, gasp, Trey Millard? Something should be available given how teams will be forcing the Sooners to pass.

This offense is clearly strong like bull in the run game. It would make no sense to pick someone other than a back. And it would be crazy to really pick anyone besides Brennan Clay. That's who I'm going with. He seems to be a fine young man who deserves all the success he's enjoying thus far.

With the Belldozer working his way into the offense and Josh Heupel running the show this game could be simple and fast. The clock stays running and as little as possible is done to preserve a winning score. Read: Zone Read, Sweep Right, Quick HB Belly.

The Sooners are fucked against Notre Dame if they don't evolve offensively against Tulsa this week. Book it.

DEFENSE

This group has excelled against inferior competition thus far. Tulsa is no different so this should be enjoyable.

The biggest surprise through two games has to be the performance of the D-Line although with expectations as low as they were for this unit it would be difficult to not exceed them. That's your backhanded compliment of the week sponsored by, "Overbearing Dad" Magazine.

With that in mind I'm going to pick Jordan Phillips as my DPOG. I want to pick Chuka Ndulue but a beer buzz at the time of this writing is keeping me from it.

THE SCORE

The best thing I can say about this game is that it lines up perfectly to give me the opportunity to take my son to his first Sooners football game. Mild-ish weather, early start, cupcake opponent. I've been waiting a long time for this.

On the field I expect domination in the "not as close as the score would indicate" fashion. The Sooners offense beats up Tulsa, the D flies around enough to ward off too much damage and Michael Hunnicut leads the Sooners in scoring.

I hope I'm wrong and this is all a reverse jinx.

I like the Sooners 31-10.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner

Tulsa

This Saturday pits our beloved Sooners against the Tulsa, Golden Hurricane. Much has been made of how ridiculous it is that a school located so far from the threat of a hurricane should have such a name. Cue some asshole explaining how it's not really for a hurricane but for blah blah blah... Shut up. I've decided that a golden hurricane is something of a euphemism along the lines of a Cleveland Steamer or a Blumpkin. Basically 15-20 fat Japanese men binge on beer until each is nearing a bladder rupture. They then disrobe and form a circle. Then a young girl kneels in the middle of them. At this point they simultaneously unleash a furious deluge of urine, soaking her in a Golden Hurricane. I wish the on-field mascot reflected this better. 

Going into this campaign I knew there would be some growing pains. I assumed, given the plethora of returning skill position players, that the majority of said pains would be on defense. Oh how I was wrong. While the D has looked excellent (deceptively good I think, but I digress), it's the O that has been basically terrible. Trevor Knight was bad enough last week that the coaching staff replaced him in the 4th (knee injury or not I think) with Blake Bell. Moreover, they opened up the avenue that they might have been wrong about Knight, something that Bobby has not been wont to do historically. Bell did little to quell any fears pertaining to the passing game but did manage to be the tortoise to Knights hare, in that his slow and steady was effective at moving the chains late. 

I'm hopeful that Bell can find some kind of groove in the passing game. It's going to be rough (long term) if he can't and Tulsa feels like a good time to "get right". Defensively, I hope we can keep it up. Schematically I'm not sure we've been dramatically better than recent years, but I will say that the tackling has been light years ahead of last season. That alone is worth a nod to Mike Stoops. The spread has us giving 24, that seems generous given our struggles last week. Nonetheless, we play to win, if not cover, and I think we'll do that. 

Offense

Last week I picked the right position, but couldn't have been more wrong about the player. Brennan Old Steady Clay had a railroad spike between my legs all night. What a game. I still wish we'd spread the touches around the backfield more, ie Millard, but it's hard to argue with the two-headed monster of Williams and Clay. I would really like to go with Jaz "Hands" Reynolds or LaColtan Bester, but I just don't think Bell will drop back and throw enough to make that realistic. Perhaps this is a hindsight pick or betting on last race's horse, but I'm going Brennan Clay this week. He was just a total force all night, and wasn't stoppable even when I knew what was coming. I think that earns him copious touches against Tulsa and he responds with 100+ and 2 trips across the goal line. 

Defense

I really feel like Frank Shannon is becoming a huge difference maker on D. He's almost quietly been (arguably) our best defender. Credit where due as well: Gabe "gas rag" Lynn hasn't been completely abysmal either. That said I've got a new guy out there that is rapidly becoming one of my favorites this year, Charles Tapper (aside: can we just make his nickname "ass" now? It's too awesome to not have Charles "Ass" Tapper. Nope, it's done, Ass Tapper). I'm going with big Charles this week. I think he picks up a sack and is a force on the defensive front both against the pass and run. 

Score

As I said, 24 seems like a reach with our O. I think this one might be painful to watch though I don't think it will be in doubt too terribly much. I like OU 28-10. Bell gets the ground game rolling and the ghosts of Bud Wilkinson smash their way to a win. 

Time to roll heads. Early start, early finish. 

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner 

The 2013 Steamers

The Sooner Steamroller preseason awards (dba The Steamers) guarantee success or failure just as much as the AP Pre-Season awards. Congratulations to all the "winners".

Without further ado:

The 2013 Sooner Steamroller MF'er

Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin

Goes to Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin. He was, by a mile, the only defensive player last year who played well on a consistent basis. He'll be on an island this year and, by all accounts, he's in full lock down mode. I'm excited about what this ball player brings to the table. He's a senior, he's a captain, he's the 2013 MF'er.

For the uninitiated, the MF'er is the most prestigious award handed out by Steamroller staff. It goes to the defensive player who most exemplifies everything you want in a Sooner. The MF'er brings his hard hat and lunch pail every game and can otherwise best be described as a "Baby Eater" on the football field. He makes plays that make you turn and ask the people around you, "Did you see that play? Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin, man!"

T-Shirts Here

Old Steady

Old Steady is the player (up to this point a running back) who brings the same effort every play. You know exactly what you're getting with Old Steady, a decent yards per carry, no fumbling, no dicking around in the backfield. This year the award goes to Brennan Clay.

Clay was much balleyhooed when he arrived on campus but he began his career as the homeless man's version of the original Old Steady, Chris Brown. Sure, he could get you two or three yards a touch but is that a feature back? Last year, however, he turned it on in a great way. This year, with a better (when healthy) O-Line and no plodding oaf QB to get in his way I see big things happening here.

I'd also like to "give propers" to Trey Millard as well. He's definitely good enough to earn Old Steady honors but, after discussing with Navin, we just don't trust Josh Heupel to feed him the ball enough for him to qualify. It's ridiculous that a lack of touches is a possibility. For Thunder fans it's the opposite of the Kendrick Perkins effect. Stubbornness keeps Perkins on the court and he is a black hole on offense. Millard is always on the field, lined up everywhere and is stubbornly denied the ball.

Gas Rag McGee

Gas Rag McGee
Photo by Chris Landsberger - The Oklahoman

To the player on defense who looks more lost than my mom in a Tokyo subway station. If opposing Offensive Coordinators have two brain cells to rub together Gas Rag McGee is the guy they will scheme endlessly to get man coverage against. Last year it was Tom Wort. Bless his heart he had the "motor" but he just couldn't hang physically.

This year Gabe Lynn puts the trophy back on his mantle. He's been lost in the secondary since he stepped on campus. Until someone steals the title from him, he's the guy. With plenty of newcomers this could be quite the little horse race this season.

Offensive Newcomer

Has to be Trevor Knight. It's not every year the Sooners usher in a new quarterback. Right or wrong the question is will he be the next great one. This implies trips to New York for Heisman ceremonies. That's a perfectly reasonable expectation isn't it? No pressure or nothin'.

Keith Ford could also be a choice here but there's no way he has the impact, good or bad, that Knight will.

Defensive Newcomer

Smart money is on someone like Quincy Russell, DJ Ward or Charles Tapper. The line was hideous last season and if any of these guys can bolster that unit, particularly Russell, then that would be huge. I'm going Quincy Russell here.

If you're feeling a little more daring I would say Hatari Byrd because Mike Stoops is so excited about him he reportedly stalks the practice field with what looks like a corn dog in his coaches shorts.

Coach or Player I Will Blame for Anything Bad Now That Landry is Gone

Josh Heupel. To say I'm underwhelmed by him is too kind. We haven't made a defense look clueless in three years. The only hurry up we do is a quick handoff. The Belldozer package was born of desperation and is successful because Blake Bell is bigger than a Honda Accord.

In my opinion Josher has more pressure on him to show something than Trevor Knight.

Home Game I Can't Believe I'm Missing

West Virginny. Life is full of tough choices. I've chosen a day of music over football on September 7th. Yep, One Direction is coming to town.

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner

2013 (half-assed) Preview

Here we are faithful reader(s), back again for another fall of The Steamroller. It's been a somewhat uneventful off-season. There were a few position coaching changes but the base staff remains intact and Mike Stoops emerges from under the blanket of not being acclimated to the new style of play in the Big 12. In other words he really doesn't have many excuses left. 

On that note the defense looks pretty thin. Up front we return very little and those that are back aren't raising tents in the pants of sooner nation. The secondary could be decent. Aaron Colvin looks tough but little else is proven and in some cases (I'm looking at you Gabe "Gas Rag" Lynn) all that's been proven is that he couldn't cover a baby's eyes with both hands. That said there are some young bucks who will vie for meaningful PT so it might not be as bad as we think. The LBs are all promise and no production up to now but we can hope Corey Nelson et al can figure it out. Things look bleaker than they have in years but the unknown also brings promise with dread. 

Offensively, things look much better with proven experience at almost every position save one. That of course is QB where a redshirt frosh won the job over the only guy who does have experience there. I'll take that as a positive sign. He's well positioned to succeed with the loaded backfield and WR corps, not to mention a pretty well seasoned OL. As for our QB, I'm clinched up like everyone else hoping for Bradford not Bomar. 

It's kind of a strange year. It's the lowest my expectations have been in years, but while the untested nature of the squad isn't ideal, I'm almost excited about not knowing. The wildcard here is Knight, and while he's been (allegedly) a world-beater in practice, that's a long way from Saturday mornings.  I'm hopeful, I like that expectations are down. Lets hope that the lack of pre-season consideration for anything meaningful pertaining to the end of the year gets Bobby back to his old ways and has this team playing like the Sooner clubs of old. 

I'm predicting a Big 12 championship, which may speak more to the conference than to our squad. 

This year's MF is none other than Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin. 

We haven't discussed this year's Old Steady but I'm leaning to Brennan Clay. Mitch?

I'm pumped to have another fall of football at hand. We'll be back soon to talk ULM. 

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.

Baylor

Good morning fine ladies and gentleman. My post today comes to you from the sunny locale of Sedona, AZ. A far cry from my decimated home city of New York. Sadly, I'll be returning there tomorrow but for now it's sunshine and lollipops for Natey. The Sooners face a solid Baylor team this Saturday afternoon. Seems odd that a few short years ago this game had a W placed next to it sometime in April, or as soon as it was scheduled. Now however, it's not Alabama but it's no gimme either.

No one is forgetting last year's barn burner where the boys in Crimson neglectfully left their defense on the bus. This Baylor team is notably lacking one RG3, but let's hope that we line up 11 conscious players on the defensive side of the ball this time (looking at you Javon G.R. Harris)*. Baylor does score points pretty well, however the one thing they are better at than scoring points is allowing them.  Besides, in spite of two losses, it feels like our defense has been better than it was last season. At the very least, it doesn't get torched with regularity anymore.

*This G.R. is noting his moniker as Gas Rag which is bestowed for his propensity to be burned easily and with regularity. This is a unilateral move by me, but I'm sure Mitch won't put up too much of a fight. While Harris does make some nice plays on occasion, he makes some real dumbshit moves as well. I'll take consistently solid over feast/famine any day of the week. Read: I really dislike Javon Harris.

I like our chances today, the team looked good against a pesky ISU team last week and avoided a let down after the emotional Notre Dame loss. It seems as though we've got a pretty decent shot at beating the Baylor Bears. Provided we can make them earn their points with long, multi-play drives and we can keep their offense off of the field with a solid ground game I think we'll win.

Offense

Mitch continued his startlingly good, season-long impersonation of Nostradamus last week with a Brennan Clay bullseye. While I'll concede that Clay was the player of the game on offense last week, I didn't do too shabby with a (less impressive) Justin Brown pick as he went for 7 and 107 with 1 TD. Let's hope we both pick different players today, and that both players proceed to dominate as they did last week. You see, readers, having two really good players on offense statistically, is better than having only one (stay with me). Today I'm going with Jalen Saunders, if for no other reason than the guy is damn fun to watch out there. I like him for several great runs after the catch, and at least one TD.

Defense

This side of the ball has proven to be a bit of a crapshoot as not only has it been hard to pick a player of the game before the game, but it's not been easy to pick one after either. Today, I'm going with Aaron Colvin. He's really developed into a damn fine DB and one that seems to be as adept in the run game as he is in providing coverage. I'd love to predict that he forces a turnover today... so I will. Either a pick or a forced fumble, but I won't decide between the two (listen, I'm no Keith "Ms. Cleo" Mitchell over here).

Score

As I said before, the Baylor fellows can score some points. As I also said before, they can give up some points too. I like the Sooners today in a bit of a shootout. We control the ground game enough on offense and the passing game enough on defense to win. Sooners 38-24.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.

OU vs. Iowa State

Sooner nation was ready to jump off a cliff following the Kansas State game. Now we see the cliff, shrug our shoulders, and back away. The Sooners didn't embarass themselves last week, Notre Dame is just better unfortunately. It's been proven on the football field that the Sooners just aren't an elite team this year. It sucks.

Notre Dame has a hell of a defense but everybody knew Lonnie wasn't going to lead a comeback. Notre Dame has an excellent football team and if the Sooners and Irish played five times, Notre Dame probably wins three.

In other news the tailgating scene was pretty awesome. To a party, every effort was made to make things "just so". Avid Steamroller reader Robert Powell had some fine smoked ribs at his Legal Eagle tailgate where I also enjoyed smoked bacon-wrapped quail and jalapeno. It was divine. The tortin' and cavortin' tailgate also had an open bar which may or may not have impacted my disposition for the remainder of the evening.

Oh well. The Sooners have a lot to play for. Namely, the Holiday Bowl or some such other mid-upper tier bowl game. They also face a stiff test in Ames against a scrappy Cyclone team. If the Sooners can't untuck their bottom lips this season will go from bad to worse.

OFFENSE

Things should return to form. Iowa State, whilst scrappy, is not the fierce unit Notre Dame is. However, it does not appear DD Williams will play much, if any. The law firm of Millard, Whaley and Clay should be fine in DD's absence.

Say, what about this Jalen Saunders? He's yet another reason why there is no good excuse for this offense to not have defenses on their heels early and often. 

Choosing an OPOG this week is throwing darts. With DD out, I'm going with Brennan Clay. He's been able to get to that second level on multiple occasions and so I like him to set a career mark for yards today.  Makes perfect sense.

DEFENSE

This group should be fired up. They clearly have room to improve and a short time to get there. The Cyclone offense is hard to figure. They seem to do poorly against half way decent defenses and they also seem to be pretty opportunistic. In short, the Sooners cannot take them lightly and the Javon Harris's of the world need to be alert.

For my DPOG I'm inexplicably going with David King. His is a name that hasn't been called that much lately so maybe it's time for that to change.

THE SCORE

I hope the Sooners don't mail in their performance like I just mailed in this piece. They need to take Iowa State very seriously. They need to get back on track. Big games are still ahead.

I think the Cyclones can get a couple of scores but I think they can't keep the Sooner offense contained.

OU 37, ISU 17

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner

I See Your Bullets and Raise Ye Bullets

I seen that Navin put together some bullets mid-week. That's the kind of hard hitting journalistic gim-gam that will take this blog places. Well played.

Not to be outdone here's some thoughts of my own:

• This is a big week for the Steamroller. This blog's co-authors are going to be together, in person, in Norman for the A&M tilt. There's gonna be a party y'all. If you'd like to meet up, get autographs, touch our sleeves, etc. hit us up. We'll be hanging out in Norman long after the ballgame to watch the LSU-Bama national championship semifinal. After that Navin will be hosting a writer's workshop on drunk blogging. It's "can't miss". 
• I have an idea for filling the void left by Dom Whaley. Trey Millard and Roy Finch doing their best Thunder/Lightning impersonation. They can be on the field together in multiple formations. They both can line up virtually anywhere, and both are dependable. I'm not opposed to sprinkling in some Brennan Clay and Brandon Williams but I think the combo of Millard and Finch deserves about 25 carries. Finch obviously is picking up a lot of the load but Millard has more than earned some touches. Dude is a beast. My father-in-law seems to think Millard will move to Tight End next year. 
• Didn't think I'd be saying it but it sure was nice to have Tom Wort on the field again. He tied for the team lead in tackles and had two sacks. If the Sooners can get Jamelle Fleming back they'll be in business.
• Navin already mentioned the defense but it seems their effort has gone underappreciated. They held a top 10 team, in a hostile road environment to one first down in the second half. Kansas had about 10 yards in the second half against them. When this defense is on I'd put them up against anyone in the country.
• Jaz Reynolds is a bad motherfucker. He continues to improve and has become the 3rd receiver everyone thought the Sooners needed to make things easier for Ryan Broyles and Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills. 
• Speaking of Broyles, is there a craftier carrier of the football than him? They way he uses the sideline is incredible. You think there's no way he stays in bounds and next he's gone 20 yards for a score. The Sooners are going to miss him.

This:

Tony Motherfuckin Jefferson and Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Still as Caped Crusaders

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner