Notre Dame

Huge game today down in Norman, enormous actually. The famous Fighting Irish of Notre Dame travel to Oklahoma to take on our beloved Sooners. Notre Dame comes in with a terrific defense that has kept them undefeated, and currently in the top 5 in the country. More importantly, they're legitimate National Title contenders thanks to that unblemished record, and who they will have beaten if they run the table (read: us).

The Sooners, as we all know, played what now looks like the best team in the conference at a time when we hadn't quite come together. That one loss might keep this game from establishing a clear national title front runner (for us anyway) but it hasn't slowed the hype machine of this massive (and nearly unheard of) tilt between two non-conference teams both ranked in the top 10. Incidentally, that loss may also be the only thing keeping Berry Tramel from exhuming Bud Wilkinson's corpse, making love to it, and then writing another nostalgia piece about nothing relevant to today's football, and by "today's" I mean the kind with non-leather helmets and face-masks. (Aside: a game I've made for myself is to go to The Oklahoma Daily's website on my phone and try to guess, by the title, which of the OU articles are by Berry Tramel. It's remarkably easy. I'd say I have about a 96% success rate. The only ones that are tough are that "gray" zone of overlap when Jenni Carlson writes one of her bullshit off-the-field-pieces. Though if it's written about a player currently on the roster then you can almost always rule out Tramel.)

GameDay is in town, tickets are tough which might mean a raucous crowd (please, please, please), and there is even a movement to set up one of those "let's all organize the color of our t-shirts" deals that is so camera-friendly. Though I have my doubts that the even/odd section coloring will actually be pulled off with any real success, still I'm hopeful. In a semi-related story the odds are strongly in favor of the back of my jockey's becoming a "brown out" prior to kick-off. In short, I'm excited.

This is going to be an extremely tough one for us to win I think. If anyone hasn't been watching, our Q doesn't do well with pressure or elite defenses (speaking of brown outs). However, he's teased us the last 3 Saturdays. Also, he's been historically better at home where the pressure of a crowd isn't on him as well. What makes me nervous is Notre Dame has been damn good against the run this season. I think our ability up to now to run the ball, more than anything else, is why Lonnie has had this string of good games. If that gets taken away tonight (a very real possibility), it's going to be up to him to carry us (cash your tickets, brown out achieved). If there is a weak area of Notre Dame's defense, it's the secondary. Let's hope we can exploit it enough. The picks...!

Offense

Man oh man, what to do here. What I'd love to say is Damien Williams. I'd love to have confidence that he will break off some big gainers, and go for about 25 carries and 175 yards with some scores mixed in there. I just don't think it's going to happen. Honestly, I'm not sure anyone is going to have huge numbers today. I do think if someone does though, it's going to be in the passing game, for reasons I mentioned before (don't think you can jump straight to the picks section, reader(s), these are complete journalistic works with foreshadowing and other crap I vaguely remember from college). I'd love for Lonnie to air it out on some deep balls to Justin Brown, and I think we'll try it a couple of times. But, it's a big game against a big time defense. I think Lonnie reverts to his old ways some today (how I hope I'm wrong) and looks to a security blanket. Since Broyles went down last season, the closest thing to that is Kenny Fuckin' Shitbag Stills. I think Stills gets a lot of looks today and does enough with them to be my player of the game.

Defense

Our defense matching up against their offense is what makes me feel hopeful today. We may have a hard time moving the ball on them, no doubt. But I think they're going to struggle doing the same. Notre Dame is unbeaten but it's not been because they're putting up 50+ a game. OK, once they scored 50, against Navy. Anyway, our D has quietly been building steam, and has been pretty damn solid all year and particularly since we lost to K State. I like Tony Motherfuckin' Jefferson to have a huge day today. He's this year's MFer. He's a total badass. Plus, it just feels like the kind of day where Mike Stoops has some crazy wrinkle he'll break out and do some cool things with Tony. I don't know why, but I've got a good feeling about Tony today. Let's pencil him in.

Score

I've left little doubt that I think this is going to be low scoring. Though my normal inclination, when everyone in the world expects a defensive struggle, is to go the other way and pick high scoring, I just don't see it today. I think it's close all the way and I think the score is low. However, I think our defense will do just enough to keep us in it for a late score and victory. I like the Sooners at home, 14-10.

Crack the PBR's, wear your lucky underwear, whatever it takes. Let's roll some heads on these fancy gingers.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.

OU - Texas

It's cliche in College Football to say that every week matters (thanks, ESPN) but this year's Red River Rivalry game (henceforth dba RRR) alters the course of the season for both teams. For the Sooners, a win against the 'Horns means the K-State loss goes from ominous portent to ghostly apparition. The winner remains relevant across the college football landscape. The loser spends the rest of 2012 playing for pride and trying to avoid the Holiday Bowl.

National implications aside, nothing feels better than beating these scumbags. I'd love to hate these guys even more but this year they are too generic. They're Texas corn-fed football 'bots. Of course their fanbase is laughably smug. But the 2012 version of the Horns isn't despicable because they're so good the way Alabama is. Nor are they universally loathed for being actual assholes the way USC is. No one stands out enough athletically to hate them out of jealousy. I'm just happy that for 100 years before and after this Saturday the Horns suck and they're fun to beat in anything.

Let's get down to brass tacks.

OFFENSE

Last week's spanking talked Sooner Nation off the cliff. There's a lot of Bro's who deserve game balls but I have to single out Landry. He threw some really nice balls and made some great plays. I hope his performance stemmed more from his gaining trust in the O-Line and receivers more than Tech's D being terrible. And, obviously, I hope we see the Lonnie from last week show up this week.

Dammit, Good Lonnie will show up this week so let's assume the much ballyhooed Texas D is above average at best. The Sooners, if the O-Line can keep their pads on somebody, should be able to score some points. Each week a new weapon is revealed by the Sooners (Durron Neal as a for instance last week) making it harder for defenses to take away options.

This week the Sooners add to the war chest. This Jalen Saunders fellow makes me giddy. It's unreasonable to expect anything from him. Nonetheless, it's nice to have his skills available and this is the type of game where bit players can have huge impacts.

For my OPOG I'm going with Kenny Fuckin Shitbag. I'm climbing aboard the bandwagon of believers. He lives the RRR, he loves the RRR, he's bigtime in the RRR.

DEFENSE

It seems like for the umpteenth year in a row I ain't skeered about anyone on the Longhorns Offensive depth chart. Likewise, for the umpteenth year they have a Shipley and McCoy on the roster.

The key to me on defense is going to be slowing down this David Ash rascal. He's been firing laserbeams with a nearly 80% completion rate. It's been like skeleton drills for him. So the Sooners have to find ways to make him uncomfortable.

Last week the Sooners were hellbent on getting to Seth Doege. The same strategy applies here. Ash can't be allowed to sit back and pick the D apart. The D-Line probably won't be able to get enough pressure by itself (although Casey Walker played really well last week). So blitz blitz blitz. In fact, this should be the Sooners calling card going forward.

In keeping with the them of bit players standing out I'm going out on a very thin limb for my DPOG pick. R.J. Washington. Here's a young man, a Senior, who's never really lived up to expectations and is now playing in his final RRR. So I think he makes it a memorable one.

Before moving on to the game pick can I just throw out there how excited I am for the Frank Shannon era? He's earned more "reps" and here's hoping he gets them.

THE SCORE

These teams are pretty evenly matched actually so it could be a pretty awesome heart attack inducing game. Texas scores a full TD per game more than OU. OU gives up a full TD less per game. Both teams have good balance.

In the end OU's D is the difference. Texas hasn't faced a competent one yet. I'm less nervous about this one than Tech. The Sooners will pack their hard hats and lunch pails and Mack will be making excuses for someone.

OU 28, Texas 24

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner.


Click here  for some more hard hitting game info from Berry Tramel, a man who clearly has unlimited access into the Sooner football team. Pulitzer stuff here.

Florida A and M

Here we go Sooner fans, another game to start our home football season. After a lackluster debut against a pretty bad team, the Sooners look to right the ship and dominate a presumably bad Florida A and M team. It may be a good sign that the Oklahoman's biggest piece on these guys centered around their marching band, but then they employ Berry "I dress like an 80's talk show guest" Trammel, so maybe that was the "angle" he thought would sell some newspapers. Whatever it is they aren't that great to begin with and in following the OU lead, managed to get several of their players suspended for the game.

Like the UTEP game, I've done very little to learn of Florida A and M. I have no idea what type of offense they run, what type of defense they run, or what players are key to their success. Again like the UTEP game, it really shouldn't matter. We should have our way with them. However, if this game is tied in the 4th quarter again, I may go "chimp" and throw my own poo at the TV. Oh wait, never mind this won't be broadcast here in the NYC. My TV is safe...for now.

The Sooners got some good news this week when the return of Casey Walker was announced. My understanding is that he won't play today but is hopeful for the K-State game in two weeks. I'm just glad he's practicing again. It's likely we'll be able to handle today without him, but we sorely need his depth on the D-line if we hope to do anything worthwhile in conference play. Also, barring a last minute change we should see the debut of Geneo Grissom today as well since his suspension was of the one-game variety. Hopefully that makes a difference in what was a subpar OU passing game last week.

Offense

I have to admit, as I alluded to briefly earlier this week, I really liked that Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills stepped up last week. I think he's more comfortable in the slot and the position suits him well. He was clearly Lonnie's "go-to" guy. In fact Lonnie is already in danger of developing the same tunnel vision with Stills that he had with Broyles. I don't care much for this plan of attack, but if we move the ball like we have in the past I won't complain. Now that I've said all of that I'm picking Dom Whaley again. He looked good last week I thought, but with little to work with in terms of places to run so the numbers were down. I think the line actually opens some holes for him today and he responds with 100+ and a touch.

Defense

Here I'm not sure what to do. I don't know enough about what they do to make a very good pick I don't think, so I'm just going to go with the old gut. I think David King has a really nice day today. I know he's more end than DT but I still see him being a force. I think he disrupts their offensive front all afternoon and maybe even tallies a sack. Let's be honest, he's the best guy we've got up front and I think he takes it personally that they got ran over last week.

Score

Last week I made the mistake of getting caught up in all of the hype and excitement of a new season and grossly over-estimated the score. I don't think anyone thought it would be close but I also don't think anyone would necessarily guess a shutout. Last season whenever we would wet fart on ourselves in a game, we would come back the next week and look like world-beaters. I certainly hope this doesn't become a pattern again this season, but I think for today that the motivation of last week plus the fact that it's our first home game puts Florida A and M in for a world of shit. I think Mikey has the D ready as I'm sure his jaws are woefully sore from chewing ass all week. I think the Sooners get it going a little and hammer them 41-7.

I certainly hope I'm right, because laying another turd will shape this up to be an awfully long season.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner

2012 Oklahoma Sooners Offensive Preview

Not to put too blunt a point on it but this 2012 iteration of the Sooners offense has a lot of issues. In fact, there are so many problems here that it's inexplicable that this team could be ranked in the preseason top 5 of the coaches poll (a fact that also shows how ridiculous preseason polls are).

The Cliff's notes version is that Dom Whaley, the Sooners leading rusher, is coming back from a snapped ankle, leading receiver and safety blanket extraordinnaire Ryan Broyles is in the NFL, a former Quarterback is starting at Left Tackle, a two-year starter at Guard is gone along with a two-year starting Center. Oh, and no Tight End on the roster has ever started a collegiate game.

The Good

If you believe experience is the end-all-be-all then might I offer you a helping of Landry Jones? Lonnie brought the lost to Christ during the offseason and even got married. Now he and his beloved can have sex "walk of shame" free. I don't know how but he managed to find time to work on his game as well. According to my father-n-law, whose crimson-colored glasses make mine look like cheap trinkets, Lonnie went to a QB Guru to fine tune his skill set. The Guru said Lonnie had the best skills he'd ever seen.

That's all well and good but foot work and arm motion in skeleton drills does not make a dynamic Quarterback. Lonnie's three year problem is that if he's calling Red-Green Zulu Go and the defense doesn't give him Red-Green Zulu Go a thick fetid stew leaks out of the seat of his football pants.I am unconvinced the Guru fixed this in a weekend summer camp.

But, he has started 37 career games and that's 37 more than all the other QB's on the roster combined.  He should be able to complete 60% of his passes and he should have a good running game to back him up.

Ah, the running game. This unit could have been a five-headed monster if not for the transfer of Brandon Williams. The Sooners return Dom Whaley (Cinderella story. Outta nowhere), one helluva beast-man before getting injured against K-State last year. Roy Finch proved capable of carrying the load (when given the chance), Trey Millard might be the best of the bunch if Josh Heupel can flip past page 3 of the playbook and Brennan Clay makes Chris Brown look electric.

Now bear with me here but what the Sooners have is four distinct running styles, each effective (Whaley - Over, Under, Around and Through; Finch - Jitterbug with power; Millard - Beast Mode with speed to match; Clay - 3 feet and a cloud of dust). Successful offenses keep opposing defenses guessing. The Sooners have the pieces in the backfield to keep defenses guessing. But can they keep from hiding good players on the bench (Finch) or "going to the well one too many times" (a la running 90 straight times against Texas)? In short, they'll have to.

There's also the Belldozer whose QB draw went from desperate shtick to inexplicably unstoppable. I hope the Sooners don't have to rely on this maneuver to near the extent they did in 2011, but, in keeping with the "keep-em-on-their-toes" theme, whatever it takes is what you do.

I will also make obligatory mention of Tress Way and Michael Hunnicut who bring pretty strong legs to the kicking game.

Interesting fact: As of this writing the Sooners have 6 Fullbacks and 5 Quarterbacks on the roster. Millard has all the fullback carries over the last two years with 48 total carries. This makes perfect no sense

The Bad

The Sooners have one unsuspended player who has caught a pass in a game from Lonnie. That's Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills. He was supposed to be the bell cow after the devastating Ryan Broyles injury. Instead, he went from Kenny Fuckin Shitbag (fist pump, high five) to Kenny Fuckin Shitbag (clinched teeth, disappointing head shake).

Trey Franks and Jaz "Hands" Reynolds are of course back in the fold. This is huge and cannot be underestimated because newcomer Trey Metoyer was going to be the unproven great hope to give Lonnie someone legitimate to throw to. Elsewhere in the Wide Receiver corp is Freshman Sterling Shepard. Recruiting fanboys will tell you Shepard is better than Ryan Broyles. Anyone who says this to you should be kicked in the groin repeatedly. But he could be quite helpful, particularly at the start of the season. Justin Brown also comes over from Penn State. He's started 30 games and is described as a possession guy which is the dating equivalent of being described as having a fun personality.

The Ugly

Let's get the more palatable item out of the way first. No Tight End on the roster has caught a football in a D1 college football game. Geneo Grissom is the only one who's name I've ever heard. He played in six games last year at Defensive End.

Why is this a somewhat palatable, ugly problem for the Offense? Two reasons. First, since Jermaine Gresham left, Tight End has been an often overlooked offensive weapon (I'm looking at James Hanna, now turning heads for the Dallas freaking Cowboys). If you don't actually use the position anyways, who cares? Second, the Offensive Line is in flux and this trumps all.

Ben Habern (Two-year starting Center) had to quit the game of football. Senior Tyler Evans tore his ACL on the first day of practice. Lane Johnson, a Quarterback turned Tight End turned Defensive End, turned O-Lineman (Right Tackle last year) is the Left Tackle. Gabe Ikard moved from Guard to Center. Adam Shead, Daryl Williams and Bronson Irwin have played.

Experience and depth on the O-Line are now major issues. If you're reading one of the most obscure football blogs on the Internet (thank you), I don't have to tell you how important the Offensive Line is to the success of a football team. If this unit has issues the Sooners are fucked on offense.

So to recap...

Offensively, the Sooners have a shaky at best offensive line to run block for a quality group of Running Backs who will ostensibly set up a four year SI poster boy Quarterback who hopefully has enough time to throw to a handful of talented receivers (who may or may not be suspended).

Boomer to the motherfuckin' Sooner!

OU vs. Baylor

It's been a hell of a couple weeks. Since we last wrote in this space the following events occurred in college football: The Penn State Child Rape scandal, Mizzou's Gary Pinkel got a DWI, a Syracuse basketball coach got accused of being a pederast and a plane crash killed OSU women's basketball coach Kurt Budke.

"WTF"

On the football field, the Sooners lost their Offensive wunderkind, Ryan Broyles. Undefeated Stanford got smoked by Oregon. The Cowboys went ahead and looked like ass against Iowa State and got beat. In so doing, Brandon Weeden bequeathed his Heisman hopes (not too sad about it but I wish OU could have done this for him) and the Cowboys threw a serious wrench in OU's title game chances.

We are in the next to final act of the college football season. Act 1 was leading ourselves to believe there were so many good teams we might see 4 go undefeated and all the BCS speculation that goes along with it. Act 2 had some of those unbeatables losing and people believing that the shakeout was complete. There was anticipation in knowing that the remaining contenders would simply play out the string before meeting to decide it all. We're now in Act 3 which is the most fun. All the experts look like assholes because teams keep losing. It's the "Oh shit what's gonna happen" portion of our season where everyone has to win and everyone needs everyone else to lose and then we'll wait and see what the judges deem the best matchup. All of a sudden we've gone from possibly having 4 undefeated's to determining who's the best 1 loss team. It happens every year.

That's college football.

And now our 1 loss Sooners find themselves in Waco, Texas to face those wacky Baptists of Baylor. Prior to the season I was fairly nervous about this one. Last year I felt the Sooners really dodged a bullet when they played a Robert Griffin III-free Bears team. RGIII is a badass. His numbers this year are PlayStation esque.  Through his first 6 games he had some ludicrous stat like more TD's than incompletions. Unheard of.

He's come down to earth since. The Bears have gone on to lose 3 but  RGIII is still on many Heisman watch lists. He is, without a doubt, the heart and soul of the Bears. The Baylor offense is prodigious and the Sooners will have their hands full.

On the other hand (or, OTOH in text speak) the Sooners offense find themselves in the unenviable position of having to redefine themselves mid-season. Gone is the safety blanket of Broyles and the ho-hum reliability of his 14 catch, 170 yard performances. This loss is huge and cannot be understated. Lonnie Jones's world just got shaken and that's bad. Me no rikey nervous Lonnie. Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills is a Number 1 receiver on most any other team but Sooner fans are fooling themselves if they think the loss of Broyles will be completely made up for.

There is good news. It looks like the Baylor defense is pretty shitty so praise Jehovah the Sooners have what appears to be a fine opportunity to work out the kinks of this newish offense before Bedlam.

OFFENSE

Obviously the key is how does Lonnie play without his bosom chum and safety blanket? Which Wide Receiver(s) step up? To what degree does the offense change?

I think Lonnie will be fine the next two weeks. Kenny Fuckin Shitbag is a badass as we all know. Jaz Hands Reynolds has come on "in a great way" this year. It looks like DeJuan Miller will get the first crack at being the new 3rd wheel. If DeJuan doesn't work out there's always Trey Franks and Kameel Jackson.

My head tells me to pick a RB because I think the Sooners will come to rely on the ground game a bit more. But my head doesn't know what the hell it's talking about. The pick here is Kenny Fuckin Shitbag. He's clutch and has the swagger of a number 1 guy. Now there's no deferring to one of the all-time Sooner greats. The moment is his, the time is now.

The real wise pick might be the Belldozer. Dude brah is a force of nature.

DEFENSE

It's pretty simple. Stop Robert Griffin III. The hard part is stopping Robert Griffin III. It will take a total team effort.

Since I really have nothing else to add (This article is free. You get what you pay for) I'm going all heart here. I'm taking a page out of Navin's playbook and picking Big Frank Alexander. Blood flows to my groin region when Big Frank wreaks havoc on the football field. And he's wreaked a lot of havoc this football season. But I haven't picked him too much. So here it is.

THE SCORE

In my perfect scenario (read: Crimson Colored Glasses) I see the Sooners offense as a wounded and cornered animal. They lost their best running back. Now they've lost their best player. What's left is a group that must throw the kitchen sink at the opposing defense to be successful. Implementing the Bulldozer is evidence of this mentality. Now it's taken a step forward. So, it's conceivable we could see a pretty dynamic offense with no page of the playback left un-turned. That's my hope. In reality I think the Sooners look good these next two weeks in a false confident sort of way. By that I mean their opponents just aren't up to snuff. The offense looks like it hasn't missed a beat but they won't have really been tested. Who cares though. It's all about winning football games right now.

Defensively all I care about it making RGIII look human. Do that and we hold them under 30 points and we win.

OU 35, Baylor 17

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner

I See Your Bullets and Raise Ye Bullets

I seen that Navin put together some bullets mid-week. That's the kind of hard hitting journalistic gim-gam that will take this blog places. Well played.

Not to be outdone here's some thoughts of my own:

• This is a big week for the Steamroller. This blog's co-authors are going to be together, in person, in Norman for the A&M tilt. There's gonna be a party y'all. If you'd like to meet up, get autographs, touch our sleeves, etc. hit us up. We'll be hanging out in Norman long after the ballgame to watch the LSU-Bama national championship semifinal. After that Navin will be hosting a writer's workshop on drunk blogging. It's "can't miss". 
• I have an idea for filling the void left by Dom Whaley. Trey Millard and Roy Finch doing their best Thunder/Lightning impersonation. They can be on the field together in multiple formations. They both can line up virtually anywhere, and both are dependable. I'm not opposed to sprinkling in some Brennan Clay and Brandon Williams but I think the combo of Millard and Finch deserves about 25 carries. Finch obviously is picking up a lot of the load but Millard has more than earned some touches. Dude is a beast. My father-in-law seems to think Millard will move to Tight End next year. 
• Didn't think I'd be saying it but it sure was nice to have Tom Wort on the field again. He tied for the team lead in tackles and had two sacks. If the Sooners can get Jamelle Fleming back they'll be in business.
• Navin already mentioned the defense but it seems their effort has gone underappreciated. They held a top 10 team, in a hostile road environment to one first down in the second half. Kansas had about 10 yards in the second half against them. When this defense is on I'd put them up against anyone in the country.
• Jaz Reynolds is a bad motherfucker. He continues to improve and has become the 3rd receiver everyone thought the Sooners needed to make things easier for Ryan Broyles and Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills. 
• Speaking of Broyles, is there a craftier carrier of the football than him? They way he uses the sideline is incredible. You think there's no way he stays in bounds and next he's gone 20 yards for a score. The Sooners are going to miss him.

This:

Tony Motherfuckin Jefferson and Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Still as Caped Crusaders

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner

OU vs. Nebraska, One Last Time, for the Big 12 Championship

It's been a long and winding road for the Sooners to get to this point. A couple of tough losses on the road, some shaky confidence at the QB position and in the entire defense and then redemption (and the driver's seat in the Big 12 South at the hands of the Cowboys. It didn't hurt either that texas had a season for the ages. In a bad way.

And now, the game the Sooners live for. During skeleton drills in the Summer and two-a-days in the fall, the goal is always to get to this game. It's for this reason, I believe, that the Sooners historically implode in their bowl games. The mountain has already been climbed, the goal already achieved.

That's why my confidence is sky high for this one. OU has some serious momentum. This is what Bobby lives for. Enjoy this one Sooner fans. The next game is a glorified exhibition and the Sooners will approach it accordingly. Today is trophy day.

Two other key points of off-field intrigue that will make this a great game. The Stoops and Pelini's go way back. There is no ceiling to how much they want to beat each other and do so in a surgical like manner. Also, it's the last time OU and Nebraska will play for a conference title. This fact is lost on no one.

On the field this one pits the best offense against the best defense. What more could you ask for? I believe the Sooners will be able to score some points. I think we get "Home Landry" today. What will the Nebraska offense bring to the table what with being without Taylor Martinez? Will the Sooners D bring the same effort they gave in Stillwater last week?

Of course the D is going to be ready to play. It's the Stoops v Pelini corollary. I expect to see lots of PA (Play Action to the layperson) and misdirection to keep the aggressive Nebraska D off balance. I also expect to see lots of Nebraska fans dressed like douchebags. I digress.

The Picks

Offense
Mini-limb, quasi hunch here. I'm going Kenny Fuckin' Shitbag Stills.  I think the Sooners have a couple of surprises in store using ol' Kenny. He's been a little quiet lately. Perhaps, too quiet. Hmm, hmmm?

Defense
Well, I'm not sure if Nebraska has a threat outside of Roy Helu Jr. Suffice it to say, stopping him should be of the highest priority. That means the Linebacking crew needs to bring their lunchpails. I believe they will. The Oklahoman says Ronnell Lewis needs to step up. I'm tempted to go with Austin "Soggy" Box. But I have to go with the best of the bunch, Travis "Old Steady" Lewis. I think his name will get called a lot tonight.

The Score
Well, I can't see the Huskers D holding the Sooners under 21 points if the Sooners play like it's a home game (which they should). I can't see the Husker offense doing a whole lot without Taylor Martinez. But some average Wide Receiver will probably be a thorn in the Sooner side much of the game and go all-world. I hope not. I like the Sooners pretty comfortably.

OU 28, Nebraska 14

OU vs. Tech Post-Mortem and OU vs. Baylor

I'm about to write the easiest "piece" in the history of football. The only thing making it difficult is that I'm so drunk every sentence takes me about 10 minutes to hammer out.

I failed to write a column leading up to this Texas Tech game. If you co-write this blog you already know this. If you don't, then I'm just taking up 0's and 1's on the "Interwebs" and wasting my e-breath.

Had I written an OU-Tech pregame it would have said something about how Landry Jones (no nicknames; Solidarity) was certain to throw for 400+ yards and who knows how many touchdowns. Well, he had 5. Big fucking deal. I would have said DeMarco would be steady as a rock and how the defense would get some sacks and get some turnovers. Well, they did. Of course they did. It's a fucking joke how this team is all-world at home and first class pant-shitters on the road. I couldn't even enjoy this game because every time something positive happened I couldn't help but say to myself (or, because I may or may not have been inebriated, to every one in my purview), "OF COURSE THIS HAPPENED BECAUSE WE ARE AT HOME, NOT ON THE FUCKING ROAD!"

It's so easy to predict it's sickening. The Sooners can beat anyone by two touchdowns at home. I'd love to make it a challenge and look forward to the road games coming up (Baylor, OSU)  but it's not so much an anticipatory adventure as much as a fucking crapshoot.

Oh well, on to bigger and better things.

Baylor should be as close to a home game on the road as Texas is at the Cotton Bowl. I mean, all bets are off if the Sooners don't show up for this one. But Robert Griffin III is quite capable and to call us shaky on the road is like calling Tony Parker foolish for cheating on Eva Longoria.

But who gives a shit because you know why? I'm going to New York City to watch this one with my buddy and fellow co-blogger Navin. I could not be more pumped. I COULD NOT BE MORE PUMPED!

We'll be enjoying some adult beverages at a hole-in-the-wall, Sooner-themed bar in Manhattan where we'll, together, get to witness an OU road-game bed-wetting. Innocent bystanders might not be ready for the scene, even New Yorkers.

I'd like to say we'll have the wherewithall and inclination to do something maxo-zune-dweebie like co-blog or live blog the game and our experiences. But we are not assholes so unless something really strange happens (probably won't because we'll be so sober) don't count on it.

Quick picks before I hit the road.

Offense
It can only be one of four players. DeMarco, Ryan Broyles, Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills or Roy Finch. I feel like I pick DeMarco every week so he's out. Ryan Broyles only sets records at home because Landry gets confused when he isn't wearing a red jersey. So he's out. Ditto Kenny Fucking Shitbag. Roy Finch might not get on the field. Coaches Stoops and Wilson will explain it away like the Baylor scheme wasn't right for him or something nonsensical. Nonetheless, I'm stealing a page out of Navin's playbook and picking Roy.

Defense
Another crapshoot. Obviously someone is going to have to shadow Robert Griffin III. So whoever that is makes for a good candidate. But that person is probably a LB. That means Tom Wort (fuck no) and Travis Lewis (becoming the pick du jour a la DeMarco on offense). Shit. Well, I guess I'll go with Jamelle Fleming. Demontre Hurst never gets opportunities and Griffin III will throw to someone so it's Fleming by default.

The Score
Well, let's see if the Defense can defend the middle of the field. Let's see if they can keep Griffin III from running roughshod all day long. Let's see if the offense can keep from stepping on their own dicks. Of course I'm hopeful. But then of course I'm delusional.

OU 35 Baylor 21

OU vs. A&M

Last Saturday the Sooners, predictably and thankfully, took care of bidness. At home (as usual) Lonnie looked all-world and the defense looked like it ate babies for breakfast. Of course they did. It was a home game.

Well today the big question is, "Can the Sooners put together a complete game on the road or will they look like assholes again?" On paper, this one presents a tremendous opportunity to do the former. A&M sucks but they are a more notable name than, say, Texas Tech, Baylor, K-State et al. A&M of course is the home of the 12th man even though that means less than ever. So, while A&M sucks, their cache' would make a victory look bigger than it is.

The worry is that A&M put in some guy named Tannehill last week, replacing the worst QB in the Big 12, Jerrod Johnson, and the Aggie offense showed signs of life. Of course the revived offense was playing a beleaguered Tech defense but still. Do they have newfound confidence? Will they play hard for Mike Sherman, the worst coaching hire in the last 5 years of the Big 12?

I'm scared shitless of early A&M offensive success combined with "Road Shaky" Lonnie. This is the worst case scenario. The best case scenario is seeing the Four-Headed Monster of DeMarco (now on a first name basis with Sooner Nation), Ryan Broyles, Kenny "Fuckin Shitbag" Stills and Roy Finch wreak havoc whilst the Sooner defense beats up on an unimaginative and stagnant Aggie offense.

I would love to favor the latter option and be able to say with no reservations that the Sooners will beat that ass today but I can't. The Sooners have shown that they are nothing less than shaky and completely untrustworthy away from Owen Field. So it goes.

On with the picks.

Offense
DeMarco is the leader of this team. He's the face of the franchise, the captain, Everybody's All American, etc. This Sooner team needs a statement win on the road, not for the national rankings so much as for their own psyche. DeMarco is the man who can put the team on his shoulders and deliver the goods. I can't even consider anyone else here.


Defense
Texas is the only game I've felt confident in my pick. Every other week it's like throwing darts. Navin nailed it last week when he said the Quinton M.F. Carter pick might be the worst of the M.F. era. But who should it have been? Nobody stands out on a weekly basis. We might need to come to grips with the fact that this Sooners defense could be the worst of the Bobby Stoops era. I need to go back and look to see when I predicted I would start calling for Brent Venables job. It happens every year about this time. Be on the lookout for inspired performances by the D from now through the Big 12 Championship. Then prepare yourself for the inevitable pant-shitting on national television that will define what ever bowl the Sooners land in. All that said I guess I'll pick Quinton M.F. Carter here. I mean, I haven't watched much tape of A&M but they seem to be more run-heavy than any other team in the conference. That means Q can help in the box and lay the lumber. Possibly. Hell I don't know. Quinton M.F. Carter is my defensive player of the game dammit.

The Score
I'm going to say the Sooners struggle to score points but they do halfway decent and A&M hits on some big plays early. I of course like the Sooners.

OU 28, A&M 14

OU vs. The Mizz

I'll spare you the drama. I feel confident about this one. Not in a PlayStation domination sense but OU is the better squad. They have been tested both by the road and the competition. So yes, Mizzou is good, Columbia will be tough. But I believe Mizzou has more pressure on them. Or, they will be affected more easily by it. This will, in turn, lead to mistakes (dba turnovers). And turnovers, as any mouthbreather can attest, is the difference in games like this.

I do worry that the confidence Mizzou has in their defense could work in their favor if they have success early and they become buoyed by the crowd. The Mizzou offense could have some success against the OU defense. In fact, I'm certain they will.

Let's be real though. The OU offense is dynamic. I don't care how good Mizzou's defense is (and remember they have played NO ONE) they can't cover everyone on every play. Maybe OU won't run roughshod up and down the field all night but they will have their own share of success.

The question for OU's defense is whether or not they can get in Blaine Gabbert's head. If the D can't hit him can they at least make him rush his throws? It's not like Mizzou's offense is revolutionary. It isn't a one-off a la Air Force. Stopping Mizzou will come down to discipline in the secondary. Fortunately, the 2010 Sooner D seems to be pretty damn disciplined.

This game will be a bit of a shootout but OU is the better team across the board. I can't envision the Sooners getting rattled to the degree that the game gets out of reach. As the clock winds down and the pressure ratchets up, OU will show the value of having been there done that. Plus, the road team has the advantage of being afforded the "nothing to lose" mentality. So tell me in all seriousness how Mizzou wins?

The Picks

Offense
Losing DeJuan Miller for the season sucks. He was really coming into his own as a valuable possession receiver. Cameron Kenney will be replacing him and I'd love to tell you that Sooner Nation has confidence in him but I can't. This is a pretty big dropoff. Rather than Kenney stepping up (which is possible and would be awesome) I see Kenny "Fucking Shitbag" Stills stepping up. So I'm picking him for my offensive player. I would pick DeMarco Murray (and I'm sure he'll be quite deserving) but that's quickly becoming the easy way out.

Defense
I'm going with budding superstar and current badass, Tony Jefferson. All season long he's been beyond solid but this week he'll be in the running for Big 12 Player of the Week. He's going to be all over the place feasting on the spread offense. I'm feeling very good about this.

The Score
It's going to be close. There's going to be a lot of Offense. But in the end the Sooners come through.

OU 35 Mizzou 31

OU - Air Farce

Navin, I really like what you've done here. Might I say drunk writing is a strong suit. As much as I want to agree with everything you say I'll try to shake it up a bit for the benefit of our vast and ever expanding readership.

First let's tackle this Brave or Sooner business. Who gives a shit? This conversation, if it ever needed to take place, should have happened sometime during the Summer. Berry Tramel was too busy writing puff pieces about the glory days of Bud and Barry. I think he has so little access to the locker room that he has to write about stuff like this when there is actual football to discuss. All I know is today will probably be the loudest home of the Sooners yet. I'm indifferent because I'm usually sucking down beers in the parking lot whilst this is going down. But don't judge me. I'm a patriot.

I'm excited to see this razzle dazzle Triple-Option for the Teens (or whatever this decade winds up being called). The Sooners have spent time preparing for it in the offseason and this spells trouble for Air Force. Oh they'll make some play I'm sure but Brent Vanables always says that discipline is the key to beating the option. So far, the 2010 Sooner D has shown it can be quite disciplined. If they play disciplined today then watch out the rest of the season. This D will be for real and will certainly be conference-championship caliber (that's right, already looking ahead).

Offense

I like the Lonnie pick. I really do. But I'm going to go with a bit of a dark horse here in Kenny Stills. He took a big leap from the Utah State game to the FSU game and I see another step today. I sense that this guy can make people miss in the open field and that Lonnie can give him some opportunities today. The WR rotation seems to be set but if the law firm of Broyles, Kenney and Kenny can collectively have some confidence built up by next week that will be huge.

Defense

After reading over the last two weeks that the base package for the Sooners this season will be the Nickel and how this means less playing time for Ronnell Lewis in comes an Air Force team that will take the Sooners out of their base package for most of the game. So, I'm going out on a limb and presuming Ronnell will see more time today and so I'm picking him. Some big hits will keep the crowd bloodthirsty.


The Result

Sometime in the first three or four drives the Sooner D will look shaky and probably give up some points. But no worries as they settle down and depth and athleticism win the day. Lonnie has a fine day and that helps the ground attack also. The Sooners have no problems scoring. I like the Sooners here 35-14.

Boomer to the motherfuckin' Sooner

Questions on Offense

Now that my esteemed colleague Navin has so completely broken down the Sooner offense I'd like to ask and answer some offensive questions weighing heavily on my mind as we approach the 2010 campaign.

1A. Whither the Stache?
Indeed all of Sooner Nation waits with bated breath to see if Landry "Lonnie" Jones brings his perfectly groomed, Camaro-inspired flavor-savor to the huddle. He says he will but, according to this article, both his mother and girlfriend prefer him clean shaven. Uh Oh. In what may be the quote from fall camp, from Lonnie himself no less, "Sooner Nation needs the stache". Amen brother (In Sam Elliot voice).

1B. Stache Aside, What Can We Expect from Lonnie?
The biggest leap a player makes is from year one to year two. This is true in all sports. Now, given the fact that Lonnie got more than garbage-time reps, (he got a full season's worth of priceless meaningful game reps) he should be more improved than anyone on the team. Period. He entered the offseason as The Man and it has been his job to lose. And by lose I mean he would have had to fall out of a truck (twice), get caught stealing pot or get an illicit job at a car dealer. I expect him to be vastly improved.

So where does that put us? Would you be willing to say at least equal to Sam Bradford's first season (2007)? That would mean a nearly 70% completion percentage and a TD/INT ratio of 36 to 8. Gaudy numbers. Last year Lonnie went 58% with 26 TD's and 14 INT's. ~65% with 30+TD's and 8 INT's suddenly doesn't seem so far fetched and good things will happen with numbers like that.

2A. Will there be Some Semblance of Stability on the O-Line?
As Navin pointed out this unit is the biggest question mark on Offense. Last year these guys changed positions more than Sasha Gray in Face Invaders 4(Link Safe for work). Of course injury can be blamed for much of this. Hell, when a First Round Left Tackle is playing Center because of a lack of depth you have problems.

That said, I'm of the opinion that last years weakness is this year's strength. That's the beauty of college football. Because of injury and player movement, a lot of these guys got some meaningful reps across the line. This can only make this unit better, right? Can they stay healthy? Can they gel as a unit? I sure hope so because there are some fine players on this unit.

But it begs the question...

2B. Will some Mouth-Breathing Knuckle-Dragging Clod on the O-Line Quit the Team Come September 2nd?
I don't know what it is about O-Linemen but it seems like a right of Autumn that one of these jackoffs has had enough of windsprints and Oklahoma Drills and quits the team. I'm always one who says if they're not tough enough to handle it we don't need them anyways. Which is true. But just this once can these jackholes keep it together long enough to develop some chemistry before Cincinnatti? Pretty please?

3. What Body Part will Keep DeMarco Murray Off the Field at the Worst Possible Moment?
Frankly, we're running out of options here. The good news is he spent the offseason honing his MMA skills with 2010 M.F.er Quinton Carter. This bodes well. Also, this is the first offseason Murray has spent completely healthy. If you don't think I'm banging on wood right now like a hooker at a handjob contest you don't know me very well. We need this guy healthy. He changes absolutely everything we do. And whilst he's not the only home run threat the Sooners have on Offense he is still the most electrifying.

4. Uh, Does Anyone Want to Step Up at WR Besides Ryan Broyles?
As Navin said there is a Conglomerate of Mediocrity with Brandon Caleb, DeJuan Miller, Jaz Reynolds, Adron Tennel and Cameron Kenney. Each have had their opportunity and each has done some good, some bad with it. Evidently the smart money is on Freshman Kenny Stills. As Navin pointed out he's been penciled in as the starter since he arrived on campus. Personally, I try to avoid the recruiting hoopla and thus haven't paid much mind to this guy. But his high school numbers are ridiculous. Take it with a grain of salt of course but in three years the guy caught over 130 balls for 3000 yards for an average of 22 yards per catch. He could be the answer if he can simply complement Broyles and DeMarco and keep opposing defenses honest.

Great, now I feel like I just flushed a handful of Viagra with some Crown Royal. An improved Lonnie at QB with cohesion on the O-Line coupled with three home run hitters in DeMarco, Broyles and Kenny.