Tulsa

This Saturday pits our beloved Sooners against the Tulsa, Golden Hurricane. Much has been made of how ridiculous it is that a school located so far from the threat of a hurricane should have such a name. Cue some asshole explaining how it's not really for a hurricane but for blah blah blah... Shut up. I've decided that a golden hurricane is something of a euphemism along the lines of a Cleveland Steamer or a Blumpkin. Basically 15-20 fat Japanese men binge on beer until each is nearing a bladder rupture. They then disrobe and form a circle. Then a young girl kneels in the middle of them. At this point they simultaneously unleash a furious deluge of urine, soaking her in a Golden Hurricane. I wish the on-field mascot reflected this better. 

Going into this campaign I knew there would be some growing pains. I assumed, given the plethora of returning skill position players, that the majority of said pains would be on defense. Oh how I was wrong. While the D has looked excellent (deceptively good I think, but I digress), it's the O that has been basically terrible. Trevor Knight was bad enough last week that the coaching staff replaced him in the 4th (knee injury or not I think) with Blake Bell. Moreover, they opened up the avenue that they might have been wrong about Knight, something that Bobby has not been wont to do historically. Bell did little to quell any fears pertaining to the passing game but did manage to be the tortoise to Knights hare, in that his slow and steady was effective at moving the chains late. 

I'm hopeful that Bell can find some kind of groove in the passing game. It's going to be rough (long term) if he can't and Tulsa feels like a good time to "get right". Defensively, I hope we can keep it up. Schematically I'm not sure we've been dramatically better than recent years, but I will say that the tackling has been light years ahead of last season. That alone is worth a nod to Mike Stoops. The spread has us giving 24, that seems generous given our struggles last week. Nonetheless, we play to win, if not cover, and I think we'll do that. 

Offense

Last week I picked the right position, but couldn't have been more wrong about the player. Brennan Old Steady Clay had a railroad spike between my legs all night. What a game. I still wish we'd spread the touches around the backfield more, ie Millard, but it's hard to argue with the two-headed monster of Williams and Clay. I would really like to go with Jaz "Hands" Reynolds or LaColtan Bester, but I just don't think Bell will drop back and throw enough to make that realistic. Perhaps this is a hindsight pick or betting on last race's horse, but I'm going Brennan Clay this week. He was just a total force all night, and wasn't stoppable even when I knew what was coming. I think that earns him copious touches against Tulsa and he responds with 100+ and 2 trips across the goal line. 

Defense

I really feel like Frank Shannon is becoming a huge difference maker on D. He's almost quietly been (arguably) our best defender. Credit where due as well: Gabe "gas rag" Lynn hasn't been completely abysmal either. That said I've got a new guy out there that is rapidly becoming one of my favorites this year, Charles Tapper (aside: can we just make his nickname "ass" now? It's too awesome to not have Charles "Ass" Tapper. Nope, it's done, Ass Tapper). I'm going with big Charles this week. I think he picks up a sack and is a force on the defensive front both against the pass and run. 

Score

As I said, 24 seems like a reach with our O. I think this one might be painful to watch though I don't think it will be in doubt too terribly much. I like OU 28-10. Bell gets the ground game rolling and the ghosts of Bud Wilkinson smash their way to a win. 

Time to roll heads. Early start, early finish. 

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner 

2012 Oklahoma Sooners Offensive Preview

Not to put too blunt a point on it but this 2012 iteration of the Sooners offense has a lot of issues. In fact, there are so many problems here that it's inexplicable that this team could be ranked in the preseason top 5 of the coaches poll (a fact that also shows how ridiculous preseason polls are).

The Cliff's notes version is that Dom Whaley, the Sooners leading rusher, is coming back from a snapped ankle, leading receiver and safety blanket extraordinnaire Ryan Broyles is in the NFL, a former Quarterback is starting at Left Tackle, a two-year starter at Guard is gone along with a two-year starting Center. Oh, and no Tight End on the roster has ever started a collegiate game.

The Good

If you believe experience is the end-all-be-all then might I offer you a helping of Landry Jones? Lonnie brought the lost to Christ during the offseason and even got married. Now he and his beloved can have sex "walk of shame" free. I don't know how but he managed to find time to work on his game as well. According to my father-n-law, whose crimson-colored glasses make mine look like cheap trinkets, Lonnie went to a QB Guru to fine tune his skill set. The Guru said Lonnie had the best skills he'd ever seen.

That's all well and good but foot work and arm motion in skeleton drills does not make a dynamic Quarterback. Lonnie's three year problem is that if he's calling Red-Green Zulu Go and the defense doesn't give him Red-Green Zulu Go a thick fetid stew leaks out of the seat of his football pants.I am unconvinced the Guru fixed this in a weekend summer camp.

But, he has started 37 career games and that's 37 more than all the other QB's on the roster combined.  He should be able to complete 60% of his passes and he should have a good running game to back him up.

Ah, the running game. This unit could have been a five-headed monster if not for the transfer of Brandon Williams. The Sooners return Dom Whaley (Cinderella story. Outta nowhere), one helluva beast-man before getting injured against K-State last year. Roy Finch proved capable of carrying the load (when given the chance), Trey Millard might be the best of the bunch if Josh Heupel can flip past page 3 of the playbook and Brennan Clay makes Chris Brown look electric.

Now bear with me here but what the Sooners have is four distinct running styles, each effective (Whaley - Over, Under, Around and Through; Finch - Jitterbug with power; Millard - Beast Mode with speed to match; Clay - 3 feet and a cloud of dust). Successful offenses keep opposing defenses guessing. The Sooners have the pieces in the backfield to keep defenses guessing. But can they keep from hiding good players on the bench (Finch) or "going to the well one too many times" (a la running 90 straight times against Texas)? In short, they'll have to.

There's also the Belldozer whose QB draw went from desperate shtick to inexplicably unstoppable. I hope the Sooners don't have to rely on this maneuver to near the extent they did in 2011, but, in keeping with the "keep-em-on-their-toes" theme, whatever it takes is what you do.

I will also make obligatory mention of Tress Way and Michael Hunnicut who bring pretty strong legs to the kicking game.

Interesting fact: As of this writing the Sooners have 6 Fullbacks and 5 Quarterbacks on the roster. Millard has all the fullback carries over the last two years with 48 total carries. This makes perfect no sense

The Bad

The Sooners have one unsuspended player who has caught a pass in a game from Lonnie. That's Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills. He was supposed to be the bell cow after the devastating Ryan Broyles injury. Instead, he went from Kenny Fuckin Shitbag (fist pump, high five) to Kenny Fuckin Shitbag (clinched teeth, disappointing head shake).

Trey Franks and Jaz "Hands" Reynolds are of course back in the fold. This is huge and cannot be underestimated because newcomer Trey Metoyer was going to be the unproven great hope to give Lonnie someone legitimate to throw to. Elsewhere in the Wide Receiver corp is Freshman Sterling Shepard. Recruiting fanboys will tell you Shepard is better than Ryan Broyles. Anyone who says this to you should be kicked in the groin repeatedly. But he could be quite helpful, particularly at the start of the season. Justin Brown also comes over from Penn State. He's started 30 games and is described as a possession guy which is the dating equivalent of being described as having a fun personality.

The Ugly

Let's get the more palatable item out of the way first. No Tight End on the roster has caught a football in a D1 college football game. Geneo Grissom is the only one who's name I've ever heard. He played in six games last year at Defensive End.

Why is this a somewhat palatable, ugly problem for the Offense? Two reasons. First, since Jermaine Gresham left, Tight End has been an often overlooked offensive weapon (I'm looking at James Hanna, now turning heads for the Dallas freaking Cowboys). If you don't actually use the position anyways, who cares? Second, the Offensive Line is in flux and this trumps all.

Ben Habern (Two-year starting Center) had to quit the game of football. Senior Tyler Evans tore his ACL on the first day of practice. Lane Johnson, a Quarterback turned Tight End turned Defensive End, turned O-Lineman (Right Tackle last year) is the Left Tackle. Gabe Ikard moved from Guard to Center. Adam Shead, Daryl Williams and Bronson Irwin have played.

Experience and depth on the O-Line are now major issues. If you're reading one of the most obscure football blogs on the Internet (thank you), I don't have to tell you how important the Offensive Line is to the success of a football team. If this unit has issues the Sooners are fucked on offense.

So to recap...

Offensively, the Sooners have a shaky at best offensive line to run block for a quality group of Running Backs who will ostensibly set up a four year SI poster boy Quarterback who hopefully has enough time to throw to a handful of talented receivers (who may or may not be suspended).

Boomer to the motherfuckin' Sooner!

2011-2012 Offseason Review

I scrapped the first draft of my Offseason Review. You see, a key offseason development was the dismissal from the football team of Jaz "Hands" Reynolds, Trey Franks, Kameel Jackson and Quentin Hayes. I must admit, I didn't realize Quentin Hayes was dismissed. I barely knew he was on the team. He's that good.

Two days ago, the Sooners announced three of the four have been reinstated (Kameel Jackson, he of the prematurely announced transfer to Texas A&M being the lone exception), although all three are still suspended indefinitely. I imagine they'll come back (At least Jaz Hands and Franks) after the opener at UTEP when it will become painfully obvious that a team with perennial title hopes cannot win said title with a system Quarterback and no experience at the Wide Receiver position.

Oh, and on that note, what else could put more pressure on Lonnie, Coach Josh Heupel and the rest of the Sooner offense? Why the return of Mike Stoops!

Nothing has the groins of Sooner faithful swolt like the return of Mikey. The love-hate relationship with Brent Venables is over and, so too, hopefully, the bend-but-don't-break defense that the Sooners have come to rely on over the years. I believe the final straw may have been Venables and Willie Martinez (also gone) architecting the Robert Griffin III Heisman Highlight Reel in Waco (I'm a glutton for punishment and watched the re-airing of this one a few weeks ago. To call the defense sieve-like is an insult to kitchen implements, or really anything, with gaping holes).

The return of Mike does, of course, bring it's own level of pressure and expectations but this is Oklahoma and nothing but a title is ever really sufficient. In this case, nothing short of the baby-eating, sure-tackling, ears-pinned-back mentality that accompanied the dismantling of Florida State for that national title in 2000 will suffice.

So, as I say, no pressure or expectations.

There were also some offseason roster moves. I happen to be of the mind that if a player has contributed exactly nothing to the football team, that player has taken exactly nothing off the table by not joining the team. I don't think armchair recruiting gurus feel the same but they can go kick rocks.

One such player that failed to qualify academically is JC WR Courtney Gardner. I'm sure this has nothing to do with the return of Jaz Hands and Franks. Will Latu, an offensive lineman also couldn't make the grade.

What hurts the most is the loss of Ben Habern who called it quits after dealing with nech issues since high school. Habern had started 30 games in his career at Center and was preseason All Big 12 this year as well. That stings and will come back to haunt. Book it.

Next, Navin and I will go over the offensive side of the football for the 2012 Sooners. Obviously, it will be chock full of "insider only" info so you'll want to check and/or set your RSS feed accordingly.

I See Your Bullets and Raise Ye Bullets

I seen that Navin put together some bullets mid-week. That's the kind of hard hitting journalistic gim-gam that will take this blog places. Well played.

Not to be outdone here's some thoughts of my own:

• This is a big week for the Steamroller. This blog's co-authors are going to be together, in person, in Norman for the A&M tilt. There's gonna be a party y'all. If you'd like to meet up, get autographs, touch our sleeves, etc. hit us up. We'll be hanging out in Norman long after the ballgame to watch the LSU-Bama national championship semifinal. After that Navin will be hosting a writer's workshop on drunk blogging. It's "can't miss". 
• I have an idea for filling the void left by Dom Whaley. Trey Millard and Roy Finch doing their best Thunder/Lightning impersonation. They can be on the field together in multiple formations. They both can line up virtually anywhere, and both are dependable. I'm not opposed to sprinkling in some Brennan Clay and Brandon Williams but I think the combo of Millard and Finch deserves about 25 carries. Finch obviously is picking up a lot of the load but Millard has more than earned some touches. Dude is a beast. My father-in-law seems to think Millard will move to Tight End next year. 
• Didn't think I'd be saying it but it sure was nice to have Tom Wort on the field again. He tied for the team lead in tackles and had two sacks. If the Sooners can get Jamelle Fleming back they'll be in business.
• Navin already mentioned the defense but it seems their effort has gone underappreciated. They held a top 10 team, in a hostile road environment to one first down in the second half. Kansas had about 10 yards in the second half against them. When this defense is on I'd put them up against anyone in the country.
• Jaz Reynolds is a bad motherfucker. He continues to improve and has become the 3rd receiver everyone thought the Sooners needed to make things easier for Ryan Broyles and Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills. 
• Speaking of Broyles, is there a craftier carrier of the football than him? They way he uses the sideline is incredible. You think there's no way he stays in bounds and next he's gone 20 yards for a score. The Sooners are going to miss him.

This:

Tony Motherfuckin Jefferson and Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Still as Caped Crusaders

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner

OU - Mizzou Game Tape Review

This article is sponsored by the American Pigeon Museum and Library in Oklahoma City - When you have a message that you want delivered slow or maybe not at all, choose pigeon's, choose the World of Wings. 

Some quick thoughts after watching the tape (Presented in bullet points for my man TFrye who, "doesn't have time for paragraphs"):

• There is no real good excuse anymore for Dominque Whaley not being the feature back. The carries between he and Brennan Clay were nearly even. No disrespect to Clay, who really is a solid player, but he doesn't have the "missability" of Whaley (as Emmitt Smith might say). There was a series in the 3rd Quarter where Whaley had a hole close and he made himself small and, "squirted through the line" for a 1st down. The next play he caught a short pass, delivered a hit, stayed in bounds then used a spin move and a leap to get inside the 5. The next play he outran the defense to gain the corner and score. In short, he can do just about anything.
• The Sooners Offense is at it's best when the ball is getting spread around. Any offense is but I mean the Sooners really need to get Trey Millard and James Hanna involved every now and again. Those guys are under-utilized weapons.
• Jaz Reynolds did a nice job stepping up in Kenny Fuckin Shitbag and Trey Franks's stead.
• At the game I felt like Lonnie is a System Quarterback. I believe it more and more. His numbers are gaudy but his pant shitting robs him of real greatness. By pant shitting I mean anytime the pocket may collapse.
• In person I was disappointed in Josh Heupel's play calling. On tape it wasn't so bad. I think it was the fact that the "hurry up to the line play" was beyond predictable. When half-drunk homers in the last row of the upper deck are calling the plays, chances are good your opponent's Defensive Coordinator is dialed in as well.
• The Sooners D-Line is badass and Frank Alexander in particular is a damn beast.
• Gabe Lynn still looks lost on Defense.

Questions on Offense

Now that my esteemed colleague Navin has so completely broken down the Sooner offense I'd like to ask and answer some offensive questions weighing heavily on my mind as we approach the 2010 campaign.

1A. Whither the Stache?
Indeed all of Sooner Nation waits with bated breath to see if Landry "Lonnie" Jones brings his perfectly groomed, Camaro-inspired flavor-savor to the huddle. He says he will but, according to this article, both his mother and girlfriend prefer him clean shaven. Uh Oh. In what may be the quote from fall camp, from Lonnie himself no less, "Sooner Nation needs the stache". Amen brother (In Sam Elliot voice).

1B. Stache Aside, What Can We Expect from Lonnie?
The biggest leap a player makes is from year one to year two. This is true in all sports. Now, given the fact that Lonnie got more than garbage-time reps, (he got a full season's worth of priceless meaningful game reps) he should be more improved than anyone on the team. Period. He entered the offseason as The Man and it has been his job to lose. And by lose I mean he would have had to fall out of a truck (twice), get caught stealing pot or get an illicit job at a car dealer. I expect him to be vastly improved.

So where does that put us? Would you be willing to say at least equal to Sam Bradford's first season (2007)? That would mean a nearly 70% completion percentage and a TD/INT ratio of 36 to 8. Gaudy numbers. Last year Lonnie went 58% with 26 TD's and 14 INT's. ~65% with 30+TD's and 8 INT's suddenly doesn't seem so far fetched and good things will happen with numbers like that.

2A. Will there be Some Semblance of Stability on the O-Line?
As Navin pointed out this unit is the biggest question mark on Offense. Last year these guys changed positions more than Sasha Gray in Face Invaders 4(Link Safe for work). Of course injury can be blamed for much of this. Hell, when a First Round Left Tackle is playing Center because of a lack of depth you have problems.

That said, I'm of the opinion that last years weakness is this year's strength. That's the beauty of college football. Because of injury and player movement, a lot of these guys got some meaningful reps across the line. This can only make this unit better, right? Can they stay healthy? Can they gel as a unit? I sure hope so because there are some fine players on this unit.

But it begs the question...

2B. Will some Mouth-Breathing Knuckle-Dragging Clod on the O-Line Quit the Team Come September 2nd?
I don't know what it is about O-Linemen but it seems like a right of Autumn that one of these jackoffs has had enough of windsprints and Oklahoma Drills and quits the team. I'm always one who says if they're not tough enough to handle it we don't need them anyways. Which is true. But just this once can these jackholes keep it together long enough to develop some chemistry before Cincinnatti? Pretty please?

3. What Body Part will Keep DeMarco Murray Off the Field at the Worst Possible Moment?
Frankly, we're running out of options here. The good news is he spent the offseason honing his MMA skills with 2010 M.F.er Quinton Carter. This bodes well. Also, this is the first offseason Murray has spent completely healthy. If you don't think I'm banging on wood right now like a hooker at a handjob contest you don't know me very well. We need this guy healthy. He changes absolutely everything we do. And whilst he's not the only home run threat the Sooners have on Offense he is still the most electrifying.

4. Uh, Does Anyone Want to Step Up at WR Besides Ryan Broyles?
As Navin said there is a Conglomerate of Mediocrity with Brandon Caleb, DeJuan Miller, Jaz Reynolds, Adron Tennel and Cameron Kenney. Each have had their opportunity and each has done some good, some bad with it. Evidently the smart money is on Freshman Kenny Stills. As Navin pointed out he's been penciled in as the starter since he arrived on campus. Personally, I try to avoid the recruiting hoopla and thus haven't paid much mind to this guy. But his high school numbers are ridiculous. Take it with a grain of salt of course but in three years the guy caught over 130 balls for 3000 yards for an average of 22 yards per catch. He could be the answer if he can simply complement Broyles and DeMarco and keep opposing defenses honest.

Great, now I feel like I just flushed a handful of Viagra with some Crown Royal. An improved Lonnie at QB with cohesion on the O-Line coupled with three home run hitters in DeMarco, Broyles and Kenny.