The Un-Steamroller

When I reached out to Mitch a few weeks ago about getting this thing going again his interest was, um, lukewarm. So we shelved it with the idea that we'd go back to our old style of just discussing and not printing our intellectual analysis and rapist wit. So evidently at least one person was disappointed by this turn of events and things are revved up again. But, we've decided to take the gloves off and not make everything sunshine and lollipops. In fact, my personal objective is to approach this with a sort of "prove it" mentality with an assumption of the worst. I'll continue to root like crazy, because I love OU football, but it's getting pretty discouraging. Maybe nothing has changed.

The game last week was one of the more frustrating ones in a while. But, as I've thought more about it, this is the typical shit that drives me crazy every year. Lack of preparation, poor execution and absolutely zero ability to adjust. I'm going to say it, and I mean it, even last year, I don't think Stoops is much of a coach. Yes, they win 8, 9, even 10 games nearly every year. Yes, he's the winningest coach in school history, and yes it's time for a change. I'm not going to rehash it again, because I'm fairly certain I've said it before. But, it's the same shit every year. It's now starting the 17th year without a championship, and nearly a decade since they've played in one. If anyone tells you they're satisfied with that, they're either lying or they don't get Sooner football.

Offense

I will say Perine here. The offensive line is pretty shitty. Mayfield will do his usual things which are great, but he has little besides Mark Andrews (whom they don't use nearly enough, mismatch anyone?) to throw to. ULM will get beat up strictly due to an enormous talent discrepancy. Perine goes over 100 and 2 scores.

Defense

Fuck me. This is like picking which ice pick you want jammed in your urethra. Nobody is worth a pick here. Houston is talented but that shit was embarrassing. No pressure without a blitz (or with one mostly), terrible downfield coverage and no ability stop even the most favorable 3rd down situations. So I'm picking no one. They look like shit.

Score

OU will win. Probably handily, and stoops will have smug comments to anyone who questions him in anyway about shortcomings with the team. Spread is 46, I'm guessing they'll cover. Sooners win a cupcake 55-6.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner

:: Pours whiskey, cracks knuckles and settles down in front of the IBM Selectra II ::

Greetings loyal readers and welcome back to another, albeit belated and surprising, addition of the Steamroller. Per  several letters to the Editor, the only thing as remotely disappointing as the Sooners performance against Houston was me and my decision to bail on this blog.

Alas, fear not for I am with thee.

By now we should all be somewhere between Bargaining and Acceptance on our personal grief journey. I'm somewhere right around here: Bargaining-------I--Depression. Remember, if you feel like you're out there alone in the wilderness, there are hundreds of thousands of Sooners fans just as bewildered and pissed off as you right now. We can get through this together.

Seriously though what the hell?

Give Houston credit. They are quality football team blah blah blah. But when will the Sooners realize every opponent approaches them like its their Super Bowl®? Houston finished 2015 with a nice bowl win and then looked at the 2016 slate and realized, "Great Hosanna! If we beat OU we're in control of our BCS destiny after week 1".

OU came off an assbeating from Clemson, looked at the schedule, saw Houston, scratched their buttholes and sniffed their fingers.

There are no valid excuses. Houston was better prepared and played harder. What happens when the Sooners are better prepared and play harder? They throttle people. How often does that happen? About as often as the shoe is on the other foot. Once or twice a season. So there's your ten wins, occasional conference title games/bowl wins and occasional national stage embarrassments. We're not trying to land lunar rovers on comets here.

On to Louisiana Monroe, a game so devoid of interest it's relegated to Pay Per View. I'd rather give away my tickets and buy the damn show than spend six hours plus heading to Norman and back for this schlock fest.

OFFENSE

I can't believe it but after the small sample size of one awful game it appears there are four options on offense. Baker Damn Mayfield (henceforth B.D. Mayfield as far as I am concerned), Samaje Perine, Joe Mixon and Mark Andrews. It is unbelievable that an offseason of work would have failed to produce two more reliable options at wide receiver. I don't even mean replacing the production of Sterling Shepard. I mean, players that can get open and not do dumb things if/when they catch the ball. Wide receiver development needs to be the focus of this game. The Sooners are effed if they can't figure it out.

However... Lincoln Riley got a case of the Heupels when he abandoned the running game which is, you know, only the most potent backfield in the country probably. Yeah, Perine went out for a bit with "a shoulder" but he returned and he makes for a damn fine decoy. I get the feeling that sort of sorcery is a bit much for these guys to handle mentally if it isn't already a contingency in the game plan though.

Since I didn't publicly proclaim that Joe Mixon will have a breakout season I will do so again for my OPOG this week. Joe Mixon is going to bust loose this year. The inexcusable lady beating is kind of behind him, he's had a whole offseason where he could participate and my advanced scouting metrics indicate he is a multi-threat beast.

I'm leaving the O-Line alone for just this minute.

DEFENSE

Well these guys looked a little disjointed to say the least. Dakota Austin earned Twitter's Vine of the Week by trying to tackle a person without the ball. Hell of a motor though I guess. Obwe Onyonkawya nee Ogbonnia Okoronkwo probably passes the Kirk Herbstreit "Eye Test" and might be one hell of a player someday but it's hard for me to tell if he was everywhere or getting picked on. Other than that I remember Steven Parker got dinged up and that's about it for the memorable moments.

The highlight for me was actually seeing Mike Stoops frothing at the mouth in the press box. He clearly belongs there. This bunch seems like they could tune out his profanity laced tirades fairly easily.

This week let's hope for baby steps. Maybe a three and out or two. Buttoning up on third down. Maybe not committing dumb shit penalties to keep drives alive. Some push up the middle? I don't know I'm spitballing here.

Who's the leader of this group anyway? Is there an MF'er? I'll pin my hopes for Defensive Player of the Game this week on Jordan Wade. It all starts up front as "they" say.

THE SCORE

We're 0-1 playing a PPV tilt against a stank team. I can't remember (and maybe I'm alone here) a less exciting home opener since the Blake days.

Let's kick their ass and hope they are more inspired than me while they do it. There is an actual big game next week and if nobody wants to get embarrassed it's time to get down to business.

Sooners 49 - Warhawks 17

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner

Clemson - The Semi(wood)'s

Well sports fans, here we are at the penultimate game for college football. The Sooners come into this game having Steamrolled (it's the name of this blog) the Big 12 powerhouses in a November that can only be described as badass. Somehow, after losing to a decidedly shitty texas squad in October, the Sooners "got their shit together" and kicked everyone's ass thereafter. So much so, that even though Clemson is #1 and undefeated, OU is favored in this game and also predicted by many to win it all. I, not surprisingly, have less confidence. Lest we forget, this same Clemson squad demolished OU but 1 year ago. Hopefully, the locker room bulletin board is overloaded with reminders of this.

The matchup is a wet dream for the NCAA and media outlets everywhere. The rematch, the balanced teams, the coaching undertones with Venables, the undefeated darlings, and the old time power all simmer together and make the most delicious matchup. I'm nervous, the Sooners have a recent history (approximately the last decade) of wilting when the lights are hottest. Clemson, no doubt, feels slighted that they, the #1 and undefeated team, come in as underdogs. There is no shortage of motivation for either side, In short, this is huge.

Offense

All week, the story has been Mayfield and Watson. I even read an ESPN puff piece on Mayfield's intramural days at OU. Both are dynamic and both will probably influence the outcome of this game more than any one player on their respective teams. That said, I'm not going with Mayfield here. Perine and Mixon are going to both be huge, they are as essential to the hopes of Sooner nation as Mayfield. But, one player has scarcely been mentioned all week. I think Sterling Shepard hauls in 10 balls, and scores twice. I think Clemson doesn't have an answer for him tonight.

Defense

Whoa doctor, this is where the rubber meets the road. Deshaun Watson is as dynamic of a player as there is in college football. I was looking at some advanced metrics on him and in most categories his two most similar comparisons historically are Cam Newton and Russell Wilson. Yikes. The idea is simple, the execution? Nearly impossible. Shut down Watson and OU will win this game. Who will step up for the Sooners today? Whew, my hope is everyone but if pinning it down to one individual, I'm going with Charles "Ass" Tapper. He's really developed into a monster this year. I think his foot is squarely in Watson's ass all day.

Score

Many years ago, my buddy Mitch and I were driving around in my home town, during a weekend I had coaxed him to make the drive 4 hours up I-44. It was cold, and with little else to do, we stopped at a Blockbuster Music Store and purchased a CD (ladies and gentleman, my submission for most dated sentence of 2015). Why do I remember this apparently mundane sequence of events so vividly? It was both of our first exposures to a band called Parliament. I'm not saying I remember everything perfectly after that point, but I do know we listened to it on repeat about 5 times. Last night I had the great pleasure of seeing George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic live. As I proceeded to boogie, my mind turned to that long ago night, and I only felt good vibes for Sooner nation. Sooners beat Clemson today 34-24.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.

Oklahoma Sooners vs. Clemson Tigers

If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now. As of early September 2015 I had zero expectations for the season. After the inexplicable Texas defeat, I was wondering if there was any chance to stay above .500. I have the heart of a champion.

It takes a lot to make it this far but I've got three keys. The first is good health. The Sooners endured a head shot to Baker Mayfield that knocked him out of the TCU game. Needless to say without a healthy Shake N Bake the Sooners are not in the Playoff. Zack Sanchez was out against Iowa State and Kansas, the two games they could most afford to lose him. Which leads to the second key.

Luck. Let's face facts here. The Sooners ran a November gauntlet against the Big 12's best teams and didn't have to face any of them at full strength because of, ahem, injuries. You could also look back to last year and see the effect in reverse. How might have the Sooners been impacted had Baker Mayfield been cleared to play and/or Joe Mixon had not been suspended? NCAA rules vagueries and punching a woman in the face are conscious decisions, not luck, but in the sense that off the field choices impacted the on field product I'd call that bad luck for the football team.

Finally, you just have to be good. Since Texas the Sooners have been good. The D has been solid. Moving Steven Parker to Safety looks like a stroke of genius. Jordan Thomas has improved immensely. The defensive line is the best in years. Offensively they are a borderline juggernaut. They have the best one-two running back combo in college football. Baker and Sterling Sheperd are a nightmare. There is no more complete team in the four team field.

OFFENSE

The key here is for the O-Line to lock in. Listening to Clemson talk they have visions of last year and terrorizing an overmatched Trevor Knight. I saw one sound bite where the Clemson player said it was as simple as getting to the man with the ball. The running game will mitigate that pin your ears back mentality but if the O-Line can be on point it could be a long night for the Clemson D. They haven't seen anything like what our offense brings.

What I would love to see is for the passing game to "do it's thing" and open up the run game such that Semaje and/or Mixon can run roughshod on national TV. Mayfield is understandably getting his propers but seeing a total team effort on offense would be sublime.

If I could flip and flop here a little bit though I am picking Baker for my OPOG. Spoiler, if the Sooners make it to the championship I'll probably pick him again. He's just the damn man.

DEFENSE

Deshaun Watson is the QB that haunts the dreams of Sooners everywhere. I cringe to think of Clemson in 3rd and long, the secondary does its job only to have this guy take off up the middle of the field. It's bound to happen a few times but let's not make it an ongoing deal please.

If he does have a weakness it appears he can be turned over. Going back to the luck factor it certainly helps the Sooners that Clemson's second best wide receiver got sent home this week.

After getting embarrassed last year the D will be locked in. The key is to not be stupidly over aggressive. No tearing helmets off, no taking people to the ground 15 seconds after the whistle, no late hits out of bounds or roughing the passer etc. Don't give the Clemson offense new life and chances to extend drives.

I'm taking Zack Sanchez as my DPOG in the hopes that the Sooners turn Watson over more than once. Zack seems to play well on big stages and none are bigger than this.

SCORE

Revenge is on the mind of the Sooners. I still can't believe Jerry Jones couldn't finagle an OU-Bama matchup in the Cotton Bowl but the opportunity for the Sooners to avenge last year's bowl debacle is the best motivator you could ask for. This has the feel of a business trip. There is no doubt this is the best healthy team the Sooners have faced but the Sooners confidence should be sky high. They are playing their best football of the year at the right time.

I think the Sooners hold the Tigers two scores below their scoring average and the Sooner offense proves too much over the course of the game.

I like the Sooners 38-24 in a game that's closer than this score would indicate. Let's do this.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner!

Bedlam

You couldn't ask for more in Stillwater today. The Sooners control their own destiny and, with a win, are in The Playoffs?! Should the Cowboys win they'll be pleading their case for the next two days for the playoffs. Even children understand this rivalry. My son and another kid playfully heckled each other at last night's Thunder game. For one day friends are enemies. Good times.

The best part about this game, besides what's at stake, is that each team has its full complement of players. Until Monday it seemed possible that the Sooners would be without Baker Mayfield, Semaje Perine and Joe Mixon. That's the equivalent of American Pharoah running without a leg or three. Mason Rudolph is evidently playing today for the Cowboys amidst rumors of a broken bone in his foot. By all accounts he's their "passer". 

Oklahoma is likely announcing a state of emergency but the weather, while miserable, doesn't look like it will be as bad as, say, TCU-Baylor from last night. 

OFFENSE

As mentioned, the big 3 are cleared to play. Had Baker not been cleared to play I would have rather seen Joe Mixon run Wildcat all night than Trevor Knight take the reigns. Holy smokes did he look awful last week. Being full strength portends nightmares for the Cowboys. They got exposed against Baylor. 

The Sooners will offer a steady does of the ground and pound while Mixon in (get it?) some play action deep routes to keep the Pokes honest. The Cowboys are going to see how well we can pick up a blitz. 

Today I'm leaning heavy on the guy who's gotten us here. Without Baker Mayfield who knows what our record would be. We certainly aren't in the playoff picture. We probably aren't getting mentioned outside of Oklahoma. He's got moxie, he understands what's at stake and there is no way this team lets up for one second today while he's able to play. 

DEFENSE

OSU has a quality offense. By now we've seen as much as we can to prepare for it. Unfortunately it's been everyone's B-team. However, the Sooners D has totally redeemed itself over the course of the season and this group is salty. There is nothing OSU has seen to prepare. Big advantage for the Sooners. 

The Cowboys are going to keep on trucking with their deep ball until we can stop it. We'll win some and lose some. Hopefully we can get our hands on some balls and turn them over a few times. That differential should be enough. 

My top three players on the D this year have been Steven Parker, Eric Motherfuckin Striker and Charles Walker. I'm picking my DPOG from those three and I'm choosing Steven Parker. He's been awesome and his help in the passing game is going to be huge. 

THE SCORE

This will be fun. One team is going to ruin the others dreams. You couldn't ask for more from two teams and fan bases that truly loathe one another. 

The Sooners are a team that's running downhill right now. This game is last jewel in their amazing November run. There is a revenge factor after last year. Bob Stoops had his worst game as coach. The Cowboys can't match what's about to come. 

Sooners 35 Cowboys 17

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner

Oklahoma State (aka Bedlam)

Stillwater, a tiny little butthole on the map of America. Known for a bar with the most delicious (and diarrhea inducing) cheese fries I've ever had, and a college football team built on one lunatic billionaires oil money. The Sooners travel a little ways down the road today and take on this football team with the highest of stakes at hand. OSU lost last week to Baylor, that takes a little of the glimmer off of this one in the national eye, but does nothing to diminish what OU has to play for. The Sooners magical run through November has us old guys reminiscing about Red October waaaaay back in 2000 (credit: Steve Mitchell). But the far away looks in our eyes will be quickly gouged out if the Sooners lay an egg today. In short, win and the Sooners are making the Big 12's first trip to the new college playoff with everything in front of them. Lose, and it's another second tier bowl game, dripping with the scraps of what might have been.

Offense

That game last Saturday was an absolute butthole destroyer. You couldn't have forced a single hydrogen atom out of my ass with a blow torch. It confirmed what no one ever had any doubts about, Trevor Knight is shit (read on, he won't be my OPG pick), and Samaje Perine is a man playing against boys. Basically, Baker Mayfield is the only hope OU has. Thankfully, at last check, he will play. The previous few sentences make it hard to not pick him as OPG. After all, the offense is a Chevy Corsica with corn syrup in the tank without him. I like Mayfield to account for 4 TD's today and cement himself as a top Heisman contender.

Defense

Oh boy, the defense. A game that should've been over at halftime forced my dramatic butthole sentence earlier after allowing a 3rd string TCU QB to get the Horned Frogs back in it. Granted, after the Pu Pu Platter that Knight served, they were on the field roughly 97% of the half, but still. OSU has never had trouble scoring, and they will definitely get theirs today. I think it all starts up front (like I always do), and I like Charles "Ass" Tapper to have another huge day. This guy went from possible UFA roster spot to mid round draft choice in the last 5 weeks. To summarize, he's been a terror. I like him for 2 sacks today and countless pressures

Score

This is for all of the marbles. After that texas game, who would have ever thought it possible? Not me, for one. Literally everything is still on the table, playoffs (playoffs?) or the whocares.com bowl. I'm feeling the former. OSU will score, the crowd will be apeshit, but the Mayfield and the defense will lead us to the promise land in a scorcher. Sooners take it 41-40. I've got two more pieces in me this season.

Boomer to the MOTHERFUCKIN Sooner

Oklahoma Sooners versus Baylor Bears

The Sooners have a big, big football game today as they head down to Waco, Texas to play the Baylor Bears. It's amazing how things change. Baylor has a shiny new football palace, they carry a number six ranking, they are the defending Big 12 co-champions and they operate the scariest offensive attack in college football. Oh, and they have also beaten the Sooners two straight times with the 2014 shellacking being particularly demoralizing. Sooners fans may never chase away the nightmare of watching Baylor throw quick outs repeatedly as they essentially laughed at the Sooner defense. It was one of the most embarrassing and frustrating situations I've ever seen unfold as a Sooner fan.

As my dad pointed out, this opener to a brutal stretch may also remind Sooner fans of a string of games way back in 1999. Instead of the Red October of Kansas State, Texas and Nebraska, the Sooners are looking at Baylor, TCU and Oklahoma State. Times change. And no big deal but if the Sooners win out they are in the college football playoff.

First things first, beat Baylor.

OFFENSE

The Sooner offense is rounding into form. Four straight games of 50 plus points. There's a nice balance of run and pass. Guys like Durron Neal and Mark Andrews are stressing defenses to cover more than Sterling Shepard. You can almost book 48 points out of these guys at this point.

I think they key with Baylor is going to be to continue with the hot starts and show them early that they have yet to see the likes of this offense outside of their own practices. I'm not necessarily worried about playing behind so much as they need to know what they're dealing with and their confidence needs to get shaken. Conversely, the earlier the Sooners can settle in and give Baker Mayfield some comfort in the pocket, the better off they will be.

To accomplish both of these things the Sooners will need to utilize all the skill on hand. In addition to Shepard and Semaje Perine they also need to get Joe Mixon extra touches. He seems to get 10-15 per game. He needs 15-20 today. And, as Nate pointed out last week, I have to tuck my boner into my waistband about Mark Andrews. Someone tell me why I shouldn't? The guy is a matchup nightmare. He's my dark horse super sleeper offensive pick of the week. Unleash the beast damnit.

DEFENSE

I mean what do you do against these guys? They average ∞ yards and it's pretty well split between the run and pass. Shock Linwood averages nearly eight yards per carry. Corey Coleman is on another level with 20 TD's and averaging 20 yards per catch.

It's a nightmare on paper and it will be a nightmare on the field. However, there are some glimmers of hope. Most notably the Sooners have the best defense in the Big 12. They hold teams at least two touchdowns below their average. With a freshman (albeit presumably wunderkind) quarterback this should hold true today. The Bears have seen nothing resembling the Sooner D so far this year.

Now, is the Sooner D vulnerable? For sure. But if the Sooners are firing on all cylinders then I think there's a real chance the Baylor offense gets rattled just a bit.

To rattle cages the Sooners have to pick a poison. I think the choice is take your chances covering Corey Coleman one on one with help over the top. If he goes for four scores and 200 yards so be it. If he's the only guy going off we win. Shut everything else down. Do not give any opportunities to run roughshod up the middle. Throw the kitchen sink at the young quarterback and give him blitzes from everywhere. The Bears have to get rattled.

In a game this yoooge I'm picking the big guy Eric Motherfuckin Striker. The defense is rounding into form a little bit and you could actually pick a few different guys here. The Charles's, Walker and Tapper, Dominique Alexander, Steven Parker. Hell, even either of the corners could turn the game with some picks.

THE SCORE

The biggest difference between these two teams are the defenses. If OU takes care of the ball on offense and the defense brings the kind of edge that, frankly, there is no excuse for not exhibiting after last year's de-pantsing, the Sooners win. The key word here is rattle. The atmosphere for this one will be electric. Everyone thinks the Baylor offense is unstoppable. The Sooners need to show they are also unstoppable on offense and they need to shake the confidence of the young quarterback and the Baylor faithful.

Bring your sniffing glue, your quaaludes and whatever else you need to get through it because it will fray the nerves but the Sooners will come through.

Sooners 45 - Bears 38

The real season starts... Now

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner