Oklahoma State (aka Bedlam)

Stillwater, a tiny little butthole on the map of America. Known for a bar with the most delicious (and diarrhea inducing) cheese fries I've ever had, and a college football team built on one lunatic billionaires oil money. The Sooners travel a little ways down the road today and take on this football team with the highest of stakes at hand. OSU lost last week to Baylor, that takes a little of the glimmer off of this one in the national eye, but does nothing to diminish what OU has to play for. The Sooners magical run through November has us old guys reminiscing about Red October waaaaay back in 2000 (credit: Steve Mitchell). But the far away looks in our eyes will be quickly gouged out if the Sooners lay an egg today. In short, win and the Sooners are making the Big 12's first trip to the new college playoff with everything in front of them. Lose, and it's another second tier bowl game, dripping with the scraps of what might have been.

Offense

That game last Saturday was an absolute butthole destroyer. You couldn't have forced a single hydrogen atom out of my ass with a blow torch. It confirmed what no one ever had any doubts about, Trevor Knight is shit (read on, he won't be my OPG pick), and Samaje Perine is a man playing against boys. Basically, Baker Mayfield is the only hope OU has. Thankfully, at last check, he will play. The previous few sentences make it hard to not pick him as OPG. After all, the offense is a Chevy Corsica with corn syrup in the tank without him. I like Mayfield to account for 4 TD's today and cement himself as a top Heisman contender.

Defense

Oh boy, the defense. A game that should've been over at halftime forced my dramatic butthole sentence earlier after allowing a 3rd string TCU QB to get the Horned Frogs back in it. Granted, after the Pu Pu Platter that Knight served, they were on the field roughly 97% of the half, but still. OSU has never had trouble scoring, and they will definitely get theirs today. I think it all starts up front (like I always do), and I like Charles "Ass" Tapper to have another huge day. This guy went from possible UFA roster spot to mid round draft choice in the last 5 weeks. To summarize, he's been a terror. I like him for 2 sacks today and countless pressures

Score

This is for all of the marbles. After that texas game, who would have ever thought it possible? Not me, for one. Literally everything is still on the table, playoffs (playoffs?) or the whocares.com bowl. I'm feeling the former. OSU will score, the crowd will be apeshit, but the Mayfield and the defense will lead us to the promise land in a scorcher. Sooners take it 41-40. I've got two more pieces in me this season.

Boomer to the MOTHERFUCKIN Sooner

The Akron Zips

The 2015 season kicks off for the Oklahoma Sooners football team tomorrow. And if you read our previews, this season comes with much optimism, if not angst. While there are questions to be answered on both sides of the ball, many are looking forward to heading down to Norman tomorrow to watch the boys plant some shiny cleats in the collective ass cracks of the lowly Zips from the MAC. Questions be damned, this will be a cakewalk. Or will it really? While the budget-friendly sneaker from the 80s (turns out they still make these FYI - research!) may not strike fear in your heart, this a dangerous team to look past.

The days of OU having enough talent to sleepwalk past a team like this ended about eight years ago, if you think otherwise, you've been pulling a Rip Van Winkle since then. Akron has a talented defense that ranked very highly nationally last season and they return the bulk of their starters. Cody Grice is a load that plays NT and turns around and becomes their short yardage battering ram in goal line scenarios (12 TDs last season). That type of athleticism can be found at nearly every position where Terry Bowden (yes, that Terry Bowden) has brought in many former 3 and 4 star recruits that left bigger programs for various reasons.

The Zips biggest questions lie on offense where they struggled last season. That said, they return eight starters on that side of the football. While Bowden hasn't named his starter, his two leading candidates are a two-year starter in Kyle Pohl, your more traditional pocket passer and Tra'von Chapman, a former 4 star recruit at Pitt who is the running hybrid style Q that gives Mike Stoops et al fits. Bowden is waiting to name the starter until "tee time," a smart bit of gamesmanship no doubt designed to give OU two very different styles to think about. Bowden has coached on this stage before, he will absolutely have his guys ready. If you think Oklahoma hasn't been the focus of every off-season workout and fall camp scrimmage, you're sorely mistaken.

In short, this is a trap game. A no name school from a second tier conference coming in to play the big bad owners of seven national championships. OU, at last look, is favored by 31.5. If I knew a bookie, I'd absolutely take Akron and the points. I almost regret looking these guys up. I think OU absolutely should win this game, and likely will, but I'm certainly far more worried than I was yesterday.

Offense

First game of the year is always a tricky one. I think I picked Trevor Knight last year. Then he went the way of Lonnie Jones where I vowed to never make that mistake again. It's tough picking a guy based on last season, but Samaje Perine seems as safe a bet as one could want. As Mitch detailed in the Offense Preview, he's an animal that almost no one could even contain. While that would be the smart pick, I'm going to be "clever" and go in a different direction. I think Sterling Shepard returns to the field healthy for the first time in nearly a year, and goes off. I think Mayfield leans on his best receiving weapon in his first start and hits him for a pair of scores. Shepard will be the forgotten man no more after Saturday night.

Defense

Whew, at the end of last season, picking the defensive player of the game was throwing darts...with no dartboard. I'm cautiously optimistic that this unit will come together this season. If it does, it will start with the best player out there, Eric Motherfuckin' Striker. He was quieted a bit last season, likely because he was one of the few guys offenses had to game plan for. I think whomever Bowden starts in the backfield, gets acquainted with Striker early and often. 1 sack and 1 forced fumble for Striker on Saturday. Boom.

Score

As I said, I don't feel like the Sooners will cover 31.5. I think the offense will struggle early as new pieces try to assimilate and Akron comes harder than they expected. I'm hopeful that Lincoln Riley can do what Heupel never could, make adjustments. I think he will, and the Sooners will get it done in an early wake up call that might actually be a good thing. Sooners win 27-10. I'm pumped for a new season and ready to see the Crimson and Cream sprint out on the field (though I won't actually be able to do this, thanks PPV) and roll some heads. Welcome back reader(s).


Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.

Oklahoma Sooners v. TCU Horned Frogs

https://www.dropbox.com/s/gnfjawwaaso7zg9/SoonerSteamroller_05_OUvTCU2014.mp3?dl=0

https://www.dropbox.com/s/gnfjawwaaso7zg9/SoonerSteamroller_05_OUvTCU2014.mp3?dl=0

Sooners vs. West Virginia

Big game here today you guys.
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/re5hrbf9cew80jv/AAAQZUzCPYBZqQZz8pBB3Tega?dl=0

https://www.dropbox.com/s/bhgkhqwi3ksaqzs/SoonerSteamroller_04_OUvWVU2014.mp3?dl=0

The 2014 Sooners

Welcome back Steamroller faithful, we are back again for another season filled with flawlessly accurate predictions, clinical exploits of mastery over the written word, and rapist wit. Much ballyhoo is being directed at the 2014 incarnation of Bobby Stoops' squad. I for one am excited, and it seems that 2 years after hitting the reset button, Mikey has started to do Mike Stoops things that everyone clamored for prior to his re-hiring. There is real talent at nearly every position, and while the likes of Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin will certainly be missed, the front 7 give me the same feeling I had when I opened my first Playboy as a youth and feasted my eyes on hip-to-hip beav. Trevor Knight, who are ye really? I hope he comes back as the guy everyone remembers and not the guy everyone seems to have forgotten.

Mitch did a masterful job of covering the awards, and as the spoilers are out I see little reason to rehash them, but suffice it to say that Eric Motherfuckin Striker should have you (palm up/arm sweep at Sooner Nation) excited. I am instead taking the liberty of creating a few new awards for this season.

The TC Bread Award

Several years ago, I was looking through a player list for the Sooners roster and came across a player named TC Bread. Without question, this is the funniest name in the history of Sooner football. I never heard of this player again. To my knowledge, he never saw the field. Hell, he could have been a made up name by someone at the paper (side note: I once did this for a Sooners game. As a bright-eyed freshman I was asked to type up the roster list for the Nebraska game to be distributed in the press box during the game. Naturally, I put my own name, accurate height and weight, on the roster along with some other made up dudes, fun). Anyway, this year it's Jordan Smallwood.

Player Least Likely to Get Girls Based Solely On His Name

Poor Jordan Smallwood.

Best Silhouette

Almost went for a chiseled athlete but decided instead to go for OC Josh Heupel instead. His doughy pelican neck creeps ever so slightly over his half-buttoned coaches polo while his gut struggles to gain freedom from below. This leads me to believe that a silhouette of his would look like a humorous humpty-dumpty. I would buy this from Fathead.

Scariest in a Shower Situation

This one goes to the entire defensive line roster. They line up in two lines, shoulder to shoulder, across from one another, gauntlet style. Freshman have to run between the two lines getting into and out of the shower. I think this would feel a lot like running through one of those cages for RB's with the pylons on springs that slap your upper body and teach holding onto the football. I'm not on drugs.

Mat McCoy Memorial Gas Rag?

This one is actually legit, and unlike Old Steady I sincerely hope this position isn't filled. It, sadly, had been filled rather competently by Gabe Lynn the last couple of seasons. I hope no one steps into this role this year. Any DB with a penchant for getting burned with ease and alacrity teeters on the cusp of being dubbed Gas Rag. This is less than ideal.

Louisiana Tech

I suppose we should discuss this adversary. The line I most recently saw was OU giving 35. While I whole heartedly agree that the Sooners will win this game, I would put my money on LaTech with that kind of line. I'm just not confident enough in Trevor Knight et al, and even more Josh Heupel, that I think we can put up 40 points on these guys (though a shutout isn't out of the question). I think our defense is going to great, and while OU has question marks it has them in the right places. I'm firmly in the camp that every team looks better with good line play. A good offensive and defensive line will make everyone else on that respective side of the ball look better. Conversely, great skill players look bad if the line is getting fisted all day. Offensively, we have little experience returning at WR, RB and frankly QB (in spite of the Sugar Bowl performance), but up front we return a ton of veterans. Defensively, the Sooners might actually have 2 full defensive lines worthy of starting, there is that much depth. Yes, losing Frank Shannon hurts. A lot. But as Dominique Alexander aptly demonstrated (what a beast!), some times a star going down (RIP Corey Nelson) paves the way for an even better player to step up. Hopefully Jordan Evans does something similar.

Offense

I'd like to go Trevor Knight, I really would. I hope as much as anyone that he is the world-beater we saw in the Alabama game. But, until I see it consistently, I'm not ready to bestow anything as prestigious as this blogs pre-game OPG yet. I'm going against the grain a bit. I think Keith Ford comes in and makes little brown underwear streaks of this defense at LaTech. I like him to break out in a big way, at least one touch and 100+ on the ground.

Defense

I really feel inspired by Dominique Alexander (my current front-runner for Old Steady). He makes a ton of tackles and by his own assessment, he's no longer "thinking out there", just reacting and making plays. That's scary. But, in spite of all of this fluffing I'm doing, I'm going with Eric Motherfuckin' Striker. I feel like Mikey is going to do some good things with him this year, and we will see him in the backfield sodomizing teams in obscene ways. I think he separates a QB from the football once today, and makes big plays all evening.

Score

Ideally Trevor Knight and the boys will be sipping gatorade and wearing awkward unbroken-in hats by midway through the 3rd quarter. However as I said, I think the Sooners control this one, though maybe not to the tune of a 35 point win, but close. I think the offense shakes off rust early, and gets in a groove as things go on. The defense? Well, I think it will make a long day for Skip Holtz and co. Sooners win this one in front of a PPV TV audience of dozens, 35-3.


 Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.


It's good to be back.

Your 2014-2015 Oklahoma Sooners

Eric MF Striker

It’s here you guys. Let’s get this party started. Can the Sooners get a seat at the playoff table? Can they keep me from questioning my fanhood before the Iowa State game? Are we who we think we are?

Here now some preseason awards, prognostications and the Louisiana Tech pre gamer.

MF’er
The MF’er is one of the cornerstones of this blog and the Sooner tradition. No higher preseason honor can be bestowed. Fuck the Herbies.

The 2014-2015 MF’er is Eric MF Striker. Striker’s emergence in 2013 had Sooner fans doing double takes as they saw visions of former Sooner greats such as Roy Williams and Brandon Everage. Striker is a guy who runs around like his hair is on fire and who can make an impact from anywhere he lines up. He’s a brute and slobberknocker on the blitz. He’s going to give opposing offenses fits and offer Mikey Stoops et al some nice flexibility.

While Striker was the No. 1 choice on all ballots of eligible voters there are some other intriguing choices. Jordan Phillips, Geneo Grissom, Dominique Alexander, Quinton Hayes, Julian Wilson and even Zach Sanchez got some consideration. Frank Shannon would be in the mix too if he didn’t run afoul of the law.

It’s the deepest defensive talent pool in years, a development that should moisten the thighs of many a coed. 

Old Steady
Old Steady is an award named after former Sooner RB Chris Brown. Brown was pretty unspectacular for the majority of his career but if you handed him the football you got three yards every single time. No fumbles, no dancing in the backfield, no one-on-one situations with safeties. Just a predictable modest result. 

We don’t know enough about anyone on this incarnation of the Sooners offense to say, “That’s Old Steady”. One could argue Keith Ford but how long is his leash after all his fumbling “issues” one year ago? None of the other RB’s are proven. Dimitri Flowers seems to be the heir apparent to Trey Millard but he’s not even starting.

So, until someone proves themselves there is no Old Steady. I think this is becoming it’s own tradition. 


Things I’m excited about

The D
Man, if this group had Frank Shannon it would be downright scary. It still should be a menace. Jordan Phillips is back after a promising start to the season that led many to believe he could be the next great (long missing) anchor of the d-line. Throw in Chuka Ndulue, Charles “Ass” Tapper, Grissom, Alexander, Striker, Sanchez, Hays and the much ballyhooed triumverant of Ahmad Thomas, Hatari Byrd and Steven Parker and, cripes, there are some ballplayers over here.

The Run Game
This could make some people nervous because this group is short on experience. But I’m making lemonade here and telling you that, contrary to popular opinion, running back is not the hardest position to fill on a football team. Keith Ford has shown flashes of beast mode already. Coaches seem to hold Alex Ross in similar esteem and players rave about the practice work of the difficult to pronounce Samaj Perine. Some version of this group is going to pick yardage up in chunks. Hey...No worries!

Michiah Quick
I don’t spend my offseason with my hands down my sweatpants reading Rivals and Scout so pardon my surprise at seeing this true freshman's name not once, not twice but thrice on the depth chart. Apparently he was the #7 athlete in the country coming out of high school. It looks like this fella Quick, along with Sterling Sheperd, LaColtan Bester and Durron Neal are going to be ratcheting up the pressure on defenses to “cover space”. Now watch as he sits on the sidelines before burning his redshirt against Kansas.

Things I’m Nervous About

Was Trevor Knight’s Sugar Bowl Performance a Fluke?
History is a fickle mistress. Prior to his breakout performance against Bama, Knight had been benched and shown a poor grasp for the forward pass. Not only did one game erase that from the minds of Sooner faithful but it’s also landed him on every major awards watch list including the Heisman Trophy ™. Hey, I want the guy to succeed too but he has plenty of room for improvement. The encouraging thing about Knight is he appears to be a gamer. His best games were his first career start and Bama. 

Was Josh Heupel’s Job Saving Sugar Bowl Performance a Fluke?
I wrote this about Josh Heupel after the Baylor game last year. 

Josh Heupel is not fighting for his job at OU. He's auditioning for a QB coaching gig at Appalachian State at best. The Oklahoman trotted out Jenni Carlson for a piece asking if it's time for a change in play caller only to have Berry Trammel write an article about how Bobby prefers "Stability" versus "Experimentation”.

Again, history is a fickle mistress. The Sooners offense last year was historically abysmal most of the season. The players and staff would publicly say they weren’t surprised about what they did against Alabama but even they had to have been shocked after being so inept up to that point. The Sooners played three quarterbacks out of desperation in the bedlam game. 

I am very cautiously optimistic that Josh Heupel retained what he learned and is now prepared to use all his weapons to their full advantage. If he does, the offense could be lethal. If he doesn’t then Jay Norvell will get his chance. Book it. Bob is learning to make changes to stay ahead of the game.


Are New Uniforms a Good Idea?
No. But I’m a surly, aging sonofabitch. Whatever the football team needs to do to continue luring top 17 year old talent to Norman to win football games is fine with me.

On To Louisiana Tech

Skip Holtz is the head coach and Tim Rattay is also on the staff so I hate them already. There is no good reason why the Techsters, or whatever they call themselves, shouldn’t just pick up their asskicking and a check and head on home. But the memories of TCU home openers loom large so the Sooners would be best advised to take this one quite seriously.

Offense
There are no shortage of things to watch for on this side of the ball. Will the real Trevor Knight please stand up? Who wants the bulk of the carries? Who will be TKnight’s safety blanket? How good can this O-Line be if it stays healthy?

I’m going to put my unsullied reputation on the line here and go all in on the Trevor Knight bandwagon week 1. He really needs to come right out and show that he has a firm grasp on this offense and prove that having the Belldozer take practice snaps at QB was the dumbest fucking idea of all time.

Defense
Can’t go with anyone besides newly minted MFer, Eric “Ted” Striker here. I think this defense is filled with baby eaters and they go PlayStation D this week. Man I’m pumped to watch these guys this year.

Score
42-7. No screwing around. The Sooners score in all phases and get the 2014-2015 campaign kicked off in a great way. Lots of baby making in Norman after this one.

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner!

Notes about Notes from my Notebook

If I told you there was a Sooner named Jack Steed from DeSoto Texas and that Jack Steed was 6’2” and 200+ pounds, what position do you think the would play? The answer is Punter.

On the roster page of soonersports.com there is a little ear icon (to help with pronunciation) next to Josiah St. John but not one for Michiah Quick.

Bedlam

On paper this one could be a complete fisting. OSU is riding high after the Baylor win and the Sooners, while close, still aren't completely sure what they bring to the table any given week. Here's what I'm hoping has happened. The Sooners have rested, healed and improved after their most complete win of the season. They've put together an offensive gameplan that takes advantage of what they do well. Hopefully the Cowboys have come back to earth a little bit. It's hard to imagine them putting together another game like Baylor. Maybe they are even a smidge overconfident. This is a team that lost to West Virginia and I don't give a damn who was or was not on the field for them at the time.

This game is almost the same scenario as OU-Baylor. On the road against a team that appears unstoppable. OU was in that one for a while. The D played lights out and the O flat sucked. Same thing could happen here but I don't think it will.

OFFENSE

The re-insertion of Trevor Knight has done "wonders" for the offense. Rather than second guess why he was ever pulled (he stunk) or why it took so long to put him back in (Bell had to stink worse), let's just be thankful that he's in there and the offense has the closest thing to an identity as they can hope to muster this year.

It's run baby run now and that somewhat negates the Cowboy's secondary, arguably their strength. If the run game can be effective it also keeps the Cowboys off the field and nothing need be said about the benefits of that.

I'm going DD Williams here. I kid I kid. It has to be Trevor Knight. There is legit pressure on him to do well. He has to take care of the ball and make plays. Even if the run-game is the focal point he'll probably need to find more than four receivers though. Man, wouldn't it be nice if a football team had a big target? The kind of guy who can block one play and streak across the field underneath the D or settle in a hole in the zone as a secondary receiver/safety valve the next? What would you call that position if it existed? Seems like that would help a guy like ol' Trevor.

DEFENSE

Same shit, different day here. They need some help from the offense and they have to be big on 3rd down. They can't give the Pokes first downs by penalty.

OSU will have some razzle dazzle and they'll score and score and score. If the Sooners bring their A-Game on D though they can be in this thing.

I've thought long and hard about this and I'm going with Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin. His career is winding down and he'll want to win his final bedlam. No point trying to pick cute. I know he's dinged up with a "shoulder" but he'll leave that damn thing laying lifeless and bloody on the field if need be.

THE SCORE

What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!

Seriously. We have a chance here to wreck some fucking Poke dreams. We could see icicle tears on coed faces. By god there is something to play for and it's called stomping little brothers dick in the dirt.

We play good football and both sides of the ball (longshot) we can beat these guys. We will play good football on both sides of the ball and we will beat these guys.

OU 27 OSU 17

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner

Bedlam

Good Saturday to you Sooners fans. I am writing this post from Vietnam where the wife and I have been vacationing for the past two weeks. It's a beautiful place to visit with great food if you're interested. However, I've been calling everyone I meet Charlie and am repeatedly met with blank looks. I've paid little attention to the sporting world, but I'm pretty sure I have all of the evidence I need from the season to know what is going to happen in this one. A few weeks ago our beloved Sooners went on the road against an undefeated Baylor squad. We hung tough for a quarter and a half or so and then proceeded to get shat on in nearly every phase of the game. This same Baylor team recently got punished in embarrassing fashion by the very O-State Cowboys we stand to face. I'm not a huge believer in this who-beat-who transferring from week to week, so I'm hopeful here if not doubtful. It will take our best game of the season to avoid a repeat of 2011.

Offense

Once again I'm trying to think of what to do here and am not coming up with much. I did read that Keith Ford has a chance to see the field again this week. I like the strategy of burning a year of eligibility for 20 snaps on the season. I'm doubtful he'll do enough to garner an MVP worthy performance, at least not by this blog's lofty standards. I'm going to go out on a limb here and go with Trevor Knight. I realize this basically condemns him to a terrible game but if I'm right then I think we hang around in this one. He's going to have to create more with his legs and hit a few shots down field. Otherwise, it's going to be a long day for this soft turd of an offense.

Defense

Another crapshoot here. Though I did like Dominique Alexander's play last week when Mitch and I both picked him. I think our best hope defensively is getting good pressure up front. If Chelf has all day to throw, our DB's will be putting on a live action performance of the hit Broadway musical "Smeared Britches". So I'm going with Chaz Ass Tapper today. We need him to be a force and I feel that he will come through.

Score

I'll be on a plane when this one plays out, a quick 26 hour jaunt all told. So I'll be blissfully ignorant of the outcome for a while. But let's suffice it to say that this has me awfully nervous. Like having-terrible-diarrhea-and-doing-nude-jumping-jacks-on-white-carpet nervous. As much as I hate to say it, we are the inferior team in this one. That's hard to write down. But, as is always the case this game tends to play closer than it should when one team is clearly better. I think OU hangs around, gets some big plays on special teams with Roy and Jalen, and the defense plays a complete game. With those things in mind, a couple of turnovers going our way and if you squint and tilt your head just right, you can see an OU win. It's not much to hang your hat on but it's enough and that's what the Sooners have today, enough. OU pulls out a squeaker here and wins it 31-30.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.

Kansas State

Normally this is the time of year where my sphincter is clinched tight enough to snap a railroad tie, but with 2 marks on the loss side of the Sooners ledger, my anxiety is nearly nonexistent. Yes, I want to win badly, no I don't care if we're in the Beef O'Brady's bowl or the Meineke Car Care bowl. Regardless of a win or loss we'll be facing off sometime in the no-man's-land between Christmas and New Year's where most people could give a shit about who's playing in random bowl game x. Nonetheless, I would very much enjoy beating Kansas State on the road. Bill Snyder no doubt has a good gameplan for us. He's likely been connecting liver spots on his chest with a sharpie, diagraming plays on the creases of his paper-like antique skin. Going back to the brutal Big 12 championship loss in '03, he always seems to have a good recipe for us. Whether or not that means a win today will be seen, but with our hopes flapping on the noodle right arm of Trevor Adolphis Knight, things appear bleak. Not to mention we are upon yet another mystery suspension of two key players, which always helps.

Offense

Without Damien Williams, this narrows down our options at RB for once. Though, I'm confident if I picked an RB I'd manage to go with the wrong one. As such, I will be picking a WR today. "Fucking idiot", might be what just entered your head(s), and rightfully so. Knight has been pretty fucking terrible at passing all year. So why a WR? Because I've been nothing if not epically consistent at naming an MVP and having that player completely disappear for the week. So I'm trying to use my powers for good, not evil this week. I basically hit an upper deck home run with Sterling Shepard pick last week (DNP), so I'm riding that pony all the way again. I'm reasonably certain he's at least cleared to see the field, but am positive that I'm too lazy to fact check that at this point. So it's Sterling Shepard with fingers crossed he plays and does something meaningfully positive for the Sooners.

Defense

I'm not really sure what KState does offensively, or what they do well. But if I know The Ghosts of Montgomery Burns at all, I'd bet they run the ball early and often. So, I'm going LB today. I'm going in the way of the frosh, Dominique Alexander. He's honestly been pretty damn solid all year. The future looks bright for the chap and I think that he's going to be quite solid today against the purple nurples.

Score

I don't feel good about this game at all. These guys always play us tough, and the fact that it's on the road doesn't help anything at all. However, I'm hopeful some revenge will be on our minds. Not to mention we've had a little extra time to prepare for them. I like the Sooners today in a slugfest, 17-10. Let's get these rotten bitches.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner

Tulsa

This Saturday pits our beloved Sooners against the Tulsa, Golden Hurricane. Much has been made of how ridiculous it is that a school located so far from the threat of a hurricane should have such a name. Cue some asshole explaining how it's not really for a hurricane but for blah blah blah... Shut up. I've decided that a golden hurricane is something of a euphemism along the lines of a Cleveland Steamer or a Blumpkin. Basically 15-20 fat Japanese men binge on beer until each is nearing a bladder rupture. They then disrobe and form a circle. Then a young girl kneels in the middle of them. At this point they simultaneously unleash a furious deluge of urine, soaking her in a Golden Hurricane. I wish the on-field mascot reflected this better. 

Going into this campaign I knew there would be some growing pains. I assumed, given the plethora of returning skill position players, that the majority of said pains would be on defense. Oh how I was wrong. While the D has looked excellent (deceptively good I think, but I digress), it's the O that has been basically terrible. Trevor Knight was bad enough last week that the coaching staff replaced him in the 4th (knee injury or not I think) with Blake Bell. Moreover, they opened up the avenue that they might have been wrong about Knight, something that Bobby has not been wont to do historically. Bell did little to quell any fears pertaining to the passing game but did manage to be the tortoise to Knights hare, in that his slow and steady was effective at moving the chains late. 

I'm hopeful that Bell can find some kind of groove in the passing game. It's going to be rough (long term) if he can't and Tulsa feels like a good time to "get right". Defensively, I hope we can keep it up. Schematically I'm not sure we've been dramatically better than recent years, but I will say that the tackling has been light years ahead of last season. That alone is worth a nod to Mike Stoops. The spread has us giving 24, that seems generous given our struggles last week. Nonetheless, we play to win, if not cover, and I think we'll do that. 

Offense

Last week I picked the right position, but couldn't have been more wrong about the player. Brennan Old Steady Clay had a railroad spike between my legs all night. What a game. I still wish we'd spread the touches around the backfield more, ie Millard, but it's hard to argue with the two-headed monster of Williams and Clay. I would really like to go with Jaz "Hands" Reynolds or LaColtan Bester, but I just don't think Bell will drop back and throw enough to make that realistic. Perhaps this is a hindsight pick or betting on last race's horse, but I'm going Brennan Clay this week. He was just a total force all night, and wasn't stoppable even when I knew what was coming. I think that earns him copious touches against Tulsa and he responds with 100+ and 2 trips across the goal line. 

Defense

I really feel like Frank Shannon is becoming a huge difference maker on D. He's almost quietly been (arguably) our best defender. Credit where due as well: Gabe "gas rag" Lynn hasn't been completely abysmal either. That said I've got a new guy out there that is rapidly becoming one of my favorites this year, Charles Tapper (aside: can we just make his nickname "ass" now? It's too awesome to not have Charles "Ass" Tapper. Nope, it's done, Ass Tapper). I'm going with big Charles this week. I think he picks up a sack and is a force on the defensive front both against the pass and run. 

Score

As I said, 24 seems like a reach with our O. I think this one might be painful to watch though I don't think it will be in doubt too terribly much. I like OU 28-10. Bell gets the ground game rolling and the ghosts of Bud Wilkinson smash their way to a win. 

Time to roll heads. Early start, early finish. 

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner 

WVU

As the first light of dawn reached into my bedroom, I awoke. My buckskin pants already on, I turned my legs toward the floor and my feet delved into my fur lined, high-top moccasins. As I stood I simultaneously stretched, and reached for the tassled, tanned leather jacket hanging on a deer antler next to my bed. I pulled its soft, animal embrace over my skeletal frame. Sleep still in my eyes, and morning still on my breath, I placed my time-worn coonskin cap on and threw my musket over my shoulder. My arm pushed open the weathered, wooden door to my bunk and my gaze met the morning sun with a squint. As I took my first breath of the crisp morning air, I felt the familiar deluge of carnal excitement as I went into the next bunkhouse to fornicate with both of my sisters. And it was golden.

--from, "The Mountaineer: My Year of Torrid Incest as an Adult Male Cheerleader", HarperCollins; 2003

There's a less than 3% chance I made that up, which is roughly on par with the chance I give WVU of winning today in Norman. Everyone knows the details of last season's track meet in Morgantown. The Sooners emerged victorious but not before allowing Smith, Austin et al to literally run at will all over our embarrassing, wait-it's-not-two-hand-touch?-defense. It's the worst performance defensively of the Bob Stoops era. It was the least satisfying win I can remember, but a win nonetheless.

All of the key pieces of that onslaught, and of Dana Holgerson's (semi) relevant Mountaineer team of last season, are gone. New QB, new skill position guys and it all showed up (or didn't, depending on..) last week. WVU had to rally, RALLY, in the second half against The Tribe of William and Mary. Granted, I'm sure they were overlooking them a bit, but still. They certainly won't be looking past OU on the road today. However, I'm sure we're eager to shut them down and prove that last year was the exception, not the rule. My suspicion is Mike Stoops has not failed to remind the defense of how fucking terrible they looked last season against these guys. My hope is he's got a game-plan together to show them "what's what".

Last week marked the debut of Trevor Adophilous Knight (probably/certainly not his real middle name, but it sounds damn fine and "right" to me). He showed Sooner Nation his ability to scramble. He also showed he can be woefully inaccurate in the passing game. While I didn't get to watch the game ($49.95 to stream ULM on SoonerSports?? Not a fucking chance), reports indicate he settled down as the game went on. I hope that he's more poised today and starts making the good throws that are there. Of course, it's nice to have our running game as a fallback. I was pleased to see from the box score that Roy Finch had a nice day, and Mitch seems pretty high on Keith Ford. That said I was disappointed that Heupel found enough touches leftover to give Trey Millard one (ONE!?) carry. I hope that changes, though I have strong doubts.

Offense

I liked going with Knight in his debut, and I think a case can be made that he was OPG. Early returns look as though Jalen Saunders may be a favorite target as he had a nice game last week (nice call, Mitchy). I was pleased to see Trey Metoyer find the endzone last Saturday as well. This week, I'm feeling as though Knight picks up the passing game even more, and puts up better numbers. Though I'd love to go with Knight or a receiver, I feel like it's going to be someone on the ground today. The running game is such a tough pick with so many options (underutilized or not) to give the ball to. I'm going to go with Roy Finch. I'm excited that he's becoming a part of the offense (again) because, let's face it, when he is out there he almost always does something awesome. I think 100+ yards is unrealistic with all of our options, but I feel as though an all around balanced day of running and receiving with one score is coming.

Defense

I really wish I could have seen last week's game. It's been so long since we've shut down anyone, regardless of what kind of team it is, to that degree. Only two trips past the 50! I must say it feels good. We're clearly not going to keep putting up those kinds of games in the Big 12, but it's a nice start. Though Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin played well last week, it felt even better to tip a cap toward Frank Shannon and Charles Tapper who both ended up having really nice games. With that in mind, I'm going to pick Frank Shannon as my DPG (Defensive Player of the Game, not Disrespectful Pounding of the Gash). I think he makes a lot of big tackles today, and leads us to another solid defensive performance.

Score

I like what the D showed last week, and I like that WVU struggled to score against William AND Mary (I mean, both of them??) last week. I also think the offense gets rolling even more this week with Knight settling in earlier. Sooners win this one 41-17. Solid performance out of the gate, and we keep the pressure on throughout.

This is my first game of the season to watch, and I couldn't be more excited about the prospect of it. It's payback for last year and we'll do it in a big way. Let's roll heads.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner

OU vs. West Virginia

Judging future performance on the recent past is a tricky business. It's borderline dumb in sports. Any given Sunday and all that jazz. But last week, West Virginia had to throw the kitchen sink at William and Mary to eek out a win at home. I pegged William and Mary for a women's field hockey powerhouse. Nevertheless, a game that was, on paper, the best of the 2013 Sooner home slate now looks a little less appealing.

That's dangerous thinking that the Sooners would be advised not to buy into.

I watched a little bit of the WVU game and the Mountaineers trotted out some half wit at quarterback name Greg Millard. I am delighted to call him Greg Marmalard. I hope he plays early and often. He seemed ineffective.

OFFENSE

Anyone who wasn't pleased with last week's performance is a jerk. Trevor Knight was shaky early in his first meaningful action since high school. That's understandable. Some of his passes should have been caught. He managed the game, his lone turnover was awarded via replay and was a long pass on 3rd down anyway (effectively a punt). He got rid of the ball quickly, didn't take a sack and didn't fool the o-line with snap counts and such.

The running game was damn good too. It might not happen this year but Keith Ford is going to be a star. On one play it took three defenders to bring him down and they all got up slowly. The dude runs hard.

I would expect more of the same this week. I expect the passing to be marginally improved by virtue of the distribution of the ball being a bit better.

For my OPOG I'll go with Roy Damn Finch. He saw more action than I expected and I think he'll break some longer ones this week. The good news is there are options here week in and week out.

Before we move on to defense I'd like to highlight that both Navin and I made awesome picks last week. Both Knight and Jalen Saunders were impressive.

DEFENSE

Sooner fans should be pleased with what they saw on this side of the ball last week as well. Shutouts are hard to get. There is clearly an athletic upgrade across the board from this year to last. They seemed to play with a sense of urgency. I was really impressed by Jordan Phillips and Charles (Chaz) Tapper on the line. Frank Shannon and Corey Nelson both played well. Eric Striker is a linebacker in a Safety's body. Zack Sanchez was solid at DB. Quentin Hayes and (gulp!) Gabe Lynn were both flying around.

I'm cautiously optimistic that the attitude and snarl missing from year's past has finally made its return.

For my DPOG I'm going with Cory Nelson. I'm hopeful that the Sooners might have an answer to all the underneath stuff these widespread offenses are using. The LB's really seemed like they were covering some ground last week. Maybe some of these plays can get funneled to these guys and that they have the athleticism to make the plays.

Seems crazy picking an LB but what the heck.

SCORE

It's too hard to believe that WVU can be as bad as they appeared last week. I chalk it up to new personnel and looking ahead a bit. Also, Dana Holgerson seems like a putz so he probably just didn't have the boys ready to play. So, I think they look a little better this week and score some points.

I do not, on the other hand, believe that the WVU defense can hold a wet fart. This will not be the shootout of last year but there will be lots of scoring.

OU 42 WVU 24

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner

ULM Quick Hits

Quick hits on OU's 34-0 victory over ULM

Trevor Knight

• Trevor Knight made plays on 3rd and long
• He gets rid of the ball fast
• Finally he settled down and made some nice throws
• Lots of room to improve

On the Offense

• Keith Ford will be a stud. He lays the lumber
• Roy Finch got a ton of touches
• Run game was awesome
• Very few penalties was great

Defense

• Defense was fantastic
• Goose eggs against anyone is a big deal
• Frank Shannon was a beast
• Charles Tapper looked great
• Jordan Phillips 
• Zack Sanchez
• Julian Wilson
• The D looked athletic and they had a chip on their shoulder. Definitely encouraging.

34-0 is better than I'd hoped for. We're clearly going to be national champions. JK. Good start though.

PS I'm "Affected"

ULM

For the first time since being totally destroyed on the biggest stage (again) last January, the Sooners take the field with a clean slate this evening. As I mentioned in my post on Wednesday, I have an odd mix of resignation and optimism on the season. But as I wiped my eyes this morning and rolled out of bed, optimism sprung up. While I'm not sure what to expect during the course of the season, today I'm expecting an ass beat be put on the poor saps from ULM.

Yes, the pundits say that ULM is not to be taken lightly. They started their season by beating a respectable Arkansas team on the road and played (a shitty) Auburn close last year. They also had tough losses to such powerhouses as Arkansas State and Louisiana Ragin' Cajuns. With that in mind I'll chalk the Arkansas upset to being overlooked and the others to not being a great team. Listen, they are who we think they are and if you want to crown their asses then go ahead and crown them. Denny Green aside, they're a decent mid-major capable of beating us. However, I don't think it's likely.

The biggest story of our day, and what has me brimming with curiosity and excitement is the debut of Trevor Knight, aka not lonnie jones. I'm pumped to see what this supposed wunderkind can do. I'm also pumped that for the first time in 3+ seasons I'm not going into a game absolutely certain that I'm going to hate at least 10 things our QB does.

Defensively, well, who the hell knows what can happen? In my exhaustive (read: less than 7 minutes of...) research, it seems that ULM did put up quite a few points most weeks in 2012. So it appears that they know (knew?) how to score. This fact gives me more pause than anything else, given that last season we welcomed opponents into the endzone like so many penises into a chubby drunk sorority girl longing for acceptance. I didn't do any defensive newcomer selections, mostly because I didn't think of it (hat tip: Mitch), but the guys I'm excited to see, and think may have big years, are Frank Shannon and Charles Tapper (in addition to, of course, Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin). Let's hope we set the tone early this year by shutting someone down.

Offense

I feel like there are a lot of options here given the amount of talent we have returning to the skill positions. However, given Heupel's play-calling resume, it's a goddamned crapshoot figuring out who will get the ball (read: not Millard, Trey and Finch, Roy). However, there is at least one player guaranteed to get touches. Maybe it's the 3rd cup of coffee ("Jim never has a second cup of coffee at home..."), but I'm doing something I haven't done in those aforementioned 3+ seasons, I'm picking our QB, Trevor Knight, as my offensive player of the game. I think (hope?) that the young buck rambles, scrambles and throws all over the field today and lends me one of those corn-dogs Mitch observed in Mike Stoops' shorts (front, not back). I'm thinking 250+ passing yards, 50+ rushing yards, 3 TD's and 1 int (he'll have hiccups).

Defense

Here I really only have one option at this stage of the season given the number of question marks on D. So no bullshitting around, my pick is Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin. I don't foresee any int's due to the fact that they'll likely avoid going his direction much in the passing game. That said I think he makes multiple big tackles and forces a fumble in the run game (he can hit).

Score

My hunch is they can score. I'm hopeful we can too. Provided we don't run shotgun draws every play and turn into The Chuck Long Project (the offense, not the progressive rock trio I can only assume exists somewhere) again, I think we'll put up some points ourselves. It might not be flawlessly pretty but I think we win convincingly today 41-24. No I don't like that it's that close but they get a garbage TD in there at the end.

Let's roll heads, it's Sooner football season again.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner!

The 2013 Steamers

The Sooner Steamroller preseason awards (dba The Steamers) guarantee success or failure just as much as the AP Pre-Season awards. Congratulations to all the "winners".

Without further ado:

The 2013 Sooner Steamroller MF'er

Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin

Goes to Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin. He was, by a mile, the only defensive player last year who played well on a consistent basis. He'll be on an island this year and, by all accounts, he's in full lock down mode. I'm excited about what this ball player brings to the table. He's a senior, he's a captain, he's the 2013 MF'er.

For the uninitiated, the MF'er is the most prestigious award handed out by Steamroller staff. It goes to the defensive player who most exemplifies everything you want in a Sooner. The MF'er brings his hard hat and lunch pail every game and can otherwise best be described as a "Baby Eater" on the football field. He makes plays that make you turn and ask the people around you, "Did you see that play? Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin, man!"

T-Shirts Here

Old Steady

Old Steady is the player (up to this point a running back) who brings the same effort every play. You know exactly what you're getting with Old Steady, a decent yards per carry, no fumbling, no dicking around in the backfield. This year the award goes to Brennan Clay.

Clay was much balleyhooed when he arrived on campus but he began his career as the homeless man's version of the original Old Steady, Chris Brown. Sure, he could get you two or three yards a touch but is that a feature back? Last year, however, he turned it on in a great way. This year, with a better (when healthy) O-Line and no plodding oaf QB to get in his way I see big things happening here.

I'd also like to "give propers" to Trey Millard as well. He's definitely good enough to earn Old Steady honors but, after discussing with Navin, we just don't trust Josh Heupel to feed him the ball enough for him to qualify. It's ridiculous that a lack of touches is a possibility. For Thunder fans it's the opposite of the Kendrick Perkins effect. Stubbornness keeps Perkins on the court and he is a black hole on offense. Millard is always on the field, lined up everywhere and is stubbornly denied the ball.

Gas Rag McGee

Gas Rag McGee
Photo by Chris Landsberger - The Oklahoman

To the player on defense who looks more lost than my mom in a Tokyo subway station. If opposing Offensive Coordinators have two brain cells to rub together Gas Rag McGee is the guy they will scheme endlessly to get man coverage against. Last year it was Tom Wort. Bless his heart he had the "motor" but he just couldn't hang physically.

This year Gabe Lynn puts the trophy back on his mantle. He's been lost in the secondary since he stepped on campus. Until someone steals the title from him, he's the guy. With plenty of newcomers this could be quite the little horse race this season.

Offensive Newcomer

Has to be Trevor Knight. It's not every year the Sooners usher in a new quarterback. Right or wrong the question is will he be the next great one. This implies trips to New York for Heisman ceremonies. That's a perfectly reasonable expectation isn't it? No pressure or nothin'.

Keith Ford could also be a choice here but there's no way he has the impact, good or bad, that Knight will.

Defensive Newcomer

Smart money is on someone like Quincy Russell, DJ Ward or Charles Tapper. The line was hideous last season and if any of these guys can bolster that unit, particularly Russell, then that would be huge. I'm going Quincy Russell here.

If you're feeling a little more daring I would say Hatari Byrd because Mike Stoops is so excited about him he reportedly stalks the practice field with what looks like a corn dog in his coaches shorts.

Coach or Player I Will Blame for Anything Bad Now That Landry is Gone

Josh Heupel. To say I'm underwhelmed by him is too kind. We haven't made a defense look clueless in three years. The only hurry up we do is a quick handoff. The Belldozer package was born of desperation and is successful because Blake Bell is bigger than a Honda Accord.

In my opinion Josher has more pressure on him to show something than Trevor Knight.

Home Game I Can't Believe I'm Missing

West Virginny. Life is full of tough choices. I've chosen a day of music over football on September 7th. Yep, One Direction is coming to town.

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner

This is Sooner Football 2013

Welcome, Sooner fans, to the 2013 season. It's been a long and all too familiar offseason of stewing in one's own stink. Losing ugly to Texas A&M on national television at the Cotton Bowl has the Sooner faithful questioning everything they've long held dear.  The net effect here in the heartland seems to be indifference. Expectations haven't been this low since Bob Stoops arrived 15 years ago.

I understand if you subscribe to the Championship or bust mentality. It has to be the mindset of the greatest college football team of all times. But let's be honest here. The odds of raising an 8th National Championship banner are not good. You say, "But Keith, do you mean not.. good.. like.. one out of a hundred?" I'd say more like one out of a million. But I'm telling you there's a chance!

So we need to make some lemonade out of last year's lemons. Here are five things to get excited about.

1. Landry Jones is Out

The Sooners could lose every game this year and I can say with absolute confidence that I will never utter the words, "No way would we have lost if we still had Landry". It won't happen. Quarterbacks not named Landry Jones are exciting.

2. Trevor Knight is In

A Redshirt Freshman quarterback being handed the reigns at a powerhouse is actually pretty frightening. And don't go tricking yourself into thinking he's the next Johnny Manziel. But this offense could put up 40 points if I was quarterback. It's loaded. The O-Line is experienced, there are playmakers and deep threats at wide receiver and the running backs are stacked. Throw in Knight, who can use his feet to escape pressure and stay ahead of the chains, and we might see opposing defenses on their heels again.

3. A Crapshoot Defense

The odds are stacked against the Sooners because last year's defense was terrible down the stretch. Four starters return from a unit that was ranked 64th in total defense last year (Of note: Brent Venables' Clemson Tigers D ranked 63rd). The situation can only improve in year two of Mike Stoops Part Deux, right? Or, could the inexperience of the new names and faces make them worse? We have no idea what to expect.

4. Jay Boulware, Special Teams Coordinator and Tight Ends Coach

Why is this a big deal? Last year one Tight End caught three balls. That's three balls. All season. They were coached as part of the Offensive Tackles group. I'm not pretending that an effective (existent) Tight End game is the single key to success in modern football. But having the option is nice.

Also note the Special Teams Coordinator title. OU hasn't had a coach with this responsibility since 2005 (Kevin Sumlin). Not coincidentally, special teams have vacillated between average and embarrassing in recent years. Special teams can win or lose football games.

A renewed emphasis on these two groups is definitely a good thing.

5. Trey Millard Decided to Come Back

He should have taken NFL money but I'm glad he's back.  The guy is a man among boys. It appears that the attitude in Norman has changed from complacency to near desperation. Hopefully this means Josh Heupel will be calling Millard's number early and often. If it happens get ready for Millard Mania©.

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner! Coming up next will be Preseason Awards and more prognostication.

2013 (half-assed) Preview

Here we are faithful reader(s), back again for another fall of The Steamroller. It's been a somewhat uneventful off-season. There were a few position coaching changes but the base staff remains intact and Mike Stoops emerges from under the blanket of not being acclimated to the new style of play in the Big 12. In other words he really doesn't have many excuses left. 

On that note the defense looks pretty thin. Up front we return very little and those that are back aren't raising tents in the pants of sooner nation. The secondary could be decent. Aaron Colvin looks tough but little else is proven and in some cases (I'm looking at you Gabe "Gas Rag" Lynn) all that's been proven is that he couldn't cover a baby's eyes with both hands. That said there are some young bucks who will vie for meaningful PT so it might not be as bad as we think. The LBs are all promise and no production up to now but we can hope Corey Nelson et al can figure it out. Things look bleaker than they have in years but the unknown also brings promise with dread. 

Offensively, things look much better with proven experience at almost every position save one. That of course is QB where a redshirt frosh won the job over the only guy who does have experience there. I'll take that as a positive sign. He's well positioned to succeed with the loaded backfield and WR corps, not to mention a pretty well seasoned OL. As for our QB, I'm clinched up like everyone else hoping for Bradford not Bomar. 

It's kind of a strange year. It's the lowest my expectations have been in years, but while the untested nature of the squad isn't ideal, I'm almost excited about not knowing. The wildcard here is Knight, and while he's been (allegedly) a world-beater in practice, that's a long way from Saturday mornings.  I'm hopeful, I like that expectations are down. Lets hope that the lack of pre-season consideration for anything meaningful pertaining to the end of the year gets Bobby back to his old ways and has this team playing like the Sooner clubs of old. 

I'm predicting a Big 12 championship, which may speak more to the conference than to our squad. 

This year's MF is none other than Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin. 

We haven't discussed this year's Old Steady but I'm leaning to Brennan Clay. Mitch?

I'm pumped to have another fall of football at hand. We'll be back soon to talk ULM. 

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.