Clemson - The Semi(wood)'s

Well sports fans, here we are at the penultimate game for college football. The Sooners come into this game having Steamrolled (it's the name of this blog) the Big 12 powerhouses in a November that can only be described as badass. Somehow, after losing to a decidedly shitty texas squad in October, the Sooners "got their shit together" and kicked everyone's ass thereafter. So much so, that even though Clemson is #1 and undefeated, OU is favored in this game and also predicted by many to win it all. I, not surprisingly, have less confidence. Lest we forget, this same Clemson squad demolished OU but 1 year ago. Hopefully, the locker room bulletin board is overloaded with reminders of this.

The matchup is a wet dream for the NCAA and media outlets everywhere. The rematch, the balanced teams, the coaching undertones with Venables, the undefeated darlings, and the old time power all simmer together and make the most delicious matchup. I'm nervous, the Sooners have a recent history (approximately the last decade) of wilting when the lights are hottest. Clemson, no doubt, feels slighted that they, the #1 and undefeated team, come in as underdogs. There is no shortage of motivation for either side, In short, this is huge.

Offense

All week, the story has been Mayfield and Watson. I even read an ESPN puff piece on Mayfield's intramural days at OU. Both are dynamic and both will probably influence the outcome of this game more than any one player on their respective teams. That said, I'm not going with Mayfield here. Perine and Mixon are going to both be huge, they are as essential to the hopes of Sooner nation as Mayfield. But, one player has scarcely been mentioned all week. I think Sterling Shepard hauls in 10 balls, and scores twice. I think Clemson doesn't have an answer for him tonight.

Defense

Whoa doctor, this is where the rubber meets the road. Deshaun Watson is as dynamic of a player as there is in college football. I was looking at some advanced metrics on him and in most categories his two most similar comparisons historically are Cam Newton and Russell Wilson. Yikes. The idea is simple, the execution? Nearly impossible. Shut down Watson and OU will win this game. Who will step up for the Sooners today? Whew, my hope is everyone but if pinning it down to one individual, I'm going with Charles "Ass" Tapper. He's really developed into a monster this year. I think his foot is squarely in Watson's ass all day.

Score

Many years ago, my buddy Mitch and I were driving around in my home town, during a weekend I had coaxed him to make the drive 4 hours up I-44. It was cold, and with little else to do, we stopped at a Blockbuster Music Store and purchased a CD (ladies and gentleman, my submission for most dated sentence of 2015). Why do I remember this apparently mundane sequence of events so vividly? It was both of our first exposures to a band called Parliament. I'm not saying I remember everything perfectly after that point, but I do know we listened to it on repeat about 5 times. Last night I had the great pleasure of seeing George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic live. As I proceeded to boogie, my mind turned to that long ago night, and I only felt good vibes for Sooner nation. Sooners beat Clemson today 34-24.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.

Iowa State

The Sooners return home this week after doing yeoman's work in dismantling a KU team who can succinctly be described as chilled urine. OU did everything that was expected of them, and in light of recent times, let's not discount that. This week the Cyclones of Iowa State come in to town, fresh off a win against texas. Fortunately, I don't expect the whole "they beat them and we didn't" thing to be much of a factor.

Since embarrassing themselves on their biggest stage (so far), against their biggest rival, the Sooners have proceeded to put up 160+ points over the last 3 games. The offense looks as oiled as a twink in a steam-room, and the D has been steady. Granted, this wasn't against a murderers row of opponents, but KState has given both Baylor and TCU all they wanted this year and OU made them look like Rockford Peaches.

Iowa State comes into this one with a freshman QB poised to start. They do have talent at the skill positions, yet I don't expect a dismantling like we've seen in recent weeks. Let's not forget ISU played a good Iowa team very tough, and their 3-5 record belies their overall talent level. They have enough athleticism to give OU some problems on both sides of the ball. That said, I can't get past the frosh running the show for them, and I think the Sooner offense keeps rolling at home. Speaking of...(Segue, The Magazine!, is doing a feature piece on this last sentence next month, check your news-stands)

Offense

After hitting a home-run with a Sterling Shepard pick last week, I look to make 1 in a row, 2. To be fair, it would've been more of a challenge to pick a bust last week, but if anyone could accomplish that, it's me. This week I'm going to go with another receiver. The guy that is most likely to get a rub & tug from Mitch, Mark Andrews. Honestly, he's a mismatch for anyone with his size and speed. I hope that Lincoln Riley starts to utilize this more. I think today he goes for a touchdown and at least one other big play.

Defense

Last week would've been the one to go with Charles "Ass" Tapper. He had a monster game. With the freshman QB going for Iowa State, I like a D-Lineman to step up again and have a big game. I like Charles Walker to "bring it" today. I think he gets good push up the middle and has at least 1 sack.

Score

As I mentioned before, I just don't foresee a complete fisting (partial fisting? very weird) again this week. Iowa State has talent, this is the last "tune up" before the heart of the conference slate and the Sooners could be looking ahead accordingly. But, I don't think Iowa State has enough on the road to take this one. The Sooners struggle early but cruise late, 45-24.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner



PS: I'd be remiss not to mention the Kansas City Royals. I'm a lifelong fan, and a diehard through decades of the leanest of times. They completed an improbable (and looking just a few years back, seemingly impossible) run of dominance over the last couple of seasons with their first World Series title since Reagan started his second term. It's an odd feeling, and one made all the more satisfying because of the years of complete ineptitude on and off the field. It's probably the sweetest victory of my adult fandom, and one I won't soon forget. Now, back to your regularly schedule football bullshit...

Kansas

Well, one week after a scathing tear down of the man Bob Stoops, the Sooners went out and proved me wrong winning on the road in Manhattan against normally feisty KState team. I still stand by my comments until things start changing, but no matter what, I always enjoy the Sooners winning and playing good ball.

(side note, apologies for the lack of fresh drivel last week, had some things going on and was preoccupied with my beloved Royals making the World Series for the second time in as many years. Never say never, but I don't intend on missing any more of these)

This week brings us to KU. A team yet to tally a mark on the win side of the ledger. Unlike in some cases, this really isn't misleading. They're bad. The Crimson and Cream should bury their proverbial swords to the hilt, and come away smiling in this one. Lets hope the demons of texas and the tremendous let down there, don't rear their ugly heads.

Offense

Samaje Perine took on KU last year at home, and made Melvin Gordon's reign as single game rushing king, the shortest ever. I suspect KU will try very hard to avoid this happening again. Frankly, it's unlikely to due to the fact that OU has more than one dimension these days. I think today it's all about that other dimension, specifically Sterling Shepard. I think he gets open early and often and hauls in 3 scores on the field, and as many co-eds to his dorm room tonight (boy-yoy-yoy-yoing)

Defense

It seems the defense came to play last as well. Beating a solid Texas Tech squad, or at least containing them as best they could. I think more of the same this week against a more or less helpless Jayhawk club. I like Dominique Alexander again this week. I think he racks up tackles into the teens, and forces a TO. Big day for the talented 'backer with a unisex name.

Score

Sooners roll up to the lovely state of Kansas for the second time in three weeks and come home just as happy. This isn't a site seeing trip to see the house of mud (you see kids...), it's all business. Sooners roll again in the land of wheat, 57-3.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.

Oklahoma Sooners vs. Kansas Jayhawks

We're gonna run around em. We're gonna run through em. We're gonna run around em and through em! We're gonna fight. We're gonna win. We're gonna Go! Fight! Win! Now let's get out there and kick some ass!

There is no worse football team on the planet than the Kansas Jayhawks. This is the scheduling Gods equivalent of that horseshit maneuver that the SEC pulls with their SW Lafayette games eight weeks into the season. This is a working bye week.

OFFENSE

The Sooners have found a rushing attack and it's glorious. Look for a lot of it today. As nice as it will be, Sterling Sheperd is going to have a field day. I bet he goes for 175 and two scores in about 3 Quarters of work.

DEFENSE

I'm becoming a yooge fan of Charles Walker. Look for him to wreak havoc today. Also, that new Nickleback Will Johnson is playing well. I like him to get an INT as a reward for his good efforts.

SCORE

There will probably be a terrible turnover that give KU an opportunity to score some points. The rest should be PlayStation cruise control.

Sooner 56 Jayhawks 7

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner

Sorry for the brevity. It's Halloween and nobody cares about this game anyway.

Oklahoma Sooner vs. Tulsa Golden Hurricane

Sooner fans may still be basking in the afterglow of last week's miracle but the boys on the field need to get right back to work.

First, may I share a few words on last week's environment? Knoxville is one of the coolest college towns I've ever been to. The people were amazing. The bar scene was spectacular. The tailgates were crazy in that they are shoved into every nook and cranny (technical term) from inside parking garages to yacht decks on the Tennessee River. And make no mistake. They were yachts. It was also the loudest venue I've ever been to in my life and it wasn't even close. I could not more highly recommend spending time on a college football weekend in Knoxville.

Bob Stoops called the win perhaps the favorite of his tenure. It was pretty awesome and I will never forget the sight of 100,000 Volunteer fans getting their hearts collectively ripped out. That's exactly what you could sense happening on that long drive in the 4th quarter that tied the game.

Now we move on to Tulsa. I thought for sure this would be a great homecoming game to work on some things going into a bye. Then I spoke with an historically pessimistic tailgating buddy who informs that Tulsa has a 5-Star QB who transferred in with new head coach and former Baylor Offensive Coordinator Philip Montgomery. Turns out it's true and so this may prove to be a nice test for the defense and the secondary in particular.

OFFENSE

Baker Mayfield was obviously great last week. However, his ability to scramble highlighted the fact the O-Line needs to pull up their big boy pants and start putting some helmets on someone. No more of this "ole' bullshit". Can you imagine how many times Landry Jones would have been sacked last week?

The Sooners also need to get in a rhythm early. A slow start against Akron is OK in game 1. A slow start against Tennessee is OK in a hostile road environment against a pretty decent defense. A slow start against Tulsa has me making that sucking in noise through my teeth and worrying we've got a bad habit on our hands that's going to bite us in the ass sometime sooner than later.

There are some good options to get the rhythm going. You could run Mayfield, Perine or Mixon. You could try to strike deep with Shepard. Or you could pull a Heupel and do none of these (using your best players being too obvious).

I'm a big "ride the hot hand" guy so I'm taking Sterling Shepard this week. He was yoooj, just yoooooj last week and, as a veteran, he can get things going early.

DEFENSE

This unit is clearly improved but I'm still not convinced they are the real deal. I can't believe it but today will show a lot. Tulsa has what appears to be a balanced and potent offense. Baylor Light may be an insult to both Baylor and Tulsa but if it winds up being the case then the Sooner D is only going to grow from the experience.

Again, in the vein of riding the hot hand I'm going to take Devante Bond. He's been in beast mode for two weeks now. He's kept Frank Shannon off the field. I like him to continue today. Hopefully he can get some good pressure on this QB and the Sooners can turn them over a couple times.

THE SCORE

Tulsa gives up a ton of points. They score a ton. I feel like this one's going to start off as a shootout before the talent gap takes over. The Sooners do get going early on offense, the D shows signs of future struggles against potent offenses before showing flashes of potential.

Sooners 56, Tulsa 28

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner

The Akron Zips

The 2015 season kicks off for the Oklahoma Sooners football team tomorrow. And if you read our previews, this season comes with much optimism, if not angst. While there are questions to be answered on both sides of the ball, many are looking forward to heading down to Norman tomorrow to watch the boys plant some shiny cleats in the collective ass cracks of the lowly Zips from the MAC. Questions be damned, this will be a cakewalk. Or will it really? While the budget-friendly sneaker from the 80s (turns out they still make these FYI - research!) may not strike fear in your heart, this a dangerous team to look past.

The days of OU having enough talent to sleepwalk past a team like this ended about eight years ago, if you think otherwise, you've been pulling a Rip Van Winkle since then. Akron has a talented defense that ranked very highly nationally last season and they return the bulk of their starters. Cody Grice is a load that plays NT and turns around and becomes their short yardage battering ram in goal line scenarios (12 TDs last season). That type of athleticism can be found at nearly every position where Terry Bowden (yes, that Terry Bowden) has brought in many former 3 and 4 star recruits that left bigger programs for various reasons.

The Zips biggest questions lie on offense where they struggled last season. That said, they return eight starters on that side of the football. While Bowden hasn't named his starter, his two leading candidates are a two-year starter in Kyle Pohl, your more traditional pocket passer and Tra'von Chapman, a former 4 star recruit at Pitt who is the running hybrid style Q that gives Mike Stoops et al fits. Bowden is waiting to name the starter until "tee time," a smart bit of gamesmanship no doubt designed to give OU two very different styles to think about. Bowden has coached on this stage before, he will absolutely have his guys ready. If you think Oklahoma hasn't been the focus of every off-season workout and fall camp scrimmage, you're sorely mistaken.

In short, this is a trap game. A no name school from a second tier conference coming in to play the big bad owners of seven national championships. OU, at last look, is favored by 31.5. If I knew a bookie, I'd absolutely take Akron and the points. I almost regret looking these guys up. I think OU absolutely should win this game, and likely will, but I'm certainly far more worried than I was yesterday.

Offense

First game of the year is always a tricky one. I think I picked Trevor Knight last year. Then he went the way of Lonnie Jones where I vowed to never make that mistake again. It's tough picking a guy based on last season, but Samaje Perine seems as safe a bet as one could want. As Mitch detailed in the Offense Preview, he's an animal that almost no one could even contain. While that would be the smart pick, I'm going to be "clever" and go in a different direction. I think Sterling Shepard returns to the field healthy for the first time in nearly a year, and goes off. I think Mayfield leans on his best receiving weapon in his first start and hits him for a pair of scores. Shepard will be the forgotten man no more after Saturday night.

Defense

Whew, at the end of last season, picking the defensive player of the game was throwing darts...with no dartboard. I'm cautiously optimistic that this unit will come together this season. If it does, it will start with the best player out there, Eric Motherfuckin' Striker. He was quieted a bit last season, likely because he was one of the few guys offenses had to game plan for. I think whomever Bowden starts in the backfield, gets acquainted with Striker early and often. 1 sack and 1 forced fumble for Striker on Saturday. Boom.

Score

As I said, I don't feel like the Sooners will cover 31.5. I think the offense will struggle early as new pieces try to assimilate and Akron comes harder than they expected. I'm hopeful that Lincoln Riley can do what Heupel never could, make adjustments. I think he will, and the Sooners will get it done in an early wake up call that might actually be a good thing. Sooners win 27-10. I'm pumped for a new season and ready to see the Crimson and Cream sprint out on the field (though I won't actually be able to do this, thanks PPV) and roll some heads. Welcome back reader(s).


Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.

The 2015 Oklahoma Sooners Offensive Preview

Josh Heupel is gone.

The Heupel era was marked by painfully conservative play calling. It was like watching a fireworks celebration and looking forward to the big finale and then it never coming because, “a little bit of fireworks is better than too many fireworks at once”. Heupel routinely out-smarted himself by doing such forward thinking things as “don’t call a run play for three straight series to start a game with a sub-optimal passing QB on the road” and “Don’t start Semarje Perine until forced at knife point by my boss”. He also played as if any lead was safe thus putting a heavy burden on a below average, at best, defense. He was so bad I would not have been surprised if his play sheet was a Shoney’s children’s menu.

To put it a little more bluntly, I was considering giving up my season tickets if Josh Heupel wasn’t fired after last season. I have never been so underwhelmed by any coach of the Stoops era.

So, in with wunderkind 31 year old Lincoln Riley and the magic elixir to cure all that ails.

Everyone is asking, “Can Lincoln Riley adapt his ‘Air Raid’ offense to include the immense talents of Perine and Joe Mixon”? Look, I love the forward pass and I’ve never played or coached a down of tackle football on any organized level. But even I could figure out a way to take advantage of what is the glaring strength of the offensive side of this football team. And if I stubbornly ignored those strengths in favor of my philosophy then I never should have been hired in the first place and should be replaced forthwith in the second. What I am saying here is if you are seriously asking that question then you are a Grade A Fuckwit. Only Josh Heupel, a Grade A Fuckwit, would overthink this and “outsmart” the defense by not using the run game to his advantage and he’s back in Utah. No, I am not worried about Riley’s having a “run package” in this offense.

I am intrigued to see how much faster the offense operates over the Heupel years and what degree of autonomy the QB’s have to make reads and calls without having to consult the press box.

Baker Mayfield is going to be an improvement over Trevor Knight at Quarterback. This is not optimism. This is a low bar. Trevor Knight has played one brilliant game in his career and that was two years ago. Since, he’s been ineffective enough (14 TD - 12 INT) he got the Landry Jones Apologists all foamy-mouthed with their, “I told you so’s” and “careful what you wish for’s”.

In Mayfield the Sooners have some swagger, a guy who plays with the proverbial chip on his shoulder, and a guy who can keep the team fired up. He seems to have “it”. Nobody is asking him to score all the points and win by himself. In this offense there should be an easy (easier) play somewhere. He just needs to be smart enough to find it.

This is an offense playing in a league where it could average 50 points a game. There are playmakers everywhere. Semaje Perine, Sterling Shepard, Dede Westbrook, Joe Mixon.

Perine was a man among boys last year. He won’t be sneaking up on anyone this year but that didn’t seem to matter much last year either. Everyone and their dog knew where the ball was going and still teams had to tackle him. That’s where they ran into problems. Dude is beast mode after contact.

We didn’t get to see Mixon in the Red-White Game but fall practice reviews have done nothing but raise already lofty expectations. Someone compared him to Adrian Peterson for chrissakes. There is also a rumor floating around he might return punts which sounds hazardous (later debunked, as of this writing, by the release of the depth chart). But, if true, then he is clearly versatile. So, if we’re going to set lofty goals I’d be happy with a homeless man’s DeMarco Murray.

It seems ludicrous but Sheperd might actually be flying under the radar a little bit. With the rise of Perine, the expectations around Mixon and Sheperd's own injuries last year, people might be forgetting that Sheperd could be the love child of Mark Clayton and Ryan Broyles. Health permitting, he’s poised to thrive in this new offense. He’s important enough and injury prone enough that I cannot fathom why he’ll be the starting punt returner but, alas, I’m not the highest paid state employee either so such decisions are clearly above my pay grade.

Dede Westbrook was the fastest guy on the whole field during the Red-White game. Looking at this two ways, either the Sooners are collectively a slow football team or Westbrook is a burner. I am giddy about this young man’s future and cannot wait to see this guy catching slants in the middle of the football field.

Another player who caught my eye during the Red-White game was Mark Andrews. He’s a huge target who can get up the field in a hurry. He was able to catch balls in traffic by virtue of his size. I see many opportunities for him. The only downer is he was recruited as a TE, a position which doesn’t exist in Riley’s system. There’s a place for this guy though because of his speed. He starts off the season as Sterling Sheperd’s backup which is odd to me simply because of the differences in height between the two (5’10” vs. 6’5”).

Of course the line has to do its part to make this whole thing go. On paper, it looks decent though it seems devoid of established stars. There are three seniors in Josiah St. John, Ty Darlington and Nila Kasitati. Freshman Brick Shit House Orlando Brown starts off as the No. 1 Left Tackle. Brown goes 6’8” 340 making him the early favorite for my father in law to spend his time focusing on during pre-game stretch.

I really think this offense might average 45 to 55 points and be a hell of a lot of fun to watch. There’s enough here to not only offer a glimmer of hope but to get excited about watching even if you’re only a casual fan. These guys are going to have some fun.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner.

Oklahoma Sooners v. TCU Horned Frogs

https://www.dropbox.com/s/gnfjawwaaso7zg9/SoonerSteamroller_05_OUvTCU2014.mp3?dl=0

https://www.dropbox.com/s/gnfjawwaaso7zg9/SoonerSteamroller_05_OUvTCU2014.mp3?dl=0

Sooners vs. Tennessee

Well Nate and I had so much fun making the podcast last week we tried it again. Here you go.



https://www.dropbox.com/sh/re5hrbf9cew80jv/AAAQZUzCPYBZqQZz8pBB3Tega?dl=0

Kansas State

Normally this is the time of year where my sphincter is clinched tight enough to snap a railroad tie, but with 2 marks on the loss side of the Sooners ledger, my anxiety is nearly nonexistent. Yes, I want to win badly, no I don't care if we're in the Beef O'Brady's bowl or the Meineke Car Care bowl. Regardless of a win or loss we'll be facing off sometime in the no-man's-land between Christmas and New Year's where most people could give a shit about who's playing in random bowl game x. Nonetheless, I would very much enjoy beating Kansas State on the road. Bill Snyder no doubt has a good gameplan for us. He's likely been connecting liver spots on his chest with a sharpie, diagraming plays on the creases of his paper-like antique skin. Going back to the brutal Big 12 championship loss in '03, he always seems to have a good recipe for us. Whether or not that means a win today will be seen, but with our hopes flapping on the noodle right arm of Trevor Adolphis Knight, things appear bleak. Not to mention we are upon yet another mystery suspension of two key players, which always helps.

Offense

Without Damien Williams, this narrows down our options at RB for once. Though, I'm confident if I picked an RB I'd manage to go with the wrong one. As such, I will be picking a WR today. "Fucking idiot", might be what just entered your head(s), and rightfully so. Knight has been pretty fucking terrible at passing all year. So why a WR? Because I've been nothing if not epically consistent at naming an MVP and having that player completely disappear for the week. So I'm trying to use my powers for good, not evil this week. I basically hit an upper deck home run with Sterling Shepard pick last week (DNP), so I'm riding that pony all the way again. I'm reasonably certain he's at least cleared to see the field, but am positive that I'm too lazy to fact check that at this point. So it's Sterling Shepard with fingers crossed he plays and does something meaningfully positive for the Sooners.

Defense

I'm not really sure what KState does offensively, or what they do well. But if I know The Ghosts of Montgomery Burns at all, I'd bet they run the ball early and often. So, I'm going LB today. I'm going in the way of the frosh, Dominique Alexander. He's honestly been pretty damn solid all year. The future looks bright for the chap and I think that he's going to be quite solid today against the purple nurples.

Score

I don't feel good about this game at all. These guys always play us tough, and the fact that it's on the road doesn't help anything at all. However, I'm hopeful some revenge will be on our minds. Not to mention we've had a little extra time to prepare for them. I like the Sooners today in a slugfest, 17-10. Let's get these rotten bitches.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner

Iowa State

As many of us suspected, last week's game was a drubbing. OU was outmatched in nearly every phase. Most notably our offense failed to do much of anything at all. Later I read some ridiculousness about how Baylor was slanting on the defensive line and that was why they couldn't get anything going. The one late drive where OU marched down and scored was the only one where Baylor didn't "slant" up front. So this shit is what completely baffled us. No one at all on the coaching staff was able to see this and adjust? My suspicion is Briles et al were equally baffled that this one wrinkle was 1) so devastatingly effective and 2)  no adjustments were made throughout the entire game. If this is all true, then that is really embarrassing for the OU staff. Let's not even get into the fact that we were unable to score from the 1 yard line. Our defense played quite well, that is until they were asked to stay on the field for 90% of the game. Alas, the natives appear to be restless as Heupel is nearly certainly going to be ridden out of town on a rail, and the sooner the better I say.

I, predictably, know almost nothing about Iowa State. I tried hard (not really) to come up with something creative and entertaining to open with about their team. I'm just not feeling terribly inspired with the Sooner football program of late. I hate to say it's wearing me down because I don't think that's exactly true, but it gets tough to draw inspiration from the uninspired I guess. This is in Norman today, so it should be a W for our boys in Crimson. I've learned, though, that nothing is to be taken for granted anymore, so hopefully we can play solid D and do enough on offense to win this one.

Offense

I've officially crossed over into the realm of disliking the Belldozer era, and I'm really not sure it's even his fault. He seems to know his limitations, yet he's consistently asked to do things outside of them. Sadly, that's just one of many problems with our offense (albeit a large one). All of that said, I'm saying fuck you to any sort of logic. After all, it's gotten me nowhere this year in terms of coming close to picking one of these right. I'm going with Sterling Shepard. He's the closest thing to a favorite target of Bell's. He's also damn fun to watch after the catch. I like him to do something great today. That great thing might be hooking up with two girls at the same time after the game tonight, but whatever, I'll take it.

Defense

I think the defense has been showing some promise. They're often asked to do too much insomuch as they are on the field waaaaay too long. However, they often start really well. I'm hopeful that Mike has the guys pointed in the right direction and our D is slowly returning to it's past dominance. Yes, I'm aware how fucking stupid I sound on the heels of giving up 42 or whatever to Baylor. I still think there is a lot of promise on that side of the ball, and we seem to not be doing as much of the dumb shit we had been in recent years. Today I like Eric "Ted" Striker (well played Mitch, it's official now). I think Ted is in the backfield a lot, as he is wont to do. He's a great blitzer and the OT's we see generally can't match his speed on the edge. I like some big stops from him today. Side note: I'm tired of Gabe Lynn acting like he's Ronnie Fucking Lott back there. Dear Gabe, you still fucking suck. You miss far too many tackles and you still get burned deep. Yes, you're embarrassing skills are better hidden at Safety than they were at Corner, but make no mistake, you are shit. You are Gas Rag for a reason. Please graduate or expire your eligibility soon. Thanks, --the guys at Steamroller.

Score

I don't know much about Iowa State, but I know we've embarrassed them enough in past seasons that they are "up" for this chance to beat a down Sooner club. So we'll get their best shot. I'm glad this is at home. I think we'll be able to handle them for the most part. I like the Sooners today, I really do. OU 27 Iowa State 17.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner.

OU - Iowa State

I still can't believe that, of all things, the Sooner D showed up against Baylor only to get completely let down by the offense. This is a train run off the rails. Two years ago was the start of wholesale changes to the defense. This offseason it's the start of wholesale changes to the offense. Book it.

Josh Heupel is not fighting for his job at OU. He's auditioning for a QB coaching gig at Appalachian State at best. The Oklahoman trotted out Jenni Carlson for a piece asking if it's time for a change in play caller only to have Berry Trammel write an article about how Bobby prefers "Stability" versus "Experimentation".

Let's talk about that. Stability implies consistency, vision, continuity. In this sense, experimentation implies sweeping changes including but not limited to a change in playcaller and personnel. But that's all a red herring. It's really stubborness and predicability at OU these days.

Here's stability at OU against Baylor:

4 conventional run plays in the first 3 drives against Baylor (OU's strength)
Reverses left and right, QB runs around the end, nothing testing the middle
Every "hurry up" play is a HB dive off right tackle
Sub Trevor Knight for The Belldozer to run The Belldozer. Then bring The Belldozer back in to run The Belldozer.

Instead of wholesale changes (dba Experimentation) how about this:

Huddle up. You don't run a hurry up in any sense of the word so just huddle.
If you hurry up, run off tackle left or, gasp, do play action
Don't confine great players and future stars to the bench for 1 fuckup (Keith Ford)
If everyone knows you need to keep the other team off the field then don't pass on every fucking down with a 50% passer.
Knock off the delay of games. Fucking Christ.

Am I picking on the offense and Josh Heupel? Fuck yes. This offense is historically bad. That tubby fuck is so disappointing because he knows better. This year's middle school female Punt Pass and Kick winner will have a stronger arm than he had. But he won because the defense didn't know what was going to happen next. Instead of stepping on someone's throat  and keeping teams on their toes he thinks a three point lead is a gold bar. He calls games like a pussy. Fuck him he knows better.

OFFENSE

Christ almighty I don't give a shit. By God it should be Roy Damn Finch, Lacoltan Bester, Sterling Sheperd or Keith Ford. Those are the best players left on offense. Roy will get six touches, Bester will get two, Keith Ford will get none. I guess that leaves Sheperd. He's good for about five catches and 80 yards.

DEFENSE

Even though they gave up 40 points they played their balls off against Baylor. If the offense had been semi-competent they would have given up 30 at most and against that offense that's a hell of a day. As my old high school classmate cum ESPN Producer Brad Buchannen pointed out it's hard to believe our offense scored 60 points in 6 straight games in 2008.

But back to the defense. I really like this defense. I like Charles Ass Tapper and I would have his babies if he could line up onsides. I like everything about the linebackers. I love Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin. I like how Zach Sanchez is getting baptized by fire and mostly doing well. I like Quentin Hayes and Julian Wilson and, hell, even Gabe Lynn. These guys all deserve help.

I like Frank Shannon the most this week. I haven't scouted Iowa State (two in the pink one in the stink shocker) but I think they do just enough things lousy that Franky Baby has about 15 stops.

THE OUTCOME

Well, this one won't be close. Here's the eye opener. We have an 11am start, a team that's out of not only the National Title picture but also the Big 12, an opponent that's shitty and the potential for rain. The OU Athletic Department is going to have to adjust the budget the crowd will be so bad for this one. The consecutive sellout streak will be laughably fibbed. My we are a fickle bunch.

OU 42, Iowa State 13

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner

texass

I really hate texas. I hate their uniforms. I hate their players. I hate the attitude of their fanbase. I hate their coach. Please allow me to spin a yarn about a deeply personal experience related to the texas football program, which may enlighten you to a small part of the stem of this hatred.

Growing up in Missouri my father had an office in my hometown. He worked in the same office, in the same building for many years. As one might expect, he came to know several other tenants who leased space in this same building. Spending a fair amount of my childhood here, along with my brothers, we too came to know many of these same people. One of these people was an older lady named Martha. She was a big part of our lives growing up and became a part of our family, joining us for holidays and other occasions throughout our lives. Martha's office was similar to my fathers, only in one corner was a large, vinyl-covered, red recliner chair. It was clearly something much older than I was, but it was omnipresent in Martha's office and everyone who paid her a visit (there were many every day) invariably sat in this chair. 

Shortly after Martha passed away, my family had the task of cleaning out her office and its contents. My cousins, from Ft. Worth, were in town to visit and helped us with this task. My cousin decided that the red chair was perfect for her son's room. Though my brothers and I all felt the chair was some small part of our childhood, none of us were particularly attached to it and as such agreed to them taking the chair and getting use out of it. As my cousin (the son, who got the chair for his room) grew up, he decided to attend the university of texas (he's much smarter than this turn of events would have you believe). The chair went with him and became a fixture in an entirely new set of lives. It was as known as a piece of furniture can be in a college boy's room. 

As I was talking with my cousin a few weeks ago, I randomly inquired about the red chair. Sadly, it had been damaged beyond repair at a party, set beside the curb, and hauled away. No there is not some wild story or crazy event that preceded its demise. Rather, it was tragically destroyed by none other than David Fucking Ash, who sat his stupid fucking ass on the arm of it, rather than in the seat, and broke it off. It's now in a greater Austin landfill, thanks to that stupid fuck who is no better at simply sitting down than he is at quarterbacking. I hate texas. 

True Story.

I digress from that probably irrelevant diatribe, and point my thoughts to Mack Brown, who has done nearly as much for Bob Stoops as he's done for himself. Apart from a few years where OU was pretty lousy and texas was pretty good, we've handled them well. Say what you want about Stoops shitting himself on the biggest stages, he almost always has the Sooners ready for texas. I'm convinced the common denominator here is Brown. Much has been made of the Sooners dominating recent Red River clashes, all week long. The Sooners are (surprisingly, maybe?) good in the first part of the year. texas has been pleasingly (surprisingly, maybe?) bad. So this bodes well for the Sooners, right? Right?

Actually I'm not sure. Traditionally in sports, repeatedly telling first class athletes they won't and, moreover, can't do something tends to light a significant fire under them. Supremely motivates them. Pisses them off, so-to-speak. Pile on the rivalry aspect, which generally provides a notable motivational factor on its own. Then add in this whole, Mack-Brown-is-fired-if-they-lose corollary, and we've got a recipe for disaster in Sooner nation. All of this plus the fact that Sooner teams in recent years have excelled at "believing the hype" and adopting the attitude that simply putting on the uniform ensures victory. If this whole win-one-for-Mack thing permeates the longhorn locker room, we may be in trouble. 

Offense

Whew, where to start here? I love the ground game. I'm just as hard as can be over this ground game of ours. And if there's one thing I've proved over the first five games it's that I can pick who is going to have the worst day on the ground. I hope it's Trey Millard (that dominates, not has the worst day. I suck at this) I really do. Hell, I'll take any of the backs going off. That said, I'm not about to inadvertently put a hex on any of them, no way, no sir. I'm going to take a little trip to the passing game. I'm going to dial up one of my favorite young players and one of the 'Dozer's favorite targets. I'm going with Sterling Shepard. He's been a total stud this year and has completely lapped Trey Metoyer in the "young receiver to get excited about" race. I think Bell looks for him often, and he responds with multiple catches and at least one long TD. 

Defense

It's really tough that we lost Corey Nelson. He might've simultaneously been our most underrated and best defender. I do love Frank Shannon, and I hear Alexander is a more than capable replacement. So the LB's will hopefully be ok. That said I do imagine there will be a drop-off. In order to minimize this, we will need strong play up front, both in the pass and run games. I like one of the big boys to step and "get after it". I'm going with Charles "Ass" Tapper. He's just developing into a total badass. I think he plants that "pumpkin-head" (copyright: Keith Mitchell, 2012), Case McCoy on his dick more than once. That's right, multiple sacks, and maybe more. It's going to be a full on "boner-getter day" for the Ass Tapper fan contingency. 

Score

This looks much tougher to me than most are saying. I think texas has everything to prove and nothing to lose in this one. I think they punch us in the mouth early, maybe even have us reeling a bit. But I think we punch back and do enough to win. Sooners rally in this one to make it 4 straight, 33-27. 

Lets roll these rotten motherfuckers. 

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner. 

OU vs. TCU

The Texas Christian University Horned Frogs come to Norman thinking upset and for good reason. This game reeks of letdown what with coming off a big win and the Longhorns looming next week.

Speaking of big wins, most of the world figured the Sooners would be 3-1 by now. But no, bitches. A thumping of Notre Dame has the crimson colored glasses in full effect. At the quarter pole, the Sooners find themselves in contention. Better still, they're already playing the nobody believed in us card, a key emotional intangible for long-term success.

OFFENSE

I officially have a Bellboner for the Belldozer. He's a gamer. My favorite thing about what he brings to the offense is that he has more than two brain cells. It appears that the days of looking to the sideline for the pre-snap read are over. Some semblance of a hurry up is back in play. He's making good reads and of course he can run if plays break down. I'm fired up for the Blake Bell era. Related Note: The looking to the sideline routine of yesteryear lends credence to my pet theory that Landry Jones is not smart.

It didn't hurt either that the line was awesome last week. Bell could have had a pack of Pall Mall's rolled up in his jersey sleeve because he had time to smoke in the pocket on some of his passes.

Today, let's shoot for "more of same". The TCU defense is dinged up. Their best player is out. I'd like to see some better effort in play calling on 3rd down and in the red zone. Other than that let's keep on trucking.

I suppose I'll go with Sterling Sheperd here. He's starting to stick out as guy who's ready to make the leap.

DEFENSE

By all accounts, the TCU offense is pretty pathetic. A 30 point outburst against SMU isn't particularly scary. The Sooner D is much improved and actually pretty hard at this point. The big plays they gave up against Notre Dame were embarrassing at first glance but Notre Dame executed really well. The D more than made up for it with big plays of their own so their confidence is justifiably sky high.

The Linebackers in particular have shown up. I'm assuming they are more effective because the D-Line is getting some good push. I don't care what the reason is, it's awesome.

For my DPOG I'm going Julian Wilson. No gut feelings or anything here I just like his game. He's got a nose for the ball as they say and seems to be heavily involved when good things happen.

SCORE

Well, believe it or not I like our chances here and I don't think a letdown is in play. The Sooners have plenty still to work on and need this week to button these weaknesses up before another emotional game next week. Mentally, I think this team is stronger than year's past. There's an edge to them that is oh so nice to see again.

I like the Sooners here 31 - 7. Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner.

TCU

The last game of the 2012 regular season sets OU to face the Horned Frogs of TCU on the road in Texas. TCU the last new addition to the Big 12 the Sooners have yet to face as a conference foe. They aren't as good as a few years ago, but still play solid defense and are a tough win on the road. Not to mention, I'm sure they'd like nothing more than to beat the Sooners on the way out of their first in-conference season with us.

This game marks the last (non-bowl) game of the Lonnie Jones era. It's not much of a "grey" area as to where I stand on Lonnie. As Mitch mentioned last week, he'll leave as the winningest QB in OU history with nearly every passing record, yet it constantly feels as though he underachieves. However you stand on the issue, he's nearly done, and I'm not terribly upset. I am confident of one thing however, I will not be saying the words "I wish we had Landry back" next season.

In spite of my general distaste for his play, Lonnie has done pretty well the last couple of weeks. He made some big plays against WVU and managed the game well against the pokes. He'll need to be similarly protective of the ball today in order for us to win. The real question is whether or not he will be intimidated playing a school with "christian" in the name ("does god love them more than me?"...cries).

We all know that we are counting on texas to beat Kstate in order for a victory over TCU to mean a conference championship (don't give me that "co-champs" horseshit, they beat us, end of discussion). In other words, congratulations Kstate on winning the 2012 Big 12. What is more annoying is that Kent State has a real shot at getting a BCS game. This sucks. Hopefully we crush TCU, things go our way and we're playing for a bowl not sponsored by a weed-eater. (Update: I just read that Kent State lost last night, now we're looking at the less likely scenario that NIU jumps into the top 16, not impossible but more improbable than Kent State making that leap if they had won.)

Offense

Will I reverse my unwritten policy of never picking Lonnie as my player of the game? Will I throw him the ever-so-smallest of bones on his way out? I know my co-author knows the answer to those questions without reading any further (no I will not). I do however semi-contradict myself by picking WR's often. Today will be another example of that. I'm feeling a bit like going on a limb today. I'm going with Sterling Shepard. No real reason, we've got a ton of weapons on O. He's one of them, and I have a gut feeling he will do something awesome.

Defense

Not much to say here. I'm going with Tony Motherfuckin Jefferson. It's a guess. That is all.

Score

I just can't envision another 99-98 track meet today. They play better defense than that (I think) and I don't think they can score that regularly. Although, if anyone can make them look good on offense it's us. I think we do enough, win the game and watch the scoreboards the rest of the afternoon. Sooners beat the Horned Frogs 35-24.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner