OU - Texas

It's cliche in College Football to say that every week matters (thanks, ESPN) but this year's Red River Rivalry game (henceforth dba RRR) alters the course of the season for both teams. For the Sooners, a win against the 'Horns means the K-State loss goes from ominous portent to ghostly apparition. The winner remains relevant across the college football landscape. The loser spends the rest of 2012 playing for pride and trying to avoid the Holiday Bowl.

National implications aside, nothing feels better than beating these scumbags. I'd love to hate these guys even more but this year they are too generic. They're Texas corn-fed football 'bots. Of course their fanbase is laughably smug. But the 2012 version of the Horns isn't despicable because they're so good the way Alabama is. Nor are they universally loathed for being actual assholes the way USC is. No one stands out enough athletically to hate them out of jealousy. I'm just happy that for 100 years before and after this Saturday the Horns suck and they're fun to beat in anything.

Let's get down to brass tacks.

OFFENSE

Last week's spanking talked Sooner Nation off the cliff. There's a lot of Bro's who deserve game balls but I have to single out Landry. He threw some really nice balls and made some great plays. I hope his performance stemmed more from his gaining trust in the O-Line and receivers more than Tech's D being terrible. And, obviously, I hope we see the Lonnie from last week show up this week.

Dammit, Good Lonnie will show up this week so let's assume the much ballyhooed Texas D is above average at best. The Sooners, if the O-Line can keep their pads on somebody, should be able to score some points. Each week a new weapon is revealed by the Sooners (Durron Neal as a for instance last week) making it harder for defenses to take away options.

This week the Sooners add to the war chest. This Jalen Saunders fellow makes me giddy. It's unreasonable to expect anything from him. Nonetheless, it's nice to have his skills available and this is the type of game where bit players can have huge impacts.

For my OPOG I'm going with Kenny Fuckin Shitbag. I'm climbing aboard the bandwagon of believers. He lives the RRR, he loves the RRR, he's bigtime in the RRR.

DEFENSE

It seems like for the umpteenth year in a row I ain't skeered about anyone on the Longhorns Offensive depth chart. Likewise, for the umpteenth year they have a Shipley and McCoy on the roster.

The key to me on defense is going to be slowing down this David Ash rascal. He's been firing laserbeams with a nearly 80% completion rate. It's been like skeleton drills for him. So the Sooners have to find ways to make him uncomfortable.

Last week the Sooners were hellbent on getting to Seth Doege. The same strategy applies here. Ash can't be allowed to sit back and pick the D apart. The D-Line probably won't be able to get enough pressure by itself (although Casey Walker played really well last week). So blitz blitz blitz. In fact, this should be the Sooners calling card going forward.

In keeping with the them of bit players standing out I'm going out on a very thin limb for my DPOG pick. R.J. Washington. Here's a young man, a Senior, who's never really lived up to expectations and is now playing in his final RRR. So I think he makes it a memorable one.

Before moving on to the game pick can I just throw out there how excited I am for the Frank Shannon era? He's earned more "reps" and here's hoping he gets them.

THE SCORE

These teams are pretty evenly matched actually so it could be a pretty awesome heart attack inducing game. Texas scores a full TD per game more than OU. OU gives up a full TD less per game. Both teams have good balance.

In the end OU's D is the difference. Texas hasn't faced a competent one yet. I'm less nervous about this one than Tech. The Sooners will pack their hard hats and lunch pails and Mack will be making excuses for someone.

OU 28, Texas 24

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner.


Click here  for some more hard hitting game info from Berry Tramel, a man who clearly has unlimited access into the Sooner football team. Pulitzer stuff here.

Texas Tech

Honestly, I don't where to begin this morning. I'm still thinking about the KState game, or more accurately, I've nearly quit thinking about this season as a result. I've had on my list to get something up about the KState game for two weeks. I just really haven't had the heart to do it. It's nothing about KState in particular that I especially hate, it's the type of loss that punches my stomach like Ali. I've thought of tons of things about my OU fandom in the last week, but suffice it to say this is the nadir of my tenure as a diehard Sooner football fan.

I don't want anyone getting the idea that I'm fair-weather, band-waggoner, front-runner or any other cheap-fan adjective. Those that know me know that isn't true, but if there are doubters just know that I spend time every morning of the year following the Kansas City Royals (and enjoy the hell out of it). So maybe it's expectations that are killing me here in Sooner land. I have none in baseball, but I certainly do in the college football landscape. That's part of what comes with winning a national championship in your second year, returning three more times, and resurrecting a storied program out of rubble. Those things, along with the 10 wins that Mitch mentioned, buy Stoops the longest leash available. But if you haven't noticed a trend of playing "entitled" football over the last 6 or 7 years, you haven't been watching the same team I have.

It's no secret what my thoughts on Lonnie are. How I long for the days of Sammy B. How I long for the days of nearly any quarterback of the Stoops era (honestly, I can't think of anyone I'd choose Lonnie over, that's sad given the likes of Paul Thompson and Nate Hybl) other than Lonnie. It's hard to disassociate Lonnie from Stoops. Losing is losing. Maybe whoever takes over next season at QB (or if we hit the lottery, this year) will be stellar and Bobby will again look like a premier coach. But for now, we're stuck with ineptitude and failure at the most critical position on the field. If our coaches can't get the other 21 guys ready to roll heads, then that's on Stoops. I'm tired of looking like we don't care. I'm tired of looking unprepared for teams. I fondly remember the days (nearly a decade ago!) when we came up biggest when the spotlight was brightest. Now, I just feel defeated, constantly waiting for the river of shit to come flowing from under the covers.

Fear not, I will persevere. I will continue to watch. I will continue to scream at the TV. I will continue to have genuine disbelief when even the most predictable calamities occur. This team is my team, and though disgust I may have, I will never quit watching, caring, or following them religiously. There is a game today. In spite of my previous rambling diatribe on the disappointment that this team embodies, I feel good. I'm pumped to watch the boys play. I'm pumped to see some football on this Saturday afternoon. I'm pumped to watch OU kick the bloody shit out of Tech down in Lubbock.


Offense

This gets harder to pick every week. I really agree with Mitch that Heupel just doesn't have any ability to game-plan or prepare his players.  Much of the blame, admittedly falls on Lonnie, but still. Every time I pick someone they seem to vanish that week, so I'm trying to decide who I should eliminate from the possibility of touching the football and making forward progress. I think I'm going to go with Damien Williams. Not that I want him to disappear, I just think all of this talk about how many carries he should get means we'll force feed him the ball all day. If success follows I've got no problem with this move. He's really been our only consistent weapon on offense to date. I think he breaks at least one long run and cracks 100 yards today.

Defense

The picks don't get any easier over here. I don't know what Tech does well, nor do I care. However, I'm sure that by 6:30 EST I'll know full well. Up to now the ballyhooed (by me, I admit) return of Mike Stoops has been, ahem, underwhelming. I still feel we'll improve with him calling the shots. Today I'm getting back to square one. I'm not going to over-think it, which really means I'm going to be predictable and go with the best player we've got on the field, Tony Motherfuckin' Jefferson.  I think Tony has a big day today. I'm not necessarily saying he forces a bunch of turnovers, but I think he'll be noticeably involved and light a couple of poor saps up.

Score

I'm not foreseeing a rout of any sort. I don't think we're good enough to blow anyone out. We are however, good enough to beat anyone we play. Doing so is a different matter entirely. For whatever ever reason we tend to struggle in Lubbock. That's a bad thing for this team. But, I'm optimistic we can get it done today. I think the Sooners do enough, and Lonnie is passable (get it?). OU wins 24-20. It's ugly, but at this point I'm not looking for style points.

Tip the PBR's. Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.

OU vs. Texas Tech

I'm skeered. I am Chicken Little to my rotten core this week. The Sooners are pretty much terrible in Lubbock. The Red Raiders went to work in Norman last year. Obviously the Sooners got exposed last week. So on and so forth.

(Mumbling to myself: I will believe that nothing carries over week to week. Years past do not matter. Revenge has nothing to do with anything and Saturday is a new day.)

There truly is very little on paper to lead a Sooner fan to believe that victory is in sight. The Red Raiders are one of a handful of teams in the country who rank in the top 10 both offensively and defensively. Tech has had success through the air and on the ground as well. I predict the Sooners call a defensive timeout during the first series.

The Sooners, on the other hand, were their own worst nightmare against K-State. One can only hope they value the football on the road. With any luck Landry's obilgatory INT will come early, be on a deep toss on 3rd down (essentially making it a punt) and Tech goes three and out.

OFFENSE

This offense isn't exactly anemic. Take away the turnovers and there were some positives against K-State. Sterling Shepard "arrived" for instance. So let's put all that crap behind us and choose an Offensive POG from one of the following athletes. Dom Whaley (solid but underwhelming so far - due for a breakout?), DD Williams (possible home run with any touch), Kenny Fuckin Shitbag (Gets his hands on a lot of balls), Justin Brown (Just been delightfully good) and Sterling Shepard (See: "Arrived").

I'll mention Roy Finch for fun just once, the same number of times Toby Rowland probably will. He averages 10 yards per carry if you're keeping score at home.

I'm going with Justin Brown. I've just been real impressed by this youth thus far and I think he's ready to go beyond solid to making some game changing plays.

DEFENSE

According to my crack statistician, Gene Morgan, the Sooners have force one turnover so far. Not exactly the ball hawks we all looked forward to. This unexpected turn also makes selecting a Defensive POG something akin to throwing darts.

In that vein I can only choose by process of elimination. I probably can't pick an interior lineman. Tom Wort made me look like an asshole when I picked him for K-State. Nobody has exactly looked like a man amongst boys.

I guess I'll say Aaron Colvin just for grins. I mean, what the hell?

THE SCORE

In spite of my fear and doom and gloom I do realize that someone needs to knock the smirk of Tommy Tuberville's face. He's so smug. I think he feels like he's playing chess vs. checkers having come from the SEC. Screw him.

If anyone should do it it should be our Sooners, damnit. And they will do it. The defense plays just well enough and the offense exposes a defense that's played nobody.

Sooners 31, Texas Tech 27

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner

OU - KState Post Mortem

I'll get to Texas Tech but first let me get out this post K-State ramble I had put together.

Since 2000, every opponent treats a game against the Sooners as if it's the biggest game in program history. And for 90% of opponents that is the case. Even if they've played the Sooners 50 times, if they win, it's the biggest victory in progam history.

Why in the fuck, then, do the Sooners never realize, much less match or exceed, an opponent's level of intensity/urgency? K-State was business like. They acted like they were 3-0 and 4-0 would be a big fucking deal. This game was a big deal.

I like to imagine this Disney movie scene where K-State had to ride down to Norman on a bus with no AC. Someone insulted someone's mother and it turned into a shitshow on that thing. Then Old Man Snyder wouldn't let the boys off the bus until they came together (take that how you like). The squad gels and proceeds to put on a clinic.

Can you imagine that happening with this OU team? No. Frickin. Way. Who is to blame? Is it the coaches? It's their job to get players ready, right? Or, should the players be responsible for understanding the gravity of the situation and it's their fault they aren't ready to play?

I think it's the coaches.

That said, Bobby Stoops can stay as long as he wants. 10 wins a year let's you do as you please. But there is a very serious issue with his team's sense of the moment. It's been a problem for years and it starts and ends with him.

OU played like they could coast until Texas or Notre Dame.

Then there's Landry doing obligatory Landry things. Some of his throws are the worst pieces of shit of all time. It's some of the most god-awful decision making you'll see at this level. It's textbook Pant Shitting. There's always one play where there is no pressure, he has time and he fires a laserbeam  that's literally into an opponent's numbers. It's so awful it's impossible to defend and it's so predictable I feel like I write it every week. Against K-State it cost dearly.

He's a system QB with an overmatched offensive coordinator. Shit rolls downhill. Nate will put a blunter point on it and say something to the effect of, "He's a fucking piece of shit".  Thank Jesus for Nate.

Other offensive miscues, of course, included the Belldozer fumble and the Lonnie fumble for touchdown. You just can't do that and win. The fact that Lonnie is still doing this crap though is real cause for concern.

You can't give the defense a free walk either. They had every opportunity to shut K-State down and get them off the field but they rarely did. They didn't force a single turnover. They couldn't get a stop when they had to. K-State converted a 3rd and 15 in the 4th quarter. K-State valued the football and OU could not get them off the field.

A couple other lines from my notepad:

• Roy Finch had 1 carry for 11 yards. This in and of itself did not cost the Sooners the football game. But for real, why doesn't he play?
• Tom Wort seemed overmatched.

I'd love to talk about what K-State did well. I don't give a shit though. They were handed at minimum 17 points. They deserved to win but fuckem all the same.

Kansas State

Another fall Saturday and another prime-time game awaits Sooner nation this fine September morn. The Sooners open the conference slate with a stiff test against the Wildcats from Kansas State. The purple nurple's boast a fine running quarterback and an even better christian in Colin Klein.  With Lonnie running our huddle I'm putting the over/under on prayer circles organized in this one at 5.5. I just hope that Jesus can get a sideline pass for this one so that the devout may revel in his glory as the feverishly point to the sky after each touchdown scored today.

The Sooners will test their mettle so-to-speak today, even though they've had one fairly tough test so far this one looks much harder. Kansas State is a typical Monty Burns Bill Snyder team in that they are pretty disciplined and don't fuck up too much. However I think their dicks have been kissed by the lips of the media a bit early and often thus far. Yes, they beat Miami, currently a name and not much more and a couple of patsies otherwise, including Missouri State University (go Bears?). However, they do have revenge on their minds as we dismantled them in front of friends and family last year.

Though they run the ball like crazy, and that includes their Q, I think they'll shake things up a little today. I predict they go to the air earlier than is typical for them and I think they'll burn us a bit early with it. I hope we can stay disciplined and adjust accordingly so that this early trend doesn't continue. Sadly, my biggest concern is that we won't be able to score. Playing at home helps immensely, and having two weeks to prepare has historically boded (a word?) well for Bob Stoops and his minions.

Offense

I'm extremely tempted to pick Damien Williams here. He's been nothing short of a total badass this year. So good in fact that I've nearly forgotten my man-crush from last season, Dom Whaley. However, I've got another feeling that I can't shake. I think Lonnie gets on the same page with his newest baby blanket, Kenny Fuckin' Shitbag Stills. I think Kenny has a really nice day with over 100 receiving and at least 1 touchdown. I like it. I like it very much.

Defense

Here, I'm not sure what to do. I want to say a DL, I really do. However, I just don't think that we'll hold up extremely well there against their O-line. With all of the running they do, I think I'm going to go Corey Nelson. I feel like this guy has underachieved a bit so far. Today, I think he steps up and makes some big tackles and forces at least one TO. I hope I'm right. Oh how I hope I'm right.

I'm nervous in this one. I've got somewhat of a bad feeling here. I think we get in a hole early, and I think their defense will make it tough to crawl back. That said, I think we will. We've had two weeks to get ready. We're playing at home. We historically have matched up well with teams that play this style of offense. I think the Sooner rally in the second half and pull out the victory with 31-24 win. Let's get these motherfuckers.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.

OU - KState Preview

Iconic Turtlenecks

This Saturday the season begins in earnest. It's Bob Vader v. Bill Kinobi. Give Bobby some truth serum and he wants this game as bad or worse than he wants texas or OSU. This bodes well as the Student is coming off two full weeks of preparation for the Master. Let's break it down.

DEFENSE

The Sooner defense is famous (in my mind) for shutting down Heisman hopefuls. Last year that reputation took a major hit when Robert Griffin III all but thanked "The Sharks" when he accepted his Heisman Trophy.

This week the boys have a chance to cleanse their sullied reputations. But they'll have to hustle. This Collin Klein (Or Kellen Klein or Collin Quinn as I'll inevitably start calling him by late Saturday) is built like a brick shithouse and he's starting to show up on Heisman short lists. He's no RGIII but he is the cornerstone of the K-State attack. For the first time in Steamroller history I had to check two sites (read: work overtime) to confirm a stat. This sumbuck rushed the ball 327 times last year (!) and scored 27 TD's on the ground.

He's also a soulless Ginger which makes him extra dangerous. ZING!

But fear not, for I do bring glad tidings this day. He doesn't value the football. Here's hoping an aggressive and opportunistic defense can capitalize on his carelessness. I've had visions this week of a defensive touchdown. Dear Jehovah let me be right!

I study lots of film so I believe the Linebackers are key to stopping this Klein attack. They must "mind their gaps" and "not break contain". So, my choice for Defensive Player of the Game (dba D-POG) must come from the duo of Tom Wort or Corey Nelson. I have more confidence in Tommy Wort not making me look like a bigger doofus than I already am so I pick him.

OFFENSE

Lonnie really loves playing K-State. He put up PlayStation numbers against the Wildcats last year. We don't need that to happen again to win (but I'll take it!). The offensive line simply needs to give him time to "look left" or "look right" (I think these are the two plays on his wristband play sheet) and get rid of the ball. Anything to get K-State defenders out of the box is what we're after.

Then the Sooners can hammer the run game. Again, the O-Line doesn't have to set the world on fire. We are learning all they have to do is give DD enough time to get to that 2nd level. Then it's "on". The K-State secondary is crap. Their defensive line is where it's at. It must be neutralized.

Some semblance of a balanced attack and this football game is over. Through two games (and especially against Florida A&M) the balance has been pleasantly awesome. Balance against K-State would mean something else entirely and would establish it as the Sooner offensive identity going forward. That would make me giddy as a schoolgirl.

For my Offensive Player of the Game (O-POG) I shall not disembark the DD Williams train until someone makes me. Another strong performance will have him moving up some Heisman watch lists in his own right. To paraphrase the incomparable Clark Griswold I couldn't be more surprised if I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet.

SCORE

I have good feelings about this football game. I am looking through crimson-colored glasses this week and I received a text from Nate saying he had bad feelings.

All is right in Sooner Nation.

In addition, the Sooners are coming off a bye, Bobby wants to take the old man behind the woodshed again and it's another night home game. Let's do this.

Sooners 38 Wildcats 21

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner. Crack them PBR tallboys!

Sort of a Week 2 Recap

I'm going to give my two cents on the Florida A&M game as well. Keep in mind the fact that I saw not snap one of the contest, as it was on PPV and unavailable here.
Side note: if one is selling a product in today's age of information and data overload, wouldn't you think you'd try to make that product available to as wide of an audience as possible. As opposed to selling it exclusively in the one place where it is least marketable as the vast majority of those who would normally want to purchase it aren't need of it as they are going to see the game in person. That last rant was a shining example of the crisp, concise writing style I pride myself on.

However, from what I read it sounded like a pretty solid assbeat as I had expected/hoped for. From all accounts Damien Williams was an animal again, he certainly had the numbers to back it up. Let's talk quickly about the DD v Damien thing. Mitch, I know you love the DD. For whatever reason when I hear it I picture a stereotypical secretary circa 1983:

Boss-type: DeeDee? Can you bring me my dictaphone? Also, Xerox 3 copies of the Thompson file, and when you're finished have the Town Car gassed up and waxed.

Anyway, it seems that the folks at the Oklahoman keep calling him Damien (which might be enough reason for me to stop). I don't know what to do. I'm sticking with Damien for now while reserving the right to change my mind at any moment.

One disturbing trend I did see is that, predictably, Lonnie completed about 97.4% of his passes to Stills. This is his last year, he's been the starter for 4 years now. When can he figure out the fucking progression? In my lifetime I cannot remember a college QB so lauded who is so obviously destined to fail at the next level. Unbelievable.

Now I'd like to speak to the point of "worst pass ever". I do hate Lonnie, and certainly no one does it on a bigger stage, but I make a strong claim to title holder of worst pass ever. It happened about 6 years ago. My wife and I were on vacation with Mitch and his best gal down in Mexico. Now, we were at one of those all-inclusive beach resorts where the beer flowed like wine and the women instinctively flocked like the salmon of Capistrano. I had the foresight to bring a football along. As we had little to do to while the hours away apart from playing catch on the beach (you could do worse), we threw roughly 1,000,000 passes over the course of the week. As you might expect, we were in pretty good practice. So one afternoon late in the week we're at the pool when they announce a football tossing contest. Basically you stood on this sort of island in the middle of the pool and tried to toss a football threw a hula hoop about 10-15 yards away. Several contestants made their tosses, some respectable some not so much. When my turn came I uncorked my claim to "worst pass ever". It had the all of the tight spiral of a kick off, and was about 5 yards short and 10 yards wide right. I felt my face turn red and was soothed by the sounds of Mitch cackling uncontrollably at my hideously errant throw. I'm not sure how well that re-tells, but it's certain to get a laugh from my co-author at any mention (Co-Author's Note: He's right. I laugh every time I think of it. It was truly the worst). So with all due respect, I'll argue that it was the "worst pass ever".

Well, with that digression out of the way, I'm about done with this. Tony going down hurt, no doubt, I'm certainly glad we have the extra week for him to heal up. The D seemed solid apart from the mistake by the backup that Keith mentioned. All in all it was the drubbing we needed to soothe our worried minds after the UTEP debacle.

No games this week, but K-State the following weekend should provide a challenging opening to conference play.

Great photo essay Mitch, really captured the "mood" of game day in Norman. I, for one, am looking forward to more of that down the road.