Texas Tech

Welcome back to another week of the Steamroller. The Sooners go down to Lubbock for a tilt with Kliff Kingsbury and the Red Raiders. The Sooners D looked halfway decent last week. I'm not sure if this due to the new system paying dividends or a really putrid K State offense, but I'm inclined (read: negatively conditioned) to think the latter. Regardless, it was nice to see the defense get stops and keep the OU offense on the field. Let's remember, with the OU offense, the '85 Bears aren't needed, just something other than paper cutouts of football men. 

This week will certainly provide a tougher test. I read an article on Thursday talking about the 2016 matchup. At the time I was incredibly irritated (hope you were sitting down) by the horrid defense, but it was pretty amazing to watch the offensive exhibition by both teams. I'm grossly paraphrasing but, the article quoted Bob Stoops as telling Riley to keep his foot on the gas because, essentially, he had zero faith that the defense could stop Tech. I think that says a lot about his faith in brother,Mikey's D.

The Tech offense is going to be tough. It's going to score fast against the D and it's going to score more than any Sooner fan would like. Fortunately, I believe the OU offense will score a good bit too. The atmosphere will be intense; Tech is solid and a Saturday night home tilt against a top 10 team will bring out the crowd. There are a slew of huge games this Saturday, OU can't get caught scoreboard watching (as I will be doing), just beat Tech and keep the train rolling.

Offense

Another week, another surprise at RB. After writing off Trey Sermon last week, he came out and put both of his cleats squarely up the collective Wildcat ass. Which is tough because kicking with both feet is physically impossible, but humor me. I temper my excitement again because it was a dreadful K State team, but it looked like the running game may finally be rolling again after a long adjustment of missing Rod Anderson. Kyler Murray is so fun to watch too and CeeDee Lamb is breaking out as a dominant receiver. With all of those weapons, it makes zero sense that I'm picking Kennedy Brooks this week. He runs so hard, and I have visions of him catching a screen or short dump off and taking it all the way to the house.

Defense

I think the defense gets exposed again this week for the first time since that godawful texas game. My hope is that it isn't that bad again. The OU secondary hasn't been good, which does not bode well for this matchup. And while the lack of pressure sans blitz has been demoralizing, I think that's the difference today in that Amani Bledsoe come up with at least one huge sack/forced fumble that turns the momentum to OU for good.

Score

OU was -13.5 last I looked and the O/U is 78, so the pros agree that this will be high scoring. I like the offense to move the ball well and I think the defense does enough in a tough road test. I'm taking the over (barely) and OU to cover (barely), Sooners take it 48-31. 

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner. 

Big 12 Championship

It is now the first weekend in December and all that stands between OU and the college football playoff is the Conference Championship game. I'll admit that although I was ready to move on from Bob Stoops (whose "salad days" were shrinking in the rearview), I wasn't entirely sure what to expect from Lincoln Riley and the new-look Sooners. I was certainly brim full of optimism, but also a dread feeling in the recesses of "careful-what-you-wish-for." Well, my complaints are minimal at this point, and almost all of them are still directed at a Stoops. Tomorrow provides another opportunity for the Sooners to keep it going with the conference title and a playoff berth at stake.

It's somewhat appropriate that TCU will be the opponent tomorrow as the color of my butthole will likely alternate between purple and white as the game dictates. In spite of the moderately dominant performance against this same squad but a few weeks ago, I do not rest easy in this one. Gary Patterson has proven time and again that he can game plan and that he does not walk into a gunfight with a knife. If you don't think that he and his staff haven't poured over the tape of the first meeting, you're insane. If you don't think he hasn't taken that tape and formulated a plan for each weakness that OU exploited, and a plan to attack the Sooner defense, then you sit in a diaper and smear mayonnaise on your nipples.

The bottom line in this one is that it's going to be an extremely tough matchup. It's never easy to beat the same team twice in one season, particularly when that team has a good coach, nothing to lose, and no pressure whatsoever. I just leaked in the back of my jockey's.

Offense

TCU has easily the best defense in the Big 12. They boast the best pass rusher in the conference (who missed the vast majority of the first meeting due to being a prig), and the have the best run defense by a good measure. I would love to jot down DimitRod Serdams, I just don't think any one of the four-headed monster will be the dominant force in this one. And yes, I think Mayfield will come to play but I think the WR corps will be the difference with guys breaking deep. The guy I think blows up in the passing game is CeeDee Lamb. He's been great, he continues that with a huge game.

Defense

While improving in terms of points allowed, this defense still looks like a tire fire, albeit one that has gone from blaze to smoldering. There simply isn't anyone who routinely stands out as great. The lack of consistency and great playmakers makes this really tough to pick. But my heart  is winning this week and I'm going with Steven Parker, I've always thought he was salty and I think he makes a huge play in this one.

Score

It's going to be a nut-buster. TCU is coming in with everything to prove against "big, bad" OU. Shit, they're a top 12 team so this isn't a cake walk regardless of the stakes, but with them playing the spoiler, they will come out hard and OU will face a very dangerous opponent. This has a lot of the makings of a letdown, but I'm hoping fresh-faced Lincoln Riley has them ready and Baker Mayfield continues his hit parade. Sooners win this in a white-knuckle ride, 31-30.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.

Tulane

I hate to discuss old business at the beginning of this every week, but that was a damn good time last Saturday. At the risk of disparaging Bobby Stoops, that was the type of performance that hasn't been seen at OU in a decade. I can't remember the last time the Sooners played on a stage that big (and no, a nationally meaningless sugar bowl does not count) and kicked a team's teeth in. Aside from a solid drive, following a big kickoff return to open the second half, Ohio State did nearly nothing. Which leads us to the crux of the situation and I can't believe I'm even saying it but, the defense looked fucking good. Granted Ohio State hasn't done one thing to prove it's a good offense at this point and the Sooners may have exposed JT Barrett as what he is, a running back playing quarterback, even still that was damn fun. Let's also not overlook the OU offense. Offensive question marks aside, I don't think many would argue that Ohio State has a bad defense, in fact their front seven is one of the best in the country. Last Saturday, the only team that stopped OU on offense was OU. Bask in that glow for as long as you like.




....and we're back. Tulane rolls into Norman today for a tilt with the, now number 2 in the country, Oklahoma Sooners. Tulane resides in the heart of a rabid college football town, alas the town is rabid for LSU. While the Green Wave is never much more than a blip on the national spectrum, this is no run of the mill doormat. Should OU roll? Yes. Should this game be a formality? Yes. But, Tulane generally has a handful of NFL caliber players on the roster, and this is a prototypical let-down game. Am I worried? For the first time in years, I actually feel confident. Did I mention I'm excited for the Lincoln Riley era?

Tulane evidently runs some old school option type offense. I'm sure this is a jazzed up (New Orleans joke) version with some odd formations that get them in that game, but it boils down to disciplined assignment football. Ohio State game aside, this is not the type of offense that the Sooners under Mike Stoops have struggled with. The reason that option football has all but disappeared is because defenders have gotten so fast and athletic that teams who don't stay disciplined, or that miss assignments can recover. Fortunately for Sooner nation, the OU defense is both fast AND athletic. Basically, OU needs to get out of this one healthy and tuned up for conference play.

Offense

Cutting and pasting Baker Damn Mayfield here would be a short and accurate way of nailing this each week, but that would deprive you loyal reader(s) of me making an absurd and stupid pick each week (Trey Sermon last week not withstanding). I read earlier this week that coaches expected Mark Andrews to play this week, but predictably the Oklahoman neglected to revisit the subject as practices commenced. Why would anyone be interested in the health of the Sooners second best offensive weapon? (Regardless of his health, it seems like a good week to rest him in that I think this is winnable without him.) I went RB last week and I think (for now) Sermon has solidified himself as the first option. That said I think I'm going to go with CeeDee Lamb, he looks like the real deal and as fun as Badet is to watch, I think Lamb has the makings of a star WR.

Defense

Wow, what a show last Saturday, several guys looked the part not the least of which is Parnell Motley who really has the makings of being a stud. He was tested several times and answered. I don't however, envision Tulane passing a lot (though the may be forced to eventually if the score dictates it) so I'm going with Caleb Kelly. He's been somewhat quiet the first couple of weeks and with his speed I think he's going to make a bunch of tackles against the Green Wave's run-first offense

Score

I do think there might be some letdown after last week's emotional win. It has to be hard to get up for a second tier team after beating the number 2 team on the road. I do think the Sooners roll, however, just maybe not as dominating as could be. Sooners tighten up in this one, 49-21. This is getting fun again.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner

UTEP

Welcome back loyal reader(s) for another fall football season with the Steamroller. For the first time in the history of this "publication" the Sooners will take the field on Saturday with a coach other than Bob Stoops leading them. It's a bittersweet thing for me personally. Stoops took over a floundering Sooner program that had languished under a parade of has-beens and never-would-be coaches culminating in the disaster that was John Blake. To say Stoops injected life into the program would be an overstatement of both life and injections. Stoops made Sooner football appointment television for not only people in Oklahoma circles, but across the nation. That national relevance was proven merited as they went undefeated in only his second season as head coach. Trick plays, going for broke, a high-wire offense and a defense that absolutely dominated. It was so fun to watch those teams. They were among the most talented, but the separation came from a young coach that did not give a fuck and was always several steps ahead of his contemporaries.

Top recruits in the country lined up to play for him, end of season award shows were littered with OU players and national championships were regular dates. Alas, after that magical run another title was not to be had. "Hey it's only been 5 years since they won it", slowly gave way to "It's been longer than it was after Switzer". In that interim, OU has been good but not great. While Stoops will never lose his place as one of the best to ever coach in Norman, Sooner football aims for greatness. I believe it was the right time for a change.

In steps a young buzzed about coach with a name that sounds like an ill-conceived late 70s sport hatch-back. While he certainly doesn't inherit the rubble that Stoops did nearly two decades ago, he does inherit a program in need of some energy and change. I'm fully aware that in two or three years I may be lamenting the move, that I may be longing for the days of a 10 win season and a conference title on a consistent basis, but for now I'm excited. I'm excited to see if OU can again play its best when the lights are brightest. I'm excited to see if they catch teams off guard with unexpected game-plans. I'm excited for a change. I just hope it's the right one.

Oh yeah, UTEP is playing in Norman this weekend. They have a team, presumably with helmets and everything. Of course in 2012 I thought the same thing and OU eeked out a short stainer 24-7. Which, is precisely the type of over-confidence and lack of preparation that I will hopefully not see. I couldn't know less about UTEP, I'm hopeful the 9 seconds I took to type this sentence is the sum total of time I spend wondering about them.

Offense

I'm not sure if you've heard or not, but OU lost some key weapons to the draft. Gone are the top rushers and receiver from last year. I'm sure there are some young bucks that are going to win over our hearts as fans, but Perine, Mixon and The Secretary will sorely be missed. With Ohio State looming, this is precisely the sort of game where their heir apparents need to make themselves known. In the meantime, I'm not sure how I can go with anyone other than .12 BAC himself. If anyone is going to lift up the young guys, it's Baker Mayfield playing behind what is likely the Big 12's best offensive line. I'm looking to see some Kyler Murray in the second half of this one.

Defense

If you read any of this blog last season (and hats off to you if you did), you probably became vaguely aware that I was disenchanted with the defensive play. It was summarily dogshit. If the guys want to do anything resembling a national title run, it will have to start with major improvement on the defensive side of things. I have to think Mike Stoops' leash got notably shorter now that big brother has gone off into the sunset. Maybe this will get him going and turn the defense around. There wasn't much to like last year, but Ogbonnia Okoronkwo was one who steadily improved throughout the season. I like him to have a very nice afternoon vs the Miners.

Score

I'm unusually optimistic in this one. I think there will be kinks to work out, but I think the Sooners come out fired up in this tune-up for Ohio State. UTEP will hang around for a bit, but OU pulls away at the end of the first half and wins it going away 59-10. Let's hope this is the beginning of a new era that proves as fruitful as the last new beginning did.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.

Kansas

Well, one week after a scathing tear down of the man Bob Stoops, the Sooners went out and proved me wrong winning on the road in Manhattan against normally feisty KState team. I still stand by my comments until things start changing, but no matter what, I always enjoy the Sooners winning and playing good ball.

(side note, apologies for the lack of fresh drivel last week, had some things going on and was preoccupied with my beloved Royals making the World Series for the second time in as many years. Never say never, but I don't intend on missing any more of these)

This week brings us to KU. A team yet to tally a mark on the win side of the ledger. Unlike in some cases, this really isn't misleading. They're bad. The Crimson and Cream should bury their proverbial swords to the hilt, and come away smiling in this one. Lets hope the demons of texas and the tremendous let down there, don't rear their ugly heads.

Offense

Samaje Perine took on KU last year at home, and made Melvin Gordon's reign as single game rushing king, the shortest ever. I suspect KU will try very hard to avoid this happening again. Frankly, it's unlikely to due to the fact that OU has more than one dimension these days. I think today it's all about that other dimension, specifically Sterling Shepard. I think he gets open early and often and hauls in 3 scores on the field, and as many co-eds to his dorm room tonight (boy-yoy-yoy-yoing)

Defense

It seems the defense came to play last as well. Beating a solid Texas Tech squad, or at least containing them as best they could. I think more of the same this week against a more or less helpless Jayhawk club. I like Dominique Alexander again this week. I think he racks up tackles into the teens, and forces a TO. Big day for the talented 'backer with a unisex name.

Score

Sooners roll up to the lovely state of Kansas for the second time in three weeks and come home just as happy. This isn't a site seeing trip to see the house of mud (you see kids...), it's all business. Sooners roll again in the land of wheat, 57-3.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.

Kansas State (brace yourself, this isn't a feel good "piece")

Call me a bad fan, call me fairweather, call me doughy ginger, I don't give a shit what you call me. I'm tired of this same routine every season. I'm officially calling for Stoops ouster. It's the same story every year, the same lines about competing for conference championships, the historical win/loss record, hell he's the winningest coach in school history. But there is no accountability, no one questioning his status. We haven't been a realistic national title contender since 2009. If you follow recruiting, and I really don't to be fair, it seems like the guys we sign have it narrowed down to Kentucky, Central Florida and OU, not  even on the big programs radar. I'm tired of it. OU isn't in the business of competing for championships with the word "conference" in front of it. For the record, it's now been more years since our most recent national title, than it was before Stoops delivered us to the promised land in 2000.

It's maddening, and I'm sure a plethora of assistants will be fired after this season, if not sooner. There has been a very consistent lack of fundamentals for years now. If this is just anecdotal bullshit in your eyes, I submit this quote from Bob Stoops after embarrassing themselves in the Cotton Bowl last week: "You can put it all on me, but I don't play." What kind of coach says that, out loud, to the media? That is just absurd, and really demonstrates his line of thinking and attitude toward the team.

The Sooners travel up to Manhattan, KS this weekend to take on Bill Snyder's Wildcats. Speaking of coaching, that is someone who might do more with less than anyone else. I'm not wishing for KState's program, but I'd be delighted to have a coach who got the most out of his players like Snyder does. KState is fresh off a near upset of Top 5 TCU. We all know what the Sooners are coming off of. I don't expect the offensive line issues to be solved this week, so I expect another dose of Baker Mayfield running for his life from the moment the ball is snapped. Hopefully, he can revert to getting out of the pocket more as opposed to last week when he seemed content to let it collapse on him. Hell, maybe he's just tired of running. This has the makings of another Sooner loss. Going on the road and playing a disciplined, fundamentally sound team, and bringing neither of those traits with them. Should be interesting.

Offense

I went with Baker Mayfield last week and that certainly didn't pan out. He did as well as could be expected I guess, given the "protection" he had. My hope is that the Sooners try to slow down the 7 yard dashes of the Wildcat front by throwing a few screens and maybe some well timed draw plays. With that in mind, I am going with Joe Mixon. No, he never plays. No, there isn't a good reason for this that I know of. But, if I'm going to unleash my kiss of death on anyone, I prefer someone who will be on the bench most of the game.

Defense

This feels a bit like last season where I just threw darts at the defensive roster. No one really played well last week, and that crap they called "tackling" was just reheated post-mexican food shit. I'm not sure who informed everyone on the defense that they were Ronnie Lott and wrapping up was ancillary in light of their menacing hitting prowess, but they were full of shit. Again, fundamentals, basic pee-wee league type shit that has clearly not been taught. Anyway, with the fact that I'm obligated to pick someone, I will pick Jordan Evans. Because...might as well.

Score

OU probably will end up losing this game for the plethora of reasons I mentioned above. However, we are the ranked team, and we do only have one loss (however awful it might be). We can occasionally do some things well. I think the Sooners will do enough of them to sneak out of the Little Apple with a W. Sooners take it in an ass-clencher, 31-30.

Apologies for the overriding negative vibe in this post. It's telling that I still feel this way, writing this with a week to chill. It's been building for a few season, and I've just had enough. Still, I root on and hope for the best.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner. 

The 2014 Sooners

Welcome back Steamroller faithful, we are back again for another season filled with flawlessly accurate predictions, clinical exploits of mastery over the written word, and rapist wit. Much ballyhoo is being directed at the 2014 incarnation of Bobby Stoops' squad. I for one am excited, and it seems that 2 years after hitting the reset button, Mikey has started to do Mike Stoops things that everyone clamored for prior to his re-hiring. There is real talent at nearly every position, and while the likes of Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin will certainly be missed, the front 7 give me the same feeling I had when I opened my first Playboy as a youth and feasted my eyes on hip-to-hip beav. Trevor Knight, who are ye really? I hope he comes back as the guy everyone remembers and not the guy everyone seems to have forgotten.

Mitch did a masterful job of covering the awards, and as the spoilers are out I see little reason to rehash them, but suffice it to say that Eric Motherfuckin Striker should have you (palm up/arm sweep at Sooner Nation) excited. I am instead taking the liberty of creating a few new awards for this season.

The TC Bread Award

Several years ago, I was looking through a player list for the Sooners roster and came across a player named TC Bread. Without question, this is the funniest name in the history of Sooner football. I never heard of this player again. To my knowledge, he never saw the field. Hell, he could have been a made up name by someone at the paper (side note: I once did this for a Sooners game. As a bright-eyed freshman I was asked to type up the roster list for the Nebraska game to be distributed in the press box during the game. Naturally, I put my own name, accurate height and weight, on the roster along with some other made up dudes, fun). Anyway, this year it's Jordan Smallwood.

Player Least Likely to Get Girls Based Solely On His Name

Poor Jordan Smallwood.

Best Silhouette

Almost went for a chiseled athlete but decided instead to go for OC Josh Heupel instead. His doughy pelican neck creeps ever so slightly over his half-buttoned coaches polo while his gut struggles to gain freedom from below. This leads me to believe that a silhouette of his would look like a humorous humpty-dumpty. I would buy this from Fathead.

Scariest in a Shower Situation

This one goes to the entire defensive line roster. They line up in two lines, shoulder to shoulder, across from one another, gauntlet style. Freshman have to run between the two lines getting into and out of the shower. I think this would feel a lot like running through one of those cages for RB's with the pylons on springs that slap your upper body and teach holding onto the football. I'm not on drugs.

Mat McCoy Memorial Gas Rag?

This one is actually legit, and unlike Old Steady I sincerely hope this position isn't filled. It, sadly, had been filled rather competently by Gabe Lynn the last couple of seasons. I hope no one steps into this role this year. Any DB with a penchant for getting burned with ease and alacrity teeters on the cusp of being dubbed Gas Rag. This is less than ideal.

Louisiana Tech

I suppose we should discuss this adversary. The line I most recently saw was OU giving 35. While I whole heartedly agree that the Sooners will win this game, I would put my money on LaTech with that kind of line. I'm just not confident enough in Trevor Knight et al, and even more Josh Heupel, that I think we can put up 40 points on these guys (though a shutout isn't out of the question). I think our defense is going to great, and while OU has question marks it has them in the right places. I'm firmly in the camp that every team looks better with good line play. A good offensive and defensive line will make everyone else on that respective side of the ball look better. Conversely, great skill players look bad if the line is getting fisted all day. Offensively, we have little experience returning at WR, RB and frankly QB (in spite of the Sugar Bowl performance), but up front we return a ton of veterans. Defensively, the Sooners might actually have 2 full defensive lines worthy of starting, there is that much depth. Yes, losing Frank Shannon hurts. A lot. But as Dominique Alexander aptly demonstrated (what a beast!), some times a star going down (RIP Corey Nelson) paves the way for an even better player to step up. Hopefully Jordan Evans does something similar.

Offense

I'd like to go Trevor Knight, I really would. I hope as much as anyone that he is the world-beater we saw in the Alabama game. But, until I see it consistently, I'm not ready to bestow anything as prestigious as this blogs pre-game OPG yet. I'm going against the grain a bit. I think Keith Ford comes in and makes little brown underwear streaks of this defense at LaTech. I like him to break out in a big way, at least one touch and 100+ on the ground.

Defense

I really feel inspired by Dominique Alexander (my current front-runner for Old Steady). He makes a ton of tackles and by his own assessment, he's no longer "thinking out there", just reacting and making plays. That's scary. But, in spite of all of this fluffing I'm doing, I'm going with Eric Motherfuckin' Striker. I feel like Mikey is going to do some good things with him this year, and we will see him in the backfield sodomizing teams in obscene ways. I think he separates a QB from the football once today, and makes big plays all evening.

Score

Ideally Trevor Knight and the boys will be sipping gatorade and wearing awkward unbroken-in hats by midway through the 3rd quarter. However as I said, I think the Sooners control this one, though maybe not to the tune of a 35 point win, but close. I think the offense shakes off rust early, and gets in a groove as things go on. The defense? Well, I think it will make a long day for Skip Holtz and co. Sooners win this one in front of a PPV TV audience of dozens, 35-3.


 Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.


It's good to be back.

Tech

I'm pumped for today's game reader(s). I plan on settling in on the sofa with my pants around my ankles, a beer in one hand, and my junk in the other. Why? Well that hunk of a man Kliff Kingsbury of course. He looks exactly like Ryan Gosling, right? Right? Needless to say I'm pretty tired of hearing that shit. That's a passing comment, not a "feature piece". Furthermore it means absolutely nothing in terms of the game. Speaking of that douche, I really feel good that he's their head coach and I was out of school when he played there. Being old sucks. 

I also see that Bobby is calling for fans to be loud today. Nothing says "great fan base" like a coaching pleading them to not sit on their hands. Though the last time he did that (also against Tech incidentally), I recall it being pretty crazy. Sadly, that's the exception not the rule. I hope it's loud, and I hope we respond. I also hope it inspires Josh Heupel to call some plays that I, nevermind Tech, don't see coming. 

Offense

For those who haven't seen a game this year, we stink on offense. Partly because our QB is inept at the forward pass, and partly because our offensive coordinator is hell bent on not playing to our strengths (read: running the ball) or adapting his game-plan to what the defense is doing. However, I'm hopeful that today we realize that we can run the ball and do so with great determination and success. With that in mind I'm picking Brennan Clay today. He's been steady all year, living up to his well-earned moniker of old-steady. He'll get in the endzone once and rack up a heap of yards. (Preview to next weeks post: why did Brennan Clay not play last week?)

Defense

As you may have ascertained from what you've read up to now, I'm not feeling terribly inspired by today's game. It's 10 v 15 but I just don't have a ton of faith in either our offense or defense. We've been decimated up front in what was a surprisingly solid front. Kingsbury likes to throw it and we've not been great at stopping that (see: combo, bad). I'd like to pick Motherfuckin Colvin, but I'm not feeling it. I'm going with Ass Tapper. Chaz Ass Tapper.

That is all. 

Score

I think Tech is good, but I also think overrated. They'll be a challenge for the Sooners today no question, and I'm predictably nervous about. I do think the fans show up and become more of a "factor" than normal. I think that is enough to get us past them and keep our conference championship hopes alive. Sooners eke out an ass clincher 30-28. 

Boomer to Motherfuckin Sooner

texass

I really hate texas. I hate their uniforms. I hate their players. I hate the attitude of their fanbase. I hate their coach. Please allow me to spin a yarn about a deeply personal experience related to the texas football program, which may enlighten you to a small part of the stem of this hatred.

Growing up in Missouri my father had an office in my hometown. He worked in the same office, in the same building for many years. As one might expect, he came to know several other tenants who leased space in this same building. Spending a fair amount of my childhood here, along with my brothers, we too came to know many of these same people. One of these people was an older lady named Martha. She was a big part of our lives growing up and became a part of our family, joining us for holidays and other occasions throughout our lives. Martha's office was similar to my fathers, only in one corner was a large, vinyl-covered, red recliner chair. It was clearly something much older than I was, but it was omnipresent in Martha's office and everyone who paid her a visit (there were many every day) invariably sat in this chair. 

Shortly after Martha passed away, my family had the task of cleaning out her office and its contents. My cousins, from Ft. Worth, were in town to visit and helped us with this task. My cousin decided that the red chair was perfect for her son's room. Though my brothers and I all felt the chair was some small part of our childhood, none of us were particularly attached to it and as such agreed to them taking the chair and getting use out of it. As my cousin (the son, who got the chair for his room) grew up, he decided to attend the university of texas (he's much smarter than this turn of events would have you believe). The chair went with him and became a fixture in an entirely new set of lives. It was as known as a piece of furniture can be in a college boy's room. 

As I was talking with my cousin a few weeks ago, I randomly inquired about the red chair. Sadly, it had been damaged beyond repair at a party, set beside the curb, and hauled away. No there is not some wild story or crazy event that preceded its demise. Rather, it was tragically destroyed by none other than David Fucking Ash, who sat his stupid fucking ass on the arm of it, rather than in the seat, and broke it off. It's now in a greater Austin landfill, thanks to that stupid fuck who is no better at simply sitting down than he is at quarterbacking. I hate texas. 

True Story.

I digress from that probably irrelevant diatribe, and point my thoughts to Mack Brown, who has done nearly as much for Bob Stoops as he's done for himself. Apart from a few years where OU was pretty lousy and texas was pretty good, we've handled them well. Say what you want about Stoops shitting himself on the biggest stages, he almost always has the Sooners ready for texas. I'm convinced the common denominator here is Brown. Much has been made of the Sooners dominating recent Red River clashes, all week long. The Sooners are (surprisingly, maybe?) good in the first part of the year. texas has been pleasingly (surprisingly, maybe?) bad. So this bodes well for the Sooners, right? Right?

Actually I'm not sure. Traditionally in sports, repeatedly telling first class athletes they won't and, moreover, can't do something tends to light a significant fire under them. Supremely motivates them. Pisses them off, so-to-speak. Pile on the rivalry aspect, which generally provides a notable motivational factor on its own. Then add in this whole, Mack-Brown-is-fired-if-they-lose corollary, and we've got a recipe for disaster in Sooner nation. All of this plus the fact that Sooner teams in recent years have excelled at "believing the hype" and adopting the attitude that simply putting on the uniform ensures victory. If this whole win-one-for-Mack thing permeates the longhorn locker room, we may be in trouble. 

Offense

Whew, where to start here? I love the ground game. I'm just as hard as can be over this ground game of ours. And if there's one thing I've proved over the first five games it's that I can pick who is going to have the worst day on the ground. I hope it's Trey Millard (that dominates, not has the worst day. I suck at this) I really do. Hell, I'll take any of the backs going off. That said, I'm not about to inadvertently put a hex on any of them, no way, no sir. I'm going to take a little trip to the passing game. I'm going to dial up one of my favorite young players and one of the 'Dozer's favorite targets. I'm going with Sterling Shepard. He's been a total stud this year and has completely lapped Trey Metoyer in the "young receiver to get excited about" race. I think Bell looks for him often, and he responds with multiple catches and at least one long TD. 

Defense

It's really tough that we lost Corey Nelson. He might've simultaneously been our most underrated and best defender. I do love Frank Shannon, and I hear Alexander is a more than capable replacement. So the LB's will hopefully be ok. That said I do imagine there will be a drop-off. In order to minimize this, we will need strong play up front, both in the pass and run games. I like one of the big boys to step and "get after it". I'm going with Charles "Ass" Tapper. He's just developing into a total badass. I think he plants that "pumpkin-head" (copyright: Keith Mitchell, 2012), Case McCoy on his dick more than once. That's right, multiple sacks, and maybe more. It's going to be a full on "boner-getter day" for the Ass Tapper fan contingency. 

Score

This looks much tougher to me than most are saying. I think texas has everything to prove and nothing to lose in this one. I think they punch us in the mouth early, maybe even have us reeling a bit. But I think we punch back and do enough to win. Sooners rally in this one to make it 4 straight, 33-27. 

Lets roll these rotten motherfuckers. 

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner. 

Tulsa

This Saturday pits our beloved Sooners against the Tulsa, Golden Hurricane. Much has been made of how ridiculous it is that a school located so far from the threat of a hurricane should have such a name. Cue some asshole explaining how it's not really for a hurricane but for blah blah blah... Shut up. I've decided that a golden hurricane is something of a euphemism along the lines of a Cleveland Steamer or a Blumpkin. Basically 15-20 fat Japanese men binge on beer until each is nearing a bladder rupture. They then disrobe and form a circle. Then a young girl kneels in the middle of them. At this point they simultaneously unleash a furious deluge of urine, soaking her in a Golden Hurricane. I wish the on-field mascot reflected this better. 

Going into this campaign I knew there would be some growing pains. I assumed, given the plethora of returning skill position players, that the majority of said pains would be on defense. Oh how I was wrong. While the D has looked excellent (deceptively good I think, but I digress), it's the O that has been basically terrible. Trevor Knight was bad enough last week that the coaching staff replaced him in the 4th (knee injury or not I think) with Blake Bell. Moreover, they opened up the avenue that they might have been wrong about Knight, something that Bobby has not been wont to do historically. Bell did little to quell any fears pertaining to the passing game but did manage to be the tortoise to Knights hare, in that his slow and steady was effective at moving the chains late. 

I'm hopeful that Bell can find some kind of groove in the passing game. It's going to be rough (long term) if he can't and Tulsa feels like a good time to "get right". Defensively, I hope we can keep it up. Schematically I'm not sure we've been dramatically better than recent years, but I will say that the tackling has been light years ahead of last season. That alone is worth a nod to Mike Stoops. The spread has us giving 24, that seems generous given our struggles last week. Nonetheless, we play to win, if not cover, and I think we'll do that. 

Offense

Last week I picked the right position, but couldn't have been more wrong about the player. Brennan Old Steady Clay had a railroad spike between my legs all night. What a game. I still wish we'd spread the touches around the backfield more, ie Millard, but it's hard to argue with the two-headed monster of Williams and Clay. I would really like to go with Jaz "Hands" Reynolds or LaColtan Bester, but I just don't think Bell will drop back and throw enough to make that realistic. Perhaps this is a hindsight pick or betting on last race's horse, but I'm going Brennan Clay this week. He was just a total force all night, and wasn't stoppable even when I knew what was coming. I think that earns him copious touches against Tulsa and he responds with 100+ and 2 trips across the goal line. 

Defense

I really feel like Frank Shannon is becoming a huge difference maker on D. He's almost quietly been (arguably) our best defender. Credit where due as well: Gabe "gas rag" Lynn hasn't been completely abysmal either. That said I've got a new guy out there that is rapidly becoming one of my favorites this year, Charles Tapper (aside: can we just make his nickname "ass" now? It's too awesome to not have Charles "Ass" Tapper. Nope, it's done, Ass Tapper). I'm going with big Charles this week. I think he picks up a sack and is a force on the defensive front both against the pass and run. 

Score

As I said, 24 seems like a reach with our O. I think this one might be painful to watch though I don't think it will be in doubt too terribly much. I like OU 28-10. Bell gets the ground game rolling and the ghosts of Bud Wilkinson smash their way to a win. 

Time to roll heads. Early start, early finish. 

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner 

WVU

As the first light of dawn reached into my bedroom, I awoke. My buckskin pants already on, I turned my legs toward the floor and my feet delved into my fur lined, high-top moccasins. As I stood I simultaneously stretched, and reached for the tassled, tanned leather jacket hanging on a deer antler next to my bed. I pulled its soft, animal embrace over my skeletal frame. Sleep still in my eyes, and morning still on my breath, I placed my time-worn coonskin cap on and threw my musket over my shoulder. My arm pushed open the weathered, wooden door to my bunk and my gaze met the morning sun with a squint. As I took my first breath of the crisp morning air, I felt the familiar deluge of carnal excitement as I went into the next bunkhouse to fornicate with both of my sisters. And it was golden.

--from, "The Mountaineer: My Year of Torrid Incest as an Adult Male Cheerleader", HarperCollins; 2003

There's a less than 3% chance I made that up, which is roughly on par with the chance I give WVU of winning today in Norman. Everyone knows the details of last season's track meet in Morgantown. The Sooners emerged victorious but not before allowing Smith, Austin et al to literally run at will all over our embarrassing, wait-it's-not-two-hand-touch?-defense. It's the worst performance defensively of the Bob Stoops era. It was the least satisfying win I can remember, but a win nonetheless.

All of the key pieces of that onslaught, and of Dana Holgerson's (semi) relevant Mountaineer team of last season, are gone. New QB, new skill position guys and it all showed up (or didn't, depending on..) last week. WVU had to rally, RALLY, in the second half against The Tribe of William and Mary. Granted, I'm sure they were overlooking them a bit, but still. They certainly won't be looking past OU on the road today. However, I'm sure we're eager to shut them down and prove that last year was the exception, not the rule. My suspicion is Mike Stoops has not failed to remind the defense of how fucking terrible they looked last season against these guys. My hope is he's got a game-plan together to show them "what's what".

Last week marked the debut of Trevor Adophilous Knight (probably/certainly not his real middle name, but it sounds damn fine and "right" to me). He showed Sooner Nation his ability to scramble. He also showed he can be woefully inaccurate in the passing game. While I didn't get to watch the game ($49.95 to stream ULM on SoonerSports?? Not a fucking chance), reports indicate he settled down as the game went on. I hope that he's more poised today and starts making the good throws that are there. Of course, it's nice to have our running game as a fallback. I was pleased to see from the box score that Roy Finch had a nice day, and Mitch seems pretty high on Keith Ford. That said I was disappointed that Heupel found enough touches leftover to give Trey Millard one (ONE!?) carry. I hope that changes, though I have strong doubts.

Offense

I liked going with Knight in his debut, and I think a case can be made that he was OPG. Early returns look as though Jalen Saunders may be a favorite target as he had a nice game last week (nice call, Mitchy). I was pleased to see Trey Metoyer find the endzone last Saturday as well. This week, I'm feeling as though Knight picks up the passing game even more, and puts up better numbers. Though I'd love to go with Knight or a receiver, I feel like it's going to be someone on the ground today. The running game is such a tough pick with so many options (underutilized or not) to give the ball to. I'm going to go with Roy Finch. I'm excited that he's becoming a part of the offense (again) because, let's face it, when he is out there he almost always does something awesome. I think 100+ yards is unrealistic with all of our options, but I feel as though an all around balanced day of running and receiving with one score is coming.

Defense

I really wish I could have seen last week's game. It's been so long since we've shut down anyone, regardless of what kind of team it is, to that degree. Only two trips past the 50! I must say it feels good. We're clearly not going to keep putting up those kinds of games in the Big 12, but it's a nice start. Though Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin played well last week, it felt even better to tip a cap toward Frank Shannon and Charles Tapper who both ended up having really nice games. With that in mind, I'm going to pick Frank Shannon as my DPG (Defensive Player of the Game, not Disrespectful Pounding of the Gash). I think he makes a lot of big tackles today, and leads us to another solid defensive performance.

Score

I like what the D showed last week, and I like that WVU struggled to score against William AND Mary (I mean, both of them??) last week. I also think the offense gets rolling even more this week with Knight settling in earlier. Sooners win this one 41-17. Solid performance out of the gate, and we keep the pressure on throughout.

This is my first game of the season to watch, and I couldn't be more excited about the prospect of it. It's payback for last year and we'll do it in a big way. Let's roll heads.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner

2013 (half-assed) Preview

Here we are faithful reader(s), back again for another fall of The Steamroller. It's been a somewhat uneventful off-season. There were a few position coaching changes but the base staff remains intact and Mike Stoops emerges from under the blanket of not being acclimated to the new style of play in the Big 12. In other words he really doesn't have many excuses left. 

On that note the defense looks pretty thin. Up front we return very little and those that are back aren't raising tents in the pants of sooner nation. The secondary could be decent. Aaron Colvin looks tough but little else is proven and in some cases (I'm looking at you Gabe "Gas Rag" Lynn) all that's been proven is that he couldn't cover a baby's eyes with both hands. That said there are some young bucks who will vie for meaningful PT so it might not be as bad as we think. The LBs are all promise and no production up to now but we can hope Corey Nelson et al can figure it out. Things look bleaker than they have in years but the unknown also brings promise with dread. 

Offensively, things look much better with proven experience at almost every position save one. That of course is QB where a redshirt frosh won the job over the only guy who does have experience there. I'll take that as a positive sign. He's well positioned to succeed with the loaded backfield and WR corps, not to mention a pretty well seasoned OL. As for our QB, I'm clinched up like everyone else hoping for Bradford not Bomar. 

It's kind of a strange year. It's the lowest my expectations have been in years, but while the untested nature of the squad isn't ideal, I'm almost excited about not knowing. The wildcard here is Knight, and while he's been (allegedly) a world-beater in practice, that's a long way from Saturday mornings.  I'm hopeful, I like that expectations are down. Lets hope that the lack of pre-season consideration for anything meaningful pertaining to the end of the year gets Bobby back to his old ways and has this team playing like the Sooner clubs of old. 

I'm predicting a Big 12 championship, which may speak more to the conference than to our squad. 

This year's MF is none other than Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin. 

We haven't discussed this year's Old Steady but I'm leaning to Brennan Clay. Mitch?

I'm pumped to have another fall of football at hand. We'll be back soon to talk ULM. 

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.

Texas Tech

Honestly, I don't where to begin this morning. I'm still thinking about the KState game, or more accurately, I've nearly quit thinking about this season as a result. I've had on my list to get something up about the KState game for two weeks. I just really haven't had the heart to do it. It's nothing about KState in particular that I especially hate, it's the type of loss that punches my stomach like Ali. I've thought of tons of things about my OU fandom in the last week, but suffice it to say this is the nadir of my tenure as a diehard Sooner football fan.

I don't want anyone getting the idea that I'm fair-weather, band-waggoner, front-runner or any other cheap-fan adjective. Those that know me know that isn't true, but if there are doubters just know that I spend time every morning of the year following the Kansas City Royals (and enjoy the hell out of it). So maybe it's expectations that are killing me here in Sooner land. I have none in baseball, but I certainly do in the college football landscape. That's part of what comes with winning a national championship in your second year, returning three more times, and resurrecting a storied program out of rubble. Those things, along with the 10 wins that Mitch mentioned, buy Stoops the longest leash available. But if you haven't noticed a trend of playing "entitled" football over the last 6 or 7 years, you haven't been watching the same team I have.

It's no secret what my thoughts on Lonnie are. How I long for the days of Sammy B. How I long for the days of nearly any quarterback of the Stoops era (honestly, I can't think of anyone I'd choose Lonnie over, that's sad given the likes of Paul Thompson and Nate Hybl) other than Lonnie. It's hard to disassociate Lonnie from Stoops. Losing is losing. Maybe whoever takes over next season at QB (or if we hit the lottery, this year) will be stellar and Bobby will again look like a premier coach. But for now, we're stuck with ineptitude and failure at the most critical position on the field. If our coaches can't get the other 21 guys ready to roll heads, then that's on Stoops. I'm tired of looking like we don't care. I'm tired of looking unprepared for teams. I fondly remember the days (nearly a decade ago!) when we came up biggest when the spotlight was brightest. Now, I just feel defeated, constantly waiting for the river of shit to come flowing from under the covers.

Fear not, I will persevere. I will continue to watch. I will continue to scream at the TV. I will continue to have genuine disbelief when even the most predictable calamities occur. This team is my team, and though disgust I may have, I will never quit watching, caring, or following them religiously. There is a game today. In spite of my previous rambling diatribe on the disappointment that this team embodies, I feel good. I'm pumped to watch the boys play. I'm pumped to see some football on this Saturday afternoon. I'm pumped to watch OU kick the bloody shit out of Tech down in Lubbock.


Offense

This gets harder to pick every week. I really agree with Mitch that Heupel just doesn't have any ability to game-plan or prepare his players.  Much of the blame, admittedly falls on Lonnie, but still. Every time I pick someone they seem to vanish that week, so I'm trying to decide who I should eliminate from the possibility of touching the football and making forward progress. I think I'm going to go with Damien Williams. Not that I want him to disappear, I just think all of this talk about how many carries he should get means we'll force feed him the ball all day. If success follows I've got no problem with this move. He's really been our only consistent weapon on offense to date. I think he breaks at least one long run and cracks 100 yards today.

Defense

The picks don't get any easier over here. I don't know what Tech does well, nor do I care. However, I'm sure that by 6:30 EST I'll know full well. Up to now the ballyhooed (by me, I admit) return of Mike Stoops has been, ahem, underwhelming. I still feel we'll improve with him calling the shots. Today I'm getting back to square one. I'm not going to over-think it, which really means I'm going to be predictable and go with the best player we've got on the field, Tony Motherfuckin' Jefferson.  I think Tony has a big day today. I'm not necessarily saying he forces a bunch of turnovers, but I think he'll be noticeably involved and light a couple of poor saps up.

Score

I'm not foreseeing a rout of any sort. I don't think we're good enough to blow anyone out. We are however, good enough to beat anyone we play. Doing so is a different matter entirely. For whatever ever reason we tend to struggle in Lubbock. That's a bad thing for this team. But, I'm optimistic we can get it done today. I think the Sooners do enough, and Lonnie is passable (get it?). OU wins 24-20. It's ugly, but at this point I'm not looking for style points.

Tip the PBR's. Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.