Kansas

Well, one week after a scathing tear down of the man Bob Stoops, the Sooners went out and proved me wrong winning on the road in Manhattan against normally feisty KState team. I still stand by my comments until things start changing, but no matter what, I always enjoy the Sooners winning and playing good ball.

(side note, apologies for the lack of fresh drivel last week, had some things going on and was preoccupied with my beloved Royals making the World Series for the second time in as many years. Never say never, but I don't intend on missing any more of these)

This week brings us to KU. A team yet to tally a mark on the win side of the ledger. Unlike in some cases, this really isn't misleading. They're bad. The Crimson and Cream should bury their proverbial swords to the hilt, and come away smiling in this one. Lets hope the demons of texas and the tremendous let down there, don't rear their ugly heads.

Offense

Samaje Perine took on KU last year at home, and made Melvin Gordon's reign as single game rushing king, the shortest ever. I suspect KU will try very hard to avoid this happening again. Frankly, it's unlikely to due to the fact that OU has more than one dimension these days. I think today it's all about that other dimension, specifically Sterling Shepard. I think he gets open early and often and hauls in 3 scores on the field, and as many co-eds to his dorm room tonight (boy-yoy-yoy-yoing)

Defense

It seems the defense came to play last as well. Beating a solid Texas Tech squad, or at least containing them as best they could. I think more of the same this week against a more or less helpless Jayhawk club. I like Dominique Alexander again this week. I think he racks up tackles into the teens, and forces a TO. Big day for the talented 'backer with a unisex name.

Score

Sooners roll up to the lovely state of Kansas for the second time in three weeks and come home just as happy. This isn't a site seeing trip to see the house of mud (you see kids...), it's all business. Sooners roll again in the land of wheat, 57-3.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.

Oklahoma Sooners vs. Kansas State Wildcats

The Sooner Bandwagon as of 4:00PM CST on October 10th, 2015

Well it didn't take long for Sooner championship hopes to squirt hot diarrhea down its trouser legs.

Good Lord did the Sooners get exposed. Defensively, I guess there are some who learned to tackle in some alternate universe where throwing a head at a thigh pad is an effective method. The unit also collectively decided to ignore such fundamentals as, "Play to the Whistle". Texas passed 12 times and still couldn't stop the run, much less key on it.

Offensively, the Bill Dorn, "Ole' Bullshit" pass protection technique did little to hinder a Texas pass rush that sometimes consisted of three linemen. Berry Tramel spent all week defending the Sooner O-Line but, c'mon, they were abysmal. I was stunned to learn that Josiah St. John, the absolute worst of the bunch, is a senior. I also can't figure out if the coaches unwillingness to sub linemen out is due to policy or because the 2nd and/or 3rd string is even worse. Probably the latter.

Schematically, it doesn't appear any Texas tape was watched. The Sooners had a game plan by God and they were going to run it. Until this week, the Texas rush defense had more gaping holes than a Hanoi brothel. The Sooners averaged 1.8 yards per rush.

So now there is all this crap on tape and nobody does more with less than this week's foe, Ol Oversized Windbreaker himself. I  can imagine Bill watching OU-Texas game tape, sitting in front of the hearth with his turtleneck and his all white walking shoes kicked up on the davenport, faithful Sharon brings him a slice of Turtle Pie, his eyes moisten and the television reflects off those cold eyes of his. A faint smile crosses his lips. Buzz-cut Wildcat Nation smells blood.

I'm not excited about it.

OFFENSE

Everything needs to get better and it starts up front obviously. But Baker Mayfield needs to rebound from his worst performance as well. He made bad situations worse by not getting rid of the ball. In zone read situations he made some bad calls. If his receivers can get two hands on the football they need to catch it.

I feel I'm on a two week cycle here but I'm picking Mayfield again. Picking a running back is a joke because the running game is never going to be that important. K-State is going to blitz early and often and Mayfield's going to have to find some space fast and get rid of the ball faster. This is literally the only chance.

DEFENSE

Is it 2014 again where I feel like picking a defensive player is like deciding where I want to get punched? These guys are so annoying. The tackling "display" last week was just embarrassing. I seriously doubt it is something that is practiced. I can't imagine what "technique" is taught that results in such terrible results. I also have zero faith that any noticeable changes will be made. Oh there might be some different faces on the field. It's the players faults after all (sarcasm) but nothing that says, "we've watched tape and we stink at stopping the run up the middle we should get ready for that by finding a safety who tackles reliably and moving him a couple steps closer to the line (or something - grasping at straws here)".

In any case I suppose I'll pick Dominique Alexander. He seems to be the best tackler we have and they'll run all day. Being the best tackler on this team is like a screen door being the best boat in your Navy though.

SCORE

Yes I'm down in the dumps and no longer a believer. One week ruined it. Maybe we can get it back but we're not playing Kansas or Iowa State. These are the only teams left on the schedule who are incapable of scoring 40 on us and I'm shaken at the lack of improvement of the O-Line and our inability to stop the run. That's really everything right there.

I'm counting on a miracle. Punter/Kicker/Freshman wunderkind Austin Siebert wins this one for us today after the Sooners pick off a pass and force a fumble on special teams.

I'll go OU 31, K-State 28.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner

The West Virginia Mountaineers

Sooner fans, it's been an exciting year up to now. An improbable road win against a solid SEC opponent, a TCB win against an also-ran, and a grind it out win in a trap-game against a high-scoring offense. Now the season gets serious as conference play begins. It's no patsy either as WVU comes in unbeaten and ranked 23.

In doing some "research" on a website called smokingmusket.com (a website I fully expected to 1. require my credit card info to access, and 2. melt my computer as soon as I entered) I learned that the mountaineers come into the game leading the country in points and turnovers....on defense. Sure, we always expect Holgerson's teams to score, but this one seems to understand tackling and coverage etc. Granted, they haven't exactly played the 2007 Patriots, but nonetheless this is new territory for this team.

Since joining the Big 12, WVU has yet to finish in the win column against OU. The comments I've read from the players leads me to believe they've circled this game for some time. It's their chance to beat a big time team as well as firmly establish themselves as a Big 12 title contender. It's also the first game of a murderous stretch for the Mountaineers (OU, OSU, Baylor, TCU). They've proven they can score, now paired with a solid defense this represents a very tough test for our Sooners.

Offense

With a week off to heal up bruises, tweaks and pulls I expect the full arsenal of weapons to be at Lincoln Riley's disposal. Mayfield has been nothing short of great in every game. He extends plays, takes his shots when they're there, and scrambles for postive gains when they aren't. He's also realized that it's acceptable to go through a progression and throw to any receiver who might be open. No small feat, and one we haven't really seen since Bradford. Now that I've spent this whole section verbally fluffing Baker Mayfield, I'm going in a different direction. This game will likely see plenty of scoring. This one will be won by the team that can grind it out late. After getting embarrassed by Perine last season, they'll be keying on him, that's why I like Joe Mixon to make his name a household one in this tilt. It's his coming out party tomorrow, 150+ total yards and a score.

Defense

This is becoming harder to pick. We've had solid play from several different guys in every game. One area where I feel comfortable avoiding a pick is the secondary. They were just scorched by Tulsa. Truly an awful showing. For this game we will need balance in both the run and pass phases of the game. I like Dominique Alexander to come strong in this one. He's been quietly solid and I think Saturday he makes some big plays and contains the high flying Mountaineers.

Score

This is a huge game, first one of the season in conference, two unbeaten teams, two ranked in the top 25. The winner stays the course for those preseason aspirations, the loser says the right things and quietly begins scoreboard watching. The Sooners have had two weeks to get ready for this game. It's in the right stadium, and they've still got that "nobody-believes-in-us" mentality accompanying a sub-top 20 preseason ranking. It'll be a very tough test, but the Sooners do enough and win it 31-27.


Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner. 

The 2015 Oklahoma Sooners Defensive Preview

The 2015 season is nigh upon us and the defense will very likely be what determines if the Sooners can make a run to the playoff, or idle by as also-rans yet again.

When examining the Sooners roster on defense, it's hard not to notice that they are pretty young as a whole. There are only 4 seniors in the two deep, 2 of them start, while no freshman are starting, that unit doesn't scream seasoned vet. There are absolutely some talented guys there, including guys like Dominique Alexander who, though not a senior, has more experience as a junior than most older guys. It's not all doom and gloom, but there needs to be a significant improvement over last season when the Sooner D singlehandedly bought the local Tums salesman's pool.

The defensive backfield was abysmal. These weren't lapses either, though I guess the entire months of September, October, and November are a lapse relative to the age of the Sun. Zack Sanchez looked like he might be the real deal, and as it stands now, is easily our best guy back there. Steven Parker looked very promising as a true frosh last season, he stands to start at NB. Jordan Thomas was truly awful, and completely unprepared to play last season. Let's hope a year of reflection on last season has motivated him to be more prepared to run, tackle, etc this year. I think Hatari "2000" Byrd and Ahmad Thomas showed promise as well. If we squint just right, this could be the most improved group on the team. They damn sure need to be.

The LB spot is pretty solid, I think. Jordan Evans beat out Frank Shannon for one of the starting spots. Both are salty, and I suspect Big Frank will get plenty of reps. It won't shock me a bit to see him starting at some point, but don't sleep on Jordan Evans either. Dominique Alexander is also extremely solid. A tackles machine, he seems to be in the right place on most downs. The entire unit desperately needs to improve in the passing game, however.

Defensive Line has some question marks as well. The DE spots are locked down hard by Eric Motherfuckin Striker and Charles "Ass" Tapper. Both can get to the QB and fly around the field, but the depth behind them is firmly in the "question mark" category. Speaking of, the middle of the line could be trouble. Dimon, Romar, and Wade comprise the most known commodities. Though the Big 12 is pretty pass-happy these days, getting a push from these guys will be crucial in minimizing our DB's exposure. This is starting to feel like a lot of "ifs."

Last season, the defense finished 114 in the nation vs the pass. Some changes have been made, moving full-time to the 4-2-5, or at least as a base package could help. I also read that last season they had two different coaches for the secondary, one for the safeties and one for the corners!? One player said that this season communication has been so much better now that they're all in the same meetings together. Why not have the QB and receivers meet separately and then just figure it out on gameday? (I can't confidently say that didn't happen last year as well.) I'm not even a reasonable facsimile of a pee-wee football coach, but this seems like a pretty damn obvious way to set things up.

There is a lot that has to go right for this defense to push the Sooners to the playoff. Pretty much every unit has to improve...a lot. They aren't going to be the '85 Bears, but maybe they can do enough to get wins. I hope Mitch is right about that 45-55 point per game average. Not only would it be fun, it might be the only way to win.


Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.

Oklahoma Sooners v. TCU Horned Frogs

https://www.dropbox.com/s/gnfjawwaaso7zg9/SoonerSteamroller_05_OUvTCU2014.mp3?dl=0

https://www.dropbox.com/s/gnfjawwaaso7zg9/SoonerSteamroller_05_OUvTCU2014.mp3?dl=0

Sooners v Tulsa

Well I'm in NYC watching this one with Navin R himself. So we recorded a podcast.

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner

The 2014 Sooners

Welcome back Steamroller faithful, we are back again for another season filled with flawlessly accurate predictions, clinical exploits of mastery over the written word, and rapist wit. Much ballyhoo is being directed at the 2014 incarnation of Bobby Stoops' squad. I for one am excited, and it seems that 2 years after hitting the reset button, Mikey has started to do Mike Stoops things that everyone clamored for prior to his re-hiring. There is real talent at nearly every position, and while the likes of Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin will certainly be missed, the front 7 give me the same feeling I had when I opened my first Playboy as a youth and feasted my eyes on hip-to-hip beav. Trevor Knight, who are ye really? I hope he comes back as the guy everyone remembers and not the guy everyone seems to have forgotten.

Mitch did a masterful job of covering the awards, and as the spoilers are out I see little reason to rehash them, but suffice it to say that Eric Motherfuckin Striker should have you (palm up/arm sweep at Sooner Nation) excited. I am instead taking the liberty of creating a few new awards for this season.

The TC Bread Award

Several years ago, I was looking through a player list for the Sooners roster and came across a player named TC Bread. Without question, this is the funniest name in the history of Sooner football. I never heard of this player again. To my knowledge, he never saw the field. Hell, he could have been a made up name by someone at the paper (side note: I once did this for a Sooners game. As a bright-eyed freshman I was asked to type up the roster list for the Nebraska game to be distributed in the press box during the game. Naturally, I put my own name, accurate height and weight, on the roster along with some other made up dudes, fun). Anyway, this year it's Jordan Smallwood.

Player Least Likely to Get Girls Based Solely On His Name

Poor Jordan Smallwood.

Best Silhouette

Almost went for a chiseled athlete but decided instead to go for OC Josh Heupel instead. His doughy pelican neck creeps ever so slightly over his half-buttoned coaches polo while his gut struggles to gain freedom from below. This leads me to believe that a silhouette of his would look like a humorous humpty-dumpty. I would buy this from Fathead.

Scariest in a Shower Situation

This one goes to the entire defensive line roster. They line up in two lines, shoulder to shoulder, across from one another, gauntlet style. Freshman have to run between the two lines getting into and out of the shower. I think this would feel a lot like running through one of those cages for RB's with the pylons on springs that slap your upper body and teach holding onto the football. I'm not on drugs.

Mat McCoy Memorial Gas Rag?

This one is actually legit, and unlike Old Steady I sincerely hope this position isn't filled. It, sadly, had been filled rather competently by Gabe Lynn the last couple of seasons. I hope no one steps into this role this year. Any DB with a penchant for getting burned with ease and alacrity teeters on the cusp of being dubbed Gas Rag. This is less than ideal.

Louisiana Tech

I suppose we should discuss this adversary. The line I most recently saw was OU giving 35. While I whole heartedly agree that the Sooners will win this game, I would put my money on LaTech with that kind of line. I'm just not confident enough in Trevor Knight et al, and even more Josh Heupel, that I think we can put up 40 points on these guys (though a shutout isn't out of the question). I think our defense is going to great, and while OU has question marks it has them in the right places. I'm firmly in the camp that every team looks better with good line play. A good offensive and defensive line will make everyone else on that respective side of the ball look better. Conversely, great skill players look bad if the line is getting fisted all day. Offensively, we have little experience returning at WR, RB and frankly QB (in spite of the Sugar Bowl performance), but up front we return a ton of veterans. Defensively, the Sooners might actually have 2 full defensive lines worthy of starting, there is that much depth. Yes, losing Frank Shannon hurts. A lot. But as Dominique Alexander aptly demonstrated (what a beast!), some times a star going down (RIP Corey Nelson) paves the way for an even better player to step up. Hopefully Jordan Evans does something similar.

Offense

I'd like to go Trevor Knight, I really would. I hope as much as anyone that he is the world-beater we saw in the Alabama game. But, until I see it consistently, I'm not ready to bestow anything as prestigious as this blogs pre-game OPG yet. I'm going against the grain a bit. I think Keith Ford comes in and makes little brown underwear streaks of this defense at LaTech. I like him to break out in a big way, at least one touch and 100+ on the ground.

Defense

I really feel inspired by Dominique Alexander (my current front-runner for Old Steady). He makes a ton of tackles and by his own assessment, he's no longer "thinking out there", just reacting and making plays. That's scary. But, in spite of all of this fluffing I'm doing, I'm going with Eric Motherfuckin' Striker. I feel like Mikey is going to do some good things with him this year, and we will see him in the backfield sodomizing teams in obscene ways. I think he separates a QB from the football once today, and makes big plays all evening.

Score

Ideally Trevor Knight and the boys will be sipping gatorade and wearing awkward unbroken-in hats by midway through the 3rd quarter. However as I said, I think the Sooners control this one, though maybe not to the tune of a 35 point win, but close. I think the offense shakes off rust early, and gets in a groove as things go on. The defense? Well, I think it will make a long day for Skip Holtz and co. Sooners win this one in front of a PPV TV audience of dozens, 35-3.


 Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.


It's good to be back.

OU vs. Bama - Sugar Bowl

Welcome to fantasy land. For the remainder of this column we will operate outside the bounds of reality and pretend the Sooners have a shot at beating Alabama in the Sugar Bowl. We will imagine a world where some version of Trevor Bell or Blake Knight (I'm combining the names; who knows who is starting and we'll probably see both anyways) and Josh Heupel can move the ball and we can imagine a world where the Sooner D can avoid being crushed into rubble under the brute force of the Alabama running game.

Let's remember that past Alabama National Champion teams are not this year's Alabama squad. Let's remind ourselves that past bowl game embarrassments are not the same team as this year's Oklahoma squad. It's a new day. Anything can happen.

OFFENSE

Obviously Bama is going to load up to stop the run and force the Sooners to beat them via the pass. How effective can the Sooners rushing attack be without resorting to bullshit and trying too hard to be cute? This needs to be the Brennan Clay show with some good decision making on the QB read by Blake Knight.

Also, Trevor Bell needs to be able to make easy throws without abandoning the run game entirely. Use one to set up the other. Jalen Saunders and Sterling Shepherd can get separation on anyone. If the ghost of LaColtan Bester could hang on to a ball that would help things tremendously.

For my OPOG I'm going with Jalen Saunders. He's been a beast lately both as a receiver and punt returner. He'll need to be awesome in both phases again, especially offense, to soften up that run defense.

DEFENSE

The good news is AJ McCarron is not known for his scrambling ability. The bad news is Bama has a guy named TJ Yeldon who is damn good and the Sooners can sometimes be soft up the middle. I fear the ground and pound from Bama.

Somebody in that linebacking crew is going to have to step up and wrap up before those Alabama running backs get to the third level and Gabe Lynn either dives at ankles or gives a well intended yet ineffective shoulder tap. My nightmare is giving up yards in chunks on the ground before McCarron goes to work on Zack Sanchez.

For my DPOG I'm going with Dominique Alexander but he's going to have to wrap up. I also want to go with Charles Ass Tapper, Frank Shannon, Eric "Ted" Striker, Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin et al but I can only pick one so it's Dominique.

THE SCORE

The Sooner offense needs to take shots, put the ball in the hands of their best players and do all this while sticking to a meat and potatoes type game plan. Screw razzle dazzle. Go right at them and work the clock.

The D can have success but if they're on the field all night this will be Baylor all over again. If they can stay somewhat fresh then hopefully they can stay aggressive and get after McCarron a little bit. They have to slow down that run game.

Here's to the last game of the year. It's bittersweet. I never would have thought after texas that this team would be in the BCS. Hopefully they can prove they belong.

Sooners 24, Crimson Tide 17

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner!

Bedlam

Good Saturday to you Sooners fans. I am writing this post from Vietnam where the wife and I have been vacationing for the past two weeks. It's a beautiful place to visit with great food if you're interested. However, I've been calling everyone I meet Charlie and am repeatedly met with blank looks. I've paid little attention to the sporting world, but I'm pretty sure I have all of the evidence I need from the season to know what is going to happen in this one. A few weeks ago our beloved Sooners went on the road against an undefeated Baylor squad. We hung tough for a quarter and a half or so and then proceeded to get shat on in nearly every phase of the game. This same Baylor team recently got punished in embarrassing fashion by the very O-State Cowboys we stand to face. I'm not a huge believer in this who-beat-who transferring from week to week, so I'm hopeful here if not doubtful. It will take our best game of the season to avoid a repeat of 2011.

Offense

Once again I'm trying to think of what to do here and am not coming up with much. I did read that Keith Ford has a chance to see the field again this week. I like the strategy of burning a year of eligibility for 20 snaps on the season. I'm doubtful he'll do enough to garner an MVP worthy performance, at least not by this blog's lofty standards. I'm going to go out on a limb here and go with Trevor Knight. I realize this basically condemns him to a terrible game but if I'm right then I think we hang around in this one. He's going to have to create more with his legs and hit a few shots down field. Otherwise, it's going to be a long day for this soft turd of an offense.

Defense

Another crapshoot here. Though I did like Dominique Alexander's play last week when Mitch and I both picked him. I think our best hope defensively is getting good pressure up front. If Chelf has all day to throw, our DB's will be putting on a live action performance of the hit Broadway musical "Smeared Britches". So I'm going with Chaz Ass Tapper today. We need him to be a force and I feel that he will come through.

Score

I'll be on a plane when this one plays out, a quick 26 hour jaunt all told. So I'll be blissfully ignorant of the outcome for a while. But let's suffice it to say that this has me awfully nervous. Like having-terrible-diarrhea-and-doing-nude-jumping-jacks-on-white-carpet nervous. As much as I hate to say it, we are the inferior team in this one. That's hard to write down. But, as is always the case this game tends to play closer than it should when one team is clearly better. I think OU hangs around, gets some big plays on special teams with Roy and Jalen, and the defense plays a complete game. With those things in mind, a couple of turnovers going our way and if you squint and tilt your head just right, you can see an OU win. It's not much to hang your hat on but it's enough and that's what the Sooners have today, enough. OU pulls out a squeaker here and wins it 31-30.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.

Kansas State

Normally this is the time of year where my sphincter is clinched tight enough to snap a railroad tie, but with 2 marks on the loss side of the Sooners ledger, my anxiety is nearly nonexistent. Yes, I want to win badly, no I don't care if we're in the Beef O'Brady's bowl or the Meineke Car Care bowl. Regardless of a win or loss we'll be facing off sometime in the no-man's-land between Christmas and New Year's where most people could give a shit about who's playing in random bowl game x. Nonetheless, I would very much enjoy beating Kansas State on the road. Bill Snyder no doubt has a good gameplan for us. He's likely been connecting liver spots on his chest with a sharpie, diagraming plays on the creases of his paper-like antique skin. Going back to the brutal Big 12 championship loss in '03, he always seems to have a good recipe for us. Whether or not that means a win today will be seen, but with our hopes flapping on the noodle right arm of Trevor Adolphis Knight, things appear bleak. Not to mention we are upon yet another mystery suspension of two key players, which always helps.

Offense

Without Damien Williams, this narrows down our options at RB for once. Though, I'm confident if I picked an RB I'd manage to go with the wrong one. As such, I will be picking a WR today. "Fucking idiot", might be what just entered your head(s), and rightfully so. Knight has been pretty fucking terrible at passing all year. So why a WR? Because I've been nothing if not epically consistent at naming an MVP and having that player completely disappear for the week. So I'm trying to use my powers for good, not evil this week. I basically hit an upper deck home run with Sterling Shepard pick last week (DNP), so I'm riding that pony all the way again. I'm reasonably certain he's at least cleared to see the field, but am positive that I'm too lazy to fact check that at this point. So it's Sterling Shepard with fingers crossed he plays and does something meaningfully positive for the Sooners.

Defense

I'm not really sure what KState does offensively, or what they do well. But if I know The Ghosts of Montgomery Burns at all, I'd bet they run the ball early and often. So, I'm going LB today. I'm going in the way of the frosh, Dominique Alexander. He's honestly been pretty damn solid all year. The future looks bright for the chap and I think that he's going to be quite solid today against the purple nurples.

Score

I don't feel good about this game at all. These guys always play us tough, and the fact that it's on the road doesn't help anything at all. However, I'm hopeful some revenge will be on our minds. Not to mention we've had a little extra time to prepare for them. I like the Sooners today in a slugfest, 17-10. Let's get these rotten bitches.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner

K-State

We're 11 games into the schedule now and, as of this writing (3 hours to kick), there's no official word as to who the Oklahoma Sooners starting quarterback will be. The presumptive starter is Trevor Knight and why not? He was at the reigns as the ground game stampeded over the loins of Iowa State last week.

Regrettably, the Sooners cannot play Iowa State every week. The purple windbreaker and white mock turtleneck of the legendary Bill Snyder awaits and there's trouble ahead. The Sooners can run the ball well. Trevor Knight especially has struggled mixing the forward pass into the gameplan. The Wildcats are the best in the league at stopping the run.

I'm not sure our offense will be on the field much anyway. Anyone who's watched 2 quarters of the Sooners this year realizes their defense has a knack for keeping themselves on the field what with offsides penalties and being fairly terrible on 3rd down.

In short, I'm expecting the worst and hoping for the best.

OFFENSE

Based on what you've just read, let's just say the odds of this being Lacoltan Bester's breakout game are not good.

Obviously the Sooners need to go meat and potatoes here. Pound the ball and don't get cute for chrissakes. Just once this year I'd like to see them establish the power run game before it's too late and, God forbid, establish their identity early.

It's just unfortunate that K-State is best at stopping the run and their weakness appears to be covering the pass.

So, who to pick? For old times sake I'll go DD Williams (kiss of death). He's been coming on the last couple weeks. In other news will there be a Keith Ford sighting? Did you know that Nate and I both picked Sterling Shepherd last week and he didn't play due to concussion? We're pretty good prognosticators here.

DEFENSE

There's a lot to like here. This unit is coming on and against a team like K-State I expect some big hits and guys flying around.

Here are some bright spots from what's left of this unit after injury: Charles Ass Tapper, Geneo Grissom on occasion, All the Linebackers, Eric "Ted" Striker, Quinton Hayes, Zach Sanchez (sometimes).

From this unit today I'll go Dominique Alexander. He's been steady but he's due to have a key positive impact. I actually feel pretty good about this pick.

THE SCORE

On paper, this seems like a low scoring affair. But, I'm going to steal a page from Navin's playbook and say this will be a little higher scoring than people think.

I'll go OU 34 K-State 31

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner

OU vs. Kansas

There's not enough fingers to point to all the blame from last week. I mean, what a pathetic performance. [Air quote] Props [Un-Air Quote] to Texas for executing well. But you want to talk about poor football? You want to talk about being your own worst nightmare? Egads. What a miserable day. Terrible run defense, terrible 3rd down defense. Nothing resembling flow on offense. Stupid penalties. Fucking hell.

Now we turn from that spanking to what, on paper, should be the reverse. Perennial doormat Kansas comes a calling. This should be a salve on the wound of the Sooners but the Sooners have no freaking idea what to do on offense and the defense is shredded by injury. Piling on, this is lose-lose. Win big and you did what you were supposed to do. Win by a little and you haven't solved anything. Lose and a mushroom cloud appears over Norman this week.

OFFENSE

This is how bad the offense has gotten. This week on the same day in the Oklahoman, there was a story about how the running game has to step up. Right next to that was a story about how Jalen Saunders and Sterling Sheperd need to pick it up. Jenni Carlson dusted off the Sorry Landry Jones love letter she wrote this past offseason. Berry Tramel wrote an article explaining the benefits of the forward pass in modern football.  The top two quarterbacks are pretty bad. This thing is a train wreck and the only person who seems to be coming out unscathed is Josh Heupel. What the hell?

Today I'm going with Keith Ford because he's A) A bright shining star in a sea of average and B) it seems clear that if any change is going to happen offensively it's going to be giving him more reps.

Maybe the passing game looks decent today. Maybe Saunders or Sheperd do get a lot of catches. It will be a damn miracle. I am very bearish on this offense. Woe is me and the sky is falling, etc.

DEFENSE

The story here is injuries obviously. This is a different unit with Jordan Phillips missing up front. When he was lost the D looked an awful lot like it did late last year. Co. Nelson hurts even worse. I don't know if Aaron Colvin is playing or not. That's three of the top four players on your defense (Ass Tapper obvs) "dinged" up. Tough to overcome. But overcome they must.

I haven't gone back and watched the tape. I rarely do on losses because I'm a sore loser. I know the longhorns went after the youngin' Dominique Alexander but 19 tackles is insane. He and Franky Shannon had almost 40 between them. Pretty hard on paper.

That said I'm not picking either of them today. I'm going out of the box here and going Quentin Hayes. Sure, why not. He seems like he's been relatively solid.

THE SCORE

Well, it's blowout or bust. Even though I don't think Josh Heupel likes "scoring points" or "routs" the Sooners have to have it. I don't know how they'll do it if Kansas doesn't go tits up. I wear crimson colored glasses and believe it will happen.

OU 31, Kansas 17 in a not as close as the score would indicate type game.

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner.

texass

I really hate texas. I hate their uniforms. I hate their players. I hate the attitude of their fanbase. I hate their coach. Please allow me to spin a yarn about a deeply personal experience related to the texas football program, which may enlighten you to a small part of the stem of this hatred.

Growing up in Missouri my father had an office in my hometown. He worked in the same office, in the same building for many years. As one might expect, he came to know several other tenants who leased space in this same building. Spending a fair amount of my childhood here, along with my brothers, we too came to know many of these same people. One of these people was an older lady named Martha. She was a big part of our lives growing up and became a part of our family, joining us for holidays and other occasions throughout our lives. Martha's office was similar to my fathers, only in one corner was a large, vinyl-covered, red recliner chair. It was clearly something much older than I was, but it was omnipresent in Martha's office and everyone who paid her a visit (there were many every day) invariably sat in this chair. 

Shortly after Martha passed away, my family had the task of cleaning out her office and its contents. My cousins, from Ft. Worth, were in town to visit and helped us with this task. My cousin decided that the red chair was perfect for her son's room. Though my brothers and I all felt the chair was some small part of our childhood, none of us were particularly attached to it and as such agreed to them taking the chair and getting use out of it. As my cousin (the son, who got the chair for his room) grew up, he decided to attend the university of texas (he's much smarter than this turn of events would have you believe). The chair went with him and became a fixture in an entirely new set of lives. It was as known as a piece of furniture can be in a college boy's room. 

As I was talking with my cousin a few weeks ago, I randomly inquired about the red chair. Sadly, it had been damaged beyond repair at a party, set beside the curb, and hauled away. No there is not some wild story or crazy event that preceded its demise. Rather, it was tragically destroyed by none other than David Fucking Ash, who sat his stupid fucking ass on the arm of it, rather than in the seat, and broke it off. It's now in a greater Austin landfill, thanks to that stupid fuck who is no better at simply sitting down than he is at quarterbacking. I hate texas. 

True Story.

I digress from that probably irrelevant diatribe, and point my thoughts to Mack Brown, who has done nearly as much for Bob Stoops as he's done for himself. Apart from a few years where OU was pretty lousy and texas was pretty good, we've handled them well. Say what you want about Stoops shitting himself on the biggest stages, he almost always has the Sooners ready for texas. I'm convinced the common denominator here is Brown. Much has been made of the Sooners dominating recent Red River clashes, all week long. The Sooners are (surprisingly, maybe?) good in the first part of the year. texas has been pleasingly (surprisingly, maybe?) bad. So this bodes well for the Sooners, right? Right?

Actually I'm not sure. Traditionally in sports, repeatedly telling first class athletes they won't and, moreover, can't do something tends to light a significant fire under them. Supremely motivates them. Pisses them off, so-to-speak. Pile on the rivalry aspect, which generally provides a notable motivational factor on its own. Then add in this whole, Mack-Brown-is-fired-if-they-lose corollary, and we've got a recipe for disaster in Sooner nation. All of this plus the fact that Sooner teams in recent years have excelled at "believing the hype" and adopting the attitude that simply putting on the uniform ensures victory. If this whole win-one-for-Mack thing permeates the longhorn locker room, we may be in trouble. 

Offense

Whew, where to start here? I love the ground game. I'm just as hard as can be over this ground game of ours. And if there's one thing I've proved over the first five games it's that I can pick who is going to have the worst day on the ground. I hope it's Trey Millard (that dominates, not has the worst day. I suck at this) I really do. Hell, I'll take any of the backs going off. That said, I'm not about to inadvertently put a hex on any of them, no way, no sir. I'm going to take a little trip to the passing game. I'm going to dial up one of my favorite young players and one of the 'Dozer's favorite targets. I'm going with Sterling Shepard. He's been a total stud this year and has completely lapped Trey Metoyer in the "young receiver to get excited about" race. I think Bell looks for him often, and he responds with multiple catches and at least one long TD. 

Defense

It's really tough that we lost Corey Nelson. He might've simultaneously been our most underrated and best defender. I do love Frank Shannon, and I hear Alexander is a more than capable replacement. So the LB's will hopefully be ok. That said I do imagine there will be a drop-off. In order to minimize this, we will need strong play up front, both in the pass and run games. I like one of the big boys to step and "get after it". I'm going with Charles "Ass" Tapper. He's just developing into a total badass. I think he plants that "pumpkin-head" (copyright: Keith Mitchell, 2012), Case McCoy on his dick more than once. That's right, multiple sacks, and maybe more. It's going to be a full on "boner-getter day" for the Ass Tapper fan contingency. 

Score

This looks much tougher to me than most are saying. I think texas has everything to prove and nothing to lose in this one. I think they punch us in the mouth early, maybe even have us reeling a bit. But I think we punch back and do enough to win. Sooners rally in this one to make it 4 straight, 33-27. 

Lets roll these rotten motherfuckers. 

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner.