The 2014 Sooners

Welcome back Steamroller faithful, we are back again for another season filled with flawlessly accurate predictions, clinical exploits of mastery over the written word, and rapist wit. Much ballyhoo is being directed at the 2014 incarnation of Bobby Stoops' squad. I for one am excited, and it seems that 2 years after hitting the reset button, Mikey has started to do Mike Stoops things that everyone clamored for prior to his re-hiring. There is real talent at nearly every position, and while the likes of Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin will certainly be missed, the front 7 give me the same feeling I had when I opened my first Playboy as a youth and feasted my eyes on hip-to-hip beav. Trevor Knight, who are ye really? I hope he comes back as the guy everyone remembers and not the guy everyone seems to have forgotten.

Mitch did a masterful job of covering the awards, and as the spoilers are out I see little reason to rehash them, but suffice it to say that Eric Motherfuckin Striker should have you (palm up/arm sweep at Sooner Nation) excited. I am instead taking the liberty of creating a few new awards for this season.

The TC Bread Award

Several years ago, I was looking through a player list for the Sooners roster and came across a player named TC Bread. Without question, this is the funniest name in the history of Sooner football. I never heard of this player again. To my knowledge, he never saw the field. Hell, he could have been a made up name by someone at the paper (side note: I once did this for a Sooners game. As a bright-eyed freshman I was asked to type up the roster list for the Nebraska game to be distributed in the press box during the game. Naturally, I put my own name, accurate height and weight, on the roster along with some other made up dudes, fun). Anyway, this year it's Jordan Smallwood.

Player Least Likely to Get Girls Based Solely On His Name

Poor Jordan Smallwood.

Best Silhouette

Almost went for a chiseled athlete but decided instead to go for OC Josh Heupel instead. His doughy pelican neck creeps ever so slightly over his half-buttoned coaches polo while his gut struggles to gain freedom from below. This leads me to believe that a silhouette of his would look like a humorous humpty-dumpty. I would buy this from Fathead.

Scariest in a Shower Situation

This one goes to the entire defensive line roster. They line up in two lines, shoulder to shoulder, across from one another, gauntlet style. Freshman have to run between the two lines getting into and out of the shower. I think this would feel a lot like running through one of those cages for RB's with the pylons on springs that slap your upper body and teach holding onto the football. I'm not on drugs.

Mat McCoy Memorial Gas Rag?

This one is actually legit, and unlike Old Steady I sincerely hope this position isn't filled. It, sadly, had been filled rather competently by Gabe Lynn the last couple of seasons. I hope no one steps into this role this year. Any DB with a penchant for getting burned with ease and alacrity teeters on the cusp of being dubbed Gas Rag. This is less than ideal.

Louisiana Tech

I suppose we should discuss this adversary. The line I most recently saw was OU giving 35. While I whole heartedly agree that the Sooners will win this game, I would put my money on LaTech with that kind of line. I'm just not confident enough in Trevor Knight et al, and even more Josh Heupel, that I think we can put up 40 points on these guys (though a shutout isn't out of the question). I think our defense is going to great, and while OU has question marks it has them in the right places. I'm firmly in the camp that every team looks better with good line play. A good offensive and defensive line will make everyone else on that respective side of the ball look better. Conversely, great skill players look bad if the line is getting fisted all day. Offensively, we have little experience returning at WR, RB and frankly QB (in spite of the Sugar Bowl performance), but up front we return a ton of veterans. Defensively, the Sooners might actually have 2 full defensive lines worthy of starting, there is that much depth. Yes, losing Frank Shannon hurts. A lot. But as Dominique Alexander aptly demonstrated (what a beast!), some times a star going down (RIP Corey Nelson) paves the way for an even better player to step up. Hopefully Jordan Evans does something similar.

Offense

I'd like to go Trevor Knight, I really would. I hope as much as anyone that he is the world-beater we saw in the Alabama game. But, until I see it consistently, I'm not ready to bestow anything as prestigious as this blogs pre-game OPG yet. I'm going against the grain a bit. I think Keith Ford comes in and makes little brown underwear streaks of this defense at LaTech. I like him to break out in a big way, at least one touch and 100+ on the ground.

Defense

I really feel inspired by Dominique Alexander (my current front-runner for Old Steady). He makes a ton of tackles and by his own assessment, he's no longer "thinking out there", just reacting and making plays. That's scary. But, in spite of all of this fluffing I'm doing, I'm going with Eric Motherfuckin' Striker. I feel like Mikey is going to do some good things with him this year, and we will see him in the backfield sodomizing teams in obscene ways. I think he separates a QB from the football once today, and makes big plays all evening.

Score

Ideally Trevor Knight and the boys will be sipping gatorade and wearing awkward unbroken-in hats by midway through the 3rd quarter. However as I said, I think the Sooners control this one, though maybe not to the tune of a 35 point win, but close. I think the offense shakes off rust early, and gets in a groove as things go on. The defense? Well, I think it will make a long day for Skip Holtz and co. Sooners win this one in front of a PPV TV audience of dozens, 35-3.


 Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.


It's good to be back.

Iowa State

As many of us suspected, last week's game was a drubbing. OU was outmatched in nearly every phase. Most notably our offense failed to do much of anything at all. Later I read some ridiculousness about how Baylor was slanting on the defensive line and that was why they couldn't get anything going. The one late drive where OU marched down and scored was the only one where Baylor didn't "slant" up front. So this shit is what completely baffled us. No one at all on the coaching staff was able to see this and adjust? My suspicion is Briles et al were equally baffled that this one wrinkle was 1) so devastatingly effective and 2)  no adjustments were made throughout the entire game. If this is all true, then that is really embarrassing for the OU staff. Let's not even get into the fact that we were unable to score from the 1 yard line. Our defense played quite well, that is until they were asked to stay on the field for 90% of the game. Alas, the natives appear to be restless as Heupel is nearly certainly going to be ridden out of town on a rail, and the sooner the better I say.

I, predictably, know almost nothing about Iowa State. I tried hard (not really) to come up with something creative and entertaining to open with about their team. I'm just not feeling terribly inspired with the Sooner football program of late. I hate to say it's wearing me down because I don't think that's exactly true, but it gets tough to draw inspiration from the uninspired I guess. This is in Norman today, so it should be a W for our boys in Crimson. I've learned, though, that nothing is to be taken for granted anymore, so hopefully we can play solid D and do enough on offense to win this one.

Offense

I've officially crossed over into the realm of disliking the Belldozer era, and I'm really not sure it's even his fault. He seems to know his limitations, yet he's consistently asked to do things outside of them. Sadly, that's just one of many problems with our offense (albeit a large one). All of that said, I'm saying fuck you to any sort of logic. After all, it's gotten me nowhere this year in terms of coming close to picking one of these right. I'm going with Sterling Shepard. He's the closest thing to a favorite target of Bell's. He's also damn fun to watch after the catch. I like him to do something great today. That great thing might be hooking up with two girls at the same time after the game tonight, but whatever, I'll take it.

Defense

I think the defense has been showing some promise. They're often asked to do too much insomuch as they are on the field waaaaay too long. However, they often start really well. I'm hopeful that Mike has the guys pointed in the right direction and our D is slowly returning to it's past dominance. Yes, I'm aware how fucking stupid I sound on the heels of giving up 42 or whatever to Baylor. I still think there is a lot of promise on that side of the ball, and we seem to not be doing as much of the dumb shit we had been in recent years. Today I like Eric "Ted" Striker (well played Mitch, it's official now). I think Ted is in the backfield a lot, as he is wont to do. He's a great blitzer and the OT's we see generally can't match his speed on the edge. I like some big stops from him today. Side note: I'm tired of Gabe Lynn acting like he's Ronnie Fucking Lott back there. Dear Gabe, you still fucking suck. You miss far too many tackles and you still get burned deep. Yes, you're embarrassing skills are better hidden at Safety than they were at Corner, but make no mistake, you are shit. You are Gas Rag for a reason. Please graduate or expire your eligibility soon. Thanks, --the guys at Steamroller.

Score

I don't know much about Iowa State, but I know we've embarrassed them enough in past seasons that they are "up" for this chance to beat a down Sooner club. So we'll get their best shot. I'm glad this is at home. I think we'll be able to handle them for the most part. I like the Sooners today, I really do. OU 27 Iowa State 17.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner.

Kansas

Faithful reader(s), I put fingers to keyboard this morn with a bleak outlook on the Sooners. The loss last week, and the manner in which it happened (see: shit, bed), really put me in a bad place. College football is wonderful, I love so many things about it. One of those things is the quest for perfection and the near certainty that anything less dooms those reaching for the crystal football to bring hand to brow and turn their eyes to next year. I've exhausted my vocabulary of words relating to my thoughts on the state of Sooner football. I wish that we were contenders again. The salad days, as it were, appear distantly in the rearview mirror. Our place in the ranks of title contender has faded to nothing more than also-rans. Yet, I still watch and still hope, and still have a damn good time watching the crimson and cream (and gold. sometimes. one time. maybe never again. hopefully). 

That uplifting intro was born out of honest sentiment, but also partly out of a lack of anything interesting or entertaining that I could come up with regarding jayhawk football. The only satisfying thing I get out of beating them, and we will beat them (foreshadowing), is knowing that the literally dozens on hand in Lawrence are the same "die-hard" super fans that manage to pack out their gym night-in night-out for the basketball team. After all, nothing solidifies true fandom better than testing that fandom by cheering a team that wins invariably. 

I'm bitter. 

Offense

My pick last week was predictably poo. One positive from that game, and there weren't many, was that for the first time in his career, Trey Millard approached something resembling being a feature of the offense. I liked that a lot. In my mind he has the best chance of being something solid at "the next level". With all of that in mind. I'm going with Millard today. Yeah, I'm probably giving him the kiss of death, but I don't give a fuck. He rumbles in for another score this week. 

Defense

I'm not sure what the hell happened last Saturday but its possible we missed Corey Nelson more than we could have ever imagined. It's also possible that, with the exception of Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin, we don't have much in the secondary. While Gabe Lynn seems better suited at safety (or at least better hidden as a shit player), Zac(k?)Sanchez is stepping on necks to get the gas-rag moniker. I'm going with someone in the middle of the D, Frank Shannon. I think Frank has a very solid day, racking up a shitload of tackles again and being involved with a turnover somehow. 

Score

I like the Sooners a lot today. KU is turds. I'm pretty sure we pummel their ass from pistol to pistol. Sooners 37-10. Now, lets forget last week and go out win this one big. 

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner

Notre Dame

OK big game today. It's pretend vs. real Saturday. No pressure or anything but today could make or break the season. If we lose, we are who we thought we were. If we win... Can this team make a run at losing on the national stage at season's end?

A month ago Sooner Nation keyed on this game  and we hoped to have a pretty decent idea of what this team is made of. We still have no idea. We think we have a world class run game. We think we've found a quarterback. We think the D is improved.

But we find out today. Everyone is healthy. It's all hands on deck. Even the coaches are breaking rank and saying this game means more than others. This is a big damn deal.

Can the Sooners overcome this Notre Dame mystique? How are the Sooners 1-9 all time against ND?

OFFENSE

I don't know if Blake Bell will be even close to what he was last week. Notre Dame's D is a damn sight better than Tulsa. You can tell the Belldozer has a few brain cells to rub together. He doesn't seem to rattle or wilt like Lonnie. I've got a feeling we have a gamer in this guy. This all bodes well. The QB situation, for better or worse, seems solved.

Can we run the football? We can only hope Josher doesn't get locked in Chuck Long style into his game plan. In other words, let's hit them inside, let's hit them outside, let's run around them, let's run through them. Let's throw the kitchen sink at them. We have the personnel to adapt. Let's adapt.

Can the O-Line deal with a mean Notre Dame D Line. You know the boys up front want some revenge after getting man-handled last year. It's cliche but this is the whole deal. Can Blake have time to survey the field or will he have to win this game on his feet? Can we establish a run game and carry for 100 yards?

Not to be a front runner here but I'm going with the Belldozer. He's the key. If he can make good reads, manage the game, run as needed and not crap his pants we've got a real shot here. I like him.

DEFENSE

Unbelievable to think the return of Gabe Lynn will help this team. Also, the return of Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin will be huge. In other words, the Sooners finally have all hands on deck.

Our D has gotten a bit lucky. There have been a handful of long gains and/or touchdowns missed due to a case of the dropsies. Then there's occasional lapse in the run game. It all needs to come together today.

OU's defense is improved but how much? We've not seen Cortez Johnson and Colvin on the field at the same time. The D has to put their best foot forward today and, on paper, we'll have our best guys out there.

I can't believe I'm doing it but I'm going with Gabe Lynn today. I think he plays a nice center field and he comes away with a pick. The guy is actually a bit of a ball hawk.

THE SCORE

I've got some real anxiety about this game. All I can think of is being at the game in 1999 and watching that second half meltdown. Then I remember getting worked last year. History has not been kind to the Sooners in this series. How in the world are the Oklahoma Sooners 1-9 against anyone?

In recent years the Sooners have gotten up for about 3 games a year. Today is one of those games. This team is different. They have an edge and an urgency to them and I think they have the personnel to bring back some swagger. The return to the top can start today.

OU 27 Notre Dame 21

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner.

OU vs. West Virginia

Judging future performance on the recent past is a tricky business. It's borderline dumb in sports. Any given Sunday and all that jazz. But last week, West Virginia had to throw the kitchen sink at William and Mary to eek out a win at home. I pegged William and Mary for a women's field hockey powerhouse. Nevertheless, a game that was, on paper, the best of the 2013 Sooner home slate now looks a little less appealing.

That's dangerous thinking that the Sooners would be advised not to buy into.

I watched a little bit of the WVU game and the Mountaineers trotted out some half wit at quarterback name Greg Millard. I am delighted to call him Greg Marmalard. I hope he plays early and often. He seemed ineffective.

OFFENSE

Anyone who wasn't pleased with last week's performance is a jerk. Trevor Knight was shaky early in his first meaningful action since high school. That's understandable. Some of his passes should have been caught. He managed the game, his lone turnover was awarded via replay and was a long pass on 3rd down anyway (effectively a punt). He got rid of the ball quickly, didn't take a sack and didn't fool the o-line with snap counts and such.

The running game was damn good too. It might not happen this year but Keith Ford is going to be a star. On one play it took three defenders to bring him down and they all got up slowly. The dude runs hard.

I would expect more of the same this week. I expect the passing to be marginally improved by virtue of the distribution of the ball being a bit better.

For my OPOG I'll go with Roy Damn Finch. He saw more action than I expected and I think he'll break some longer ones this week. The good news is there are options here week in and week out.

Before we move on to defense I'd like to highlight that both Navin and I made awesome picks last week. Both Knight and Jalen Saunders were impressive.

DEFENSE

Sooner fans should be pleased with what they saw on this side of the ball last week as well. Shutouts are hard to get. There is clearly an athletic upgrade across the board from this year to last. They seemed to play with a sense of urgency. I was really impressed by Jordan Phillips and Charles (Chaz) Tapper on the line. Frank Shannon and Corey Nelson both played well. Eric Striker is a linebacker in a Safety's body. Zack Sanchez was solid at DB. Quentin Hayes and (gulp!) Gabe Lynn were both flying around.

I'm cautiously optimistic that the attitude and snarl missing from year's past has finally made its return.

For my DPOG I'm going with Cory Nelson. I'm hopeful that the Sooners might have an answer to all the underneath stuff these widespread offenses are using. The LB's really seemed like they were covering some ground last week. Maybe some of these plays can get funneled to these guys and that they have the athleticism to make the plays.

Seems crazy picking an LB but what the heck.

SCORE

It's too hard to believe that WVU can be as bad as they appeared last week. I chalk it up to new personnel and looking ahead a bit. Also, Dana Holgerson seems like a putz so he probably just didn't have the boys ready to play. So, I think they look a little better this week and score some points.

I do not, on the other hand, believe that the WVU defense can hold a wet fart. This will not be the shootout of last year but there will be lots of scoring.

OU 42 WVU 24

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner

The 2013 Steamers

The Sooner Steamroller preseason awards (dba The Steamers) guarantee success or failure just as much as the AP Pre-Season awards. Congratulations to all the "winners".

Without further ado:

The 2013 Sooner Steamroller MF'er

Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin

Goes to Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin. He was, by a mile, the only defensive player last year who played well on a consistent basis. He'll be on an island this year and, by all accounts, he's in full lock down mode. I'm excited about what this ball player brings to the table. He's a senior, he's a captain, he's the 2013 MF'er.

For the uninitiated, the MF'er is the most prestigious award handed out by Steamroller staff. It goes to the defensive player who most exemplifies everything you want in a Sooner. The MF'er brings his hard hat and lunch pail every game and can otherwise best be described as a "Baby Eater" on the football field. He makes plays that make you turn and ask the people around you, "Did you see that play? Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin, man!"

T-Shirts Here

Old Steady

Old Steady is the player (up to this point a running back) who brings the same effort every play. You know exactly what you're getting with Old Steady, a decent yards per carry, no fumbling, no dicking around in the backfield. This year the award goes to Brennan Clay.

Clay was much balleyhooed when he arrived on campus but he began his career as the homeless man's version of the original Old Steady, Chris Brown. Sure, he could get you two or three yards a touch but is that a feature back? Last year, however, he turned it on in a great way. This year, with a better (when healthy) O-Line and no plodding oaf QB to get in his way I see big things happening here.

I'd also like to "give propers" to Trey Millard as well. He's definitely good enough to earn Old Steady honors but, after discussing with Navin, we just don't trust Josh Heupel to feed him the ball enough for him to qualify. It's ridiculous that a lack of touches is a possibility. For Thunder fans it's the opposite of the Kendrick Perkins effect. Stubbornness keeps Perkins on the court and he is a black hole on offense. Millard is always on the field, lined up everywhere and is stubbornly denied the ball.

Gas Rag McGee

Gas Rag McGee
Photo by Chris Landsberger - The Oklahoman

To the player on defense who looks more lost than my mom in a Tokyo subway station. If opposing Offensive Coordinators have two brain cells to rub together Gas Rag McGee is the guy they will scheme endlessly to get man coverage against. Last year it was Tom Wort. Bless his heart he had the "motor" but he just couldn't hang physically.

This year Gabe Lynn puts the trophy back on his mantle. He's been lost in the secondary since he stepped on campus. Until someone steals the title from him, he's the guy. With plenty of newcomers this could be quite the little horse race this season.

Offensive Newcomer

Has to be Trevor Knight. It's not every year the Sooners usher in a new quarterback. Right or wrong the question is will he be the next great one. This implies trips to New York for Heisman ceremonies. That's a perfectly reasonable expectation isn't it? No pressure or nothin'.

Keith Ford could also be a choice here but there's no way he has the impact, good or bad, that Knight will.

Defensive Newcomer

Smart money is on someone like Quincy Russell, DJ Ward or Charles Tapper. The line was hideous last season and if any of these guys can bolster that unit, particularly Russell, then that would be huge. I'm going Quincy Russell here.

If you're feeling a little more daring I would say Hatari Byrd because Mike Stoops is so excited about him he reportedly stalks the practice field with what looks like a corn dog in his coaches shorts.

Coach or Player I Will Blame for Anything Bad Now That Landry is Gone

Josh Heupel. To say I'm underwhelmed by him is too kind. We haven't made a defense look clueless in three years. The only hurry up we do is a quick handoff. The Belldozer package was born of desperation and is successful because Blake Bell is bigger than a Honda Accord.

In my opinion Josher has more pressure on him to show something than Trevor Knight.

Home Game I Can't Believe I'm Missing

West Virginny. Life is full of tough choices. I've chosen a day of music over football on September 7th. Yep, One Direction is coming to town.

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner

2013 (half-assed) Preview

Here we are faithful reader(s), back again for another fall of The Steamroller. It's been a somewhat uneventful off-season. There were a few position coaching changes but the base staff remains intact and Mike Stoops emerges from under the blanket of not being acclimated to the new style of play in the Big 12. In other words he really doesn't have many excuses left. 

On that note the defense looks pretty thin. Up front we return very little and those that are back aren't raising tents in the pants of sooner nation. The secondary could be decent. Aaron Colvin looks tough but little else is proven and in some cases (I'm looking at you Gabe "Gas Rag" Lynn) all that's been proven is that he couldn't cover a baby's eyes with both hands. That said there are some young bucks who will vie for meaningful PT so it might not be as bad as we think. The LBs are all promise and no production up to now but we can hope Corey Nelson et al can figure it out. Things look bleaker than they have in years but the unknown also brings promise with dread. 

Offensively, things look much better with proven experience at almost every position save one. That of course is QB where a redshirt frosh won the job over the only guy who does have experience there. I'll take that as a positive sign. He's well positioned to succeed with the loaded backfield and WR corps, not to mention a pretty well seasoned OL. As for our QB, I'm clinched up like everyone else hoping for Bradford not Bomar. 

It's kind of a strange year. It's the lowest my expectations have been in years, but while the untested nature of the squad isn't ideal, I'm almost excited about not knowing. The wildcard here is Knight, and while he's been (allegedly) a world-beater in practice, that's a long way from Saturday mornings.  I'm hopeful, I like that expectations are down. Lets hope that the lack of pre-season consideration for anything meaningful pertaining to the end of the year gets Bobby back to his old ways and has this team playing like the Sooner clubs of old. 

I'm predicting a Big 12 championship, which may speak more to the conference than to our squad. 

This year's MF is none other than Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin. 

We haven't discussed this year's Old Steady but I'm leaning to Brennan Clay. Mitch?

I'm pumped to have another fall of football at hand. We'll be back soon to talk ULM. 

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.

The 2012 Steamers

Or some official awards name TBD.

With an eye towards kickoff let's do some prognosticating on all things Sooner football 2012.

The 2012 MFer

Let's start big here. This award has been around for years and now of course t-shirts are even made. This is the granddaddy of them all. No joke, the MFer has our utmost respect. The MFer is a leader on the football field, he's the lynchpin of the defense, he hits hard, he makes opponents gameplan around him. He is, above all else, the guy who makes plays that make you say, "Did you see [Blank] Mother Fuckin [Blank]?!"

For the first time in Mitch-Navin MFer history we have our first 2-time MFer recipient in Tony MF Jefferson (alluded to here by Nostradamus Navin). Other award winners surely were deserving of two or possibly three-time status. But Tony separated himself from a fairly tight field last year and this year there simply is nobody worthy (on paper) of taking his place. This does not mean he wins by default. It says something about his play that nobody is close enough to make a case.

So congratulations Tony!

The 2012 Old Steady

Here's where things get shaky. In fact, Navin and I have deliberated and we're going to puss out. Not entirely but we can't reach a consensus on this one so we are deferring to week 3 or 4 to make our decision. Hey, it's our blog and our awards so it's our rules. As far as I'm concerned there are only two awards that need a consensus. MFer and Old Steady. So until we have them they are unannounced.

I will attempt to sate our readerships appetite for a selection by guessing that Old Steady will ultimately come from the group of Dom Whaley, Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills, David King, Tom Wort, Corey Nelson, Demontre Hurst or Aaron Colvin. Happy?

Here are some awards that are completely open to our whims.

The Memorial Matt "Gas Rag" McCoy Award for the defensive player who gets torched a little too readily.

The award goes to... Tom Wort

We're humans. We hate giving this award out. But inevitably somebody on the defense is going to stick out like a sore thumb in a bad way. Last year Gabe Lynn snatched it from Javon Harris in one of the most hotly contested races in Gas Rag Award history.

Both Harris and Lynn will see plenty of action this year as well so they are by no means out of the picture. But Tom Wort sometimes looks like he's seeing a forward pass for the first time. If Jayden Bird sees significant action he instantly steals the award.

Perhaps it isn't fair to select a Linebacker. But to that I say quit telling me how awesome they are in pass coverage, or better yet, quit making them cover slot receivers running skinny posts in obvious passing situations.

Offensive Newcomer of the Year

To Trey Metoyer. The Wide Receiving unit needs a hero to replace Ryan Broyles and nobody has enjoyed the offseason ballyhoo more than Metoyer.

Defensive Newcomer of the Year

It's Chuka Ndulue by default. He's the only starter who didn't take significant snaps last year. The only other starting option is RJ Washington who is a Senior. As mentioned in previous posts, Julian Wilson or Gary Simon could also emerge here.

Most Head Scratching Depth Chart Move (View Depth Chart Here)

The omission of Roy Finch everywhere except kickoff returns. I honestly don't know how this guy starts every season in the doghouse. First I read a report the other day that he's moved to slot receiver. I thought it was a joke even though he has been used there. But he's not listed in the top 2 at any WR position. At Running Back he's not listed in the top three.

He was the second leading rusher last year and he only played six games. He was honorable mention all Big 12. When he touches the ball everyone in the stadium holds their breath. It's inexplicable.

Update: Supposedly Finch doesn't play because due to subpar QB protection blocking. Flimsy at best.

Most Likely to have Mike Stoops Living in His Earhole

So many choices here. I'm going with Gabe Lynn. He's starting at the Nickel and is going to be heavily relied on it seems. It really could be anyone in the secondary and they may wind up taking turns like everyone did last year with Soggy Box's number 12.

Most Divisive

Easy: Landry. No one will divide any fanbase quite like this guy. Each side feeds off each other too so it will only get worse. Look, he's a solid Quarterback. He's a lock to give you 60+% completion and 4,500 yards passing. He's competent OK? But if the Sooners are down with one last chance with the ball. Is he going to put the team on his back and win the thing?

Most Likely to Have Kickers Tits

You know. They guy whose moobs poke out below his shoulderpads. This year it's this guy. Eric Hosek (It would be a lock if he spelled his name Erik though).

Most Likely to Get My Father-In-Law Hot and Bothered During Pre-Game Stretch

My father in law likes to get to his seat early to watch the boys stretch. I'm half kidding and I'm cheating a little because I know him too well but my father-in-law goes ape-shit over the "length" and athleticism of Jordan Phillips.



What other categories should we have?