Kansas

Faithful reader(s), I put fingers to keyboard this morn with a bleak outlook on the Sooners. The loss last week, and the manner in which it happened (see: shit, bed), really put me in a bad place. College football is wonderful, I love so many things about it. One of those things is the quest for perfection and the near certainty that anything less dooms those reaching for the crystal football to bring hand to brow and turn their eyes to next year. I've exhausted my vocabulary of words relating to my thoughts on the state of Sooner football. I wish that we were contenders again. The salad days, as it were, appear distantly in the rearview mirror. Our place in the ranks of title contender has faded to nothing more than also-rans. Yet, I still watch and still hope, and still have a damn good time watching the crimson and cream (and gold. sometimes. one time. maybe never again. hopefully). 

That uplifting intro was born out of honest sentiment, but also partly out of a lack of anything interesting or entertaining that I could come up with regarding jayhawk football. The only satisfying thing I get out of beating them, and we will beat them (foreshadowing), is knowing that the literally dozens on hand in Lawrence are the same "die-hard" super fans that manage to pack out their gym night-in night-out for the basketball team. After all, nothing solidifies true fandom better than testing that fandom by cheering a team that wins invariably. 

I'm bitter. 

Offense

My pick last week was predictably poo. One positive from that game, and there weren't many, was that for the first time in his career, Trey Millard approached something resembling being a feature of the offense. I liked that a lot. In my mind he has the best chance of being something solid at "the next level". With all of that in mind. I'm going with Millard today. Yeah, I'm probably giving him the kiss of death, but I don't give a fuck. He rumbles in for another score this week. 

Defense

I'm not sure what the hell happened last Saturday but its possible we missed Corey Nelson more than we could have ever imagined. It's also possible that, with the exception of Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin, we don't have much in the secondary. While Gabe Lynn seems better suited at safety (or at least better hidden as a shit player), Zac(k?)Sanchez is stepping on necks to get the gas-rag moniker. I'm going with someone in the middle of the D, Frank Shannon. I think Frank has a very solid day, racking up a shitload of tackles again and being involved with a turnover somehow. 

Score

I like the Sooners a lot today. KU is turds. I'm pretty sure we pummel their ass from pistol to pistol. Sooners 37-10. Now, lets forget last week and go out win this one big. 

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner

texass

I really hate texas. I hate their uniforms. I hate their players. I hate the attitude of their fanbase. I hate their coach. Please allow me to spin a yarn about a deeply personal experience related to the texas football program, which may enlighten you to a small part of the stem of this hatred.

Growing up in Missouri my father had an office in my hometown. He worked in the same office, in the same building for many years. As one might expect, he came to know several other tenants who leased space in this same building. Spending a fair amount of my childhood here, along with my brothers, we too came to know many of these same people. One of these people was an older lady named Martha. She was a big part of our lives growing up and became a part of our family, joining us for holidays and other occasions throughout our lives. Martha's office was similar to my fathers, only in one corner was a large, vinyl-covered, red recliner chair. It was clearly something much older than I was, but it was omnipresent in Martha's office and everyone who paid her a visit (there were many every day) invariably sat in this chair. 

Shortly after Martha passed away, my family had the task of cleaning out her office and its contents. My cousins, from Ft. Worth, were in town to visit and helped us with this task. My cousin decided that the red chair was perfect for her son's room. Though my brothers and I all felt the chair was some small part of our childhood, none of us were particularly attached to it and as such agreed to them taking the chair and getting use out of it. As my cousin (the son, who got the chair for his room) grew up, he decided to attend the university of texas (he's much smarter than this turn of events would have you believe). The chair went with him and became a fixture in an entirely new set of lives. It was as known as a piece of furniture can be in a college boy's room. 

As I was talking with my cousin a few weeks ago, I randomly inquired about the red chair. Sadly, it had been damaged beyond repair at a party, set beside the curb, and hauled away. No there is not some wild story or crazy event that preceded its demise. Rather, it was tragically destroyed by none other than David Fucking Ash, who sat his stupid fucking ass on the arm of it, rather than in the seat, and broke it off. It's now in a greater Austin landfill, thanks to that stupid fuck who is no better at simply sitting down than he is at quarterbacking. I hate texas. 

True Story.

I digress from that probably irrelevant diatribe, and point my thoughts to Mack Brown, who has done nearly as much for Bob Stoops as he's done for himself. Apart from a few years where OU was pretty lousy and texas was pretty good, we've handled them well. Say what you want about Stoops shitting himself on the biggest stages, he almost always has the Sooners ready for texas. I'm convinced the common denominator here is Brown. Much has been made of the Sooners dominating recent Red River clashes, all week long. The Sooners are (surprisingly, maybe?) good in the first part of the year. texas has been pleasingly (surprisingly, maybe?) bad. So this bodes well for the Sooners, right? Right?

Actually I'm not sure. Traditionally in sports, repeatedly telling first class athletes they won't and, moreover, can't do something tends to light a significant fire under them. Supremely motivates them. Pisses them off, so-to-speak. Pile on the rivalry aspect, which generally provides a notable motivational factor on its own. Then add in this whole, Mack-Brown-is-fired-if-they-lose corollary, and we've got a recipe for disaster in Sooner nation. All of this plus the fact that Sooner teams in recent years have excelled at "believing the hype" and adopting the attitude that simply putting on the uniform ensures victory. If this whole win-one-for-Mack thing permeates the longhorn locker room, we may be in trouble. 

Offense

Whew, where to start here? I love the ground game. I'm just as hard as can be over this ground game of ours. And if there's one thing I've proved over the first five games it's that I can pick who is going to have the worst day on the ground. I hope it's Trey Millard (that dominates, not has the worst day. I suck at this) I really do. Hell, I'll take any of the backs going off. That said, I'm not about to inadvertently put a hex on any of them, no way, no sir. I'm going to take a little trip to the passing game. I'm going to dial up one of my favorite young players and one of the 'Dozer's favorite targets. I'm going with Sterling Shepard. He's been a total stud this year and has completely lapped Trey Metoyer in the "young receiver to get excited about" race. I think Bell looks for him often, and he responds with multiple catches and at least one long TD. 

Defense

It's really tough that we lost Corey Nelson. He might've simultaneously been our most underrated and best defender. I do love Frank Shannon, and I hear Alexander is a more than capable replacement. So the LB's will hopefully be ok. That said I do imagine there will be a drop-off. In order to minimize this, we will need strong play up front, both in the pass and run games. I like one of the big boys to step and "get after it". I'm going with Charles "Ass" Tapper. He's just developing into a total badass. I think he plants that "pumpkin-head" (copyright: Keith Mitchell, 2012), Case McCoy on his dick more than once. That's right, multiple sacks, and maybe more. It's going to be a full on "boner-getter day" for the Ass Tapper fan contingency. 

Score

This looks much tougher to me than most are saying. I think texas has everything to prove and nothing to lose in this one. I think they punch us in the mouth early, maybe even have us reeling a bit. But I think we punch back and do enough to win. Sooners rally in this one to make it 4 straight, 33-27. 

Lets roll these rotten motherfuckers. 

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner. 

Notre Dame

Today the Sooners walk into, arguably the most hallowed ground in college football, to battle against the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame. The program is as storied as the come, and with the hiring of Brian Kelly, has made a full return to national relevance culminating with a trip to (and subsequent ass-beat in) the National Championship game last season. The list of traditions is long and oft discussed. Touchdown Jesus, slapping the Play Like a Champion sign (which might be one of the greatest heist jobs in history as it's a blatant rip-off from OU, I digress), painting the helmets for every game with paint allegedly containing real gold...and the list goes on. However, what many of the main stream media and general population don't know is that there are a few traditions that are just as vital to the aura and mystique of Notre Dame football that continually fly under the radar. Let's end the suspense:

The North Bend
While South Bend, IN is the home to Notre Dame, the North Bend is long-held, pre-game tradition that no player puts on his cup until he has throbbing erection. This, along with painting the helmets, the pre-game handy is a perk of being the Football Pep Club. Multiple, conflicting theories exist as the origin and significance of this tradition.

Lou Holtz Pregame Speeches

No, the legendary Lou doesn't come to each game and fire up the Notre Dame troops. Upon hiring each new ND coach, one of the first orders of business is to have an ill-fitting retainer made. Before each game, the coach pounds two Jaeger bombs, puts in the retainer and delivers a garbled, saliva-blasting speech to inspire his team.

Shower Rides
While it's true that no player has been carried off of the field since Daniel "Rudy" Ruettiger famously was, it's said a new tradition was born the following season. The star player of the game rides the player of his choice in a soaped-up shower celebration, while the rest of the team chants his name as a cap-tip to Ru-dy! Ru-dy! Ru-dy!

The Dusting of the Pubes
The famous gold in the freshly painted helmets is widely discussed. However, few know that the priests at Notre Dame shave the first pubes of the altar boys until the age of 16 in order to "keep them young and pure." These pubes are sprinkled all over the field and is said to provide the team with fresh legs throughout the game.

That is but four of the "secret" Notre Dame traditions that make the school the greatest gift to college football that has ever existed. Let's hope the Sooners don't crumble and wilt in the face of such glory.

Offense

Sooner Nation is still basking the glow of Blake Bell's dominant performance two weeks ago. The 'Dozer made everyone in Norman hit the streets to find the "heady nugs" that Stoops Heupel et al must have been smoking when Trevor Adophilous Knight was named the starter in his stead. While his passes were on time and accurate, sadly the barometer that is the Tulsa defense isn't the most telling. I, for one, am excited/anxious/nervous to see what he looks like against a very solid Irish D. Their front seven is pretty hard at every position, and their D-line in particular will provide a very tough challenge for our running game as well as pass protection. However, their secondary is rumored to be the bacon-caramel-brownie to their Kirstie Alley (read: weak point). With that in mind, I'm going with a receiver today. I think Jalen Saunders gets back on track after not being a focal point in the passing game last week. I think he gets in the end zone at least once today and makes some big catches for us.

Defense

This will be a big test for our boys on what has been a surprisingly solid defense thus far. Supposedly OU will be mixing in some of their 4-3 that was the mainstay of the Stoops brother's defenses until being supplanted for a 3-3-5 that was installed this past off-season. I've loved the play of our linebackers this year; Frank Shannon has been awesome. Jordan Phillips and Charles "Ass" Tapper have been very tough on the line as well. Today I'm going with Corey Nelson on defense. Long on potential and short on production in years past, he's finally (and almost quietly) playing like the star he was rumored to be for the last few seasons. I like him to be "flying to the football" today and making a bunch of big tackles.

Score

This is a huge test for our boys today. The Sooners have a longstanding tradition of their own, shitting the bed against the Notre Dame. While the Irish and their faithful will undoubtedly adhere to their traditions today and always, the Sooners will fly in the face of history with a win in South Bend. It will certainly be tough, but revenge is on our minds after last season. The defense plays well, and the 'Dozer does enough to win. The Sooners leave the scoreboard at 21-17.


Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner

OU vs. West Virginia

Judging future performance on the recent past is a tricky business. It's borderline dumb in sports. Any given Sunday and all that jazz. But last week, West Virginia had to throw the kitchen sink at William and Mary to eek out a win at home. I pegged William and Mary for a women's field hockey powerhouse. Nevertheless, a game that was, on paper, the best of the 2013 Sooner home slate now looks a little less appealing.

That's dangerous thinking that the Sooners would be advised not to buy into.

I watched a little bit of the WVU game and the Mountaineers trotted out some half wit at quarterback name Greg Millard. I am delighted to call him Greg Marmalard. I hope he plays early and often. He seemed ineffective.

OFFENSE

Anyone who wasn't pleased with last week's performance is a jerk. Trevor Knight was shaky early in his first meaningful action since high school. That's understandable. Some of his passes should have been caught. He managed the game, his lone turnover was awarded via replay and was a long pass on 3rd down anyway (effectively a punt). He got rid of the ball quickly, didn't take a sack and didn't fool the o-line with snap counts and such.

The running game was damn good too. It might not happen this year but Keith Ford is going to be a star. On one play it took three defenders to bring him down and they all got up slowly. The dude runs hard.

I would expect more of the same this week. I expect the passing to be marginally improved by virtue of the distribution of the ball being a bit better.

For my OPOG I'll go with Roy Damn Finch. He saw more action than I expected and I think he'll break some longer ones this week. The good news is there are options here week in and week out.

Before we move on to defense I'd like to highlight that both Navin and I made awesome picks last week. Both Knight and Jalen Saunders were impressive.

DEFENSE

Sooner fans should be pleased with what they saw on this side of the ball last week as well. Shutouts are hard to get. There is clearly an athletic upgrade across the board from this year to last. They seemed to play with a sense of urgency. I was really impressed by Jordan Phillips and Charles (Chaz) Tapper on the line. Frank Shannon and Corey Nelson both played well. Eric Striker is a linebacker in a Safety's body. Zack Sanchez was solid at DB. Quentin Hayes and (gulp!) Gabe Lynn were both flying around.

I'm cautiously optimistic that the attitude and snarl missing from year's past has finally made its return.

For my DPOG I'm going with Cory Nelson. I'm hopeful that the Sooners might have an answer to all the underneath stuff these widespread offenses are using. The LB's really seemed like they were covering some ground last week. Maybe some of these plays can get funneled to these guys and that they have the athleticism to make the plays.

Seems crazy picking an LB but what the heck.

SCORE

It's too hard to believe that WVU can be as bad as they appeared last week. I chalk it up to new personnel and looking ahead a bit. Also, Dana Holgerson seems like a putz so he probably just didn't have the boys ready to play. So, I think they look a little better this week and score some points.

I do not, on the other hand, believe that the WVU defense can hold a wet fart. This will not be the shootout of last year but there will be lots of scoring.

OU 42 WVU 24

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner

2013 (half-assed) Preview

Here we are faithful reader(s), back again for another fall of The Steamroller. It's been a somewhat uneventful off-season. There were a few position coaching changes but the base staff remains intact and Mike Stoops emerges from under the blanket of not being acclimated to the new style of play in the Big 12. In other words he really doesn't have many excuses left. 

On that note the defense looks pretty thin. Up front we return very little and those that are back aren't raising tents in the pants of sooner nation. The secondary could be decent. Aaron Colvin looks tough but little else is proven and in some cases (I'm looking at you Gabe "Gas Rag" Lynn) all that's been proven is that he couldn't cover a baby's eyes with both hands. That said there are some young bucks who will vie for meaningful PT so it might not be as bad as we think. The LBs are all promise and no production up to now but we can hope Corey Nelson et al can figure it out. Things look bleaker than they have in years but the unknown also brings promise with dread. 

Offensively, things look much better with proven experience at almost every position save one. That of course is QB where a redshirt frosh won the job over the only guy who does have experience there. I'll take that as a positive sign. He's well positioned to succeed with the loaded backfield and WR corps, not to mention a pretty well seasoned OL. As for our QB, I'm clinched up like everyone else hoping for Bradford not Bomar. 

It's kind of a strange year. It's the lowest my expectations have been in years, but while the untested nature of the squad isn't ideal, I'm almost excited about not knowing. The wildcard here is Knight, and while he's been (allegedly) a world-beater in practice, that's a long way from Saturday mornings.  I'm hopeful, I like that expectations are down. Lets hope that the lack of pre-season consideration for anything meaningful pertaining to the end of the year gets Bobby back to his old ways and has this team playing like the Sooner clubs of old. 

I'm predicting a Big 12 championship, which may speak more to the conference than to our squad. 

This year's MF is none other than Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin. 

We haven't discussed this year's Old Steady but I'm leaning to Brennan Clay. Mitch?

I'm pumped to have another fall of football at hand. We'll be back soon to talk ULM. 

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.

Oklahoma Sooners 2012 Defensive Preview

For the better part of a decade the eyes of Sooner Nation have been focused on the offensive side of the football. Year after year the tempo rose, the weapons amassed and scoring was off the charts. It was always assumed the defense would be competent enough and close enough to the championship levels of 2000 to keep opponents under 30 points. The thinking went, and rightly so, that the Sooner offense could score 30 in its sleep.

For the first time in years the hopes of a Sooner championship rest squarely on the defense. For the first time in a long while, the defense offers the best reasons for hope and optimism heading into the season. And for the first time in nearly a decade, Mike Stoops is stalking the Sooner sidelines.

To reiterate: Mike Stoops is back coaching the defense.

Stoops wasted little time making changes. Things are going to be simpler. Tony MF Jefferson is moving to Free Safety where he can patrol the secondary. It's always a good idea to have your best player be in a position to wreak havoc.

The loss of last year's most consistent defender, Jameer Nelson, stings but the Corner combo of Demontre Hurst and Aaron Colvin will still be the league's best. Colvin is poised for a breakout year. Demontre also speaks highly of Sophomore "Mayor" Julian Wilson. Stay tuned there.

Javon Harris and Gabe Lynn spent much of 2011 locked in a duel to claim the memorial Matt "Gas Rag" McCoy trophy. Lynn's contributions in the Texas Tech game were especially unwelcome.

Up front there has been some upheaval. Stacy McGee (Senior, 14 starts) has been suspended. David King will now spend more time inside rushing from the 3 Technique (football term). King was underrated in 2011 and could wind up anchoring the D-Line. RJ Washington has never lived up to the hype and he seems a bit pissed about it. Hopefully this translates to improved play on the field.

To quote the Longshoremen from Major League, "Who are these fuckin guys" sums up the rest of the D-Line. Mitch Tate, Charles Tapper and Chaz Nelson sound more like an Ivy League Coxed Pair Rowing team than Defensive Ends. Chuka Ndulue and Mike Onouha are battling for spots on the all-name team as well as for playing time at Defensive End.

Usually there are guys who feel like 8th year seniors (See: Jamarkus "Booger" McFarland) but Linebacker Jayden Bird breaks the mold. I figured he was a Junior at best but he's a Senior. Who knew? Tom Wort' s son is already being recruited but he could wreak havoc this year if he can keep from tearing a knee ligament. (Aside: How is Tom Wort a Junior and Jayden Bird a Senior? Doesn't seem right) Corey Nelson needs to live up to his potential.

And really you guys, potential is what we have to go on with the defense to start this campaign. It's all hope and optimism, raibows and unicorns. There is some quality talent and memories of crushing defenses from the early 2000's but there are some real questions on the defensive line.

My feel is that a positive attitude adjustment will by itself shave a touchdown off opponents scoring average and in the grand scheme that could be enough to make a run. If the attitude results in a bunch of baby-eaters running around with their hair on fire then so much the better. I welcome the opportunity to yell at my television in a good, nee great way.

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner!