I really hate texas. I hate their uniforms. I hate their players. I hate the attitude of their fanbase. I hate their coach. Please allow me to spin a yarn about a deeply personal experience related to the texas football program, which may enlighten you to a small part of the stem of this hatred.
Growing up in Missouri my father had an office in my hometown. He worked in the same office, in the same building for many years. As one might expect, he came to know several other tenants who leased space in this same building. Spending a fair amount of my childhood here, along with my brothers, we too came to know many of these same people. One of these people was an older lady named Martha. She was a big part of our lives growing up and became a part of our family, joining us for holidays and other occasions throughout our lives. Martha's office was similar to my fathers, only in one corner was a large, vinyl-covered, red recliner chair. It was clearly something much older than I was, but it was omnipresent in Martha's office and everyone who paid her a visit (there were many every day) invariably sat in this chair.
Shortly after Martha passed away, my family had the task of cleaning out her office and its contents. My cousins, from Ft. Worth, were in town to visit and helped us with this task. My cousin decided that the red chair was perfect for her son's room. Though my brothers and I all felt the chair was some small part of our childhood, none of us were particularly attached to it and as such agreed to them taking the chair and getting use out of it. As my cousin (the son, who got the chair for his room) grew up, he decided to attend the university of texas (he's much smarter than this turn of events would have you believe). The chair went with him and became a fixture in an entirely new set of lives. It was as known as a piece of furniture can be in a college boy's room.
As I was talking with my cousin a few weeks ago, I randomly inquired about the red chair. Sadly, it had been damaged beyond repair at a party, set beside the curb, and hauled away. No there is not some wild story or crazy event that preceded its demise. Rather, it was tragically destroyed by none other than David Fucking Ash, who sat his stupid fucking ass on the arm of it, rather than in the seat, and broke it off. It's now in a greater Austin landfill, thanks to that stupid fuck who is no better at simply sitting down than he is at quarterbacking. I hate texas.
True Story.
I digress from that probably irrelevant diatribe, and point my thoughts to Mack Brown, who has done nearly as much for Bob Stoops as he's done for himself. Apart from a few years where OU was pretty lousy and texas was pretty good, we've handled them well. Say what you want about Stoops shitting himself on the biggest stages, he almost always has the Sooners ready for texas. I'm convinced the common denominator here is Brown. Much has been made of the Sooners dominating recent Red River clashes, all week long. The Sooners are (surprisingly, maybe?) good in the first part of the year. texas has been pleasingly (surprisingly, maybe?) bad. So this bodes well for the Sooners, right? Right?
Actually I'm not sure. Traditionally in sports, repeatedly telling first class athletes they won't and, moreover, can't do something tends to light a significant fire under them. Supremely motivates them. Pisses them off, so-to-speak. Pile on the rivalry aspect, which generally provides a notable motivational factor on its own. Then add in this whole, Mack-Brown-is-fired-if-they-lose corollary, and we've got a recipe for disaster in Sooner nation. All of this plus the fact that Sooner teams in recent years have excelled at "believing the hype" and adopting the attitude that simply putting on the uniform ensures victory. If this whole win-one-for-Mack thing permeates the longhorn locker room, we may be in trouble.
Offense
Whew, where to start here? I love the ground game. I'm just as hard as can be over this ground game of ours. And if there's one thing I've proved over the first five games it's that I can pick who is going to have the worst day on the ground. I hope it's Trey Millard (that dominates, not has the worst day. I suck at this) I really do. Hell, I'll take any of the backs going off. That said, I'm not about to inadvertently put a hex on any of them, no way, no sir. I'm going to take a little trip to the passing game. I'm going to dial up one of my favorite young players and one of the 'Dozer's favorite targets. I'm going with Sterling Shepard. He's been a total stud this year and has completely lapped Trey Metoyer in the "young receiver to get excited about" race. I think Bell looks for him often, and he responds with multiple catches and at least one long TD.
Defense
It's really tough that we lost Corey Nelson. He might've simultaneously been our most underrated and best defender. I do love Frank Shannon, and I hear Alexander is a more than capable replacement. So the LB's will hopefully be ok. That said I do imagine there will be a drop-off. In order to minimize this, we will need strong play up front, both in the pass and run games. I like one of the big boys to step and "get after it". I'm going with Charles "Ass" Tapper. He's just developing into a total badass. I think he plants that "pumpkin-head" (copyright: Keith Mitchell, 2012), Case McCoy on his dick more than once. That's right, multiple sacks, and maybe more. It's going to be a full on "boner-getter day" for the Ass Tapper fan contingency.
Score
This looks much tougher to me than most are saying. I think texas has everything to prove and nothing to lose in this one. I think they punch us in the mouth early, maybe even have us reeling a bit. But I think we punch back and do enough to win. Sooners rally in this one to make it 4 straight, 33-27.
Lets roll these rotten motherfuckers.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner.
