Hey loyal reader(s), glad you're here for an early edition of the gameday picks. As I alluded to earlier in my offseason notes, I'm leaving for parts abroad tomorrow and will be unavoidably detained from posting for the actual game whilst gone. I've also had several brews, so in keeping with the, up to now, consistent theme of being vaguely coherent, I'm not sure how much sense this is going to make. The season begins and expectations couldn't be any higher. This is nothing new for the "homers" that root for OU. Assuming you've been to a game, you've realized that unless the Sooners are winning 58-0 that people are flat out pissed off. The difference, at least compared to recent years, is that the national media is at least somewhat inclined to agree. That is a long winded and mostly irritating way of getting to the point that we are early season favorites to win the national championship...no pressure. Frankly, I don't like it. If there is anything that the Bob Stoops led teams of the last 8 or 9 years don't need, it's an inflated sense of entitlement. However, I drink the Kool Aid, shit I take enemas of it, so I'm on board. Suffice it to say, that we are supposed to be good, and I think we have a chance to be. All that said, we are playing a Tulsa team this could not be drawn up better to be a pain in our ass in week one.
Typically, we start like shit on defense. By typically I mean, since Mike Stoops left for Arizona. As luck would have it, Tulsa is like any other upstart bullshit program from a joke conference, they are built on hard nosed defense and a power running game. Oh wait, nevermind, they pass like they get 10 blowjobs for every completion and score accordingly. What I mean to say is that they are in the mold of every team that gives us trouble. 1) Nothing to Lose. 2) Something to Prove. and 3) Offense built to score a LOT. Basically that means we've got anything but a cake walk here. Their QB is by all accounts the real deal (nice name by the way, if you don't know, I'm of the opinion that the guy who goes by initials is a complete tool anyway, but G.J. or K.D. or whatever the fuck it is. It's fucking lame. Hear that? Fucking LAME), a texas transfer if that matters, and put up roughly a shitload of yards and points last year.
But we've got an ace up our sleeve, we're damn sure built to be better, we are better, and we are at home (2 losses in the last 12 years or so). But, none of that guarantees shit...except a home game. So what do I think is going to happen? I think we will win, but predictably I think it won't be the runaway that everyone thinks. I think Tulsa will score. I think our defense will go through it's annual and nauseating early season defensive growing pains. Not to mention we are missing all-world Travis Lewis, that does hurt. But, I think we'll score too, so hopefully that works out on the good side of the ledger. So to the picks.
Offense
Wow, first game of the season. No idea who the starting RB is, as of now. But I do know who we have from last season, a few decent guys. I made a decision early last season, out of disgust and the taste of vomit in my mouth that I would never pick Lonnie Jones as my player of the game. He responded in kind with a a very nice season after that. So, as a result, fuck it I'm not picking him now either. I hope he tears it up as everyone thinks he might, but his targets are my pick this week. Broyles you ask? Nope, I think he'll be great as always, but this week I'm heading to the opposite side of the field and going with one of my personal favorites: Kenny "Fucking Shitbag" Stills. I think Stills reaps the rewards of a ton of attention going to Broyles.
Defense
Geez, also tough to say. It's likely that there are going to be more people I'm disappointed in on defense than pumped about this week. However, I do think there will be at least one fellow with a big game. I'm kind of excited about Frank Alexander again, he tantalized me a couple of season ago, then I went limp for a good part of last season, then the last couple of games I became comfortably firm if not borderline hard again. While I think he has a chance to break out as a legit end this year, I don't think that Tulsa is his coming out party. I'm going with this year's M.F. winner, Tony Motherfuckin' Jefferson. I feel that he is everywhere rolling heads, and forces/comes up with at least one turnover. Boner.
As I said earlier, I think this will be tough, these guys can absolutely score some points. They've got a solid, experienced QB who will give us a ton of problems in week one. I hate it, but they are going to give all of the national guys (I'm looking at you Stewart Mandel, you fucking fuckface) that nudge they need to start sucking on the collective dicks of the SEC and declare us pretenders. Well I welcome it, a little reality check early on is what we need. All of that said, I think we win, in moderately convincing fashion. I think it's annoyingly close early, but we do what we need to, and pull it out in the second half. Sooners win 38-24. (Editors note: First, I am the editor, Second, I proofread none of this nor did I have any sort of plan of what to write going in, so it's likely rambling and incoherent. Frankly, you can suck it. Suck it.)
Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner!!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Tony Motherfuckin' Jefferson
Congratulations to Tony Jefferson, our 2011 M.Fer award winner. As Navin said, choosing a Sooner who embodies the ideals of the award is not something we take lightly. The M.F.er wreaks havoc on the football field, runs around like his hair is on fire, "brings his lunchpail" and is a man among boys. An M.F.er's enthusiasm and tenacity defines the defense. His style of play compels you to shake your head and ask the person closest to you (or maybe to no one at all, but aloud), "Did you see that play that Tony Motherfuckin Jefferson just made?"
Here's a taste of why Tony Motherfuckin Jefferson was the choice. Caution: "It's" gonna move a little and you're going to get some goosebumps.
Here's a taste of why Tony Motherfuckin Jefferson was the choice. Caution: "It's" gonna move a little and you're going to get some goosebumps.
Offseason Notes
Wellsy, wellsy, if we aren't back for another season of the Steamroller. We are on the cusp of the 2011 campaign, and looking back it's hard to believe this is our second (SECOND!) season of doing this. Where has the time gone? In all seriousness, I'm impressed we stuck with it even the one season, but it turns out it's pretty fun to do.
The past offseason was both pretty nice, and pretty upsetting for the Sooners. We lost two (that I know of) outstanding players of the modern era. First, Brandon "Cueball" Everage (RIP), passed away in a tragic drowning incident. Mitch may know more of the details than I do, but regardless it's untimely. Everage was one of the pioneers of the modern era of Sooner football. One of the elite defenders that pulled a program laying firmly on the coals of the college football landscape, and elevated it to the clean bright air of a National Championship. Known as cueball by Mitch and I (one of the earliest nicknames we handed out), for his punishing lead-with-the-helmet style of hitting he was truly a great one, and one of my all-time favorites.
Additionally, and more widely published, was the unfortunate death of Austin "Soggy" Box. While no one knows the exact circumstance of his death, we all know the cause and frankly none of it matters as that is simply too young to go. While Box didn't get to fully establish his legacy as Everage did, he did solidify his reputation as a damn good player. Most notably, his replacement of Tom Wort solidified a previously shaky 2010 Sooner defense and fueled us to a Big 12 conference championship and Fiesta Bowl win.
Both will be missed as great Sooner players, albeit in different capacities.
****
This offseason in college football has been pretty shitty for many programs. We watched, nee, enjoyed the downfall of several programs notably Ohio State among others and were quietly pleased it wasn't us again (read: Bomar et al: complete morons). While seemingly the college football world crumbled for many top programs, the Sooners simply went to work in the Spring and Summer months, continued through Fall workouts and emerged with an all but consensus preseason #1 ranking. Honestly, with the cast we return I think it's legit. Obviously we have questions, but they aren't as numerous or critical as some in season's past. How will the RB situation play out? Can the shuffling defensive backfield survive inevitable early season breakdowns? Can we play enough defense to win without Travis Lewis? In other words, there are tough questions on both sides of the ball. Most of them will be answered in a September 17th tilt at Florida State. Highly ranked in the preseason like us, they will be a serious early season test. One that will likely go a long way in establishing an early national perception of our team. Though it's not idealistic at all, national perception goes a long way in determining voting and ranking in the current system.
I still haven't decided about doing a position by position preview like we did last year. I'm sure Mitch and I will discuss it, but I'm personally leaning toward no. Mostly because it was pretty time consuming (something I'm currently short on), not to mention I was fairly shitty at it. But a full Tulsa breakdown is coming from the both of us. Mine will be up a week early as I will be out of the country and unable to post.
Finally, Mitch and I had our annual preseason discussion on who will be awarded the two most prestigious awards handed out in the college football landscape. Each year we hand out the Chris Brown (former Sooner RB, not woman beating R&B singer) memorial "Old Steady" award and the Roy Williams memorial "Motherfuckin'" aka "M.F." award, depending on your audience. Old Steady is award to the player who doesn't necessarily blow your mind regularly, but consistently plays outstanding football and generally is a player who you look at in the box score and realize he had some pretty damn good numbers. This year's Old Steady goes to Travis Lewis. While we debated as to whether or not the injury should preclude him from the award, we decided that he is the incumbent and injury should in no way lessen his qualification.
Next, we handed out the Motherfuckin' award. While Old Steady is certainly a tremendous honor, Motherfuckin' is the ultimate award handed out. Starting with Roy Motherfuckin' Williams through last year's winner Quinton Motherfuckin' Carter, the title of Motherfuckin' has separated the first and last names of some fucking stud players. (A quick aside: while the title Old Steady stands alone, Motherfuckin' is to be used within the context of the players name. In other words in mentioning Old Steady, one implies that Travis Lewis is being discussed, conversely Motherfuckin' does not stand alone as a proper noun, merely as the most bitchin' adjective possible. Example: "Dude, Old Steady had 14 tackles and a sack!" Now, we all know that Travis Lewis being referenced here. However, one wouldn't say "Did you see him jump over the blocker and swat the ball from Simms? Motherfuckin'!" No! You would say "Did you see him jump over the blocker and swat the ball from Simms? Roy Motherfuckin' Williams!" Get it assholes?) So as Quinton Carter has left to the NFL, a new player was to be bestowed. This year's winner is Tony Motherfuckin' Jefferson (really rolls off the tongue). Frankly, I think we both went in knowing this is who we would pick and as a result deliberations were fairly brief. He is a serious badass, and is also the youngest player to ever have the award. He is also poised to be the first player to return the next season with an opportunity to wear the crown twice. I'm pretty excited. (T-Shirts are available at http://www.cafepress.com/warningtrkpower)
Finally, one more offseason note. There has been a huge, albeit involuntary, change in a long standing tradition. Due to manufacturer preference (i.e. they no longer make them) Heinken keg-in-a-cans are no longer the official beer of Sooner football. I'm pretty bummed because they ascended to that title in the year we won the 2000 championship. Alas, as they are no longer available for purchase, things had to change. Mitch and I deliberated and decided on PBR tall boys. While these are certainly not entrenched to the point that the keg-in-a-cans were, if this season plays out like the last time we established an official beer then look for them for many seasons to come.
So, with all of that said, I'm ready for some fucking college football. If we can stay healthy and play well defensively out of the gate (anything but a given), we've got a chance to have a pretty nice season. It's time to strap the pads on and play some fucking football.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner
The past offseason was both pretty nice, and pretty upsetting for the Sooners. We lost two (that I know of) outstanding players of the modern era. First, Brandon "Cueball" Everage (RIP), passed away in a tragic drowning incident. Mitch may know more of the details than I do, but regardless it's untimely. Everage was one of the pioneers of the modern era of Sooner football. One of the elite defenders that pulled a program laying firmly on the coals of the college football landscape, and elevated it to the clean bright air of a National Championship. Known as cueball by Mitch and I (one of the earliest nicknames we handed out), for his punishing lead-with-the-helmet style of hitting he was truly a great one, and one of my all-time favorites.
Additionally, and more widely published, was the unfortunate death of Austin "Soggy" Box. While no one knows the exact circumstance of his death, we all know the cause and frankly none of it matters as that is simply too young to go. While Box didn't get to fully establish his legacy as Everage did, he did solidify his reputation as a damn good player. Most notably, his replacement of Tom Wort solidified a previously shaky 2010 Sooner defense and fueled us to a Big 12 conference championship and Fiesta Bowl win.
Both will be missed as great Sooner players, albeit in different capacities.
****
This offseason in college football has been pretty shitty for many programs. We watched, nee, enjoyed the downfall of several programs notably Ohio State among others and were quietly pleased it wasn't us again (read: Bomar et al: complete morons). While seemingly the college football world crumbled for many top programs, the Sooners simply went to work in the Spring and Summer months, continued through Fall workouts and emerged with an all but consensus preseason #1 ranking. Honestly, with the cast we return I think it's legit. Obviously we have questions, but they aren't as numerous or critical as some in season's past. How will the RB situation play out? Can the shuffling defensive backfield survive inevitable early season breakdowns? Can we play enough defense to win without Travis Lewis? In other words, there are tough questions on both sides of the ball. Most of them will be answered in a September 17th tilt at Florida State. Highly ranked in the preseason like us, they will be a serious early season test. One that will likely go a long way in establishing an early national perception of our team. Though it's not idealistic at all, national perception goes a long way in determining voting and ranking in the current system.
I still haven't decided about doing a position by position preview like we did last year. I'm sure Mitch and I will discuss it, but I'm personally leaning toward no. Mostly because it was pretty time consuming (something I'm currently short on), not to mention I was fairly shitty at it. But a full Tulsa breakdown is coming from the both of us. Mine will be up a week early as I will be out of the country and unable to post.
Finally, Mitch and I had our annual preseason discussion on who will be awarded the two most prestigious awards handed out in the college football landscape. Each year we hand out the Chris Brown (former Sooner RB, not woman beating R&B singer) memorial "Old Steady" award and the Roy Williams memorial "Motherfuckin'" aka "M.F." award, depending on your audience. Old Steady is award to the player who doesn't necessarily blow your mind regularly, but consistently plays outstanding football and generally is a player who you look at in the box score and realize he had some pretty damn good numbers. This year's Old Steady goes to Travis Lewis. While we debated as to whether or not the injury should preclude him from the award, we decided that he is the incumbent and injury should in no way lessen his qualification.
Next, we handed out the Motherfuckin' award. While Old Steady is certainly a tremendous honor, Motherfuckin' is the ultimate award handed out. Starting with Roy Motherfuckin' Williams through last year's winner Quinton Motherfuckin' Carter, the title of Motherfuckin' has separated the first and last names of some fucking stud players. (A quick aside: while the title Old Steady stands alone, Motherfuckin' is to be used within the context of the players name. In other words in mentioning Old Steady, one implies that Travis Lewis is being discussed, conversely Motherfuckin' does not stand alone as a proper noun, merely as the most bitchin' adjective possible. Example: "Dude, Old Steady had 14 tackles and a sack!" Now, we all know that Travis Lewis being referenced here. However, one wouldn't say "Did you see him jump over the blocker and swat the ball from Simms? Motherfuckin'!" No! You would say "Did you see him jump over the blocker and swat the ball from Simms? Roy Motherfuckin' Williams!" Get it assholes?) So as Quinton Carter has left to the NFL, a new player was to be bestowed. This year's winner is Tony Motherfuckin' Jefferson (really rolls off the tongue). Frankly, I think we both went in knowing this is who we would pick and as a result deliberations were fairly brief. He is a serious badass, and is also the youngest player to ever have the award. He is also poised to be the first player to return the next season with an opportunity to wear the crown twice. I'm pretty excited. (T-Shirts are available at http://www.cafepress.com/warningtrkpower)
Finally, one more offseason note. There has been a huge, albeit involuntary, change in a long standing tradition. Due to manufacturer preference (i.e. they no longer make them) Heinken keg-in-a-cans are no longer the official beer of Sooner football. I'm pretty bummed because they ascended to that title in the year we won the 2000 championship. Alas, as they are no longer available for purchase, things had to change. Mitch and I deliberated and decided on PBR tall boys. While these are certainly not entrenched to the point that the keg-in-a-cans were, if this season plays out like the last time we established an official beer then look for them for many seasons to come.
So, with all of that said, I'm ready for some fucking college football. If we can stay healthy and play well defensively out of the gate (anything but a given), we've got a chance to have a pretty nice season. It's time to strap the pads on and play some fucking football.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner
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