Iowa State

Well, fuck. I don't have much other sentiment about the season at this point. OK, not true I have more. I will say this, I think I'm writing this piece with the least excitement I've had in the history of this blog. I feel like I've gone over it a thousand times, but I'm just tired of losing because of defense. Nothing is more frustrating as a fan. Losing 7-6 is better 100 times out of 100, I think. I truly think Venables sucks, I'm guessing that you know that if you read this ever. I've heard some talk of Mike Stoops coming back on. I'm not sure if that's a pipe-dream (probably), but Bobby hasn't exactly stomped the rumors out either so that makes me excited.

Anyway, last week we once again shit ourselves just when we were poised to get in the thick of the national title discussion. Those fuckholes in Stillwater didn't do us any favors the night before but it was all moot after our defense never got off the plane in Waco. Moving on, here comes an ISU team that I know little about. I think I heard their QB has only started a handful of games and is pretty green. However, I think they've done notably better since making the switch at QB. But it may not matter anyway, as we're just as likely to get beat by them as anyone else, we've proven that much this season. With that healthy dose of pessimism in mind, I'll counter with the fact that I think we'll win. If we manage to lose this one, I think this easily goes down as the most disappointing season of the Stoops era given the expectations and talent. Hell it might be anyway.

Offense

I'm not going to beat around said bush here, I'm going with Fuckin' Shitbag. He's hard. He's currently the best player on our offense, and I think he plays big today. Injuries have really taken their toll on both sides of the ball, but particularly offense. I think with so many people down, Lonnie has to find a new security blanket and who better than our most talented receiver who'll also be back next year.  Fuckin' Shitbag goes for 100+ and two touches today. That's right, two.

Defense

Over here, I picked Ronnell last week and he got hurt, so that sucks. It's senior day and I'm going with Old Steady today. I think he goes out in style his last home game. Big day, with 10+ tackles and a forced turnover of some sort. That's right, I'm thinking damn big on both sides of the ball. Fuck it.

I really do think this ISU team is pesky, and I think they'll hang around a bit. However, it is senior day and I think the boys are ready. I think we pound them as they day goes and all of a sudden the Cyclones look up and realize they're getting horsewhipped. I think that we punish them to the tune of 56-17. Now lets go out and look the team we were supposed to be and get tuned up for what will likely be the de facto conference championship next weekend.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner

OU vs. Iowa State

It wasn't that long ago when this OU - Iowa State tilt was a mere formality. A final tune-up for Bedlam and the biggest game of all time. A winner take all trip to the national title game.

Oh, those were the days! We were young and fancy free. We were sheltered from the cruel realities of a harsh and unjust college football landscape. We were naive in thinking these Sooners were worthy of a title shot.

Hardy-fucking-har.

It's hilarious to look back and think this Sooner defense might be some kind of juggernaut. "The best of the Stoops era" some thought. Shit that's rich. You know who has played consistently well on this defense? Ronnell "The Hammer" Lewis (now injured), Big Frank Alexander and Jamel Fleming. That's it. Last week it just happened to be Javon Harris's turn to look the shittiest.Everyone has played a part in this debacle though.

Last week I mentioned the different phases of the season. I forgot one. It's the one where Sooner Nation starts calling for Brent Venables job. That call is getting loud and if things don't go well the next two weeks it will reach full throat. Our boy Travis texted during the game last week that he wasn't renewing his tickets next year if Venables is on the sideline and he was serious.

Venables's bend but don't break defense is, on rare occasions, awesome. But when it's off my God it's terrible and the lack of adjustment is infuriating. Last week the Sooners got beat deep no less than five times. The Sooners never even saw it coming and never seemed inclined to do anything about it. I didn't read any interviews or watch the coach's show but I'm sure there was lots of talk about just being out of position, not knowing assignments and that sort of blame on the players. Whatever. At times this defense hasn't looked ready to play and it's the job of the coaches to have them ready.

Enough.

Sooner Nation needs to wipe the collective snot off its face and get ready for the ballgame this week. Iowa State boasts brings a Quarterback who has three starts under his belt. He can occassionally complete a forward pass (always gives us fits) and they have the biggest rah-rah coach in the conference. If the Sooners have a woe-is-me attitude who knows what'll happen.

I'm worried about Iowa State. That's how far we've come!

OFFENSE

Lost in the rubble of a bombed out 2011 Sooner campaign is the heart and guts the offense has shown pretty much all year. At times they've been ineffective but they've never given up. They've never looked totally lost. Last week they should have run the ball more. But they make plays and they scrap and they put up enough points that they should win every game if they had a defense that was worth a shit.

Get ready for a steady dose of running the football. The wind is howling today. That makes Stoops nervous. That said, I'm going with Brandon Williams. He looked good last week and he has to have a breakout game at some point this year. Today is the day.


Before I forget, how about the Belldozer? Dude is an animal. Like last week I probably should pick him. The Sooners would have scored on that two-point conversion as well. Book it.

DEFENSE

Oh, c'mon Maw, do I have to pick someone? Can't I boycott? I'm going to go with a Senior since it's Senior day. That means it's Big Frank, Travis Old Steady Lewis or Jamel Fleming. I'll go with Old Steady. The Iowa State passing attack really should be useless so Old Steady should have a chance to make a number of plays. Will he? I don't know! That's why they play the games.

THE SCORE

I just don't know. This jekyl and hyde defense has me doubting things I thought were infallible. True to my nature I will turn a blind eye to reality and cling to the hope that our best team shows up. The defense will play decent enough to win. The offense will not get too spooked by the wind and the Sooners will win just like they are supposed to.

OU 42, Iowa State 24

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner

Baylor

Though it's only been one week off from posting, I feel as though it's been longer. The last time I "published" something on here I was tailgating on the cusp of attending my first Sooner game in far too long. That, by the way, was bad fucking ass. However, if one thing could have pissed on my lunch box (aside from a loss) it was Broyles getting hurt and being out for the game/week/season/career. Shit.  

Needless to say, that is big loss seeing as he is out for all of the former with "a knee". If that wasn't enough, we snuck back into the national title race (albeit barely), only to have those hopes obliterated by an incompetent OSU squad last night. Rest assured however, that they will look like world beaters in two weeks when we come to town. Their loss nearly guarantees us no chance at the title game even if we win out. 

Tonight offers a serious road test, and frankly I'm a bit nervous about it. Baylor is better than their record, and much better when playing at home. RG3 is really good, and if he played for almost any team apart from Baylor he would probably be a serious Heisman contender. Our defense certainly has it's work cut out.

The good news is we've had two weeks to prepare for them. While it is on the road, I don't know that Baylor is exactly the Terrordome of collegiate sports. I certainly hope we come ready, and I hope Venables took the time to come up with a decent game plan rather than just going with the base package come hell or high water. Moreover, I hope he adjusts if things are't working out, but after a decade of not adjusting I'm not sure why tonight would be the watershed moment.

OK, I'm rambling. I'm half drunk from last night and really have no idea where any of this is going. I'm pretty sure that's the exact recipe for a "shitty read". On to the picks.

Offense

Man, without Broyles in there it really opens things up, and maybe not in a good way. We've lost our two best offensive weapons this season. What I'm really hoping for is that Broyles' injury induces the Ewing Factor for our offense (not going to explain that, if you read Bill Simmons when he was good you know, but suffice it to say it's a good thing: dba false hope). I really want to go with Fuckin' Shitbag today, I really do. However, I'm feeling a bit feisty and going with a guy who has been coming on of late and picking Jaz "hands" Reynolds (try to do jazz hands after he makes a play and not like it, go ahead, try). He has been coming on strong and I think he breaks out for real today. 100+ and at least one touch.

Defense

As you all know, I'm horny for Frank Alexander (in the truck driver/lumberjack manly sort of way). He has just been dominant all season. But, on the opposite side of the D-line the Hammer has been almost quietly as good if not better. With that in mind, I'm pick the Hammer today. His first ever nomination from me. In fact, coupled with my pick on offense, I've stepped out of my usual realm today. I think we see Ronnell get after RG3 today, and bury his shifty ass more than once. I love that.

As for the score, I'm a little torn here. On one hand I can see it being a track meet given the two offenses (and defenses). However I feel like that often those types of games go the other way. Couple that with the fact that I think our offense needs a little time to get it's footing post-Broyles and I think it's lower scoring than most would think. Also, I think that with the OSU loss fresh in our minds, we may not be as "up" for it as normal given that our national title hopes are probably gone. I like us in this, one but I think it's a tough win. OU takes this one in a battle 27-20. 

Let's beat these motherfuckers, and let's at least make it hard for the assholes to decide who should play in the national championship. 

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.

OU vs. Baylor

It's been a hell of a couple weeks. Since we last wrote in this space the following events occurred in college football: The Penn State Child Rape scandal, Mizzou's Gary Pinkel got a DWI, a Syracuse basketball coach got accused of being a pederast and a plane crash killed OSU women's basketball coach Kurt Budke.

"WTF"

On the football field, the Sooners lost their Offensive wunderkind, Ryan Broyles. Undefeated Stanford got smoked by Oregon. The Cowboys went ahead and looked like ass against Iowa State and got beat. In so doing, Brandon Weeden bequeathed his Heisman hopes (not too sad about it but I wish OU could have done this for him) and the Cowboys threw a serious wrench in OU's title game chances.

We are in the next to final act of the college football season. Act 1 was leading ourselves to believe there were so many good teams we might see 4 go undefeated and all the BCS speculation that goes along with it. Act 2 had some of those unbeatables losing and people believing that the shakeout was complete. There was anticipation in knowing that the remaining contenders would simply play out the string before meeting to decide it all. We're now in Act 3 which is the most fun. All the experts look like assholes because teams keep losing. It's the "Oh shit what's gonna happen" portion of our season where everyone has to win and everyone needs everyone else to lose and then we'll wait and see what the judges deem the best matchup. All of a sudden we've gone from possibly having 4 undefeated's to determining who's the best 1 loss team. It happens every year.

That's college football.

And now our 1 loss Sooners find themselves in Waco, Texas to face those wacky Baptists of Baylor. Prior to the season I was fairly nervous about this one. Last year I felt the Sooners really dodged a bullet when they played a Robert Griffin III-free Bears team. RGIII is a badass. His numbers this year are PlayStation esque.  Through his first 6 games he had some ludicrous stat like more TD's than incompletions. Unheard of.

He's come down to earth since. The Bears have gone on to lose 3 but  RGIII is still on many Heisman watch lists. He is, without a doubt, the heart and soul of the Bears. The Baylor offense is prodigious and the Sooners will have their hands full.

On the other hand (or, OTOH in text speak) the Sooners offense find themselves in the unenviable position of having to redefine themselves mid-season. Gone is the safety blanket of Broyles and the ho-hum reliability of his 14 catch, 170 yard performances. This loss is huge and cannot be understated. Lonnie Jones's world just got shaken and that's bad. Me no rikey nervous Lonnie. Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills is a Number 1 receiver on most any other team but Sooner fans are fooling themselves if they think the loss of Broyles will be completely made up for.

There is good news. It looks like the Baylor defense is pretty shitty so praise Jehovah the Sooners have what appears to be a fine opportunity to work out the kinks of this newish offense before Bedlam.

OFFENSE

Obviously the key is how does Lonnie play without his bosom chum and safety blanket? Which Wide Receiver(s) step up? To what degree does the offense change?

I think Lonnie will be fine the next two weeks. Kenny Fuckin Shitbag is a badass as we all know. Jaz Hands Reynolds has come on "in a great way" this year. It looks like DeJuan Miller will get the first crack at being the new 3rd wheel. If DeJuan doesn't work out there's always Trey Franks and Kameel Jackson.

My head tells me to pick a RB because I think the Sooners will come to rely on the ground game a bit more. But my head doesn't know what the hell it's talking about. The pick here is Kenny Fuckin Shitbag. He's clutch and has the swagger of a number 1 guy. Now there's no deferring to one of the all-time Sooner greats. The moment is his, the time is now.

The real wise pick might be the Belldozer. Dude brah is a force of nature.

DEFENSE

It's pretty simple. Stop Robert Griffin III. The hard part is stopping Robert Griffin III. It will take a total team effort.

Since I really have nothing else to add (This article is free. You get what you pay for) I'm going all heart here. I'm taking a page out of Navin's playbook and picking Big Frank Alexander. Blood flows to my groin region when Big Frank wreaks havoc on the football field. And he's wreaked a lot of havoc this football season. But I haven't picked him too much. So here it is.

THE SCORE

In my perfect scenario (read: Crimson Colored Glasses) I see the Sooners offense as a wounded and cornered animal. They lost their best running back. Now they've lost their best player. What's left is a group that must throw the kitchen sink at the opposing defense to be successful. Implementing the Bulldozer is evidence of this mentality. Now it's taken a step forward. So, it's conceivable we could see a pretty dynamic offense with no page of the playback left un-turned. That's my hope. In reality I think the Sooners look good these next two weeks in a false confident sort of way. By that I mean their opponents just aren't up to snuff. The offense looks like it hasn't missed a beat but they won't have really been tested. Who cares though. It's all about winning football games right now.

Defensively all I care about it making RGIII look human. Do that and we hold them under 30 points and we win.

OU 35, Baylor 17

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner

A&M

Well, I'm officially at the Sooners tailgate and I really couldn't be happier. I'm attempting to bang this out on my phone, aka worst case scenario. In turn, this is going to be unusually short. I'm fairly nervous about this one. These guys are better than their record indicates. They've lost their games by what seems like a collective 5 points or some shit. Anyway, we have our work cut out for us.

Offense

I don't know who to go with here really but as the season goes on it's becoming increasingly obvious that Broyles is the "safe" pick. That said I'm going with Kenny fuckin' shitbag Stills. I like him, I love him, I want some more of him.

Defense

Over here I think I'm going to go with Tony Motherfuckin' Jefferson. I think he is an animal and unlike K-State they have a dynamic offense. With that in mind, I think Tony will have multiple opportunities to to make plays, and I think he'll respond.

So the score here is tricky but I really do think that our guys are pissed off about last year. I think the Sooners take this one 38-24.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner!

I See Your Bullets and Raise Ye Bullets

I seen that Navin put together some bullets mid-week. That's the kind of hard hitting journalistic gim-gam that will take this blog places. Well played.

Not to be outdone here's some thoughts of my own:

• This is a big week for the Steamroller. This blog's co-authors are going to be together, in person, in Norman for the A&M tilt. There's gonna be a party y'all. If you'd like to meet up, get autographs, touch our sleeves, etc. hit us up. We'll be hanging out in Norman long after the ballgame to watch the LSU-Bama national championship semifinal. After that Navin will be hosting a writer's workshop on drunk blogging. It's "can't miss". 
• I have an idea for filling the void left by Dom Whaley. Trey Millard and Roy Finch doing their best Thunder/Lightning impersonation. They can be on the field together in multiple formations. They both can line up virtually anywhere, and both are dependable. I'm not opposed to sprinkling in some Brennan Clay and Brandon Williams but I think the combo of Millard and Finch deserves about 25 carries. Finch obviously is picking up a lot of the load but Millard has more than earned some touches. Dude is a beast. My father-in-law seems to think Millard will move to Tight End next year. 
• Didn't think I'd be saying it but it sure was nice to have Tom Wort on the field again. He tied for the team lead in tackles and had two sacks. If the Sooners can get Jamelle Fleming back they'll be in business.
• Navin already mentioned the defense but it seems their effort has gone underappreciated. They held a top 10 team, in a hostile road environment to one first down in the second half. Kansas had about 10 yards in the second half against them. When this defense is on I'd put them up against anyone in the country.
• Jaz Reynolds is a bad motherfucker. He continues to improve and has become the 3rd receiver everyone thought the Sooners needed to make things easier for Ryan Broyles and Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills. 
• Speaking of Broyles, is there a craftier carrier of the football than him? They way he uses the sideline is incredible. You think there's no way he stays in bounds and next he's gone 20 yards for a score. The Sooners are going to miss him.

This:

Tony Motherfuckin Jefferson and Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Still as Caped Crusaders

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner

Bullets for those short on time

• That game last week was amazing really. Granted their offense is the kind we typically shut down, but to our credit apart from a period in the first half where we lost consciousness we did just that. One first down in the second half? Wow.
• Dom Whaley, out for the season. That really blows, we really don't have a legit type back that is proven aside from him. Brandon Williams probably will be someday, but he isn't now. While Roy Finch and Brennan Clay do a nice job, I think it's pretty clear that they're not a pure RB like Whaley was. For the bitter sweet note of the day, at least he's finally on scholarship. 
• Games like that make the Tech game all the more puzzling. I just can't fathom how we lost that. Clemson going down helped us for sure, but it feels like Stanford escaped their close call for the year, and honestly after the Tech game I have my doubts as to whether or not we'll even win out. Our schedule isn't exactly a creampuff from here on out. Even after all of that, it's also hard to believe us passing a one loss Alabama/LSU given how good their collective cocks taste to the media.
• Finally, I've woken up every morning with matted pubes and my underwear glued to my thighs in anticipation of heading to Norman this weekend. It's my first trip in far too long to say the least. I couldn't be more fired up about seeing all of the boys and taking in a Sooners game in person. Until then...

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner