ULM

For the first time since being totally destroyed on the biggest stage (again) last January, the Sooners take the field with a clean slate this evening. As I mentioned in my post on Wednesday, I have an odd mix of resignation and optimism on the season. But as I wiped my eyes this morning and rolled out of bed, optimism sprung up. While I'm not sure what to expect during the course of the season, today I'm expecting an ass beat be put on the poor saps from ULM.

Yes, the pundits say that ULM is not to be taken lightly. They started their season by beating a respectable Arkansas team on the road and played (a shitty) Auburn close last year. They also had tough losses to such powerhouses as Arkansas State and Louisiana Ragin' Cajuns. With that in mind I'll chalk the Arkansas upset to being overlooked and the others to not being a great team. Listen, they are who we think they are and if you want to crown their asses then go ahead and crown them. Denny Green aside, they're a decent mid-major capable of beating us. However, I don't think it's likely.

The biggest story of our day, and what has me brimming with curiosity and excitement is the debut of Trevor Knight, aka not lonnie jones. I'm pumped to see what this supposed wunderkind can do. I'm also pumped that for the first time in 3+ seasons I'm not going into a game absolutely certain that I'm going to hate at least 10 things our QB does.

Defensively, well, who the hell knows what can happen? In my exhaustive (read: less than 7 minutes of...) research, it seems that ULM did put up quite a few points most weeks in 2012. So it appears that they know (knew?) how to score. This fact gives me more pause than anything else, given that last season we welcomed opponents into the endzone like so many penises into a chubby drunk sorority girl longing for acceptance. I didn't do any defensive newcomer selections, mostly because I didn't think of it (hat tip: Mitch), but the guys I'm excited to see, and think may have big years, are Frank Shannon and Charles Tapper (in addition to, of course, Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin). Let's hope we set the tone early this year by shutting someone down.

Offense

I feel like there are a lot of options here given the amount of talent we have returning to the skill positions. However, given Heupel's play-calling resume, it's a goddamned crapshoot figuring out who will get the ball (read: not Millard, Trey and Finch, Roy). However, there is at least one player guaranteed to get touches. Maybe it's the 3rd cup of coffee ("Jim never has a second cup of coffee at home..."), but I'm doing something I haven't done in those aforementioned 3+ seasons, I'm picking our QB, Trevor Knight, as my offensive player of the game. I think (hope?) that the young buck rambles, scrambles and throws all over the field today and lends me one of those corn-dogs Mitch observed in Mike Stoops' shorts (front, not back). I'm thinking 250+ passing yards, 50+ rushing yards, 3 TD's and 1 int (he'll have hiccups).

Defense

Here I really only have one option at this stage of the season given the number of question marks on D. So no bullshitting around, my pick is Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin. I don't foresee any int's due to the fact that they'll likely avoid going his direction much in the passing game. That said I think he makes multiple big tackles and forces a fumble in the run game (he can hit).

Score

My hunch is they can score. I'm hopeful we can too. Provided we don't run shotgun draws every play and turn into The Chuck Long Project (the offense, not the progressive rock trio I can only assume exists somewhere) again, I think we'll put up some points ourselves. It might not be flawlessly pretty but I think we win convincingly today 41-24. No I don't like that it's that close but they get a garbage TD in there at the end.

Let's roll heads, it's Sooner football season again.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner!

OU vs. ULM

It's football time in Oklahoma.

Don't be fooled by the bona fides of ULM. They beat Arkansas last year when the Hogs were ranked 8th in the country and they should have been ranked 88th. They beat Auburn and they were awful too. But the Sooners need to respect them. They have a solid QB by all accounts.

I'm eager to take the pulse of Sooner Nation and see how quickly people can put on their big boy pants and get on board the 2013 campaign.

OFFENSE

I think Josher will look to get Trevor Knight in a rhythm early. Knight will probably find a TBD safety blanket pretty fast and once that opens up the running game, it's over. I'm taking Jalen Saunders today for my OPOG. I think some wide receiver will catch about 10 balls. Might as well be him.

I also think the DD Williams train gets rolling. With everything else going on he's been under the radar this offseason. He can serve notice that he'll be a major factor on that side of the ball this year.

Also keep an eye on Roy Finch. He's back in good graces apparently. He's a senior too so it's all or nothing for him this year. Other things I'm excited for would be the return of Jaz "Hands" Reynolds, LaColton Bester and the line.

DEFENSE

Hooboy. The D doesn't have to be great today. I don't think they even need to show the promise of greatness. They just need to be solid. They need to do some things they can build on. Let's take baby steps here.

I'll take greatness though.

I'm picking Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin. There's no other choice really in the first game. I ride with the horse that brought me here. Half a dozen tackles, a couple break ups and a minimum number of balls even thrown his way will make his day a success.

I'll be happy if I can leave the stadium today with a feeling of excitement rather than dread about the future of defense.


THE SCORE

Ultimately, this provides a fine first test. The defense needs to get their sea legs under them fast. Trevor Knight needs some practice under the lights and 90,000 people. It won't be perfect but it will be fun and I'm pumped for another season.

OU 34 ULM 14

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner

The 2013 Steamers

The Sooner Steamroller preseason awards (dba The Steamers) guarantee success or failure just as much as the AP Pre-Season awards. Congratulations to all the "winners".

Without further ado:

The 2013 Sooner Steamroller MF'er

Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin

Goes to Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin. He was, by a mile, the only defensive player last year who played well on a consistent basis. He'll be on an island this year and, by all accounts, he's in full lock down mode. I'm excited about what this ball player brings to the table. He's a senior, he's a captain, he's the 2013 MF'er.

For the uninitiated, the MF'er is the most prestigious award handed out by Steamroller staff. It goes to the defensive player who most exemplifies everything you want in a Sooner. The MF'er brings his hard hat and lunch pail every game and can otherwise best be described as a "Baby Eater" on the football field. He makes plays that make you turn and ask the people around you, "Did you see that play? Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin, man!"

T-Shirts Here

Old Steady

Old Steady is the player (up to this point a running back) who brings the same effort every play. You know exactly what you're getting with Old Steady, a decent yards per carry, no fumbling, no dicking around in the backfield. This year the award goes to Brennan Clay.

Clay was much balleyhooed when he arrived on campus but he began his career as the homeless man's version of the original Old Steady, Chris Brown. Sure, he could get you two or three yards a touch but is that a feature back? Last year, however, he turned it on in a great way. This year, with a better (when healthy) O-Line and no plodding oaf QB to get in his way I see big things happening here.

I'd also like to "give propers" to Trey Millard as well. He's definitely good enough to earn Old Steady honors but, after discussing with Navin, we just don't trust Josh Heupel to feed him the ball enough for him to qualify. It's ridiculous that a lack of touches is a possibility. For Thunder fans it's the opposite of the Kendrick Perkins effect. Stubbornness keeps Perkins on the court and he is a black hole on offense. Millard is always on the field, lined up everywhere and is stubbornly denied the ball.

Gas Rag McGee

Gas Rag McGee
Photo by Chris Landsberger - The Oklahoman

To the player on defense who looks more lost than my mom in a Tokyo subway station. If opposing Offensive Coordinators have two brain cells to rub together Gas Rag McGee is the guy they will scheme endlessly to get man coverage against. Last year it was Tom Wort. Bless his heart he had the "motor" but he just couldn't hang physically.

This year Gabe Lynn puts the trophy back on his mantle. He's been lost in the secondary since he stepped on campus. Until someone steals the title from him, he's the guy. With plenty of newcomers this could be quite the little horse race this season.

Offensive Newcomer

Has to be Trevor Knight. It's not every year the Sooners usher in a new quarterback. Right or wrong the question is will he be the next great one. This implies trips to New York for Heisman ceremonies. That's a perfectly reasonable expectation isn't it? No pressure or nothin'.

Keith Ford could also be a choice here but there's no way he has the impact, good or bad, that Knight will.

Defensive Newcomer

Smart money is on someone like Quincy Russell, DJ Ward or Charles Tapper. The line was hideous last season and if any of these guys can bolster that unit, particularly Russell, then that would be huge. I'm going Quincy Russell here.

If you're feeling a little more daring I would say Hatari Byrd because Mike Stoops is so excited about him he reportedly stalks the practice field with what looks like a corn dog in his coaches shorts.

Coach or Player I Will Blame for Anything Bad Now That Landry is Gone

Josh Heupel. To say I'm underwhelmed by him is too kind. We haven't made a defense look clueless in three years. The only hurry up we do is a quick handoff. The Belldozer package was born of desperation and is successful because Blake Bell is bigger than a Honda Accord.

In my opinion Josher has more pressure on him to show something than Trevor Knight.

Home Game I Can't Believe I'm Missing

West Virginny. Life is full of tough choices. I've chosen a day of music over football on September 7th. Yep, One Direction is coming to town.

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner

This is Sooner Football 2013

Welcome, Sooner fans, to the 2013 season. It's been a long and all too familiar offseason of stewing in one's own stink. Losing ugly to Texas A&M on national television at the Cotton Bowl has the Sooner faithful questioning everything they've long held dear.  The net effect here in the heartland seems to be indifference. Expectations haven't been this low since Bob Stoops arrived 15 years ago.

I understand if you subscribe to the Championship or bust mentality. It has to be the mindset of the greatest college football team of all times. But let's be honest here. The odds of raising an 8th National Championship banner are not good. You say, "But Keith, do you mean not.. good.. like.. one out of a hundred?" I'd say more like one out of a million. But I'm telling you there's a chance!

So we need to make some lemonade out of last year's lemons. Here are five things to get excited about.

1. Landry Jones is Out

The Sooners could lose every game this year and I can say with absolute confidence that I will never utter the words, "No way would we have lost if we still had Landry". It won't happen. Quarterbacks not named Landry Jones are exciting.

2. Trevor Knight is In

A Redshirt Freshman quarterback being handed the reigns at a powerhouse is actually pretty frightening. And don't go tricking yourself into thinking he's the next Johnny Manziel. But this offense could put up 40 points if I was quarterback. It's loaded. The O-Line is experienced, there are playmakers and deep threats at wide receiver and the running backs are stacked. Throw in Knight, who can use his feet to escape pressure and stay ahead of the chains, and we might see opposing defenses on their heels again.

3. A Crapshoot Defense

The odds are stacked against the Sooners because last year's defense was terrible down the stretch. Four starters return from a unit that was ranked 64th in total defense last year (Of note: Brent Venables' Clemson Tigers D ranked 63rd). The situation can only improve in year two of Mike Stoops Part Deux, right? Or, could the inexperience of the new names and faces make them worse? We have no idea what to expect.

4. Jay Boulware, Special Teams Coordinator and Tight Ends Coach

Why is this a big deal? Last year one Tight End caught three balls. That's three balls. All season. They were coached as part of the Offensive Tackles group. I'm not pretending that an effective (existent) Tight End game is the single key to success in modern football. But having the option is nice.

Also note the Special Teams Coordinator title. OU hasn't had a coach with this responsibility since 2005 (Kevin Sumlin). Not coincidentally, special teams have vacillated between average and embarrassing in recent years. Special teams can win or lose football games.

A renewed emphasis on these two groups is definitely a good thing.

5. Trey Millard Decided to Come Back

He should have taken NFL money but I'm glad he's back.  The guy is a man among boys. It appears that the attitude in Norman has changed from complacency to near desperation. Hopefully this means Josh Heupel will be calling Millard's number early and often. If it happens get ready for Millard Mania©.

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner! Coming up next will be Preseason Awards and more prognostication.

2013 (half-assed) Preview

Here we are faithful reader(s), back again for another fall of The Steamroller. It's been a somewhat uneventful off-season. There were a few position coaching changes but the base staff remains intact and Mike Stoops emerges from under the blanket of not being acclimated to the new style of play in the Big 12. In other words he really doesn't have many excuses left. 

On that note the defense looks pretty thin. Up front we return very little and those that are back aren't raising tents in the pants of sooner nation. The secondary could be decent. Aaron Colvin looks tough but little else is proven and in some cases (I'm looking at you Gabe "Gas Rag" Lynn) all that's been proven is that he couldn't cover a baby's eyes with both hands. That said there are some young bucks who will vie for meaningful PT so it might not be as bad as we think. The LBs are all promise and no production up to now but we can hope Corey Nelson et al can figure it out. Things look bleaker than they have in years but the unknown also brings promise with dread. 

Offensively, things look much better with proven experience at almost every position save one. That of course is QB where a redshirt frosh won the job over the only guy who does have experience there. I'll take that as a positive sign. He's well positioned to succeed with the loaded backfield and WR corps, not to mention a pretty well seasoned OL. As for our QB, I'm clinched up like everyone else hoping for Bradford not Bomar. 

It's kind of a strange year. It's the lowest my expectations have been in years, but while the untested nature of the squad isn't ideal, I'm almost excited about not knowing. The wildcard here is Knight, and while he's been (allegedly) a world-beater in practice, that's a long way from Saturday mornings.  I'm hopeful, I like that expectations are down. Lets hope that the lack of pre-season consideration for anything meaningful pertaining to the end of the year gets Bobby back to his old ways and has this team playing like the Sooner clubs of old. 

I'm predicting a Big 12 championship, which may speak more to the conference than to our squad. 

This year's MF is none other than Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin. 

We haven't discussed this year's Old Steady but I'm leaning to Brennan Clay. Mitch?

I'm pumped to have another fall of football at hand. We'll be back soon to talk ULM. 

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.