Kansas State

Another fall Saturday and another prime-time game awaits Sooner nation this fine September morn. The Sooners open the conference slate with a stiff test against the Wildcats from Kansas State. The purple nurple's boast a fine running quarterback and an even better christian in Colin Klein.  With Lonnie running our huddle I'm putting the over/under on prayer circles organized in this one at 5.5. I just hope that Jesus can get a sideline pass for this one so that the devout may revel in his glory as the feverishly point to the sky after each touchdown scored today.

The Sooners will test their mettle so-to-speak today, even though they've had one fairly tough test so far this one looks much harder. Kansas State is a typical Monty Burns Bill Snyder team in that they are pretty disciplined and don't fuck up too much. However I think their dicks have been kissed by the lips of the media a bit early and often thus far. Yes, they beat Miami, currently a name and not much more and a couple of patsies otherwise, including Missouri State University (go Bears?). However, they do have revenge on their minds as we dismantled them in front of friends and family last year.

Though they run the ball like crazy, and that includes their Q, I think they'll shake things up a little today. I predict they go to the air earlier than is typical for them and I think they'll burn us a bit early with it. I hope we can stay disciplined and adjust accordingly so that this early trend doesn't continue. Sadly, my biggest concern is that we won't be able to score. Playing at home helps immensely, and having two weeks to prepare has historically boded (a word?) well for Bob Stoops and his minions.

Offense

I'm extremely tempted to pick Damien Williams here. He's been nothing short of a total badass this year. So good in fact that I've nearly forgotten my man-crush from last season, Dom Whaley. However, I've got another feeling that I can't shake. I think Lonnie gets on the same page with his newest baby blanket, Kenny Fuckin' Shitbag Stills. I think Kenny has a really nice day with over 100 receiving and at least 1 touchdown. I like it. I like it very much.

Defense

Here, I'm not sure what to do. I want to say a DL, I really do. However, I just don't think that we'll hold up extremely well there against their O-line. With all of the running they do, I think I'm going to go Corey Nelson. I feel like this guy has underachieved a bit so far. Today, I think he steps up and makes some big tackles and forces at least one TO. I hope I'm right. Oh how I hope I'm right.

I'm nervous in this one. I've got somewhat of a bad feeling here. I think we get in a hole early, and I think their defense will make it tough to crawl back. That said, I think we will. We've had two weeks to get ready. We're playing at home. We historically have matched up well with teams that play this style of offense. I think the Sooner rally in the second half and pull out the victory with 31-24 win. Let's get these motherfuckers.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.

OU - KState Preview

Iconic Turtlenecks

This Saturday the season begins in earnest. It's Bob Vader v. Bill Kinobi. Give Bobby some truth serum and he wants this game as bad or worse than he wants texas or OSU. This bodes well as the Student is coming off two full weeks of preparation for the Master. Let's break it down.

DEFENSE

The Sooner defense is famous (in my mind) for shutting down Heisman hopefuls. Last year that reputation took a major hit when Robert Griffin III all but thanked "The Sharks" when he accepted his Heisman Trophy.

This week the boys have a chance to cleanse their sullied reputations. But they'll have to hustle. This Collin Klein (Or Kellen Klein or Collin Quinn as I'll inevitably start calling him by late Saturday) is built like a brick shithouse and he's starting to show up on Heisman short lists. He's no RGIII but he is the cornerstone of the K-State attack. For the first time in Steamroller history I had to check two sites (read: work overtime) to confirm a stat. This sumbuck rushed the ball 327 times last year (!) and scored 27 TD's on the ground.

He's also a soulless Ginger which makes him extra dangerous. ZING!

But fear not, for I do bring glad tidings this day. He doesn't value the football. Here's hoping an aggressive and opportunistic defense can capitalize on his carelessness. I've had visions this week of a defensive touchdown. Dear Jehovah let me be right!

I study lots of film so I believe the Linebackers are key to stopping this Klein attack. They must "mind their gaps" and "not break contain". So, my choice for Defensive Player of the Game (dba D-POG) must come from the duo of Tom Wort or Corey Nelson. I have more confidence in Tommy Wort not making me look like a bigger doofus than I already am so I pick him.

OFFENSE

Lonnie really loves playing K-State. He put up PlayStation numbers against the Wildcats last year. We don't need that to happen again to win (but I'll take it!). The offensive line simply needs to give him time to "look left" or "look right" (I think these are the two plays on his wristband play sheet) and get rid of the ball. Anything to get K-State defenders out of the box is what we're after.

Then the Sooners can hammer the run game. Again, the O-Line doesn't have to set the world on fire. We are learning all they have to do is give DD enough time to get to that 2nd level. Then it's "on". The K-State secondary is crap. Their defensive line is where it's at. It must be neutralized.

Some semblance of a balanced attack and this football game is over. Through two games (and especially against Florida A&M) the balance has been pleasantly awesome. Balance against K-State would mean something else entirely and would establish it as the Sooner offensive identity going forward. That would make me giddy as a schoolgirl.

For my Offensive Player of the Game (O-POG) I shall not disembark the DD Williams train until someone makes me. Another strong performance will have him moving up some Heisman watch lists in his own right. To paraphrase the incomparable Clark Griswold I couldn't be more surprised if I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet.

SCORE

I have good feelings about this football game. I am looking through crimson-colored glasses this week and I received a text from Nate saying he had bad feelings.

All is right in Sooner Nation.

In addition, the Sooners are coming off a bye, Bobby wants to take the old man behind the woodshed again and it's another night home game. Let's do this.

Sooners 38 Wildcats 21

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner. Crack them PBR tallboys!

Sort of a Week 2 Recap

I'm going to give my two cents on the Florida A&M game as well. Keep in mind the fact that I saw not snap one of the contest, as it was on PPV and unavailable here.
Side note: if one is selling a product in today's age of information and data overload, wouldn't you think you'd try to make that product available to as wide of an audience as possible. As opposed to selling it exclusively in the one place where it is least marketable as the vast majority of those who would normally want to purchase it aren't need of it as they are going to see the game in person. That last rant was a shining example of the crisp, concise writing style I pride myself on.

However, from what I read it sounded like a pretty solid assbeat as I had expected/hoped for. From all accounts Damien Williams was an animal again, he certainly had the numbers to back it up. Let's talk quickly about the DD v Damien thing. Mitch, I know you love the DD. For whatever reason when I hear it I picture a stereotypical secretary circa 1983:

Boss-type: DeeDee? Can you bring me my dictaphone? Also, Xerox 3 copies of the Thompson file, and when you're finished have the Town Car gassed up and waxed.

Anyway, it seems that the folks at the Oklahoman keep calling him Damien (which might be enough reason for me to stop). I don't know what to do. I'm sticking with Damien for now while reserving the right to change my mind at any moment.

One disturbing trend I did see is that, predictably, Lonnie completed about 97.4% of his passes to Stills. This is his last year, he's been the starter for 4 years now. When can he figure out the fucking progression? In my lifetime I cannot remember a college QB so lauded who is so obviously destined to fail at the next level. Unbelievable.

Now I'd like to speak to the point of "worst pass ever". I do hate Lonnie, and certainly no one does it on a bigger stage, but I make a strong claim to title holder of worst pass ever. It happened about 6 years ago. My wife and I were on vacation with Mitch and his best gal down in Mexico. Now, we were at one of those all-inclusive beach resorts where the beer flowed like wine and the women instinctively flocked like the salmon of Capistrano. I had the foresight to bring a football along. As we had little to do to while the hours away apart from playing catch on the beach (you could do worse), we threw roughly 1,000,000 passes over the course of the week. As you might expect, we were in pretty good practice. So one afternoon late in the week we're at the pool when they announce a football tossing contest. Basically you stood on this sort of island in the middle of the pool and tried to toss a football threw a hula hoop about 10-15 yards away. Several contestants made their tosses, some respectable some not so much. When my turn came I uncorked my claim to "worst pass ever". It had the all of the tight spiral of a kick off, and was about 5 yards short and 10 yards wide right. I felt my face turn red and was soothed by the sounds of Mitch cackling uncontrollably at my hideously errant throw. I'm not sure how well that re-tells, but it's certain to get a laugh from my co-author at any mention (Co-Author's Note: He's right. I laugh every time I think of it. It was truly the worst). So with all due respect, I'll argue that it was the "worst pass ever".

Well, with that digression out of the way, I'm about done with this. Tony going down hurt, no doubt, I'm certainly glad we have the extra week for him to heal up. The D seemed solid apart from the mistake by the backup that Keith mentioned. All in all it was the drubbing we needed to soothe our worried minds after the UTEP debacle.

No games this week, but K-State the following weekend should provide a challenging opening to conference play.

Great photo essay Mitch, really captured the "mood" of game day in Norman. I, for one, am looking forward to more of that down the road.

OU - Florida A&M Recap - TCB

Not a lot to say about this one. The Sooners needed to get crisp in some areas and they needed to build some confidence heading into the Big 12 opener vs. Kansas State. They needed to stay healthy. For the most part they did all three.

Tony MF Jefferson "went out with an ankle" but he'll be good to go on the 22nd. Hopefully.

As far as being crisp it was an exhibition for the offense. The Sooners piled up nearly 700 yards of offense, 350 of which came on the ground. DD Williams was a beast again. He has that coveted breakaway speed. I am not making a comparison here but OU hasn't had a threat like this since DeMarco.

Quick Story: I'll argue with anyone who will listen that as time goes on DeMarco will go down as the most underrated running back in Sooner history. I nearly mentioned OU hasn't had a threat like DD since AD. See what I mean?

Landry did take his obligatory stab at "World's Worst Pass" in the 1st quarter when he hit a Florida A&M DB right in the chest. The next drive ended with a fumble but then the Sooners reeled off 8 straight touchdowns.

Justin Brown is also proving to be more than capable returning punts. A very nice development indeed.

Defensively there was one major breakdown by Tony's replacement, Jesse Paulsen (From here on he shall be called, "His Name Was Jesse Paulsen" - Shoutout to Nick Pointer for coming up with it).

Stats, stats, yada yada. The day was more about getting back into the swing of tailgating, seeing old friends and enjoying absolutely perfect weather (which rarely happens to start the season).  I took full advantage and the late start gave me plenty of time to, "pull the cork".

My goal for the day was to snap some pics. I pride myself on making terrible photo essays. I feel like I succeeded.

Self Contained

Clearly ready to accept more tailgaters, particularly lady-folk

The Schooner grill, Amurrican flag, Firefighters, guitars, beer, multiple coolers.
The proprietor of this tailgate has an eye patch.
You could not cram more America or Sooner Nation in a tailgate.

Amurrica

Ribs

The official vehicle of our tailgate

There's only one
Pictured: Crimson-colored glasses wearing Father-in-law

Obligatory art shot

At left: Sooner Steamroller Co-Author
At right: A Steamroller fan asking to pose for a picture
Note: I always have time for fans, don't be shy

Action photo

The student section has packed it in.

Florida A and M

Here we go Sooner fans, another game to start our home football season. After a lackluster debut against a pretty bad team, the Sooners look to right the ship and dominate a presumably bad Florida A and M team. It may be a good sign that the Oklahoman's biggest piece on these guys centered around their marching band, but then they employ Berry "I dress like an 80's talk show guest" Trammel, so maybe that was the "angle" he thought would sell some newspapers. Whatever it is they aren't that great to begin with and in following the OU lead, managed to get several of their players suspended for the game.

Like the UTEP game, I've done very little to learn of Florida A and M. I have no idea what type of offense they run, what type of defense they run, or what players are key to their success. Again like the UTEP game, it really shouldn't matter. We should have our way with them. However, if this game is tied in the 4th quarter again, I may go "chimp" and throw my own poo at the TV. Oh wait, never mind this won't be broadcast here in the NYC. My TV is safe...for now.

The Sooners got some good news this week when the return of Casey Walker was announced. My understanding is that he won't play today but is hopeful for the K-State game in two weeks. I'm just glad he's practicing again. It's likely we'll be able to handle today without him, but we sorely need his depth on the D-line if we hope to do anything worthwhile in conference play. Also, barring a last minute change we should see the debut of Geneo Grissom today as well since his suspension was of the one-game variety. Hopefully that makes a difference in what was a subpar OU passing game last week.

Offense

I have to admit, as I alluded to briefly earlier this week, I really liked that Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills stepped up last week. I think he's more comfortable in the slot and the position suits him well. He was clearly Lonnie's "go-to" guy. In fact Lonnie is already in danger of developing the same tunnel vision with Stills that he had with Broyles. I don't care much for this plan of attack, but if we move the ball like we have in the past I won't complain. Now that I've said all of that I'm picking Dom Whaley again. He looked good last week I thought, but with little to work with in terms of places to run so the numbers were down. I think the line actually opens some holes for him today and he responds with 100+ and a touch.

Defense

Here I'm not sure what to do. I don't know enough about what they do to make a very good pick I don't think, so I'm just going to go with the old gut. I think David King has a really nice day today. I know he's more end than DT but I still see him being a force. I think he disrupts their offensive front all afternoon and maybe even tallies a sack. Let's be honest, he's the best guy we've got up front and I think he takes it personally that they got ran over last week.

Score

Last week I made the mistake of getting caught up in all of the hype and excitement of a new season and grossly over-estimated the score. I don't think anyone thought it would be close but I also don't think anyone would necessarily guess a shutout. Last season whenever we would wet fart on ourselves in a game, we would come back the next week and look like world-beaters. I certainly hope this doesn't become a pattern again this season, but I think for today that the motivation of last week plus the fact that it's our first home game puts Florida A and M in for a world of shit. I think Mikey has the D ready as I'm sure his jaws are woefully sore from chewing ass all week. I think the Sooners get it going a little and hammer them 41-7.

I certainly hope I'm right, because laying another turd will shape this up to be an awfully long season.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner

OU vs Florida A&M Preview

Florida A&M is getting a check made out to them for $650,000.00 in exchange for satisfying the blood-thirst of the Sooner faithful (or for filling a slot on the schedule). Everyone knows this. But in their locker room you can bet their coach is giving his best Any Given Sunday speech and his team will be fired up to play. The Sooners can sleepwalk their way to victory but can they match or exceed Florida A&M's enthusiasm?

Two factors should inspire the Sooners to get jacked and deliver the beat-down all God and Man (including everyone on the Florida A&M sidelines) expect.

First, it's the home opener (oh, you already knew that?). If running out of the tunnel for the first time in 10 months doesn't get these guys ready to knock someone's dick in the dirt I don't know what will. I want to see some pep, attitude, vim, vigor, swagger, hustle, umpto etc. Excellent teams bring it no matter who they play.

Sooner fans better bring it also. Again, it's the home opener. There are 6 home games a year. Everyone will have all day to tailgate and the weather will be perfect. I hope my gut is wrong about the student section being half empty at kickoff.

Second, last week proved hype and headlines don't make tackles or score touchdowns.There are many phases of the game the Sooners can "execute" better as Bobby would say. There is zero excuse for not doing so on Saturday. This should be a glorified practice except everyone can play through the whistle. Everyone should have ample opportunity to earn their accolades. Anyone who doesn't needs to take a hard look at themselves (The eye of Sauron is focused on the O-Line).

OFFENSE

I'd like to see Josh Heupel get Landry into the "flow" of the game by letting him fire some passes that require less finesse than a swing pass. Anyone who has ever thrown a ball knows you make it harder on yourself when you try to guide it. Let Lonnie stretch his wing out a bit, step into a throw and let the receivers run to it. Worst case it's 3rd and long like usual. Best case you pick yards up in chunks. Of course this depends heavily on the O-Lines interest/ability in not pulling this, "Ole' bullshit!" on defenders.

I'd also like to see more Roy Finch than Belldozer. I apologize in advance for beating this dying horse but until I see Finch perform terribly I'm going to continue to do it. There's something more than poor pass blocking keeping him off the field and it sucks for everyone.

As for the Belldozer, the Sooners simply should never find themselves in need of his services in this one. Let's work on other things in the red zone. You know, in case it could be useful later. Let's see if Landry can pick up a 3rd and 2 on his own. Again, you know, just in case. The Belldozer Package is the only thing the offense does reliably well the last 8ish games. There is room to improve execution elsewhere.

For my Offensive Player of the Game I'm going with the flavor of the day, DD Williams. I'd like to go on record and say how much I like everything about the name DD. But I also want to see more of this scholars game. In the parlance of today's youth, I'm "intrigued" by his skillset.

DEFENSE

Florida A&M will be without the services of their best Wide Receiver. I don't know what best means exactly and it doesn't matter anyhow. Demontre or Aaron Colvin would have shut him down. So let's spend some time shoring up the middle of the football field.

I'm going with David King as my Defensive POG. This should be a nice opportunity for him to settle into his 3-Technique and unleash holy hell.

The Score

I'm not sure I want to live in an America where the Sooners don't score 63 in this one. I'm more pessimistic about this team than any other of the Bob Stoops era but there is no other reasonable expectation.

OU 63 Florida A&M 0

Crack them PBR Tallboys and Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner

UTEP Revisited

All in all, Mitch is right. We won the game and that is the only statistic that really matters in the end. That said, it was a pretty disappointing night. The Sooners were really pretty lackluster in nearly every phase of the game. It's telling that in the on-field interview after the game Stoops cited offense, defending the run, and special teams as areas that need improvement. Really, that's all?

As Keith mentioned, the play calling basically sucked on offense. It felt like Chuck Long was back: inside draw, bubble screen, inside handoff, bubble screen, bubble screen, inside draw. Repeat. But, play calling shouldn't really matter against a UTEP. Let's be honest if we are really as good as everyone keeps saying, we ought to be able to hand them the playbook and still do whatever the fuck we want whenever we feel like doing it. The offensive line was abysmal. Lonnie missed some open receivers, no doubt, but he had about 1/3 of a second to find them most of the night. (editors note: if I'm defending Lonnie that means there was a serious problem elsewhere).

To make a reply about what Mitch mentioned regarding finding out about your team, I'm not sure it's ever a great time to find out that you aren't very good on the offensive or defensive lines. Particularly when you, presumably, have the best players on the field at those positions and no, again presumably, better options to try out. Let's put it this way, I'd feel better finding out that I'm 84 points better than anyone.

Highlights

Chuka Ndulue did seem to have a nice game. I'm not smart enough to "break down film" but it felt like he was in the backfield quite a bit and in on several tackles. King also looked good on the D-line.

Metoyer looks like he has some good potential. He really looks good catching the ball, though he didn't have a ton of opportunities. Justin Brown also looked pretty nice, both in the return game and running after the catch. Stills stepped up quite a bit too, which is good to see as he felt MIA a bit last season after Broyles went down.

Williams looks like a nice find at RB and could provide some nice depth there. He showed some good speed and power to go along with what looks like a lot of effort after contact. Brennan Clay looked decent in limited looks.

Lowlights

The run defense looked terrible. Tons of missed tackles and guys out of position. The mighty O-line of UTEP was letting their RB get about 5 yards before getting touched most carries. This has to improve or we will lose many games this season.

The offense in general. Poor blocking, missed throws and no real momentum at any point. Two of the touchdowns were "homeruns", the other came after a bonehead fake punt attempt gave us the ball in their half of the field. Seriously, not one sustained, methodical drive down the field. This is a good indicator of multiple problems on O.

No Roy Finch. He's not nearly the answer to the problems (if only). However, he has proved to be nothing more than a dependable, hard working back, that can mix things up. Not to mention, he's been consistently productive when (reluctantly/desperately) given opportunities.

Let's hope things shape up. They have to or we're looking at another lost season. Back this weekend with sunshine and lollipops.

OU - UTEP Hangover

I've had a few days to marinate and make snap judgments on the Sooners ho-hum 24-7 victory over UTEP.

From the "Polishing a Turd" Department I offer the following. First, 1-0 is better than 0-1. Do not lose sight of the fact that the Sooners are still in the title hunt! Second, as FIL (father-in-law) pointed out, the Sooners learned a lot more about themselves than, say, OSU did in their mockery of a game.

Now back to reality. This game was 10-7 going into the 4th quarter because the offense just looked putrid.

There still hasn't been a time since Ryan Broyles went down where the Sooner offense has had anything resembling rhythm. On this night it would be easy to blame the O-Line, Josh Heupel, dropped passes or Landry (in that order). If the first two do not drastically improve it's going to be a very long and depressing season.

There's no real sugar-coating the lack of depth at O-Line so Josh Heupel has to figure out a way to work around it. The answer in El Paso was a steady, nauseating dose of screens and swing passes. This is done under the guise of trying to get players into the flow of the game but this does not play to Landry's strengths. He does not throw this pass particularly well. What Josh did try that worked was the hurry up offense. It was really effective the three plays it was used.  Fingers crossed that this number goes up by the week. I will not hold my breath.

Now, Landry looked quicker than ever moving around in the pocket. He must have done a lot of cone drills with the QB guru out in California. He also made one hell of a throw to Kenny Fucking Shitbag for the first touchdown (backhanded compliment alert) albeit on a desperate 3rd and long cross-field heave. But it was a beautiful pass. Other than that I almost spewed beer out of my nose when the announcers said Landry was in the Heisman discussion.

Dropped passes are going to correct themselves. This will not be a lingering issue.

In other news, I'm pretty excited about the DD Williams era. It's unfortunate it comes at the expense of  Roy Finch's playing time but he looks to be the real deal. Dom Whaley looked healthy but he did not play particularly well. Trey Millard gobbled up yards as he is wont to do. The Belldozer's role has expanded from the goal line to 3rd and short. It'll be swell if he can prove he can throw the ball in this situation as that could be lethal. Last year his passing was poisonous.

Defensively it was mildly disconcerting to see so many missed tackles at the point of attack. Just as on offense, the line deserves much of the blame. There seemed to be very little push. UTEP got to Landry better than the Sooners got to the UTEP QB's. This is an indictment of both OU lines.

The D got off to a rough start but got settled down. Giving up less than 100 passing yards to anyone is pretty legit. Giving up 200+ rushing yards is not. No points allowed is nice although the UTEP special teams unit gave the game away. Individually, I thought Chuka Ndulue looked great. Tony MF Jefferson played as everyone expects. David King seemed to get his name called a lot as well. Tom Wort and Corey Nelson had a pretty quiet 11 tackles between them. I was surprised to see the ball thrown at Demontre Hurst as much as it was and I hope this speaks to Aaron Colvin's cover corner ability. I'll be interested to see how the D-Line looks when Casey Walker and Stacy McGee get back into the lineup.

Overall, everything fell short of expectations. I will do my best not to worry until the K-State game on September 22nd. The Florida A&M home opener and a bye week (so two bye weeks?) should provide all the time needed to get into game shape. Then, we'll see what we have.

UTEP

Today is a great day. The air is a little sweeter, the grass a little greener and Sooner football returns for another fall. This is maybe my favorite sports day of the year. It's as sweet as the last day of the season is bitter. I've got a spring in my step, I keep rubbing my hands together in anticipation, and I'm even wearing a brand new pair of underwear which is really nice. All that leads to the point that I'm in great spirits and so pumped for college football season.

We've covered the offseason and made our picks for the coming year, now it's time for tacks of brass. The Sooners open against Mike Price's miners of UTEP. A fringe team at their best and a total joke at  their worst, they come in light on experienced players and a plan to play two guys at QB. Their running backs have amassed something like 30 carries total as a unit. All of these things bode well for the debut of our newest incarnation of Mike Stoops' Sooner defense. I think we'll have plenty to shut them down and hopefully we won't see the maddening long plays of recent years given up today. I hate the bend-but-don't-break style we've had recently. What's wrong with a steady stream of 3 and outs? Hopefully we'll find out today that nothing is wrong with it.

Offensively, my guess is we'll take a little time to get the passing game clicking. But, I think we'll get it moving and it will be playstation stats all around. I think we'll run the ball well and Dom will look tough. I'm also excited to see what Damien Williams can do. Bottom line, I think we'll cruise in this one and win with a helping of 2nd teamers at the end getting a taste. Quick aside, evidently Geneo Grissom is suspended for this one. I don't have much to say other than I'm getting pretty fucking tired of all of these suspensions. Seems like that it never used to happen and now it's damn near weekly. Anyway, on to the picks.

Offense

As I mentioned before, there should be stats to go around. So who stands out? Up until the moment I was writing this I was thinking Trey Metoyer would be my pick. But, I'm having a last minute change of heart. I'm going with Dom Whaley. I think he's back and I think he wants to prove to everyone that he's back. I think he goes over 120 yards and gets in the end zone twice. I also think I'll uncontrollably get a raging boner at the mention of his name thereafter.

Defense

This is a tougher call for me. There are so many guys I could see having a good day. However, I'm going with the MF of this season, Tony Motherfuckin' Jefferson I think he'll be flying around and lighting dudes up all evening. I could also see him forcing a turnover today, just a gut feeling.

Score

Well, as I said, I think we'll cruise. I think we'll come out fired up on both sides of the ball. The offense is sluggish early but gets rolling before halftime. I think the defense comes out with something to prove and I think they come up big and pitch the shutout. Sooners roll 48-0.

I'm so glad the season is back and real games are here again. Now let's beat the living shit out of these guys and start the season off right.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner.

OU - UTEP

It's time to get this party started.

There was this one time when the Sooners started the season on the road. They featured a much ballyhooed Quarterback who should have entered the draft the previous spring but decided to come back for his Senior season. The Sooners played an opponent of some quality but the game should not have been close. The QB went down to a season-ending injury, an inexperienced QB replaced him, the Sooners lost the game.

Let's not have that happen again.

There are only two things interesting to me about the UTEP Miners. They are coached by Mike Price. Second, the Red State portion of the Sooner fanbase (and there are many) traveling down for this one are concerned about getting caught up in some Mexican borderland violence. Nothing whatsoever on the football field for the UTEP football team intrigues me enough to even look at their roster.

I am keenly interested in the Sooner storylines. Those stories being the return of Mike Stoops, his defense, the Wide Receivers, the return of Dom Whaley, the Offensive Line and the play calling.

I'm not expecting perfection or wholesale changes to the D. But I do expect to see some brahs flying around like their hair is on fire. I want to see the promising beginning of something that, when it is firing on all cylinders, will put fear in opponents.

Offensively, it all starts up front. The O-Line has to give Lonnie time to find his new receivers. Josh Heupel needs to be clever enough to get the running game going and open everything up. It's a simple game really.

Offense

I'm going with Dom Whaley here. This is a pick from the heart. His injury last year was a crushing blow not only for the team but for a great story. Today he can get it going again. Rumor has it he looks like his old self. Why does it look like I have a plantain in my trousers?

Defense

How can I go with anyone other than Tony Motherfuckin Jefferson? He's got a new role where he's free to run roughshod. I look forward to it. Hopefully he can more than justify his selection as the first two time recipient of the MFer Award.

The Score

If this game looks anything like Taking Care of Business (dba TCB) I'll be thrilled. Of course I can't imagine anything else. I'm actually feeling pretty good about utter dominance.

OU 31 UTEP 10

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner

UPDATE:

I searched the roster high and low earlier this week because I wanted to make an award for Most Likely to be Suspended for the Season Opener. I did not make a selection because I figured all the non- judeo christian youth had already been taken off the roster. But lo and behold the tradition continues with Geneo Grissom getting suspended. Good Christ it's as predictable as taxes.