OU - KState Preview

Iconic Turtlenecks

This Saturday the season begins in earnest. It's Bob Vader v. Bill Kinobi. Give Bobby some truth serum and he wants this game as bad or worse than he wants texas or OSU. This bodes well as the Student is coming off two full weeks of preparation for the Master. Let's break it down.

DEFENSE

The Sooner defense is famous (in my mind) for shutting down Heisman hopefuls. Last year that reputation took a major hit when Robert Griffin III all but thanked "The Sharks" when he accepted his Heisman Trophy.

This week the boys have a chance to cleanse their sullied reputations. But they'll have to hustle. This Collin Klein (Or Kellen Klein or Collin Quinn as I'll inevitably start calling him by late Saturday) is built like a brick shithouse and he's starting to show up on Heisman short lists. He's no RGIII but he is the cornerstone of the K-State attack. For the first time in Steamroller history I had to check two sites (read: work overtime) to confirm a stat. This sumbuck rushed the ball 327 times last year (!) and scored 27 TD's on the ground.

He's also a soulless Ginger which makes him extra dangerous. ZING!

But fear not, for I do bring glad tidings this day. He doesn't value the football. Here's hoping an aggressive and opportunistic defense can capitalize on his carelessness. I've had visions this week of a defensive touchdown. Dear Jehovah let me be right!

I study lots of film so I believe the Linebackers are key to stopping this Klein attack. They must "mind their gaps" and "not break contain". So, my choice for Defensive Player of the Game (dba D-POG) must come from the duo of Tom Wort or Corey Nelson. I have more confidence in Tommy Wort not making me look like a bigger doofus than I already am so I pick him.

OFFENSE

Lonnie really loves playing K-State. He put up PlayStation numbers against the Wildcats last year. We don't need that to happen again to win (but I'll take it!). The offensive line simply needs to give him time to "look left" or "look right" (I think these are the two plays on his wristband play sheet) and get rid of the ball. Anything to get K-State defenders out of the box is what we're after.

Then the Sooners can hammer the run game. Again, the O-Line doesn't have to set the world on fire. We are learning all they have to do is give DD enough time to get to that 2nd level. Then it's "on". The K-State secondary is crap. Their defensive line is where it's at. It must be neutralized.

Some semblance of a balanced attack and this football game is over. Through two games (and especially against Florida A&M) the balance has been pleasantly awesome. Balance against K-State would mean something else entirely and would establish it as the Sooner offensive identity going forward. That would make me giddy as a schoolgirl.

For my Offensive Player of the Game (O-POG) I shall not disembark the DD Williams train until someone makes me. Another strong performance will have him moving up some Heisman watch lists in his own right. To paraphrase the incomparable Clark Griswold I couldn't be more surprised if I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet.

SCORE

I have good feelings about this football game. I am looking through crimson-colored glasses this week and I received a text from Nate saying he had bad feelings.

All is right in Sooner Nation.

In addition, the Sooners are coming off a bye, Bobby wants to take the old man behind the woodshed again and it's another night home game. Let's do this.

Sooners 38 Wildcats 21

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner. Crack them PBR tallboys!

OU vs. Tech Post-Mortem and OU vs. Baylor

I'm about to write the easiest "piece" in the history of football. The only thing making it difficult is that I'm so drunk every sentence takes me about 10 minutes to hammer out.

I failed to write a column leading up to this Texas Tech game. If you co-write this blog you already know this. If you don't, then I'm just taking up 0's and 1's on the "Interwebs" and wasting my e-breath.

Had I written an OU-Tech pregame it would have said something about how Landry Jones (no nicknames; Solidarity) was certain to throw for 400+ yards and who knows how many touchdowns. Well, he had 5. Big fucking deal. I would have said DeMarco would be steady as a rock and how the defense would get some sacks and get some turnovers. Well, they did. Of course they did. It's a fucking joke how this team is all-world at home and first class pant-shitters on the road. I couldn't even enjoy this game because every time something positive happened I couldn't help but say to myself (or, because I may or may not have been inebriated, to every one in my purview), "OF COURSE THIS HAPPENED BECAUSE WE ARE AT HOME, NOT ON THE FUCKING ROAD!"

It's so easy to predict it's sickening. The Sooners can beat anyone by two touchdowns at home. I'd love to make it a challenge and look forward to the road games coming up (Baylor, OSU)  but it's not so much an anticipatory adventure as much as a fucking crapshoot.

Oh well, on to bigger and better things.

Baylor should be as close to a home game on the road as Texas is at the Cotton Bowl. I mean, all bets are off if the Sooners don't show up for this one. But Robert Griffin III is quite capable and to call us shaky on the road is like calling Tony Parker foolish for cheating on Eva Longoria.

But who gives a shit because you know why? I'm going to New York City to watch this one with my buddy and fellow co-blogger Navin. I could not be more pumped. I COULD NOT BE MORE PUMPED!

We'll be enjoying some adult beverages at a hole-in-the-wall, Sooner-themed bar in Manhattan where we'll, together, get to witness an OU road-game bed-wetting. Innocent bystanders might not be ready for the scene, even New Yorkers.

I'd like to say we'll have the wherewithall and inclination to do something maxo-zune-dweebie like co-blog or live blog the game and our experiences. But we are not assholes so unless something really strange happens (probably won't because we'll be so sober) don't count on it.

Quick picks before I hit the road.

Offense
It can only be one of four players. DeMarco, Ryan Broyles, Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills or Roy Finch. I feel like I pick DeMarco every week so he's out. Ryan Broyles only sets records at home because Landry gets confused when he isn't wearing a red jersey. So he's out. Ditto Kenny Fucking Shitbag. Roy Finch might not get on the field. Coaches Stoops and Wilson will explain it away like the Baylor scheme wasn't right for him or something nonsensical. Nonetheless, I'm stealing a page out of Navin's playbook and picking Roy.

Defense
Another crapshoot. Obviously someone is going to have to shadow Robert Griffin III. So whoever that is makes for a good candidate. But that person is probably a LB. That means Tom Wort (fuck no) and Travis Lewis (becoming the pick du jour a la DeMarco on offense). Shit. Well, I guess I'll go with Jamelle Fleming. Demontre Hurst never gets opportunities and Griffin III will throw to someone so it's Fleming by default.

The Score
Well, let's see if the Defense can defend the middle of the field. Let's see if they can keep Griffin III from running roughshod all day long. Let's see if the offense can keep from stepping on their own dicks. Of course I'm hopeful. But then of course I'm delusional.

OU 35 Baylor 21

OU vs. A&M

Last Saturday the Sooners, predictably and thankfully, took care of bidness. At home (as usual) Lonnie looked all-world and the defense looked like it ate babies for breakfast. Of course they did. It was a home game.

Well today the big question is, "Can the Sooners put together a complete game on the road or will they look like assholes again?" On paper, this one presents a tremendous opportunity to do the former. A&M sucks but they are a more notable name than, say, Texas Tech, Baylor, K-State et al. A&M of course is the home of the 12th man even though that means less than ever. So, while A&M sucks, their cache' would make a victory look bigger than it is.

The worry is that A&M put in some guy named Tannehill last week, replacing the worst QB in the Big 12, Jerrod Johnson, and the Aggie offense showed signs of life. Of course the revived offense was playing a beleaguered Tech defense but still. Do they have newfound confidence? Will they play hard for Mike Sherman, the worst coaching hire in the last 5 years of the Big 12?

I'm scared shitless of early A&M offensive success combined with "Road Shaky" Lonnie. This is the worst case scenario. The best case scenario is seeing the Four-Headed Monster of DeMarco (now on a first name basis with Sooner Nation), Ryan Broyles, Kenny "Fuckin Shitbag" Stills and Roy Finch wreak havoc whilst the Sooner defense beats up on an unimaginative and stagnant Aggie offense.

I would love to favor the latter option and be able to say with no reservations that the Sooners will beat that ass today but I can't. The Sooners have shown that they are nothing less than shaky and completely untrustworthy away from Owen Field. So it goes.

On with the picks.

Offense
DeMarco is the leader of this team. He's the face of the franchise, the captain, Everybody's All American, etc. This Sooner team needs a statement win on the road, not for the national rankings so much as for their own psyche. DeMarco is the man who can put the team on his shoulders and deliver the goods. I can't even consider anyone else here.


Defense
Texas is the only game I've felt confident in my pick. Every other week it's like throwing darts. Navin nailed it last week when he said the Quinton M.F. Carter pick might be the worst of the M.F. era. But who should it have been? Nobody stands out on a weekly basis. We might need to come to grips with the fact that this Sooners defense could be the worst of the Bobby Stoops era. I need to go back and look to see when I predicted I would start calling for Brent Venables job. It happens every year about this time. Be on the lookout for inspired performances by the D from now through the Big 12 Championship. Then prepare yourself for the inevitable pant-shitting on national television that will define what ever bowl the Sooners land in. All that said I guess I'll pick Quinton M.F. Carter here. I mean, I haven't watched much tape of A&M but they seem to be more run-heavy than any other team in the conference. That means Q can help in the box and lay the lumber. Possibly. Hell I don't know. Quinton M.F. Carter is my defensive player of the game dammit.

The Score
I'm going to say the Sooners struggle to score points but they do halfway decent and A&M hits on some big plays early. I of course like the Sooners.

OU 28, A&M 14