:: Pours whiskey, cracks knuckles and settles down in front of the IBM Selectra II ::

Greetings loyal readers and welcome back to another, albeit belated and surprising, addition of the Steamroller. Per  several letters to the Editor, the only thing as remotely disappointing as the Sooners performance against Houston was me and my decision to bail on this blog.

Alas, fear not for I am with thee.

By now we should all be somewhere between Bargaining and Acceptance on our personal grief journey. I'm somewhere right around here: Bargaining-------I--Depression. Remember, if you feel like you're out there alone in the wilderness, there are hundreds of thousands of Sooners fans just as bewildered and pissed off as you right now. We can get through this together.

Seriously though what the hell?

Give Houston credit. They are quality football team blah blah blah. But when will the Sooners realize every opponent approaches them like its their Super Bowl®? Houston finished 2015 with a nice bowl win and then looked at the 2016 slate and realized, "Great Hosanna! If we beat OU we're in control of our BCS destiny after week 1".

OU came off an assbeating from Clemson, looked at the schedule, saw Houston, scratched their buttholes and sniffed their fingers.

There are no valid excuses. Houston was better prepared and played harder. What happens when the Sooners are better prepared and play harder? They throttle people. How often does that happen? About as often as the shoe is on the other foot. Once or twice a season. So there's your ten wins, occasional conference title games/bowl wins and occasional national stage embarrassments. We're not trying to land lunar rovers on comets here.

On to Louisiana Monroe, a game so devoid of interest it's relegated to Pay Per View. I'd rather give away my tickets and buy the damn show than spend six hours plus heading to Norman and back for this schlock fest.

OFFENSE

I can't believe it but after the small sample size of one awful game it appears there are four options on offense. Baker Damn Mayfield (henceforth B.D. Mayfield as far as I am concerned), Samaje Perine, Joe Mixon and Mark Andrews. It is unbelievable that an offseason of work would have failed to produce two more reliable options at wide receiver. I don't even mean replacing the production of Sterling Shepard. I mean, players that can get open and not do dumb things if/when they catch the ball. Wide receiver development needs to be the focus of this game. The Sooners are effed if they can't figure it out.

However... Lincoln Riley got a case of the Heupels when he abandoned the running game which is, you know, only the most potent backfield in the country probably. Yeah, Perine went out for a bit with "a shoulder" but he returned and he makes for a damn fine decoy. I get the feeling that sort of sorcery is a bit much for these guys to handle mentally if it isn't already a contingency in the game plan though.

Since I didn't publicly proclaim that Joe Mixon will have a breakout season I will do so again for my OPOG this week. Joe Mixon is going to bust loose this year. The inexcusable lady beating is kind of behind him, he's had a whole offseason where he could participate and my advanced scouting metrics indicate he is a multi-threat beast.

I'm leaving the O-Line alone for just this minute.

DEFENSE

Well these guys looked a little disjointed to say the least. Dakota Austin earned Twitter's Vine of the Week by trying to tackle a person without the ball. Hell of a motor though I guess. Obwe Onyonkawya nee Ogbonnia Okoronkwo probably passes the Kirk Herbstreit "Eye Test" and might be one hell of a player someday but it's hard for me to tell if he was everywhere or getting picked on. Other than that I remember Steven Parker got dinged up and that's about it for the memorable moments.

The highlight for me was actually seeing Mike Stoops frothing at the mouth in the press box. He clearly belongs there. This bunch seems like they could tune out his profanity laced tirades fairly easily.

This week let's hope for baby steps. Maybe a three and out or two. Buttoning up on third down. Maybe not committing dumb shit penalties to keep drives alive. Some push up the middle? I don't know I'm spitballing here.

Who's the leader of this group anyway? Is there an MF'er? I'll pin my hopes for Defensive Player of the Game this week on Jordan Wade. It all starts up front as "they" say.

THE SCORE

We're 0-1 playing a PPV tilt against a stank team. I can't remember (and maybe I'm alone here) a less exciting home opener since the Blake days.

Let's kick their ass and hope they are more inspired than me while they do it. There is an actual big game next week and if nobody wants to get embarrassed it's time to get down to business.

Sooners 49 - Warhawks 17

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner