The 2015 Sooners Awards and Predictions

Unlike most years, I'm not going to do a final record prediction. I want the same thing everyone else wants, and I just can't see a way to put it out there seriously. I think OU will absolutely improve upon last season, that's as much as I'm willing to predict so it leaves a pretty wide swath to cover.

I will, however, put out the awards/predictions/superlatives that I enjoy (if only me).

Oldest Looking Sooner: Devante Bond

This is a new award, one born strictly out of the fact that I happened across this photo while doing my exhaustive research on the defense. If you told me this guy was once cast as "Tough Guy #2" on an episode of Hill Street Blues, I would absolutely believe you. 

TC Bread Award: Jordan Smallwood

This award needs no explanation. I sifted through the roster and found Daimler, Christian who brought us such classics as the LeBaron and Cordoba. Also in the running was punter-cum-pornstar Jack Steed. Yet no one could unseat the incumbent. Poor Jordan Smallwood.

Most Likely to Disappoint: Baker Mayfield

This is no knock on Mayfield per se, but you know the old line about the backup being the most popular player on a team. I think Mayfield fell victim to that as Trevor Knight shat his crimson pants brown last year. I do think he will be a massive upgrade (tough not to be) but I don't think he's Bradford part 2 and, for many, that will be a disappointment.

Matt McCoy Memorial Gas Rag: Jordan Thomas

I opined last season that I hope no one earned this award, Thomas did so, and as such he goes into the season currently working to lose it. Thomas was not good last season. He was the whipping boy on an otherwise subpar secondary.

Old Steady: Samaje Perine

OK, now to the real awards and the only two that really matter (editors note: none of them really matter). Samaje reprises the Old Steady award for the first time since Travis Lewis. He's one of the best running backs in the country, but he's not just a home run threat. He's a battering ram that can be counted on to get 3 to 4 yards every time he touches the ball. Hence, Old Steady.

Motherfucker: Eric Striker

Perhaps it's an indication of a drop in talent, perhaps it's that we've been lucky enough to have two elite talents emerge early and become dominant mainstays on the defense, whatever the reason Eric Motherfuckin' Striker follows Tony Motherfuckin' Jefferson as the second two-time Motherfucker winner since the inception way back in 2000. Striker is an absolute menace, always playing at a speed faster than anyone around him and disrupting offenses in some way nearly every down. Eric Motherfuckin' Striker.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner

Notre Dame

Huge game today down in Norman, enormous actually. The famous Fighting Irish of Notre Dame travel to Oklahoma to take on our beloved Sooners. Notre Dame comes in with a terrific defense that has kept them undefeated, and currently in the top 5 in the country. More importantly, they're legitimate National Title contenders thanks to that unblemished record, and who they will have beaten if they run the table (read: us).

The Sooners, as we all know, played what now looks like the best team in the conference at a time when we hadn't quite come together. That one loss might keep this game from establishing a clear national title front runner (for us anyway) but it hasn't slowed the hype machine of this massive (and nearly unheard of) tilt between two non-conference teams both ranked in the top 10. Incidentally, that loss may also be the only thing keeping Berry Tramel from exhuming Bud Wilkinson's corpse, making love to it, and then writing another nostalgia piece about nothing relevant to today's football, and by "today's" I mean the kind with non-leather helmets and face-masks. (Aside: a game I've made for myself is to go to The Oklahoma Daily's website on my phone and try to guess, by the title, which of the OU articles are by Berry Tramel. It's remarkably easy. I'd say I have about a 96% success rate. The only ones that are tough are that "gray" zone of overlap when Jenni Carlson writes one of her bullshit off-the-field-pieces. Though if it's written about a player currently on the roster then you can almost always rule out Tramel.)

GameDay is in town, tickets are tough which might mean a raucous crowd (please, please, please), and there is even a movement to set up one of those "let's all organize the color of our t-shirts" deals that is so camera-friendly. Though I have my doubts that the even/odd section coloring will actually be pulled off with any real success, still I'm hopeful. In a semi-related story the odds are strongly in favor of the back of my jockey's becoming a "brown out" prior to kick-off. In short, I'm excited.

This is going to be an extremely tough one for us to win I think. If anyone hasn't been watching, our Q doesn't do well with pressure or elite defenses (speaking of brown outs). However, he's teased us the last 3 Saturdays. Also, he's been historically better at home where the pressure of a crowd isn't on him as well. What makes me nervous is Notre Dame has been damn good against the run this season. I think our ability up to now to run the ball, more than anything else, is why Lonnie has had this string of good games. If that gets taken away tonight (a very real possibility), it's going to be up to him to carry us (cash your tickets, brown out achieved). If there is a weak area of Notre Dame's defense, it's the secondary. Let's hope we can exploit it enough. The picks...!

Offense

Man oh man, what to do here. What I'd love to say is Damien Williams. I'd love to have confidence that he will break off some big gainers, and go for about 25 carries and 175 yards with some scores mixed in there. I just don't think it's going to happen. Honestly, I'm not sure anyone is going to have huge numbers today. I do think if someone does though, it's going to be in the passing game, for reasons I mentioned before (don't think you can jump straight to the picks section, reader(s), these are complete journalistic works with foreshadowing and other crap I vaguely remember from college). I'd love for Lonnie to air it out on some deep balls to Justin Brown, and I think we'll try it a couple of times. But, it's a big game against a big time defense. I think Lonnie reverts to his old ways some today (how I hope I'm wrong) and looks to a security blanket. Since Broyles went down last season, the closest thing to that is Kenny Fuckin' Shitbag Stills. I think Stills gets a lot of looks today and does enough with them to be my player of the game.

Defense

Our defense matching up against their offense is what makes me feel hopeful today. We may have a hard time moving the ball on them, no doubt. But I think they're going to struggle doing the same. Notre Dame is unbeaten but it's not been because they're putting up 50+ a game. OK, once they scored 50, against Navy. Anyway, our D has quietly been building steam, and has been pretty damn solid all year and particularly since we lost to K State. I like Tony Motherfuckin' Jefferson to have a huge day today. He's this year's MFer. He's a total badass. Plus, it just feels like the kind of day where Mike Stoops has some crazy wrinkle he'll break out and do some cool things with Tony. I don't know why, but I've got a good feeling about Tony today. Let's pencil him in.

Score

I've left little doubt that I think this is going to be low scoring. Though my normal inclination, when everyone in the world expects a defensive struggle, is to go the other way and pick high scoring, I just don't see it today. I think it's close all the way and I think the score is low. However, I think our defense will do just enough to keep us in it for a late score and victory. I like the Sooners at home, 14-10.

Crack the PBR's, wear your lucky underwear, whatever it takes. Let's roll some heads on these fancy gingers.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.

Sort of a Week 2 Recap

I'm going to give my two cents on the Florida A&M game as well. Keep in mind the fact that I saw not snap one of the contest, as it was on PPV and unavailable here.
Side note: if one is selling a product in today's age of information and data overload, wouldn't you think you'd try to make that product available to as wide of an audience as possible. As opposed to selling it exclusively in the one place where it is least marketable as the vast majority of those who would normally want to purchase it aren't need of it as they are going to see the game in person. That last rant was a shining example of the crisp, concise writing style I pride myself on.

However, from what I read it sounded like a pretty solid assbeat as I had expected/hoped for. From all accounts Damien Williams was an animal again, he certainly had the numbers to back it up. Let's talk quickly about the DD v Damien thing. Mitch, I know you love the DD. For whatever reason when I hear it I picture a stereotypical secretary circa 1983:

Boss-type: DeeDee? Can you bring me my dictaphone? Also, Xerox 3 copies of the Thompson file, and when you're finished have the Town Car gassed up and waxed.

Anyway, it seems that the folks at the Oklahoman keep calling him Damien (which might be enough reason for me to stop). I don't know what to do. I'm sticking with Damien for now while reserving the right to change my mind at any moment.

One disturbing trend I did see is that, predictably, Lonnie completed about 97.4% of his passes to Stills. This is his last year, he's been the starter for 4 years now. When can he figure out the fucking progression? In my lifetime I cannot remember a college QB so lauded who is so obviously destined to fail at the next level. Unbelievable.

Now I'd like to speak to the point of "worst pass ever". I do hate Lonnie, and certainly no one does it on a bigger stage, but I make a strong claim to title holder of worst pass ever. It happened about 6 years ago. My wife and I were on vacation with Mitch and his best gal down in Mexico. Now, we were at one of those all-inclusive beach resorts where the beer flowed like wine and the women instinctively flocked like the salmon of Capistrano. I had the foresight to bring a football along. As we had little to do to while the hours away apart from playing catch on the beach (you could do worse), we threw roughly 1,000,000 passes over the course of the week. As you might expect, we were in pretty good practice. So one afternoon late in the week we're at the pool when they announce a football tossing contest. Basically you stood on this sort of island in the middle of the pool and tried to toss a football threw a hula hoop about 10-15 yards away. Several contestants made their tosses, some respectable some not so much. When my turn came I uncorked my claim to "worst pass ever". It had the all of the tight spiral of a kick off, and was about 5 yards short and 10 yards wide right. I felt my face turn red and was soothed by the sounds of Mitch cackling uncontrollably at my hideously errant throw. I'm not sure how well that re-tells, but it's certain to get a laugh from my co-author at any mention (Co-Author's Note: He's right. I laugh every time I think of it. It was truly the worst). So with all due respect, I'll argue that it was the "worst pass ever".

Well, with that digression out of the way, I'm about done with this. Tony going down hurt, no doubt, I'm certainly glad we have the extra week for him to heal up. The D seemed solid apart from the mistake by the backup that Keith mentioned. All in all it was the drubbing we needed to soothe our worried minds after the UTEP debacle.

No games this week, but K-State the following weekend should provide a challenging opening to conference play.

Great photo essay Mitch, really captured the "mood" of game day in Norman. I, for one, am looking forward to more of that down the road.

Bedlam...Nuff Said

I have good news. I visited the oracle this morning and the oracle says OU victory. By oracle, I mean I had one of the most fulfilling shits in recent memory. Pretty much a courtesy wipe and a lingering feeling of bliss (at least half an hour) in my gut. Had it been a scatalogical nightmare (read: double-digit wipes) I'd have a sense of doom.

There are other signs that should make Sooner fans feel good. Both Desmond Howard and Lee Corso picked OSU. Desmond Howard might be the dumbest "analyst" on television. Lee Corso is, as we all know, a jinx and blithering asshat.

On GameDay this morning, the tension within the OSU crowd was palpable. They stood, stone silent as the crew made their picks. There were signs saying, "No Poke Choke". Okay, when your legacy is choking and you feel compelled to make a sign trying to reverse-jinx said legacy, it tells me your head is in a bad place.

My broham, Navin, is in full-bore Doomsday McGoo mode. This always lifts my spirits.

Finally, this is one of those rare occasions where the Sooners find themselves in the underdog role. The theme of this week has been that the OSU offense is unstoppable, the Sooner defense is a sieve. OSU is at destiny's doorstep. This is the biggest game in the history of their program. This is already the winningest season in their program's history (chortle). So Bobby and the Sooners have a chance to, A) silence critics by beating a top-10 team on the road B) said top-10 team is an in-state rival, C) a trip to the Big 12 Championship is on the line and D) the week's conversation has been nothing other than this is OSU's championship to lose, not OU's chance to win.

I think the Sooners will be "focused".

There are two keys to the game (from a Sooner perspective and that's all we're interested in). First, can Landry Jones not crap his jock? Dear please God say yes. Two, can the Sooner D-Line get to Weeden? He does not like to run. In theory, this should bode well for the Sooners.

The Picks

Offense

On offense I can not justify picking anyone other than DeMarco Murray. I just can't. The man is on a mission and today that mission is to make Cowboy fans remember this as the game where DeMarco Murray ran roughshod up and down the field and ripped our collective hearts out.

Defense

I'm sticking with my theory and picking the best player on that side of the ball. I'm with Navin. That player is Tony Jefferson. I want to pick someone on the D-Line. I want to pick someone like Casey Walker because my father-in-law says he's back and will be a tremendous help. But this is not the day to step out on a very slender limb. I have to go with our best here.

Conclusion

I'll be in attendance with my main man Robbie. I hope our karmic levels are high. If the Sooners win I cannot wait to feel the hopes and dreams of 55,000 poke fans vanish into the ether. If the Sooners lose I'll make my escape quickly whilst some pencil-dicks get maced by the Oklahoma Highway Patrol as they try to take down the goalposts. Dear God let the Sooners win.

Final Score: OU 38, OSU 31

Boomer to the motherfuckin' Sooner

OU vs. The Mizz

I'll spare you the drama. I feel confident about this one. Not in a PlayStation domination sense but OU is the better squad. They have been tested both by the road and the competition. So yes, Mizzou is good, Columbia will be tough. But I believe Mizzou has more pressure on them. Or, they will be affected more easily by it. This will, in turn, lead to mistakes (dba turnovers). And turnovers, as any mouthbreather can attest, is the difference in games like this.

I do worry that the confidence Mizzou has in their defense could work in their favor if they have success early and they become buoyed by the crowd. The Mizzou offense could have some success against the OU defense. In fact, I'm certain they will.

Let's be real though. The OU offense is dynamic. I don't care how good Mizzou's defense is (and remember they have played NO ONE) they can't cover everyone on every play. Maybe OU won't run roughshod up and down the field all night but they will have their own share of success.

The question for OU's defense is whether or not they can get in Blaine Gabbert's head. If the D can't hit him can they at least make him rush his throws? It's not like Mizzou's offense is revolutionary. It isn't a one-off a la Air Force. Stopping Mizzou will come down to discipline in the secondary. Fortunately, the 2010 Sooner D seems to be pretty damn disciplined.

This game will be a bit of a shootout but OU is the better team across the board. I can't envision the Sooners getting rattled to the degree that the game gets out of reach. As the clock winds down and the pressure ratchets up, OU will show the value of having been there done that. Plus, the road team has the advantage of being afforded the "nothing to lose" mentality. So tell me in all seriousness how Mizzou wins?

The Picks

Offense
Losing DeJuan Miller for the season sucks. He was really coming into his own as a valuable possession receiver. Cameron Kenney will be replacing him and I'd love to tell you that Sooner Nation has confidence in him but I can't. This is a pretty big dropoff. Rather than Kenney stepping up (which is possible and would be awesome) I see Kenny "Fucking Shitbag" Stills stepping up. So I'm picking him for my offensive player. I would pick DeMarco Murray (and I'm sure he'll be quite deserving) but that's quickly becoming the easy way out.

Defense
I'm going with budding superstar and current badass, Tony Jefferson. All season long he's been beyond solid but this week he'll be in the running for Big 12 Player of the Week. He's going to be all over the place feasting on the spread offense. I'm feeling very good about this.

The Score
It's going to be close. There's going to be a lot of Offense. But in the end the Sooners come through.

OU 35 Mizzou 31