Hey loyal reader(s), glad you're here for an early edition of the gameday picks. As I alluded to earlier in my offseason notes, I'm leaving for parts abroad tomorrow and will be unavoidably detained from posting for the actual game whilst gone. I've also had several brews, so in keeping with the, up to now, consistent theme of being vaguely coherent, I'm not sure how much sense this is going to make. The season begins and expectations couldn't be any higher. This is nothing new for the "homers" that root for OU. Assuming you've been to a game, you've realized that unless the Sooners are winning 58-0 that people are flat out pissed off. The difference, at least compared to recent years, is that the national media is at least somewhat inclined to agree. That is a long winded and mostly irritating way of getting to the point that we are early season favorites to win the national championship...no pressure. Frankly, I don't like it. If there is anything that the Bob Stoops led teams of the last 8 or 9 years don't need, it's an inflated sense of entitlement. However, I drink the Kool Aid, shit I take enemas of it, so I'm on board. Suffice it to say, that we are supposed to be good, and I think we have a chance to be. All that said, we are playing a Tulsa team this could not be drawn up better to be a pain in our ass in week one.
Typically, we start like shit on defense. By typically I mean, since Mike Stoops left for Arizona. As luck would have it, Tulsa is like any other upstart bullshit program from a joke conference, they are built on hard nosed defense and a power running game. Oh wait, nevermind, they pass like they get 10 blowjobs for every completion and score accordingly. What I mean to say is that they are in the mold of every team that gives us trouble. 1) Nothing to Lose. 2) Something to Prove. and 3) Offense built to score a LOT. Basically that means we've got anything but a cake walk here. Their QB is by all accounts the real deal (nice name by the way, if you don't know, I'm of the opinion that the guy who goes by initials is a complete tool anyway, but G.J. or K.D. or whatever the fuck it is. It's fucking lame. Hear that? Fucking LAME), a texas transfer if that matters, and put up roughly a shitload of yards and points last year.
But we've got an ace up our sleeve, we're damn sure built to be better, we are better, and we are at home (2 losses in the last 12 years or so). But, none of that guarantees shit...except a home game. So what do I think is going to happen? I think we will win, but predictably I think it won't be the runaway that everyone thinks. I think Tulsa will score. I think our defense will go through it's annual and nauseating early season defensive growing pains. Not to mention we are missing all-world Travis Lewis, that does hurt. But, I think we'll score too, so hopefully that works out on the good side of the ledger. So to the picks.
Offense
Wow, first game of the season. No idea who the starting RB is, as of now. But I do know who we have from last season, a few decent guys. I made a decision early last season, out of disgust and the taste of vomit in my mouth that I would never pick Lonnie Jones as my player of the game. He responded in kind with a a very nice season after that. So, as a result, fuck it I'm not picking him now either. I hope he tears it up as everyone thinks he might, but his targets are my pick this week. Broyles you ask? Nope, I think he'll be great as always, but this week I'm heading to the opposite side of the field and going with one of my personal favorites: Kenny "Fucking Shitbag" Stills. I think Stills reaps the rewards of a ton of attention going to Broyles.
Defense
Geez, also tough to say. It's likely that there are going to be more people I'm disappointed in on defense than pumped about this week. However, I do think there will be at least one fellow with a big game. I'm kind of excited about Frank Alexander again, he tantalized me a couple of season ago, then I went limp for a good part of last season, then the last couple of games I became comfortably firm if not borderline hard again. While I think he has a chance to break out as a legit end this year, I don't think that Tulsa is his coming out party. I'm going with this year's M.F. winner, Tony Motherfuckin' Jefferson. I feel that he is everywhere rolling heads, and forces/comes up with at least one turnover. Boner.
As I said earlier, I think this will be tough, these guys can absolutely score some points. They've got a solid, experienced QB who will give us a ton of problems in week one. I hate it, but they are going to give all of the national guys (I'm looking at you Stewart Mandel, you fucking fuckface) that nudge they need to start sucking on the collective dicks of the SEC and declare us pretenders. Well I welcome it, a little reality check early on is what we need. All of that said, I think we win, in moderately convincing fashion. I think it's annoyingly close early, but we do what we need to, and pull it out in the second half. Sooners win 38-24. (Editors note: First, I am the editor, Second, I proofread none of this nor did I have any sort of plan of what to write going in, so it's likely rambling and incoherent. Frankly, you can suck it. Suck it.)
Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner!!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Tony Motherfuckin' Jefferson
Congratulations to Tony Jefferson, our 2011 M.Fer award winner. As Navin said, choosing a Sooner who embodies the ideals of the award is not something we take lightly. The M.F.er wreaks havoc on the football field, runs around like his hair is on fire, "brings his lunchpail" and is a man among boys. An M.F.er's enthusiasm and tenacity defines the defense. His style of play compels you to shake your head and ask the person closest to you (or maybe to no one at all, but aloud), "Did you see that play that Tony Motherfuckin Jefferson just made?"
Here's a taste of why Tony Motherfuckin Jefferson was the choice. Caution: "It's" gonna move a little and you're going to get some goosebumps.
Here's a taste of why Tony Motherfuckin Jefferson was the choice. Caution: "It's" gonna move a little and you're going to get some goosebumps.
Offseason Notes
Wellsy, wellsy, if we aren't back for another season of the Steamroller. We are on the cusp of the 2011 campaign, and looking back it's hard to believe this is our second (SECOND!) season of doing this. Where has the time gone? In all seriousness, I'm impressed we stuck with it even the one season, but it turns out it's pretty fun to do.
The past offseason was both pretty nice, and pretty upsetting for the Sooners. We lost two (that I know of) outstanding players of the modern era. First, Brandon "Cueball" Everage (RIP), passed away in a tragic drowning incident. Mitch may know more of the details than I do, but regardless it's untimely. Everage was one of the pioneers of the modern era of Sooner football. One of the elite defenders that pulled a program laying firmly on the coals of the college football landscape, and elevated it to the clean bright air of a National Championship. Known as cueball by Mitch and I (one of the earliest nicknames we handed out), for his punishing lead-with-the-helmet style of hitting he was truly a great one, and one of my all-time favorites.
Additionally, and more widely published, was the unfortunate death of Austin "Soggy" Box. While no one knows the exact circumstance of his death, we all know the cause and frankly none of it matters as that is simply too young to go. While Box didn't get to fully establish his legacy as Everage did, he did solidify his reputation as a damn good player. Most notably, his replacement of Tom Wort solidified a previously shaky 2010 Sooner defense and fueled us to a Big 12 conference championship and Fiesta Bowl win.
Both will be missed as great Sooner players, albeit in different capacities.
****
This offseason in college football has been pretty shitty for many programs. We watched, nee, enjoyed the downfall of several programs notably Ohio State among others and were quietly pleased it wasn't us again (read: Bomar et al: complete morons). While seemingly the college football world crumbled for many top programs, the Sooners simply went to work in the Spring and Summer months, continued through Fall workouts and emerged with an all but consensus preseason #1 ranking. Honestly, with the cast we return I think it's legit. Obviously we have questions, but they aren't as numerous or critical as some in season's past. How will the RB situation play out? Can the shuffling defensive backfield survive inevitable early season breakdowns? Can we play enough defense to win without Travis Lewis? In other words, there are tough questions on both sides of the ball. Most of them will be answered in a September 17th tilt at Florida State. Highly ranked in the preseason like us, they will be a serious early season test. One that will likely go a long way in establishing an early national perception of our team. Though it's not idealistic at all, national perception goes a long way in determining voting and ranking in the current system.
I still haven't decided about doing a position by position preview like we did last year. I'm sure Mitch and I will discuss it, but I'm personally leaning toward no. Mostly because it was pretty time consuming (something I'm currently short on), not to mention I was fairly shitty at it. But a full Tulsa breakdown is coming from the both of us. Mine will be up a week early as I will be out of the country and unable to post.
Finally, Mitch and I had our annual preseason discussion on who will be awarded the two most prestigious awards handed out in the college football landscape. Each year we hand out the Chris Brown (former Sooner RB, not woman beating R&B singer) memorial "Old Steady" award and the Roy Williams memorial "Motherfuckin'" aka "M.F." award, depending on your audience. Old Steady is award to the player who doesn't necessarily blow your mind regularly, but consistently plays outstanding football and generally is a player who you look at in the box score and realize he had some pretty damn good numbers. This year's Old Steady goes to Travis Lewis. While we debated as to whether or not the injury should preclude him from the award, we decided that he is the incumbent and injury should in no way lessen his qualification.
Next, we handed out the Motherfuckin' award. While Old Steady is certainly a tremendous honor, Motherfuckin' is the ultimate award handed out. Starting with Roy Motherfuckin' Williams through last year's winner Quinton Motherfuckin' Carter, the title of Motherfuckin' has separated the first and last names of some fucking stud players. (A quick aside: while the title Old Steady stands alone, Motherfuckin' is to be used within the context of the players name. In other words in mentioning Old Steady, one implies that Travis Lewis is being discussed, conversely Motherfuckin' does not stand alone as a proper noun, merely as the most bitchin' adjective possible. Example: "Dude, Old Steady had 14 tackles and a sack!" Now, we all know that Travis Lewis being referenced here. However, one wouldn't say "Did you see him jump over the blocker and swat the ball from Simms? Motherfuckin'!" No! You would say "Did you see him jump over the blocker and swat the ball from Simms? Roy Motherfuckin' Williams!" Get it assholes?) So as Quinton Carter has left to the NFL, a new player was to be bestowed. This year's winner is Tony Motherfuckin' Jefferson (really rolls off the tongue). Frankly, I think we both went in knowing this is who we would pick and as a result deliberations were fairly brief. He is a serious badass, and is also the youngest player to ever have the award. He is also poised to be the first player to return the next season with an opportunity to wear the crown twice. I'm pretty excited. (T-Shirts are available at http://www.cafepress.com/warningtrkpower)
Finally, one more offseason note. There has been a huge, albeit involuntary, change in a long standing tradition. Due to manufacturer preference (i.e. they no longer make them) Heinken keg-in-a-cans are no longer the official beer of Sooner football. I'm pretty bummed because they ascended to that title in the year we won the 2000 championship. Alas, as they are no longer available for purchase, things had to change. Mitch and I deliberated and decided on PBR tall boys. While these are certainly not entrenched to the point that the keg-in-a-cans were, if this season plays out like the last time we established an official beer then look for them for many seasons to come.
So, with all of that said, I'm ready for some fucking college football. If we can stay healthy and play well defensively out of the gate (anything but a given), we've got a chance to have a pretty nice season. It's time to strap the pads on and play some fucking football.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner
The past offseason was both pretty nice, and pretty upsetting for the Sooners. We lost two (that I know of) outstanding players of the modern era. First, Brandon "Cueball" Everage (RIP), passed away in a tragic drowning incident. Mitch may know more of the details than I do, but regardless it's untimely. Everage was one of the pioneers of the modern era of Sooner football. One of the elite defenders that pulled a program laying firmly on the coals of the college football landscape, and elevated it to the clean bright air of a National Championship. Known as cueball by Mitch and I (one of the earliest nicknames we handed out), for his punishing lead-with-the-helmet style of hitting he was truly a great one, and one of my all-time favorites.
Additionally, and more widely published, was the unfortunate death of Austin "Soggy" Box. While no one knows the exact circumstance of his death, we all know the cause and frankly none of it matters as that is simply too young to go. While Box didn't get to fully establish his legacy as Everage did, he did solidify his reputation as a damn good player. Most notably, his replacement of Tom Wort solidified a previously shaky 2010 Sooner defense and fueled us to a Big 12 conference championship and Fiesta Bowl win.
Both will be missed as great Sooner players, albeit in different capacities.
****
This offseason in college football has been pretty shitty for many programs. We watched, nee, enjoyed the downfall of several programs notably Ohio State among others and were quietly pleased it wasn't us again (read: Bomar et al: complete morons). While seemingly the college football world crumbled for many top programs, the Sooners simply went to work in the Spring and Summer months, continued through Fall workouts and emerged with an all but consensus preseason #1 ranking. Honestly, with the cast we return I think it's legit. Obviously we have questions, but they aren't as numerous or critical as some in season's past. How will the RB situation play out? Can the shuffling defensive backfield survive inevitable early season breakdowns? Can we play enough defense to win without Travis Lewis? In other words, there are tough questions on both sides of the ball. Most of them will be answered in a September 17th tilt at Florida State. Highly ranked in the preseason like us, they will be a serious early season test. One that will likely go a long way in establishing an early national perception of our team. Though it's not idealistic at all, national perception goes a long way in determining voting and ranking in the current system.
I still haven't decided about doing a position by position preview like we did last year. I'm sure Mitch and I will discuss it, but I'm personally leaning toward no. Mostly because it was pretty time consuming (something I'm currently short on), not to mention I was fairly shitty at it. But a full Tulsa breakdown is coming from the both of us. Mine will be up a week early as I will be out of the country and unable to post.
Finally, Mitch and I had our annual preseason discussion on who will be awarded the two most prestigious awards handed out in the college football landscape. Each year we hand out the Chris Brown (former Sooner RB, not woman beating R&B singer) memorial "Old Steady" award and the Roy Williams memorial "Motherfuckin'" aka "M.F." award, depending on your audience. Old Steady is award to the player who doesn't necessarily blow your mind regularly, but consistently plays outstanding football and generally is a player who you look at in the box score and realize he had some pretty damn good numbers. This year's Old Steady goes to Travis Lewis. While we debated as to whether or not the injury should preclude him from the award, we decided that he is the incumbent and injury should in no way lessen his qualification.
Next, we handed out the Motherfuckin' award. While Old Steady is certainly a tremendous honor, Motherfuckin' is the ultimate award handed out. Starting with Roy Motherfuckin' Williams through last year's winner Quinton Motherfuckin' Carter, the title of Motherfuckin' has separated the first and last names of some fucking stud players. (A quick aside: while the title Old Steady stands alone, Motherfuckin' is to be used within the context of the players name. In other words in mentioning Old Steady, one implies that Travis Lewis is being discussed, conversely Motherfuckin' does not stand alone as a proper noun, merely as the most bitchin' adjective possible. Example: "Dude, Old Steady had 14 tackles and a sack!" Now, we all know that Travis Lewis being referenced here. However, one wouldn't say "Did you see him jump over the blocker and swat the ball from Simms? Motherfuckin'!" No! You would say "Did you see him jump over the blocker and swat the ball from Simms? Roy Motherfuckin' Williams!" Get it assholes?) So as Quinton Carter has left to the NFL, a new player was to be bestowed. This year's winner is Tony Motherfuckin' Jefferson (really rolls off the tongue). Frankly, I think we both went in knowing this is who we would pick and as a result deliberations were fairly brief. He is a serious badass, and is also the youngest player to ever have the award. He is also poised to be the first player to return the next season with an opportunity to wear the crown twice. I'm pretty excited. (T-Shirts are available at http://www.cafepress.com/warningtrkpower)
Finally, one more offseason note. There has been a huge, albeit involuntary, change in a long standing tradition. Due to manufacturer preference (i.e. they no longer make them) Heinken keg-in-a-cans are no longer the official beer of Sooner football. I'm pretty bummed because they ascended to that title in the year we won the 2000 championship. Alas, as they are no longer available for purchase, things had to change. Mitch and I deliberated and decided on PBR tall boys. While these are certainly not entrenched to the point that the keg-in-a-cans were, if this season plays out like the last time we established an official beer then look for them for many seasons to come.
So, with all of that said, I'm ready for some fucking college football. If we can stay healthy and play well defensively out of the gate (anything but a given), we've got a chance to have a pretty nice season. It's time to strap the pads on and play some fucking football.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner
Saturday, January 1, 2011
It's Only an Exhibition, It's Only an Exhibition
Painful losses in the Fiesta Bowl have me constantly mumbling this to myself. If we lose (again), it's only an exhibition. Will this Fiesta Bowl be the same tired tune? Will I find myself pissed off, drunk, sitting by myself in the dark watching the clock wind down?
The Sooners might just lose for the same reasons they always do in these games. They've already attained their primary goal, the Big 12 Championship. This game represents a reward for that accomplishment. It means little else save an opportunity for the young guys to get some extra practice snaps. Conversely, it's the biggest game in the history of Connecticut's football program. A victory against the vaunted Oklahoma Sooners would legitimize the program in the eyes of the college football. This scenario is the same as both Boise State and West Virginia.
Signs do point to the Sooners being uninterested in history repeating itself. Namely, Stoops and the Sooners have changed virtually every facet of the preparation for this game. They are staying at a different hotel and practicing at a different location. I believe in superstition so I'm fine, nee thrilled, by this news. It also says to me that there is an active interest in winning this football game. In years past Coach Stoops would have defiantly said that none of the preparations for this game were different than the first game of the season.
It also says to me that maybe ol' Stoops is lightening up a bit. If this is the case and he is relaxing a tad and maybe having some fun, it will rub off on the troops. Playing relaxed (different than indifferent) is a good thing.
The eyes of Sooner Nation will also be fixed on Josh Heupel. One, I think he'll be overly prepared. Two, I think he'll be eager to show off his offensive "philosophy". Three, this all results in unleashing a full arsenal of offensive weapons on the Huskies. I like the idea of this very much.
Another factor is that this is the final game for some key members of the Sooner Defense. Quinton MF Carter and Jeremy Beal are playing their final games as Sooners. I had instinctively included Travis "Old Steady" Lewis as being in his final game but he's a Junior. I'm not sure he'll be back next year but I digress. In any event these guys are Captains and they'll want to go out with a "bang".
Finally, in another nod to changing the past, nobody on the Sooners has been busted for stealing coats, being academically ineligible or opted for some inexplicable surgery which would keep him out of the game. I would have lost money on this if betting on such things were an option.
Needless to say I'm feeling good about this one.
The Picks
Offense
I hate to sound like a broken record but it's DeMarco. It's his final game and that guy's been huge in the big games all season. I think he puts on a show and helps his draft status.
Defense
A tough call here. I've done zero homework on the UConn offense. I've heard they are not built to play from behind. This leads me to believe they have an aversion to the forward pass. So I'm leaning towards a linebacker. Now, it also seems like someone comes out of the woodwork for the Sooners in bowl games. Ronnell "The Hammer" Lewis was this man last year. And you know what? I'm picking him again. He's had a very up and down year and nothing would be more fitting than to leave the old whitey's of Sooner Nation dreaming of the beheadings the Hammer will administer in 2011.
The Score
OU 35, UConn 24
Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner
The Sooners might just lose for the same reasons they always do in these games. They've already attained their primary goal, the Big 12 Championship. This game represents a reward for that accomplishment. It means little else save an opportunity for the young guys to get some extra practice snaps. Conversely, it's the biggest game in the history of Connecticut's football program. A victory against the vaunted Oklahoma Sooners would legitimize the program in the eyes of the college football. This scenario is the same as both Boise State and West Virginia.
Signs do point to the Sooners being uninterested in history repeating itself. Namely, Stoops and the Sooners have changed virtually every facet of the preparation for this game. They are staying at a different hotel and practicing at a different location. I believe in superstition so I'm fine, nee thrilled, by this news. It also says to me that there is an active interest in winning this football game. In years past Coach Stoops would have defiantly said that none of the preparations for this game were different than the first game of the season.
It also says to me that maybe ol' Stoops is lightening up a bit. If this is the case and he is relaxing a tad and maybe having some fun, it will rub off on the troops. Playing relaxed (different than indifferent) is a good thing.
The eyes of Sooner Nation will also be fixed on Josh Heupel. One, I think he'll be overly prepared. Two, I think he'll be eager to show off his offensive "philosophy". Three, this all results in unleashing a full arsenal of offensive weapons on the Huskies. I like the idea of this very much.
Another factor is that this is the final game for some key members of the Sooner Defense. Quinton MF Carter and Jeremy Beal are playing their final games as Sooners. I had instinctively included Travis "Old Steady" Lewis as being in his final game but he's a Junior. I'm not sure he'll be back next year but I digress. In any event these guys are Captains and they'll want to go out with a "bang".
Finally, in another nod to changing the past, nobody on the Sooners has been busted for stealing coats, being academically ineligible or opted for some inexplicable surgery which would keep him out of the game. I would have lost money on this if betting on such things were an option.
Needless to say I'm feeling good about this one.
The Picks
Offense
I hate to sound like a broken record but it's DeMarco. It's his final game and that guy's been huge in the big games all season. I think he puts on a show and helps his draft status.
Defense
A tough call here. I've done zero homework on the UConn offense. I've heard they are not built to play from behind. This leads me to believe they have an aversion to the forward pass. So I'm leaning towards a linebacker. Now, it also seems like someone comes out of the woodwork for the Sooners in bowl games. Ronnell "The Hammer" Lewis was this man last year. And you know what? I'm picking him again. He's had a very up and down year and nothing would be more fitting than to leave the old whitey's of Sooner Nation dreaming of the beheadings the Hammer will administer in 2011.
The Score
OU 35, UConn 24
Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner
Saturday, December 4, 2010
OU vs. Nebraska, One Last Time, for the Big 12 Championship
It's been a long and winding road for the Sooners to get to this point. A couple of tough losses on the road, some shaky confidence at the QB position and in the entire defense and then redemption (and the driver's seat in the Big 12 South at the hands of the Cowboys. It didn't hurt either that texas had a season for the ages. In a bad way.
And now, the game the Sooners live for. During skeleton drills in the Summer and two-a-days in the fall, the goal is always to get to this game. It's for this reason, I believe, that the Sooners historically implode in their bowl games. The mountain has already been climbed, the goal already achieved.
That's why my confidence is sky high for this one. OU has some serious momentum. This is what Bobby lives for. Enjoy this one Sooner fans. The next game is a glorified exhibition and the Sooners will approach it accordingly. Today is trophy day.
Two other key points of off-field intrigue that will make this a great game. The Stoops and Pelini's go way back. There is no ceiling to how much they want to beat each other and do so in a surgical like manner. Also, it's the last time OU and Nebraska will play for a conference title. This fact is lost on no one.
On the field this one pits the best offense against the best defense. What more could you ask for? I believe the Sooners will be able to score some points. I think we get "Home Landry" today. What will the Nebraska offense bring to the table what with being without Taylor Martinez? Will the Sooners D bring the same effort they gave in Stillwater last week?
Of course the D is going to be ready to play. It's the Stoops v Pelini corollary. I expect to see lots of PA (Play Action to the layperson) and misdirection to keep the aggressive Nebraska D off balance. I also expect to see lots of Nebraska fans dressed like douchebags. I digress.
The Picks
Offense
Mini-limb, quasi hunch here. I'm going Kenny Fuckin' Shitbag Stills. I think the Sooners have a couple of surprises in store using ol' Kenny. He's been a little quiet lately. Perhaps, too quiet. Hmm, hmmm?
Defense
Well, I'm not sure if Nebraska has a threat outside of Roy Helu Jr. Suffice it to say, stopping him should be of the highest priority. That means the Linebacking crew needs to bring their lunchpails. I believe they will. The Oklahoman says Ronnell Lewis needs to step up. I'm tempted to go with Austin "Soggy" Box. But I have to go with the best of the bunch, Travis "Old Steady" Lewis. I think his name will get called a lot tonight.
The Score
Well, I can't see the Huskers D holding the Sooners under 21 points if the Sooners play like it's a home game (which they should). I can't see the Husker offense doing a whole lot without Taylor Martinez. But some average Wide Receiver will probably be a thorn in the Sooner side much of the game and go all-world. I hope not. I like the Sooners pretty comfortably.
OU 28, Nebraska 14
And now, the game the Sooners live for. During skeleton drills in the Summer and two-a-days in the fall, the goal is always to get to this game. It's for this reason, I believe, that the Sooners historically implode in their bowl games. The mountain has already been climbed, the goal already achieved.
That's why my confidence is sky high for this one. OU has some serious momentum. This is what Bobby lives for. Enjoy this one Sooner fans. The next game is a glorified exhibition and the Sooners will approach it accordingly. Today is trophy day.
Two other key points of off-field intrigue that will make this a great game. The Stoops and Pelini's go way back. There is no ceiling to how much they want to beat each other and do so in a surgical like manner. Also, it's the last time OU and Nebraska will play for a conference title. This fact is lost on no one.
On the field this one pits the best offense against the best defense. What more could you ask for? I believe the Sooners will be able to score some points. I think we get "Home Landry" today. What will the Nebraska offense bring to the table what with being without Taylor Martinez? Will the Sooners D bring the same effort they gave in Stillwater last week?
Of course the D is going to be ready to play. It's the Stoops v Pelini corollary. I expect to see lots of PA (Play Action to the layperson) and misdirection to keep the aggressive Nebraska D off balance. I also expect to see lots of Nebraska fans dressed like douchebags. I digress.
The Picks
Offense
Mini-limb, quasi hunch here. I'm going Kenny Fuckin' Shitbag Stills. I think the Sooners have a couple of surprises in store using ol' Kenny. He's been a little quiet lately. Perhaps, too quiet. Hmm, hmmm?
Defense
Well, I'm not sure if Nebraska has a threat outside of Roy Helu Jr. Suffice it to say, stopping him should be of the highest priority. That means the Linebacking crew needs to bring their lunchpails. I believe they will. The Oklahoman says Ronnell Lewis needs to step up. I'm tempted to go with Austin "Soggy" Box. But I have to go with the best of the bunch, Travis "Old Steady" Lewis. I think his name will get called a lot tonight.
The Score
Well, I can't see the Huskers D holding the Sooners under 21 points if the Sooners play like it's a home game (which they should). I can't see the Husker offense doing a whole lot without Taylor Martinez. But some average Wide Receiver will probably be a thorn in the Sooner side much of the game and go all-world. I hope not. I like the Sooners pretty comfortably.
OU 28, Nebraska 14
Nebraska
Well, I'll be honest I never thought we'd get here after the A&M loss. In all fairness, however, my cowriter laid out the course plan in one of his earlier posts that we'd, predictably "back door" our way into this game. Prophetic in that we did precisely that. Now, let's hope we take his prediction one step further and win this game (we'll stop there as I don't want to shit ourselves in the bowl game).
Last week, throwing a large middle finger in the face of history, Mitch and our good buddy Robbie (aka Robert Parish Powell, aka RP, aka RPP, aka Stinkfinger, ok I made up the last one), marched up to the Bedlam game and, guessing by the final score, enjoyed themselves. I couldn't not have been more shocked that we won that game. It had all the makings of being a historic embarrassment for us. I forgot one factor though, that OSU shits themselves in larger (and presumably smellier) quantities in big games even more than we do. Whatever, we won and we are now heading down the highway to Dallas for the Big 12 title, a trip to a BCS bowl, and a party of blowjobs given out by the self-esteemless daughters of oil men on the line.
Nebraska is good, particularly on defense. Their offense was also pretty prodigious early in the season. But, there best offensive player and catalyst little t-mart (if you don't know Dave Chappelle show, then that was lost) is hobbled and playing is a question mark at this point. I expect we'll see him, but how much and how effective he is will go a long way to determining their productivity. They are also missing their best receiver, forgot his name, which will hurt. They can run the ball quite well however. In fact, everyone is touting them as one dimensional. If true, that bodes well for us, particularly since the one dimension is running. What no one seems to mention is that our defense isn't that great.
The other side of the matchup is our best unit, offense, vs their best unit, yep you guessed it, defense (looking at a pulitzer here with this hard hitting report). Seems to me that by and large, good defense trumps good offense which sucks. The "experts" though, think that we'll score enough and they will have no offense without martinez. I'm less convinced, they'll score no doubt about it. I just hope we can pressure that frosh a bit into making a couple of boners (old timey meaning, not hard dick, still hilarious though). If we can, I think that will be the difference.
Offense
At the risk of getting predictable, I'm going with Broyles again this week. Hold on, hold on, let me explain. You see DeMarco doesn't appear to be full strength, and that might make one think that Roy Finch will have a big day. DeMarco will play some though, and enough that I think Finch won't bust out enough to win this award. I refuse to go with Landry. That leaves, Broyles as the guy. He was snubbed on the All-America team in spite of leading the fucking country in multiple receiving categories. If I were him, that would piss me right off.
Defense
Who the fuck knows really? It could be anyone, and more likely it could be no one that stands out on defense this week. With that in mind, I'm going with a hopeful pick more than one I expect I guess. I'm going with Austin "soggy" Box. I would love to see him bust up run plays all night, pressure the QB a bit and make a play or two in the passing game.
I think this game will be an ugly affair. Grinding, frustrating and old school battling between two schools that made that famous. I think it's cool that we're playing Nebraska in the last season of the Big 12 as it currently exists for the championship. That said, I hope we kick the shit out of them, but I doubt it. I don't think Bo Pelini's hat could get any more "casual" on the back of his head. That sentence had absolutely no bearing on anything else in this "piece" but I felt like throwing it in there because he looks like such a fucking cumdumpster wearing it that way. I think we'll fall behind early in this one, just a hunch. But, I think we'll come back in it and pull it out. I think it will be ugly, but I'll take a win any way I can get it. Sooners take this one, and the conference, 24-20.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.
Last week, throwing a large middle finger in the face of history, Mitch and our good buddy Robbie (aka Robert Parish Powell, aka RP, aka RPP, aka Stinkfinger, ok I made up the last one), marched up to the Bedlam game and, guessing by the final score, enjoyed themselves. I couldn't not have been more shocked that we won that game. It had all the makings of being a historic embarrassment for us. I forgot one factor though, that OSU shits themselves in larger (and presumably smellier) quantities in big games even more than we do. Whatever, we won and we are now heading down the highway to Dallas for the Big 12 title, a trip to a BCS bowl, and a party of blowjobs given out by the self-esteemless daughters of oil men on the line.
Nebraska is good, particularly on defense. Their offense was also pretty prodigious early in the season. But, there best offensive player and catalyst little t-mart (if you don't know Dave Chappelle show, then that was lost) is hobbled and playing is a question mark at this point. I expect we'll see him, but how much and how effective he is will go a long way to determining their productivity. They are also missing their best receiver, forgot his name, which will hurt. They can run the ball quite well however. In fact, everyone is touting them as one dimensional. If true, that bodes well for us, particularly since the one dimension is running. What no one seems to mention is that our defense isn't that great.
The other side of the matchup is our best unit, offense, vs their best unit, yep you guessed it, defense (looking at a pulitzer here with this hard hitting report). Seems to me that by and large, good defense trumps good offense which sucks. The "experts" though, think that we'll score enough and they will have no offense without martinez. I'm less convinced, they'll score no doubt about it. I just hope we can pressure that frosh a bit into making a couple of boners (old timey meaning, not hard dick, still hilarious though). If we can, I think that will be the difference.
Offense
At the risk of getting predictable, I'm going with Broyles again this week. Hold on, hold on, let me explain. You see DeMarco doesn't appear to be full strength, and that might make one think that Roy Finch will have a big day. DeMarco will play some though, and enough that I think Finch won't bust out enough to win this award. I refuse to go with Landry. That leaves, Broyles as the guy. He was snubbed on the All-America team in spite of leading the fucking country in multiple receiving categories. If I were him, that would piss me right off.
Defense
Who the fuck knows really? It could be anyone, and more likely it could be no one that stands out on defense this week. With that in mind, I'm going with a hopeful pick more than one I expect I guess. I'm going with Austin "soggy" Box. I would love to see him bust up run plays all night, pressure the QB a bit and make a play or two in the passing game.
I think this game will be an ugly affair. Grinding, frustrating and old school battling between two schools that made that famous. I think it's cool that we're playing Nebraska in the last season of the Big 12 as it currently exists for the championship. That said, I hope we kick the shit out of them, but I doubt it. I don't think Bo Pelini's hat could get any more "casual" on the back of his head. That sentence had absolutely no bearing on anything else in this "piece" but I felt like throwing it in there because he looks like such a fucking cumdumpster wearing it that way. I think we'll fall behind early in this one, just a hunch. But, I think we'll come back in it and pull it out. I think it will be ugly, but I'll take a win any way I can get it. Sooners take this one, and the conference, 24-20.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Bedlam...Nuff Said
I have good news. I visited the oracle this morning and the oracle says OU victory. By oracle, I mean I had one of the most fulfilling shits in recent memory. Pretty much a courtesy wipe and a lingering feeling of bliss (at least half an hour) in my gut. Had it been a scatalogical nightmare (read: double-digit wipes) I'd have a sense of doom.
There are other signs that should make Sooner fans feel good. Both Desmond Howard and Lee Corso picked OSU. Desmond Howard might be the dumbest "analyst" on television. Lee Corso is, as we all know, a jinx and blithering asshat.
On GameDay this morning, the tension within the OSU crowd was palpable. They stood, stone silent as the crew made their picks. There were signs saying, "No Poke Choke". Okay, when your legacy is choking and you feel compelled to make a sign trying to reverse-jinx said legacy, it tells me your head is in a bad place.
My broham, Navin, is in full-bore Doomsday McGoo mode. This always lifts my spirits.
Finally, this is one of those rare occasions where the Sooners find themselves in the underdog role. The theme of this week has been that the OSU offense is unstoppable, the Sooner defense is a sieve. OSU is at destiny's doorstep. This is the biggest game in the history of their program. This is already the winningest season in their program's history (chortle). So Bobby and the Sooners have a chance to, A) silence critics by beating a top-10 team on the road B) said top-10 team is an in-state rival, C) a trip to the Big 12 Championship is on the line and D) the week's conversation has been nothing other than this is OSU's championship to lose, not OU's chance to win.
I think the Sooners will be "focused".
There are two keys to the game (from a Sooner perspective and that's all we're interested in). First, can Landry Jones not crap his jock? Dear please God say yes. Two, can the Sooner D-Line get to Weeden? He does not like to run. In theory, this should bode well for the Sooners.
The Picks
Offense
On offense I can not justify picking anyone other than DeMarco Murray. I just can't. The man is on a mission and today that mission is to make Cowboy fans remember this as the game where DeMarco Murray ran roughshod up and down the field and ripped our collective hearts out.
Defense
I'm sticking with my theory and picking the best player on that side of the ball. I'm with Navin. That player is Tony Jefferson. I want to pick someone on the D-Line. I want to pick someone like Casey Walker because my father-in-law says he's back and will be a tremendous help. But this is not the day to step out on a very slender limb. I have to go with our best here.
Conclusion
I'll be in attendance with my main man Robbie. I hope our karmic levels are high. If the Sooners win I cannot wait to feel the hopes and dreams of 55,000 poke fans vanish into the ether. If the Sooners lose I'll make my escape quickly whilst some pencil-dicks get maced by the Oklahoma Highway Patrol as they try to take down the goalposts. Dear God let the Sooners win.
Final Score: OU 38, OSU 31
Boomer to the motherfuckin' Sooner
There are other signs that should make Sooner fans feel good. Both Desmond Howard and Lee Corso picked OSU. Desmond Howard might be the dumbest "analyst" on television. Lee Corso is, as we all know, a jinx and blithering asshat.
On GameDay this morning, the tension within the OSU crowd was palpable. They stood, stone silent as the crew made their picks. There were signs saying, "No Poke Choke". Okay, when your legacy is choking and you feel compelled to make a sign trying to reverse-jinx said legacy, it tells me your head is in a bad place.
My broham, Navin, is in full-bore Doomsday McGoo mode. This always lifts my spirits.
Finally, this is one of those rare occasions where the Sooners find themselves in the underdog role. The theme of this week has been that the OSU offense is unstoppable, the Sooner defense is a sieve. OSU is at destiny's doorstep. This is the biggest game in the history of their program. This is already the winningest season in their program's history (chortle). So Bobby and the Sooners have a chance to, A) silence critics by beating a top-10 team on the road B) said top-10 team is an in-state rival, C) a trip to the Big 12 Championship is on the line and D) the week's conversation has been nothing other than this is OSU's championship to lose, not OU's chance to win.
I think the Sooners will be "focused".
There are two keys to the game (from a Sooner perspective and that's all we're interested in). First, can Landry Jones not crap his jock? Dear please God say yes. Two, can the Sooner D-Line get to Weeden? He does not like to run. In theory, this should bode well for the Sooners.
The Picks
Offense
On offense I can not justify picking anyone other than DeMarco Murray. I just can't. The man is on a mission and today that mission is to make Cowboy fans remember this as the game where DeMarco Murray ran roughshod up and down the field and ripped our collective hearts out.
Defense
I'm sticking with my theory and picking the best player on that side of the ball. I'm with Navin. That player is Tony Jefferson. I want to pick someone on the D-Line. I want to pick someone like Casey Walker because my father-in-law says he's back and will be a tremendous help. But this is not the day to step out on a very slender limb. I have to go with our best here.
Conclusion
I'll be in attendance with my main man Robbie. I hope our karmic levels are high. If the Sooners win I cannot wait to feel the hopes and dreams of 55,000 poke fans vanish into the ether. If the Sooners lose I'll make my escape quickly whilst some pencil-dicks get maced by the Oklahoma Highway Patrol as they try to take down the goalposts. Dear God let the Sooners win.
Final Score: OU 38, OSU 31
Boomer to the motherfuckin' Sooner
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