The 2013 Steamers

The Sooner Steamroller preseason awards (dba The Steamers) guarantee success or failure just as much as the AP Pre-Season awards. Congratulations to all the "winners".

Without further ado:

The 2013 Sooner Steamroller MF'er

Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin

Goes to Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin. He was, by a mile, the only defensive player last year who played well on a consistent basis. He'll be on an island this year and, by all accounts, he's in full lock down mode. I'm excited about what this ball player brings to the table. He's a senior, he's a captain, he's the 2013 MF'er.

For the uninitiated, the MF'er is the most prestigious award handed out by Steamroller staff. It goes to the defensive player who most exemplifies everything you want in a Sooner. The MF'er brings his hard hat and lunch pail every game and can otherwise best be described as a "Baby Eater" on the football field. He makes plays that make you turn and ask the people around you, "Did you see that play? Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin, man!"

T-Shirts Here

Old Steady

Old Steady is the player (up to this point a running back) who brings the same effort every play. You know exactly what you're getting with Old Steady, a decent yards per carry, no fumbling, no dicking around in the backfield. This year the award goes to Brennan Clay.

Clay was much balleyhooed when he arrived on campus but he began his career as the homeless man's version of the original Old Steady, Chris Brown. Sure, he could get you two or three yards a touch but is that a feature back? Last year, however, he turned it on in a great way. This year, with a better (when healthy) O-Line and no plodding oaf QB to get in his way I see big things happening here.

I'd also like to "give propers" to Trey Millard as well. He's definitely good enough to earn Old Steady honors but, after discussing with Navin, we just don't trust Josh Heupel to feed him the ball enough for him to qualify. It's ridiculous that a lack of touches is a possibility. For Thunder fans it's the opposite of the Kendrick Perkins effect. Stubbornness keeps Perkins on the court and he is a black hole on offense. Millard is always on the field, lined up everywhere and is stubbornly denied the ball.

Gas Rag McGee

Gas Rag McGee
Photo by Chris Landsberger - The Oklahoman

To the player on defense who looks more lost than my mom in a Tokyo subway station. If opposing Offensive Coordinators have two brain cells to rub together Gas Rag McGee is the guy they will scheme endlessly to get man coverage against. Last year it was Tom Wort. Bless his heart he had the "motor" but he just couldn't hang physically.

This year Gabe Lynn puts the trophy back on his mantle. He's been lost in the secondary since he stepped on campus. Until someone steals the title from him, he's the guy. With plenty of newcomers this could be quite the little horse race this season.

Offensive Newcomer

Has to be Trevor Knight. It's not every year the Sooners usher in a new quarterback. Right or wrong the question is will he be the next great one. This implies trips to New York for Heisman ceremonies. That's a perfectly reasonable expectation isn't it? No pressure or nothin'.

Keith Ford could also be a choice here but there's no way he has the impact, good or bad, that Knight will.

Defensive Newcomer

Smart money is on someone like Quincy Russell, DJ Ward or Charles Tapper. The line was hideous last season and if any of these guys can bolster that unit, particularly Russell, then that would be huge. I'm going Quincy Russell here.

If you're feeling a little more daring I would say Hatari Byrd because Mike Stoops is so excited about him he reportedly stalks the practice field with what looks like a corn dog in his coaches shorts.

Coach or Player I Will Blame for Anything Bad Now That Landry is Gone

Josh Heupel. To say I'm underwhelmed by him is too kind. We haven't made a defense look clueless in three years. The only hurry up we do is a quick handoff. The Belldozer package was born of desperation and is successful because Blake Bell is bigger than a Honda Accord.

In my opinion Josher has more pressure on him to show something than Trevor Knight.

Home Game I Can't Believe I'm Missing

West Virginny. Life is full of tough choices. I've chosen a day of music over football on September 7th. Yep, One Direction is coming to town.

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner

The 2012 Steamers

Or some official awards name TBD.

With an eye towards kickoff let's do some prognosticating on all things Sooner football 2012.

The 2012 MFer

Let's start big here. This award has been around for years and now of course t-shirts are even made. This is the granddaddy of them all. No joke, the MFer has our utmost respect. The MFer is a leader on the football field, he's the lynchpin of the defense, he hits hard, he makes opponents gameplan around him. He is, above all else, the guy who makes plays that make you say, "Did you see [Blank] Mother Fuckin [Blank]?!"

For the first time in Mitch-Navin MFer history we have our first 2-time MFer recipient in Tony MF Jefferson (alluded to here by Nostradamus Navin). Other award winners surely were deserving of two or possibly three-time status. But Tony separated himself from a fairly tight field last year and this year there simply is nobody worthy (on paper) of taking his place. This does not mean he wins by default. It says something about his play that nobody is close enough to make a case.

So congratulations Tony!

The 2012 Old Steady

Here's where things get shaky. In fact, Navin and I have deliberated and we're going to puss out. Not entirely but we can't reach a consensus on this one so we are deferring to week 3 or 4 to make our decision. Hey, it's our blog and our awards so it's our rules. As far as I'm concerned there are only two awards that need a consensus. MFer and Old Steady. So until we have them they are unannounced.

I will attempt to sate our readerships appetite for a selection by guessing that Old Steady will ultimately come from the group of Dom Whaley, Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills, David King, Tom Wort, Corey Nelson, Demontre Hurst or Aaron Colvin. Happy?

Here are some awards that are completely open to our whims.

The Memorial Matt "Gas Rag" McCoy Award for the defensive player who gets torched a little too readily.

The award goes to... Tom Wort

We're humans. We hate giving this award out. But inevitably somebody on the defense is going to stick out like a sore thumb in a bad way. Last year Gabe Lynn snatched it from Javon Harris in one of the most hotly contested races in Gas Rag Award history.

Both Harris and Lynn will see plenty of action this year as well so they are by no means out of the picture. But Tom Wort sometimes looks like he's seeing a forward pass for the first time. If Jayden Bird sees significant action he instantly steals the award.

Perhaps it isn't fair to select a Linebacker. But to that I say quit telling me how awesome they are in pass coverage, or better yet, quit making them cover slot receivers running skinny posts in obvious passing situations.

Offensive Newcomer of the Year

To Trey Metoyer. The Wide Receiving unit needs a hero to replace Ryan Broyles and nobody has enjoyed the offseason ballyhoo more than Metoyer.

Defensive Newcomer of the Year

It's Chuka Ndulue by default. He's the only starter who didn't take significant snaps last year. The only other starting option is RJ Washington who is a Senior. As mentioned in previous posts, Julian Wilson or Gary Simon could also emerge here.

Most Head Scratching Depth Chart Move (View Depth Chart Here)

The omission of Roy Finch everywhere except kickoff returns. I honestly don't know how this guy starts every season in the doghouse. First I read a report the other day that he's moved to slot receiver. I thought it was a joke even though he has been used there. But he's not listed in the top 2 at any WR position. At Running Back he's not listed in the top three.

He was the second leading rusher last year and he only played six games. He was honorable mention all Big 12. When he touches the ball everyone in the stadium holds their breath. It's inexplicable.

Update: Supposedly Finch doesn't play because due to subpar QB protection blocking. Flimsy at best.

Most Likely to have Mike Stoops Living in His Earhole

So many choices here. I'm going with Gabe Lynn. He's starting at the Nickel and is going to be heavily relied on it seems. It really could be anyone in the secondary and they may wind up taking turns like everyone did last year with Soggy Box's number 12.

Most Divisive

Easy: Landry. No one will divide any fanbase quite like this guy. Each side feeds off each other too so it will only get worse. Look, he's a solid Quarterback. He's a lock to give you 60+% completion and 4,500 yards passing. He's competent OK? But if the Sooners are down with one last chance with the ball. Is he going to put the team on his back and win the thing?

Most Likely to Have Kickers Tits

You know. They guy whose moobs poke out below his shoulderpads. This year it's this guy. Eric Hosek (It would be a lock if he spelled his name Erik though).

Most Likely to Get My Father-In-Law Hot and Bothered During Pre-Game Stretch

My father in law likes to get to his seat early to watch the boys stretch. I'm half kidding and I'm cheating a little because I know him too well but my father-in-law goes ape-shit over the "length" and athleticism of Jordan Phillips.



What other categories should we have?