Welcome back Steamroller faithful, we are back again for another season filled with flawlessly accurate predictions, clinical exploits of mastery over the written word, and rapist wit. Much ballyhoo is being directed at the 2014 incarnation of Bobby Stoops' squad. I for one am excited, and it seems that 2 years after hitting the reset button, Mikey has started to do Mike Stoops things that everyone clamored for prior to his re-hiring. There is real talent at nearly every position, and while the likes of Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin will certainly be missed, the front 7 give me the same feeling I had when I opened my first Playboy as a youth and feasted my eyes on hip-to-hip beav. Trevor Knight, who are ye really? I hope he comes back as the guy everyone remembers and not the guy everyone seems to have forgotten.
Mitch did a masterful job of covering the awards, and as the spoilers are out I see little reason to rehash them, but suffice it to say that Eric Motherfuckin Striker should have you (palm up/arm sweep at Sooner Nation) excited. I am instead taking the liberty of creating a few new awards for this season.
The TC Bread Award
Several years ago, I was looking through a player list for the Sooners roster and came across a player named TC Bread. Without question, this is the funniest name in the history of Sooner football. I never heard of this player again. To my knowledge, he never saw the field. Hell, he could have been a made up name by someone at the paper (side note: I once did this for a Sooners game. As a bright-eyed freshman I was asked to type up the roster list for the Nebraska game to be distributed in the press box during the game. Naturally, I put my own name, accurate height and weight, on the roster along with some other made up dudes, fun). Anyway, this year it's Jordan Smallwood.
Player Least Likely to Get Girls Based Solely On His Name
Poor Jordan Smallwood.
Best Silhouette
Almost went for a chiseled athlete but decided instead to go for OC Josh Heupel instead. His doughy pelican neck creeps ever so slightly over his half-buttoned coaches polo while his gut struggles to gain freedom from below. This leads me to believe that a silhouette of his would look like a humorous humpty-dumpty. I would buy this from Fathead.
Scariest in a Shower Situation
This one goes to the entire defensive line roster. They line up in two lines, shoulder to shoulder, across from one another, gauntlet style. Freshman have to run between the two lines getting into and out of the shower. I think this would feel a lot like running through one of those cages for RB's with the pylons on springs that slap your upper body and teach holding onto the football. I'm not on drugs.
Mat McCoy Memorial Gas Rag?
This one is actually legit, and unlike Old Steady I sincerely hope this position isn't filled. It, sadly, had been filled rather competently by Gabe Lynn the last couple of seasons. I hope no one steps into this role this year. Any DB with a penchant for getting burned with ease and alacrity teeters on the cusp of being dubbed Gas Rag. This is less than ideal.
Louisiana Tech
I suppose we should discuss this adversary. The line I most recently saw was OU giving 35. While I whole heartedly agree that the Sooners will win this game, I would put my money on LaTech with that kind of line. I'm just not confident enough in Trevor Knight et al, and even more Josh Heupel, that I think we can put up 40 points on these guys (though a shutout isn't out of the question). I think our defense is going to great, and while OU has question marks it has them in the right places. I'm firmly in the camp that every team looks better with good line play. A good offensive and defensive line will make everyone else on that respective side of the ball look better. Conversely, great skill players look bad if the line is getting fisted all day. Offensively, we have little experience returning at WR, RB and frankly QB (in spite of the Sugar Bowl performance), but up front we return a ton of veterans. Defensively, the Sooners might actually have 2 full defensive lines worthy of starting, there is that much depth. Yes, losing Frank Shannon hurts. A lot. But as Dominique Alexander aptly demonstrated (what a beast!), some times a star going down (RIP Corey Nelson) paves the way for an even better player to step up. Hopefully Jordan Evans does something similar.
Offense
I'd like to go Trevor Knight, I really would. I hope as much as anyone that he is the world-beater we saw in the Alabama game. But, until I see it consistently, I'm not ready to bestow anything as prestigious as this blogs pre-game OPG yet. I'm going against the grain a bit. I think Keith Ford comes in and makes little brown underwear streaks of this defense at LaTech. I like him to break out in a big way, at least one touch and 100+ on the ground.
Defense
I really feel inspired by Dominique Alexander (my current front-runner for Old Steady). He makes a ton of tackles and by his own assessment, he's no longer "thinking out there", just reacting and making plays. That's scary. But, in spite of all of this fluffing I'm doing, I'm going with Eric Motherfuckin' Striker. I feel like Mikey is going to do some good things with him this year, and we will see him in the backfield sodomizing teams in obscene ways. I think he separates a QB from the football once today, and makes big plays all evening.
Score
Ideally Trevor Knight and the boys will be sipping gatorade and wearing awkward unbroken-in hats by midway through the 3rd quarter. However as I said, I think the Sooners control this one, though maybe not to the tune of a 35 point win, but close. I think the offense shakes off rust early, and gets in a groove as things go on. The defense? Well, I think it will make a long day for Skip Holtz and co. Sooners win this one in front of a PPV TV audience of dozens, 35-3.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.
It's good to be back.
Showing posts with label Josh Heupel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Josh Heupel. Show all posts
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Iowa State
As many of us suspected, last week's game was a drubbing. OU was outmatched in nearly every phase. Most notably our offense failed to do much of anything at all. Later I read some ridiculousness about how Baylor was slanting on the defensive line and that was why they couldn't get anything going. The one late drive where OU marched down and scored was the only one where Baylor didn't "slant" up front. So this shit is what completely baffled us. No one at all on the coaching staff was able to see this and adjust? My suspicion is Briles et al were equally baffled that this one wrinkle was 1) so devastatingly effective and 2) no adjustments were made throughout the entire game. If this is all true, then that is really embarrassing for the OU staff. Let's not even get into the fact that we were unable to score from the 1 yard line. Our defense played quite well, that is until they were asked to stay on the field for 90% of the game. Alas, the natives appear to be restless as Heupel is nearly certainly going to be ridden out of town on a rail, and the sooner the better I say.
I, predictably, know almost nothing about Iowa State. I tried hard (not really) to come up with something creative and entertaining to open with about their team. I'm just not feeling terribly inspired with the Sooner football program of late. I hate to say it's wearing me down because I don't think that's exactly true, but it gets tough to draw inspiration from the uninspired I guess. This is in Norman today, so it should be a W for our boys in Crimson. I've learned, though, that nothing is to be taken for granted anymore, so hopefully we can play solid D and do enough on offense to win this one.
Offense
I've officially crossed over into the realm of disliking the Belldozer era, and I'm really not sure it's even his fault. He seems to know his limitations, yet he's consistently asked to do things outside of them. Sadly, that's just one of many problems with our offense (albeit a large one). All of that said, I'm saying fuck you to any sort of logic. After all, it's gotten me nowhere this year in terms of coming close to picking one of these right. I'm going with Sterling Shepard. He's the closest thing to a favorite target of Bell's. He's also damn fun to watch after the catch. I like him to do something great today. That great thing might be hooking up with two girls at the same time after the game tonight, but whatever, I'll take it.
Defense
I think the defense has been showing some promise. They're often asked to do too much insomuch as they are on the field waaaaay too long. However, they often start really well. I'm hopeful that Mike has the guys pointed in the right direction and our D is slowly returning to it's past dominance. Yes, I'm aware how fucking stupid I sound on the heels of giving up 42 or whatever to Baylor. I still think there is a lot of promise on that side of the ball, and we seem to not be doing as much of the dumb shit we had been in recent years. Today I like Eric "Ted" Striker (well played Mitch, it's official now). I think Ted is in the backfield a lot, as he is wont to do. He's a great blitzer and the OT's we see generally can't match his speed on the edge. I like some big stops from him today. Side note: I'm tired of Gabe Lynn acting like he's Ronnie Fucking Lott back there. Dear Gabe, you still fucking suck. You miss far too many tackles and you still get burned deep. Yes, you're embarrassing skills are better hidden at Safety than they were at Corner, but make no mistake, you are shit. You are Gas Rag for a reason. Please graduate or expire your eligibility soon. Thanks, --the guys at Steamroller.
Score
I don't know much about Iowa State, but I know we've embarrassed them enough in past seasons that they are "up" for this chance to beat a down Sooner club. So we'll get their best shot. I'm glad this is at home. I think we'll be able to handle them for the most part. I like the Sooners today, I really do. OU 27 Iowa State 17.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner.
I, predictably, know almost nothing about Iowa State. I tried hard (not really) to come up with something creative and entertaining to open with about their team. I'm just not feeling terribly inspired with the Sooner football program of late. I hate to say it's wearing me down because I don't think that's exactly true, but it gets tough to draw inspiration from the uninspired I guess. This is in Norman today, so it should be a W for our boys in Crimson. I've learned, though, that nothing is to be taken for granted anymore, so hopefully we can play solid D and do enough on offense to win this one.
Offense
I've officially crossed over into the realm of disliking the Belldozer era, and I'm really not sure it's even his fault. He seems to know his limitations, yet he's consistently asked to do things outside of them. Sadly, that's just one of many problems with our offense (albeit a large one). All of that said, I'm saying fuck you to any sort of logic. After all, it's gotten me nowhere this year in terms of coming close to picking one of these right. I'm going with Sterling Shepard. He's the closest thing to a favorite target of Bell's. He's also damn fun to watch after the catch. I like him to do something great today. That great thing might be hooking up with two girls at the same time after the game tonight, but whatever, I'll take it.
Defense
I think the defense has been showing some promise. They're often asked to do too much insomuch as they are on the field waaaaay too long. However, they often start really well. I'm hopeful that Mike has the guys pointed in the right direction and our D is slowly returning to it's past dominance. Yes, I'm aware how fucking stupid I sound on the heels of giving up 42 or whatever to Baylor. I still think there is a lot of promise on that side of the ball, and we seem to not be doing as much of the dumb shit we had been in recent years. Today I like Eric "Ted" Striker (well played Mitch, it's official now). I think Ted is in the backfield a lot, as he is wont to do. He's a great blitzer and the OT's we see generally can't match his speed on the edge. I like some big stops from him today. Side note: I'm tired of Gabe Lynn acting like he's Ronnie Fucking Lott back there. Dear Gabe, you still fucking suck. You miss far too many tackles and you still get burned deep. Yes, you're embarrassing skills are better hidden at Safety than they were at Corner, but make no mistake, you are shit. You are Gas Rag for a reason. Please graduate or expire your eligibility soon. Thanks, --the guys at Steamroller.
Score
I don't know much about Iowa State, but I know we've embarrassed them enough in past seasons that they are "up" for this chance to beat a down Sooner club. So we'll get their best shot. I'm glad this is at home. I think we'll be able to handle them for the most part. I like the Sooners today, I really do. OU 27 Iowa State 17.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner.
Friday, November 15, 2013
OU - Iowa State
I still can't believe that, of all things, the Sooner D showed up against Baylor only to get completely let down by the offense. This is a train run off the rails. Two years ago was the start of wholesale changes to the defense. This offseason it's the start of wholesale changes to the offense. Book it.
Josh Heupel is not fighting for his job at OU. He's auditioning for a QB coaching gig at Appalachian State at best. The Oklahoman trotted out Jenni Carlson for a piece asking if it's time for a change in play caller only to have Berry Trammel write an article about how Bobby prefers "Stability" versus "Experimentation".
Let's talk about that. Stability implies consistency, vision, continuity. In this sense, experimentation implies sweeping changes including but not limited to a change in playcaller and personnel. But that's all a red herring. It's really stubborness and predicability at OU these days.
Here's stability at OU against Baylor:
4 conventional run plays in the first 3 drives against Baylor (OU's strength)
Reverses left and right, QB runs around the end, nothing testing the middle
Every "hurry up" play is a HB dive off right tackle
Sub Trevor Knight for The Belldozer to run The Belldozer. Then bring The Belldozer back in to run The Belldozer.
Instead of wholesale changes (dba Experimentation) how about this:
Huddle up. You don't run a hurry up in any sense of the word so just huddle.
If you hurry up, run off tackle left or, gasp, do play action
Don't confine great players and future stars to the bench for 1 fuckup (Keith Ford)
If everyone knows you need to keep the other team off the field then don't pass on every fucking down with a 50% passer.
Knock off the delay of games. Fucking Christ.
Am I picking on the offense and Josh Heupel? Fuck yes. This offense is historically bad. That tubby fuck is so disappointing because he knows better. This year's middle school female Punt Pass and Kick winner will have a stronger arm than he had. But he won because the defense didn't know what was going to happen next. Instead of stepping on someone's throat and keeping teams on their toes he thinks a three point lead is a gold bar. He calls games like a pussy. Fuck him he knows better.
OFFENSE
Christ almighty I don't give a shit. By God it should be Roy Damn Finch, Lacoltan Bester, Sterling Sheperd or Keith Ford. Those are the best players left on offense. Roy will get six touches, Bester will get two, Keith Ford will get none. I guess that leaves Sheperd. He's good for about five catches and 80 yards.
DEFENSE
Even though they gave up 40 points they played their balls off against Baylor. If the offense had been semi-competent they would have given up 30 at most and against that offense that's a hell of a day. As my old high school classmate cum ESPN Producer Brad Buchannen pointed out it's hard to believe our offense scored 60 points in 6 straight games in 2008.
But back to the defense. I really like this defense. I like Charles Ass Tapper and I would have his babies if he could line up onsides. I like everything about the linebackers. I love Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin. I like how Zach Sanchez is getting baptized by fire and mostly doing well. I like Quentin Hayes and Julian Wilson and, hell, even Gabe Lynn. These guys all deserve help.
I like Frank Shannon the most this week. I haven't scouted Iowa State (two in the pink one in the stink shocker) but I think they do just enough things lousy that Franky Baby has about 15 stops.
THE OUTCOME
Well, this one won't be close. Here's the eye opener. We have an 11am start, a team that's out of not only the National Title picture but also the Big 12, an opponent that's shitty and the potential for rain. The OU Athletic Department is going to have to adjust the budget the crowd will be so bad for this one. The consecutive sellout streak will be laughably fibbed. My we are a fickle bunch.
OU 42, Iowa State 13
Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner
Josh Heupel is not fighting for his job at OU. He's auditioning for a QB coaching gig at Appalachian State at best. The Oklahoman trotted out Jenni Carlson for a piece asking if it's time for a change in play caller only to have Berry Trammel write an article about how Bobby prefers "Stability" versus "Experimentation".
Let's talk about that. Stability implies consistency, vision, continuity. In this sense, experimentation implies sweeping changes including but not limited to a change in playcaller and personnel. But that's all a red herring. It's really stubborness and predicability at OU these days.
Here's stability at OU against Baylor:
4 conventional run plays in the first 3 drives against Baylor (OU's strength)
Reverses left and right, QB runs around the end, nothing testing the middle
Every "hurry up" play is a HB dive off right tackle
Sub Trevor Knight for The Belldozer to run The Belldozer. Then bring The Belldozer back in to run The Belldozer.
Instead of wholesale changes (dba Experimentation) how about this:
Huddle up. You don't run a hurry up in any sense of the word so just huddle.
If you hurry up, run off tackle left or, gasp, do play action
Don't confine great players and future stars to the bench for 1 fuckup (Keith Ford)
If everyone knows you need to keep the other team off the field then don't pass on every fucking down with a 50% passer.
Knock off the delay of games. Fucking Christ.
Am I picking on the offense and Josh Heupel? Fuck yes. This offense is historically bad. That tubby fuck is so disappointing because he knows better. This year's middle school female Punt Pass and Kick winner will have a stronger arm than he had. But he won because the defense didn't know what was going to happen next. Instead of stepping on someone's throat and keeping teams on their toes he thinks a three point lead is a gold bar. He calls games like a pussy. Fuck him he knows better.
OFFENSE
Christ almighty I don't give a shit. By God it should be Roy Damn Finch, Lacoltan Bester, Sterling Sheperd or Keith Ford. Those are the best players left on offense. Roy will get six touches, Bester will get two, Keith Ford will get none. I guess that leaves Sheperd. He's good for about five catches and 80 yards.
DEFENSE
Even though they gave up 40 points they played their balls off against Baylor. If the offense had been semi-competent they would have given up 30 at most and against that offense that's a hell of a day. As my old high school classmate cum ESPN Producer Brad Buchannen pointed out it's hard to believe our offense scored 60 points in 6 straight games in 2008.
But back to the defense. I really like this defense. I like Charles Ass Tapper and I would have his babies if he could line up onsides. I like everything about the linebackers. I love Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin. I like how Zach Sanchez is getting baptized by fire and mostly doing well. I like Quentin Hayes and Julian Wilson and, hell, even Gabe Lynn. These guys all deserve help.
I like Frank Shannon the most this week. I haven't scouted Iowa State (two in the pink one in the stink shocker) but I think they do just enough things lousy that Franky Baby has about 15 stops.
THE OUTCOME
Well, this one won't be close. Here's the eye opener. We have an 11am start, a team that's out of not only the National Title picture but also the Big 12, an opponent that's shitty and the potential for rain. The OU Athletic Department is going to have to adjust the budget the crowd will be so bad for this one. The consecutive sellout streak will be laughably fibbed. My we are a fickle bunch.
OU 42, Iowa State 13
Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Baylor
I come to you today, writing from my phone as the piece of shit Blogger wouldn't let me put up a post from the PC at my work for some reason. I'm happy about this. As a result, this may be shorter than normal (probably a good thing).
There was a time when seeing Baylor come up on the schedule was a welcomed respite from the grind of a brutal Big 12 schedule. Oh how times have changed. What was once seen as a brief "lottery win" with the RG3 era, has turned into a legit program under the guidance of Art Briles. The rumors of him going to Texas have Sooner nation collectively scraping melted kit-kats from the inner linings of their jockey's. As it stands, he's made the Bears into legit contenders. I have strong doubts about tonight's contest.
Mitch was (appropriately) worried that we'd be drubbed by Tech last week. Fortunately the Sooners were able to do enough to win that game. While solid, Tech is not going to be mistaken for Baylor, and we aren't in Norman. Make no mistake, this is the biggest game they've hosted in my lifetime, maybe ever. Big enough that they are taking the tarp off of the perpetually covered endzone seats to accommodate the ticket demand. This is bad. They are better than we are in nearly every facet, and I'm particularly worried that our decimated defense is going to be annihilated by their O. This is really bad.
Offense
I'm feeling like our best chance in this one is to go with what we do best, run the football. Obviously because we are mush better at this than passing, it will (hopefully) keep their offense--and our defense off of the field, and if Baylor has a weak point it's stopping the run. Which sets it up perfectly for Heupel to get really fucking cute (see: OU v texas, 2013) and try to win a shoot out. That said, I'm hoping that common sense prevails and we hand it off early and often. It's our only chance really. I'm going with a hopeful pick. In light of his recent strong play vs Tech, I like Roy Damn Finch to be a spark that ignites our offense.
Defense
I'm scared here, I don't really know how we're going to stop them. They do everything well on this side of the ball. We don't do much well. I know they pass and spread the field and score at breakneck speed. My vision though is that Seastrunk goes for about 200 and 5 scores. I hope I'm very wrong. I'm going to go with our best guy here. Big games call on your stars to step up and I think Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin does just that. I think he takes away half of the field, and makes some big tackles coming up in run support.
Score
I'm nervous this could be 70-17 in favor of them. We've shat ourselves on the big stage for, oh, the last decade or so. None of this bodes well. I'm keeping the faith however (no reason to stop now), and taking the Sooners tonight. We play a grind it out game, get some lucky bounces and a win the turnover battle, Sooners "Miracle" this one with some old Sooner Magic: 31-30.
Lets roll these punk bitches.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Tech
I'm pumped for today's game reader(s). I plan on settling in on the sofa with my pants around my ankles, a beer in one hand, and my junk in the other. Why? Well that hunk of a man Kliff Kingsbury of course. He looks exactly like Ryan Gosling, right? Right? Needless to say I'm pretty tired of hearing that shit. That's a passing comment, not a "feature piece". Furthermore it means absolutely nothing in terms of the game. Speaking of that douche, I really feel good that he's their head coach and I was out of school when he played there. Being old sucks.
I also see that Bobby is calling for fans to be loud today. Nothing says "great fan base" like a coaching pleading them to not sit on their hands. Though the last time he did that (also against Tech incidentally), I recall it being pretty crazy. Sadly, that's the exception not the rule. I hope it's loud, and I hope we respond. I also hope it inspires Josh Heupel to call some plays that I, nevermind Tech, don't see coming.
Offense
For those who haven't seen a game this year, we stink on offense. Partly because our QB is inept at the forward pass, and partly because our offensive coordinator is hell bent on not playing to our strengths (read: running the ball) or adapting his game-plan to what the defense is doing. However, I'm hopeful that today we realize that we can run the ball and do so with great determination and success. With that in mind I'm picking Brennan Clay today. He's been steady all year, living up to his well-earned moniker of old-steady. He'll get in the endzone once and rack up a heap of yards. (Preview to next weeks post: why did Brennan Clay not play last week?)
Defense
As you may have ascertained from what you've read up to now, I'm not feeling terribly inspired by today's game. It's 10 v 15 but I just don't have a ton of faith in either our offense or defense. We've been decimated up front in what was a surprisingly solid front. Kingsbury likes to throw it and we've not been great at stopping that (see: combo, bad). I'd like to pick Motherfuckin Colvin, but I'm not feeling it. I'm going with Ass Tapper. Chaz Ass Tapper.
That is all.
Score
I think Tech is good, but I also think overrated. They'll be a challenge for the Sooners today no question, and I'm predictably nervous about. I do think the fans show up and become more of a "factor" than normal. I think that is enough to get us past them and keep our conference championship hopes alive. Sooners eke out an ass clincher 30-28.
Boomer to Motherfuckin Sooner
Saturday, October 19, 2013
OU vs. Kansas
There's not enough fingers to point to all the blame from last week. I mean, what a pathetic performance. [Air quote] Props [Un-Air Quote] to Texas for executing well. But you want to talk about poor football? You want to talk about being your own worst nightmare? Egads. What a miserable day. Terrible run defense, terrible 3rd down defense. Nothing resembling flow on offense. Stupid penalties. Fucking hell.
Now we turn from that spanking to what, on paper, should be the reverse. Perennial doormat Kansas comes a calling. This should be a salve on the wound of the Sooners but the Sooners have no freaking idea what to do on offense and the defense is shredded by injury. Piling on, this is lose-lose. Win big and you did what you were supposed to do. Win by a little and you haven't solved anything. Lose and a mushroom cloud appears over Norman this week.
OFFENSE
This is how bad the offense has gotten. This week on the same day in the Oklahoman, there was a story about how the running game has to step up. Right next to that was a story about how Jalen Saunders and Sterling Sheperd need to pick it up. Jenni Carlson dusted off the Sorry Landry Jones love letter she wrote this past offseason. Berry Tramel wrote an article explaining the benefits of the forward pass in modern football. The top two quarterbacks are pretty bad. This thing is a train wreck and the only person who seems to be coming out unscathed is Josh Heupel. What the hell?
Today I'm going with Keith Ford because he's A) A bright shining star in a sea of average and B) it seems clear that if any change is going to happen offensively it's going to be giving him more reps.
Maybe the passing game looks decent today. Maybe Saunders or Sheperd do get a lot of catches. It will be a damn miracle. I am very bearish on this offense. Woe is me and the sky is falling, etc.
DEFENSE
The story here is injuries obviously. This is a different unit with Jordan Phillips missing up front. When he was lost the D looked an awful lot like it did late last year. Co. Nelson hurts even worse. I don't know if Aaron Colvin is playing or not. That's three of the top four players on your defense (Ass Tapper obvs) "dinged" up. Tough to overcome. But overcome they must.
I haven't gone back and watched the tape. I rarely do on losses because I'm a sore loser. I know the longhorns went after the youngin' Dominique Alexander but 19 tackles is insane. He and Franky Shannon had almost 40 between them. Pretty hard on paper.
That said I'm not picking either of them today. I'm going out of the box here and going Quentin Hayes. Sure, why not. He seems like he's been relatively solid.
THE SCORE
Well, it's blowout or bust. Even though I don't think Josh Heupel likes "scoring points" or "routs" the Sooners have to have it. I don't know how they'll do it if Kansas doesn't go tits up. I wear crimson colored glasses and believe it will happen.
OU 31, Kansas 17 in a not as close as the score would indicate type game.
Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner.
Now we turn from that spanking to what, on paper, should be the reverse. Perennial doormat Kansas comes a calling. This should be a salve on the wound of the Sooners but the Sooners have no freaking idea what to do on offense and the defense is shredded by injury. Piling on, this is lose-lose. Win big and you did what you were supposed to do. Win by a little and you haven't solved anything. Lose and a mushroom cloud appears over Norman this week.
OFFENSE
This is how bad the offense has gotten. This week on the same day in the Oklahoman, there was a story about how the running game has to step up. Right next to that was a story about how Jalen Saunders and Sterling Sheperd need to pick it up. Jenni Carlson dusted off the Sorry Landry Jones love letter she wrote this past offseason. Berry Tramel wrote an article explaining the benefits of the forward pass in modern football. The top two quarterbacks are pretty bad. This thing is a train wreck and the only person who seems to be coming out unscathed is Josh Heupel. What the hell?
Today I'm going with Keith Ford because he's A) A bright shining star in a sea of average and B) it seems clear that if any change is going to happen offensively it's going to be giving him more reps.
Maybe the passing game looks decent today. Maybe Saunders or Sheperd do get a lot of catches. It will be a damn miracle. I am very bearish on this offense. Woe is me and the sky is falling, etc.
DEFENSE
The story here is injuries obviously. This is a different unit with Jordan Phillips missing up front. When he was lost the D looked an awful lot like it did late last year. Co. Nelson hurts even worse. I don't know if Aaron Colvin is playing or not. That's three of the top four players on your defense (Ass Tapper obvs) "dinged" up. Tough to overcome. But overcome they must.
I haven't gone back and watched the tape. I rarely do on losses because I'm a sore loser. I know the longhorns went after the youngin' Dominique Alexander but 19 tackles is insane. He and Franky Shannon had almost 40 between them. Pretty hard on paper.
That said I'm not picking either of them today. I'm going out of the box here and going Quentin Hayes. Sure, why not. He seems like he's been relatively solid.
THE SCORE
Well, it's blowout or bust. Even though I don't think Josh Heupel likes "scoring points" or "routs" the Sooners have to have it. I don't know how they'll do it if Kansas doesn't go tits up. I wear crimson colored glasses and believe it will happen.
OU 31, Kansas 17 in a not as close as the score would indicate type game.
Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner.
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Notre Dame
Today the Sooners walk into, arguably the most hallowed ground in college football, to battle against the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame. The program is as storied as the come, and with the hiring of Brian Kelly, has made a full return to national relevance culminating with a trip to (and subsequent ass-beat in) the National Championship game last season. The list of traditions is long and oft discussed. Touchdown Jesus, slapping the Play Like a Champion sign (which might be one of the greatest heist jobs in history as it's a blatant rip-off from OU, I digress), painting the helmets for every game with paint allegedly containing real gold...and the list goes on. However, what many of the main stream media and general population don't know is that there are a few traditions that are just as vital to the aura and mystique of Notre Dame football that continually fly under the radar. Let's end the suspense:
The North Bend
While South Bend, IN is the home to Notre Dame, the North Bend is long-held, pre-game tradition that no player puts on his cup until he has throbbing erection. This, along with painting the helmets, the pre-game handy is a perk of being the Football Pep Club. Multiple, conflicting theories exist as the origin and significance of this tradition.
Shower Rides
While it's true that no player has been carried off of the field since Daniel "Rudy" Ruettiger famously was, it's said a new tradition was born the following season. The star player of the game rides the player of his choice in a soaped-up shower celebration, while the rest of the team chants his name as a cap-tip to Ru-dy! Ru-dy! Ru-dy!
The Dusting of the Pubes
The famous gold in the freshly painted helmets is widely discussed. However, few know that the priests at Notre Dame shave the first pubes of the altar boys until the age of 16 in order to "keep them young and pure." These pubes are sprinkled all over the field and is said to provide the team with fresh legs throughout the game.
That is but four of the "secret" Notre Dame traditions that make the school the greatest gift to college football that has ever existed. Let's hope the Sooners don't crumble and wilt in the face of such glory.
Offense
Sooner Nation is still basking the glow of Blake Bell's dominant performance two weeks ago. The 'Dozer made everyone in Norman hit the streets to find the "heady nugs" that Stoops Heupel et al must have been smoking when Trevor Adophilous Knight was named the starter in his stead. While his passes were on time and accurate, sadly the barometer that is the Tulsa defense isn't the most telling. I, for one, am excited/anxious/nervous to see what he looks like against a very solid Irish D. Their front seven is pretty hard at every position, and their D-line in particular will provide a very tough challenge for our running game as well as pass protection. However, their secondary is rumored to be the bacon-caramel-brownie to their Kirstie Alley (read: weak point). With that in mind, I'm going with a receiver today. I think Jalen Saunders gets back on track after not being a focal point in the passing game last week. I think he gets in the end zone at least once today and makes some big catches for us.
Defense
This will be a big test for our boys on what has been a surprisingly solid defense thus far. Supposedly OU will be mixing in some of their 4-3 that was the mainstay of the Stoops brother's defenses until being supplanted for a 3-3-5 that was installed this past off-season. I've loved the play of our linebackers this year; Frank Shannon has been awesome. Jordan Phillips and Charles "Ass" Tapper have been very tough on the line as well. Today I'm going with Corey Nelson on defense. Long on potential and short on production in years past, he's finally (and almost quietly) playing like the star he was rumored to be for the last few seasons. I like him to be "flying to the football" today and making a bunch of big tackles.
Score
This is a huge test for our boys today. The Sooners have a longstanding tradition of their own, shitting the bed against the Notre Dame. While the Irish and their faithful will undoubtedly adhere to their traditions today and always, the Sooners will fly in the face of history with a win in South Bend. It will certainly be tough, but revenge is on our minds after last season. The defense plays well, and the 'Dozer does enough to win. The Sooners leave the scoreboard at 21-17.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner
The North Bend
While South Bend, IN is the home to Notre Dame, the North Bend is long-held, pre-game tradition that no player puts on his cup until he has throbbing erection. This, along with painting the helmets, the pre-game handy is a perk of being the Football Pep Club. Multiple, conflicting theories exist as the origin and significance of this tradition.
Lou Holtz Pregame Speeches
No, the legendary Lou doesn't come to each game and fire up the Notre Dame troops. Upon hiring each new ND coach, one of the first orders of business is to have an ill-fitting retainer made. Before each game, the coach pounds two Jaeger bombs, puts in the retainer and delivers a garbled, saliva-blasting speech to inspire his team.
Shower Rides
While it's true that no player has been carried off of the field since Daniel "Rudy" Ruettiger famously was, it's said a new tradition was born the following season. The star player of the game rides the player of his choice in a soaped-up shower celebration, while the rest of the team chants his name as a cap-tip to Ru-dy! Ru-dy! Ru-dy!
The Dusting of the Pubes
The famous gold in the freshly painted helmets is widely discussed. However, few know that the priests at Notre Dame shave the first pubes of the altar boys until the age of 16 in order to "keep them young and pure." These pubes are sprinkled all over the field and is said to provide the team with fresh legs throughout the game.
That is but four of the "secret" Notre Dame traditions that make the school the greatest gift to college football that has ever existed. Let's hope the Sooners don't crumble and wilt in the face of such glory.
Offense
Sooner Nation is still basking the glow of Blake Bell's dominant performance two weeks ago. The 'Dozer made everyone in Norman hit the streets to find the "heady nugs" that Stoops Heupel et al must have been smoking when Trevor Adophilous Knight was named the starter in his stead. While his passes were on time and accurate, sadly the barometer that is the Tulsa defense isn't the most telling. I, for one, am excited/anxious/nervous to see what he looks like against a very solid Irish D. Their front seven is pretty hard at every position, and their D-line in particular will provide a very tough challenge for our running game as well as pass protection. However, their secondary is rumored to be the bacon-caramel-brownie to their Kirstie Alley (read: weak point). With that in mind, I'm going with a receiver today. I think Jalen Saunders gets back on track after not being a focal point in the passing game last week. I think he gets in the end zone at least once today and makes some big catches for us.
Defense
This will be a big test for our boys on what has been a surprisingly solid defense thus far. Supposedly OU will be mixing in some of their 4-3 that was the mainstay of the Stoops brother's defenses until being supplanted for a 3-3-5 that was installed this past off-season. I've loved the play of our linebackers this year; Frank Shannon has been awesome. Jordan Phillips and Charles "Ass" Tapper have been very tough on the line as well. Today I'm going with Corey Nelson on defense. Long on potential and short on production in years past, he's finally (and almost quietly) playing like the star he was rumored to be for the last few seasons. I like him to be "flying to the football" today and making a bunch of big tackles.
Score
This is a huge test for our boys today. The Sooners have a longstanding tradition of their own, shitting the bed against the Notre Dame. While the Irish and their faithful will undoubtedly adhere to their traditions today and always, the Sooners will fly in the face of history with a win in South Bend. It will certainly be tough, but revenge is on our minds after last season. The defense plays well, and the 'Dozer does enough to win. The Sooners leave the scoreboard at 21-17.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Tulsa
Over the course of the week I was able to go back and watch the ballgame. Youtube is the best by the way. In hindsight I think the Sooners got pretty lucky. West Virginia had chances and they simply made one or two more mistakes than the Sooners. WVU had a dropped pass in the end zone, some wide open misses and, of course, their share of turnovers.
For the Sooners, Trevor Knight was lackluster (to put it nicely) in the passing game but he had help. There was that LaColtan Bester fumble after a nice throw and run for instance. The turnovers in the red zone were inexcusable, however.
So this week we have intrigue. Knight is dinged up with a "leg" and Blake Bell gets the start. Wink Wink Nudge Nudge Nuff Said. A good performance entrenches him. But if the passing game continues to suffer there may be chaos, panic and disorder. Kendal Thompson has even been cleared to practice and evidently will be the Belldozer's backup this week. Worst case you could halfway through the season and have literally no idea what you have at quarterback. I still don't miss Landry though.
OFFENSE
My thoughts on Josh Heupel are well documented but it is incumbent on him to get this passing game off the ground, so to speak. The run and gun offenses of years past thrived on quick slants, screens and outs. Oh, how we hated them back then when Landry would get the snap, turn and fire to Ryan Broyles et al. But now that short passing attack seems pretty good. Also, what about screens to these running backs or, gasp, Trey Millard? Something should be available given how teams will be forcing the Sooners to pass.
This offense is clearly strong like bull in the run game. It would make no sense to pick someone other than a back. And it would be crazy to really pick anyone besides Brennan Clay. That's who I'm going with. He seems to be a fine young man who deserves all the success he's enjoying thus far.
With the Belldozer working his way into the offense and Josh Heupel running the show this game could be simple and fast. The clock stays running and as little as possible is done to preserve a winning score. Read: Zone Read, Sweep Right, Quick HB Belly.
The Sooners are fucked against Notre Dame if they don't evolve offensively against Tulsa this week. Book it.
DEFENSE
This group has excelled against inferior competition thus far. Tulsa is no different so this should be enjoyable.
The biggest surprise through two games has to be the performance of the D-Line although with expectations as low as they were for this unit it would be difficult to not exceed them. That's your backhanded compliment of the week sponsored by, "Overbearing Dad" Magazine.
With that in mind I'm going to pick Jordan Phillips as my DPOG. I want to pick Chuka Ndulue but a beer buzz at the time of this writing is keeping me from it.
THE SCORE
The best thing I can say about this game is that it lines up perfectly to give me the opportunity to take my son to his first Sooners football game. Mild-ish weather, early start, cupcake opponent. I've been waiting a long time for this.
On the field I expect domination in the "not as close as the score would indicate" fashion. The Sooners offense beats up Tulsa, the D flies around enough to ward off too much damage and Michael Hunnicut leads the Sooners in scoring.
I hope I'm wrong and this is all a reverse jinx.
I like the Sooners 31-10.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner
For the Sooners, Trevor Knight was lackluster (to put it nicely) in the passing game but he had help. There was that LaColtan Bester fumble after a nice throw and run for instance. The turnovers in the red zone were inexcusable, however.
So this week we have intrigue. Knight is dinged up with a "leg" and Blake Bell gets the start. Wink Wink Nudge Nudge Nuff Said. A good performance entrenches him. But if the passing game continues to suffer there may be chaos, panic and disorder. Kendal Thompson has even been cleared to practice and evidently will be the Belldozer's backup this week. Worst case you could halfway through the season and have literally no idea what you have at quarterback. I still don't miss Landry though.
OFFENSE
My thoughts on Josh Heupel are well documented but it is incumbent on him to get this passing game off the ground, so to speak. The run and gun offenses of years past thrived on quick slants, screens and outs. Oh, how we hated them back then when Landry would get the snap, turn and fire to Ryan Broyles et al. But now that short passing attack seems pretty good. Also, what about screens to these running backs or, gasp, Trey Millard? Something should be available given how teams will be forcing the Sooners to pass.
This offense is clearly strong like bull in the run game. It would make no sense to pick someone other than a back. And it would be crazy to really pick anyone besides Brennan Clay. That's who I'm going with. He seems to be a fine young man who deserves all the success he's enjoying thus far.
With the Belldozer working his way into the offense and Josh Heupel running the show this game could be simple and fast. The clock stays running and as little as possible is done to preserve a winning score. Read: Zone Read, Sweep Right, Quick HB Belly.
The Sooners are fucked against Notre Dame if they don't evolve offensively against Tulsa this week. Book it.
DEFENSE
This group has excelled against inferior competition thus far. Tulsa is no different so this should be enjoyable.
The biggest surprise through two games has to be the performance of the D-Line although with expectations as low as they were for this unit it would be difficult to not exceed them. That's your backhanded compliment of the week sponsored by, "Overbearing Dad" Magazine.
With that in mind I'm going to pick Jordan Phillips as my DPOG. I want to pick Chuka Ndulue but a beer buzz at the time of this writing is keeping me from it.
THE SCORE
The best thing I can say about this game is that it lines up perfectly to give me the opportunity to take my son to his first Sooners football game. Mild-ish weather, early start, cupcake opponent. I've been waiting a long time for this.
On the field I expect domination in the "not as close as the score would indicate" fashion. The Sooners offense beats up Tulsa, the D flies around enough to ward off too much damage and Michael Hunnicut leads the Sooners in scoring.
I hope I'm wrong and this is all a reverse jinx.
I like the Sooners 31-10.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner
Saturday, September 7, 2013
WVU
As the first light of dawn reached into my bedroom, I awoke. My buckskin pants already on, I turned my legs toward the floor and my feet delved into my fur lined, high-top moccasins. As I stood I simultaneously stretched, and reached for the tassled, tanned leather jacket hanging on a deer antler next to my bed. I pulled its soft, animal embrace over my skeletal frame. Sleep still in my eyes, and morning still on my breath, I placed my time-worn coonskin cap on and threw my musket over my shoulder. My arm pushed open the weathered, wooden door to my bunk and my gaze met the morning sun with a squint. As I took my first breath of the crisp morning air, I felt the familiar deluge of carnal excitement as I went into the next bunkhouse to fornicate with both of my sisters. And it was golden.
--from, "The Mountaineer: My Year of Torrid Incest as an Adult Male Cheerleader", HarperCollins; 2003
There's a less than 3% chance I made that up, which is roughly on par with the chance I give WVU of winning today in Norman. Everyone knows the details of last season's track meet in Morgantown. The Sooners emerged victorious but not before allowing Smith, Austin et al to literally run at will all over our embarrassing, wait-it's-not-two-hand-touch?-defense. It's the worst performance defensively of the Bob Stoops era. It was the least satisfying win I can remember, but a win nonetheless.
All of the key pieces of that onslaught, and of Dana Holgerson's (semi) relevant Mountaineer team of last season, are gone. New QB, new skill position guys and it all showed up (or didn't, depending on..) last week. WVU had to rally, RALLY, in the second half against The Tribe of William and Mary. Granted, I'm sure they were overlooking them a bit, but still. They certainly won't be looking past OU on the road today. However, I'm sure we're eager to shut them down and prove that last year was the exception, not the rule. My suspicion is Mike Stoops has not failed to remind the defense of how fucking terrible they looked last season against these guys. My hope is he's got a game-plan together to show them "what's what".
Last week marked the debut of Trevor Adophilous Knight (probably/certainly not his real middle name, but it sounds damn fine and "right" to me). He showed Sooner Nation his ability to scramble. He also showed he can be woefully inaccurate in the passing game. While I didn't get to watch the game ($49.95 to stream ULM on SoonerSports?? Not a fucking chance), reports indicate he settled down as the game went on. I hope that he's more poised today and starts making the good throws that are there. Of course, it's nice to have our running game as a fallback. I was pleased to see from the box score that Roy Finch had a nice day, and Mitch seems pretty high on Keith Ford. That said I was disappointed that Heupel found enough touches leftover to give Trey Millard one (ONE!?) carry. I hope that changes, though I have strong doubts.
Offense
I liked going with Knight in his debut, and I think a case can be made that he was OPG. Early returns look as though Jalen Saunders may be a favorite target as he had a nice game last week (nice call, Mitchy). I was pleased to see Trey Metoyer find the endzone last Saturday as well. This week, I'm feeling as though Knight picks up the passing game even more, and puts up better numbers. Though I'd love to go with Knight or a receiver, I feel like it's going to be someone on the ground today. The running game is such a tough pick with so many options (underutilized or not) to give the ball to. I'm going to go with Roy Finch. I'm excited that he's becoming a part of the offense (again) because, let's face it, when he is out there he almost always does something awesome. I think 100+ yards is unrealistic with all of our options, but I feel as though an all around balanced day of running and receiving with one score is coming.
Defense
I really wish I could have seen last week's game. It's been so long since we've shut down anyone, regardless of what kind of team it is, to that degree. Only two trips past the 50! I must say it feels good. We're clearly not going to keep putting up those kinds of games in the Big 12, but it's a nice start. Though Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin played well last week, it felt even better to tip a cap toward Frank Shannon and Charles Tapper who both ended up having really nice games. With that in mind, I'm going to pick Frank Shannon as my DPG (Defensive Player of the Game, not Disrespectful Pounding of the Gash). I think he makes a lot of big tackles today, and leads us to another solid defensive performance.
Score
I like what the D showed last week, and I like that WVU struggled to score against William AND Mary (I mean, both of them??) last week. I also think the offense gets rolling even more this week with Knight settling in earlier. Sooners win this one 41-17. Solid performance out of the gate, and we keep the pressure on throughout.
This is my first game of the season to watch, and I couldn't be more excited about the prospect of it. It's payback for last year and we'll do it in a big way. Let's roll heads.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner
--from, "The Mountaineer: My Year of Torrid Incest as an Adult Male Cheerleader", HarperCollins; 2003
There's a less than 3% chance I made that up, which is roughly on par with the chance I give WVU of winning today in Norman. Everyone knows the details of last season's track meet in Morgantown. The Sooners emerged victorious but not before allowing Smith, Austin et al to literally run at will all over our embarrassing, wait-it's-not-two-hand-touch?-defense. It's the worst performance defensively of the Bob Stoops era. It was the least satisfying win I can remember, but a win nonetheless.
All of the key pieces of that onslaught, and of Dana Holgerson's (semi) relevant Mountaineer team of last season, are gone. New QB, new skill position guys and it all showed up (or didn't, depending on..) last week. WVU had to rally, RALLY, in the second half against The Tribe of William and Mary. Granted, I'm sure they were overlooking them a bit, but still. They certainly won't be looking past OU on the road today. However, I'm sure we're eager to shut them down and prove that last year was the exception, not the rule. My suspicion is Mike Stoops has not failed to remind the defense of how fucking terrible they looked last season against these guys. My hope is he's got a game-plan together to show them "what's what".
Last week marked the debut of Trevor Adophilous Knight (probably/certainly not his real middle name, but it sounds damn fine and "right" to me). He showed Sooner Nation his ability to scramble. He also showed he can be woefully inaccurate in the passing game. While I didn't get to watch the game ($49.95 to stream ULM on SoonerSports?? Not a fucking chance), reports indicate he settled down as the game went on. I hope that he's more poised today and starts making the good throws that are there. Of course, it's nice to have our running game as a fallback. I was pleased to see from the box score that Roy Finch had a nice day, and Mitch seems pretty high on Keith Ford. That said I was disappointed that Heupel found enough touches leftover to give Trey Millard one (ONE!?) carry. I hope that changes, though I have strong doubts.
Offense
I liked going with Knight in his debut, and I think a case can be made that he was OPG. Early returns look as though Jalen Saunders may be a favorite target as he had a nice game last week (nice call, Mitchy). I was pleased to see Trey Metoyer find the endzone last Saturday as well. This week, I'm feeling as though Knight picks up the passing game even more, and puts up better numbers. Though I'd love to go with Knight or a receiver, I feel like it's going to be someone on the ground today. The running game is such a tough pick with so many options (underutilized or not) to give the ball to. I'm going to go with Roy Finch. I'm excited that he's becoming a part of the offense (again) because, let's face it, when he is out there he almost always does something awesome. I think 100+ yards is unrealistic with all of our options, but I feel as though an all around balanced day of running and receiving with one score is coming.
Defense
I really wish I could have seen last week's game. It's been so long since we've shut down anyone, regardless of what kind of team it is, to that degree. Only two trips past the 50! I must say it feels good. We're clearly not going to keep putting up those kinds of games in the Big 12, but it's a nice start. Though Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin played well last week, it felt even better to tip a cap toward Frank Shannon and Charles Tapper who both ended up having really nice games. With that in mind, I'm going to pick Frank Shannon as my DPG (Defensive Player of the Game, not Disrespectful Pounding of the Gash). I think he makes a lot of big tackles today, and leads us to another solid defensive performance.
Score
I like what the D showed last week, and I like that WVU struggled to score against William AND Mary (I mean, both of them??) last week. I also think the offense gets rolling even more this week with Knight settling in earlier. Sooners win this one 41-17. Solid performance out of the gate, and we keep the pressure on throughout.
This is my first game of the season to watch, and I couldn't be more excited about the prospect of it. It's payback for last year and we'll do it in a big way. Let's roll heads.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner
Saturday, August 31, 2013
ULM
For the first time since being totally destroyed on the biggest stage (again) last January, the Sooners take the field with a clean slate this evening. As I mentioned in my post on Wednesday, I have an odd mix of resignation and optimism on the season. But as I wiped my eyes this morning and rolled out of bed, optimism sprung up. While I'm not sure what to expect during the course of the season, today I'm expecting an ass beat be put on the poor saps from ULM.
Yes, the pundits say that ULM is not to be taken lightly. They started their season by beating a respectable Arkansas team on the road and played (a shitty) Auburn close last year. They also had tough losses to such powerhouses as Arkansas State and Louisiana Ragin' Cajuns. With that in mind I'll chalk the Arkansas upset to being overlooked and the others to not being a great team. Listen, they are who we think they are and if you want to crown their asses then go ahead and crown them. Denny Green aside, they're a decent mid-major capable of beating us. However, I don't think it's likely.
The biggest story of our day, and what has me brimming with curiosity and excitement is the debut of Trevor Knight, aka not lonnie jones. I'm pumped to see what this supposed wunderkind can do. I'm also pumped that for the first time in 3+ seasons I'm not going into a game absolutely certain that I'm going to hate at least 10 things our QB does.
Defensively, well, who the hell knows what can happen? In my exhaustive (read: less than 7 minutes of...) research, it seems that ULM did put up quite a few points most weeks in 2012. So it appears that they know (knew?) how to score. This fact gives me more pause than anything else, given that last season we welcomed opponents into the endzone like so many penises into a chubby drunk sorority girl longing for acceptance. I didn't do any defensive newcomer selections, mostly because I didn't think of it (hat tip: Mitch), but the guys I'm excited to see, and think may have big years, are Frank Shannon and Charles Tapper (in addition to, of course, Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin). Let's hope we set the tone early this year by shutting someone down.
Offense
I feel like there are a lot of options here given the amount of talent we have returning to the skill positions. However, given Heupel's play-calling resume, it's a goddamned crapshoot figuring out who will get the ball (read: not Millard, Trey and Finch, Roy). However, there is at least one player guaranteed to get touches. Maybe it's the 3rd cup of coffee ("Jim never has a second cup of coffee at home..."), but I'm doing something I haven't done in those aforementioned 3+ seasons, I'm picking our QB, Trevor Knight, as my offensive player of the game. I think (hope?) that the young buck rambles, scrambles and throws all over the field today and lends me one of those corn-dogs Mitch observed in Mike Stoops' shorts (front, not back). I'm thinking 250+ passing yards, 50+ rushing yards, 3 TD's and 1 int (he'll have hiccups).
Defense
Here I really only have one option at this stage of the season given the number of question marks on D. So no bullshitting around, my pick is Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin. I don't foresee any int's due to the fact that they'll likely avoid going his direction much in the passing game. That said I think he makes multiple big tackles and forces a fumble in the run game (he can hit).
Score
My hunch is they can score. I'm hopeful we can too. Provided we don't run shotgun draws every play and turn into The Chuck Long Project (the offense, not the progressive rock trio I can only assume exists somewhere) again, I think we'll put up some points ourselves. It might not be flawlessly pretty but I think we win convincingly today 41-24. No I don't like that it's that close but they get a garbage TD in there at the end.
Let's roll heads, it's Sooner football season again.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner!
Yes, the pundits say that ULM is not to be taken lightly. They started their season by beating a respectable Arkansas team on the road and played (a shitty) Auburn close last year. They also had tough losses to such powerhouses as Arkansas State and Louisiana Ragin' Cajuns. With that in mind I'll chalk the Arkansas upset to being overlooked and the others to not being a great team. Listen, they are who we think they are and if you want to crown their asses then go ahead and crown them. Denny Green aside, they're a decent mid-major capable of beating us. However, I don't think it's likely.
The biggest story of our day, and what has me brimming with curiosity and excitement is the debut of Trevor Knight, aka not lonnie jones. I'm pumped to see what this supposed wunderkind can do. I'm also pumped that for the first time in 3+ seasons I'm not going into a game absolutely certain that I'm going to hate at least 10 things our QB does.
Defensively, well, who the hell knows what can happen? In my exhaustive (read: less than 7 minutes of...) research, it seems that ULM did put up quite a few points most weeks in 2012. So it appears that they know (knew?) how to score. This fact gives me more pause than anything else, given that last season we welcomed opponents into the endzone like so many penises into a chubby drunk sorority girl longing for acceptance. I didn't do any defensive newcomer selections, mostly because I didn't think of it (hat tip: Mitch), but the guys I'm excited to see, and think may have big years, are Frank Shannon and Charles Tapper (in addition to, of course, Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin). Let's hope we set the tone early this year by shutting someone down.
Offense
I feel like there are a lot of options here given the amount of talent we have returning to the skill positions. However, given Heupel's play-calling resume, it's a goddamned crapshoot figuring out who will get the ball (read: not Millard, Trey and Finch, Roy). However, there is at least one player guaranteed to get touches. Maybe it's the 3rd cup of coffee ("Jim never has a second cup of coffee at home..."), but I'm doing something I haven't done in those aforementioned 3+ seasons, I'm picking our QB, Trevor Knight, as my offensive player of the game. I think (hope?) that the young buck rambles, scrambles and throws all over the field today and lends me one of those corn-dogs Mitch observed in Mike Stoops' shorts (front, not back). I'm thinking 250+ passing yards, 50+ rushing yards, 3 TD's and 1 int (he'll have hiccups).
Defense
Here I really only have one option at this stage of the season given the number of question marks on D. So no bullshitting around, my pick is Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin. I don't foresee any int's due to the fact that they'll likely avoid going his direction much in the passing game. That said I think he makes multiple big tackles and forces a fumble in the run game (he can hit).
Score
My hunch is they can score. I'm hopeful we can too. Provided we don't run shotgun draws every play and turn into The Chuck Long Project (the offense, not the progressive rock trio I can only assume exists somewhere) again, I think we'll put up some points ourselves. It might not be flawlessly pretty but I think we win convincingly today 41-24. No I don't like that it's that close but they get a garbage TD in there at the end.
Let's roll heads, it's Sooner football season again.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner!
Friday, August 30, 2013
The 2013 Steamers
The Sooner Steamroller preseason awards (dba The Steamers) guarantee success or failure just as much as the AP Pre-Season awards. Congratulations to all the "winners".
Without further ado:
The 2013 Sooner Steamroller MF'er
Goes to Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin. He was, by a mile, the only defensive player last year who played well on a consistent basis. He'll be on an island this year and, by all accounts, he's in full lock down mode. I'm excited about what this ball player brings to the table. He's a senior, he's a captain, he's the 2013 MF'er.
For the uninitiated, the MF'er is the most prestigious award handed out by Steamroller staff. It goes to the defensive player who most exemplifies everything you want in a Sooner. The MF'er brings his hard hat and lunch pail every game and can otherwise best be described as a "Baby Eater" on the football field. He makes plays that make you turn and ask the people around you, "Did you see that play? Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin, man!"
T-Shirts Here
Old Steady
Old Steady is the player (up to this point a running back) who brings the same effort every play. You know exactly what you're getting with Old Steady, a decent yards per carry, no fumbling, no dicking around in the backfield. This year the award goes to Brennan Clay.
Clay was much balleyhooed when he arrived on campus but he began his career as the homeless man's version of the original Old Steady, Chris Brown. Sure, he could get you two or three yards a touch but is that a feature back? Last year, however, he turned it on in a great way. This year, with a better (when healthy) O-Line and no plodding oaf QB to get in his way I see big things happening here.
I'd also like to "give propers" to Trey Millard as well. He's definitely good enough to earn Old Steady honors but, after discussing with Navin, we just don't trust Josh Heupel to feed him the ball enough for him to qualify. It's ridiculous that a lack of touches is a possibility. For Thunder fans it's the opposite of the Kendrick Perkins effect. Stubbornness keeps Perkins on the court and he is a black hole on offense. Millard is always on the field, lined up everywhere and is stubbornly denied the ball.
Gas Rag McGee
To the player on defense who looks more lost than my mom in a Tokyo subway station. If opposing Offensive Coordinators have two brain cells to rub together Gas Rag McGee is the guy they will scheme endlessly to get man coverage against. Last year it was Tom Wort. Bless his heart he had the "motor" but he just couldn't hang physically.
This year Gabe Lynn puts the trophy back on his mantle. He's been lost in the secondary since he stepped on campus. Until someone steals the title from him, he's the guy. With plenty of newcomers this could be quite the little horse race this season.
Offensive Newcomer
Has to be Trevor Knight. It's not every year the Sooners usher in a new quarterback. Right or wrong the question is will he be the next great one. This implies trips to New York for Heisman ceremonies. That's a perfectly reasonable expectation isn't it? No pressure or nothin'.
Keith Ford could also be a choice here but there's no way he has the impact, good or bad, that Knight will.
Defensive Newcomer
Smart money is on someone like Quincy Russell, DJ Ward or Charles Tapper. The line was hideous last season and if any of these guys can bolster that unit, particularly Russell, then that would be huge. I'm going Quincy Russell here.
If you're feeling a little more daring I would say Hatari Byrd because Mike Stoops is so excited about him he reportedly stalks the practice field with what looks like a corn dog in his coaches shorts.
Coach or Player I Will Blame for Anything Bad Now That Landry is Gone
Josh Heupel. To say I'm underwhelmed by him is too kind. We haven't made a defense look clueless in three years. The only hurry up we do is a quick handoff. The Belldozer package was born of desperation and is successful because Blake Bell is bigger than a Honda Accord.
In my opinion Josher has more pressure on him to show something than Trevor Knight.
Home Game I Can't Believe I'm Missing
West Virginny. Life is full of tough choices. I've chosen a day of music over football on September 7th. Yep, One Direction is coming to town.
Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner
Without further ado:
The 2013 Sooner Steamroller MF'er
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| Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin |
For the uninitiated, the MF'er is the most prestigious award handed out by Steamroller staff. It goes to the defensive player who most exemplifies everything you want in a Sooner. The MF'er brings his hard hat and lunch pail every game and can otherwise best be described as a "Baby Eater" on the football field. He makes plays that make you turn and ask the people around you, "Did you see that play? Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin, man!"
T-Shirts Here
Old Steady
Old Steady is the player (up to this point a running back) who brings the same effort every play. You know exactly what you're getting with Old Steady, a decent yards per carry, no fumbling, no dicking around in the backfield. This year the award goes to Brennan Clay.
Clay was much balleyhooed when he arrived on campus but he began his career as the homeless man's version of the original Old Steady, Chris Brown. Sure, he could get you two or three yards a touch but is that a feature back? Last year, however, he turned it on in a great way. This year, with a better (when healthy) O-Line and no plodding oaf QB to get in his way I see big things happening here.
I'd also like to "give propers" to Trey Millard as well. He's definitely good enough to earn Old Steady honors but, after discussing with Navin, we just don't trust Josh Heupel to feed him the ball enough for him to qualify. It's ridiculous that a lack of touches is a possibility. For Thunder fans it's the opposite of the Kendrick Perkins effect. Stubbornness keeps Perkins on the court and he is a black hole on offense. Millard is always on the field, lined up everywhere and is stubbornly denied the ball.
Gas Rag McGee
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| Gas Rag McGee Photo by Chris Landsberger - The Oklahoman |
This year Gabe Lynn puts the trophy back on his mantle. He's been lost in the secondary since he stepped on campus. Until someone steals the title from him, he's the guy. With plenty of newcomers this could be quite the little horse race this season.
Offensive Newcomer
Has to be Trevor Knight. It's not every year the Sooners usher in a new quarterback. Right or wrong the question is will he be the next great one. This implies trips to New York for Heisman ceremonies. That's a perfectly reasonable expectation isn't it? No pressure or nothin'.
Keith Ford could also be a choice here but there's no way he has the impact, good or bad, that Knight will.
Defensive Newcomer
Smart money is on someone like Quincy Russell, DJ Ward or Charles Tapper. The line was hideous last season and if any of these guys can bolster that unit, particularly Russell, then that would be huge. I'm going Quincy Russell here.
If you're feeling a little more daring I would say Hatari Byrd because Mike Stoops is so excited about him he reportedly stalks the practice field with what looks like a corn dog in his coaches shorts.
Coach or Player I Will Blame for Anything Bad Now That Landry is Gone
Josh Heupel. To say I'm underwhelmed by him is too kind. We haven't made a defense look clueless in three years. The only hurry up we do is a quick handoff. The Belldozer package was born of desperation and is successful because Blake Bell is bigger than a Honda Accord.
In my opinion Josher has more pressure on him to show something than Trevor Knight.
Home Game I Can't Believe I'm Missing
West Virginny. Life is full of tough choices. I've chosen a day of music over football on September 7th. Yep, One Direction is coming to town.
Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Texas Tech
Honestly, I don't where to begin this morning. I'm still thinking about the KState game, or more accurately, I've nearly quit thinking about this season as a result. I've had on my list to get something up about the KState game for two weeks. I just really haven't had the heart to do it. It's nothing about KState in particular that I especially hate, it's the type of loss that punches my stomach like Ali. I've thought of tons of things about my OU fandom in the last week, but suffice it to say this is the nadir of my tenure as a diehard Sooner football fan.
I don't want anyone getting the idea that I'm fair-weather, band-waggoner, front-runner or any other cheap-fan adjective. Those that know me know that isn't true, but if there are doubters just know that I spend time every morning of the year following the Kansas City Royals (and enjoy the hell out of it). So maybe it's expectations that are killing me here in Sooner land. I have none in baseball, but I certainly do in the college football landscape. That's part of what comes with winning a national championship in your second year, returning three more times, and resurrecting a storied program out of rubble. Those things, along with the 10 wins that Mitch mentioned, buy Stoops the longest leash available. But if you haven't noticed a trend of playing "entitled" football over the last 6 or 7 years, you haven't been watching the same team I have.
It's no secret what my thoughts on Lonnie are. How I long for the days of Sammy B. How I long for the days of nearly any quarterback of the Stoops era (honestly, I can't think of anyone I'd choose Lonnie over, that's sad given the likes of Paul Thompson and Nate Hybl) other than Lonnie. It's hard to disassociate Lonnie from Stoops. Losing is losing. Maybe whoever takes over next season at QB (or if we hit the lottery, this year) will be stellar and Bobby will again look like a premier coach. But for now, we're stuck with ineptitude and failure at the most critical position on the field. If our coaches can't get the other 21 guys ready to roll heads, then that's on Stoops. I'm tired of looking like we don't care. I'm tired of looking unprepared for teams. I fondly remember the days (nearly a decade ago!) when we came up biggest when the spotlight was brightest. Now, I just feel defeated, constantly waiting for the river of shit to come flowing from under the covers.
Fear not, I will persevere. I will continue to watch. I will continue to scream at the TV. I will continue to have genuine disbelief when even the most predictable calamities occur. This team is my team, and though disgust I may have, I will never quit watching, caring, or following them religiously. There is a game today. In spite of my previous rambling diatribe on the disappointment that this team embodies, I feel good. I'm pumped to watch the boys play. I'm pumped to see some football on this Saturday afternoon. I'm pumped to watch OU kick the bloody shit out of Tech down in Lubbock.
Offense
This gets harder to pick every week. I really agree with Mitch that Heupel just doesn't have any ability to game-plan or prepare his players. Much of the blame, admittedly falls on Lonnie, but still. Every time I pick someone they seem to vanish that week, so I'm trying to decide who I should eliminate from the possibility of touching the football and making forward progress. I think I'm going to go with Damien Williams. Not that I want him to disappear, I just think all of this talk about how many carries he should get means we'll force feed him the ball all day. If success follows I've got no problem with this move. He's really been our only consistent weapon on offense to date. I think he breaks at least one long run and cracks 100 yards today.
Defense
The picks don't get any easier over here. I don't know what Tech does well, nor do I care. However, I'm sure that by 6:30 EST I'll know full well. Up to now the ballyhooed (by me, I admit) return of Mike Stoops has been, ahem, underwhelming. I still feel we'll improve with him calling the shots. Today I'm getting back to square one. I'm not going to over-think it, which really means I'm going to be predictable and go with the best player we've got on the field, Tony Motherfuckin' Jefferson. I think Tony has a big day today. I'm not necessarily saying he forces a bunch of turnovers, but I think he'll be noticeably involved and light a couple of poor saps up.
Score
I'm not foreseeing a rout of any sort. I don't think we're good enough to blow anyone out. We are however, good enough to beat anyone we play. Doing so is a different matter entirely. For whatever ever reason we tend to struggle in Lubbock. That's a bad thing for this team. But, I'm optimistic we can get it done today. I think the Sooners do enough, and Lonnie is passable (get it?). OU wins 24-20. It's ugly, but at this point I'm not looking for style points.
Tip the PBR's. Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.
I don't want anyone getting the idea that I'm fair-weather, band-waggoner, front-runner or any other cheap-fan adjective. Those that know me know that isn't true, but if there are doubters just know that I spend time every morning of the year following the Kansas City Royals (and enjoy the hell out of it). So maybe it's expectations that are killing me here in Sooner land. I have none in baseball, but I certainly do in the college football landscape. That's part of what comes with winning a national championship in your second year, returning three more times, and resurrecting a storied program out of rubble. Those things, along with the 10 wins that Mitch mentioned, buy Stoops the longest leash available. But if you haven't noticed a trend of playing "entitled" football over the last 6 or 7 years, you haven't been watching the same team I have.
It's no secret what my thoughts on Lonnie are. How I long for the days of Sammy B. How I long for the days of nearly any quarterback of the Stoops era (honestly, I can't think of anyone I'd choose Lonnie over, that's sad given the likes of Paul Thompson and Nate Hybl) other than Lonnie. It's hard to disassociate Lonnie from Stoops. Losing is losing. Maybe whoever takes over next season at QB (or if we hit the lottery, this year) will be stellar and Bobby will again look like a premier coach. But for now, we're stuck with ineptitude and failure at the most critical position on the field. If our coaches can't get the other 21 guys ready to roll heads, then that's on Stoops. I'm tired of looking like we don't care. I'm tired of looking unprepared for teams. I fondly remember the days (nearly a decade ago!) when we came up biggest when the spotlight was brightest. Now, I just feel defeated, constantly waiting for the river of shit to come flowing from under the covers.
Fear not, I will persevere. I will continue to watch. I will continue to scream at the TV. I will continue to have genuine disbelief when even the most predictable calamities occur. This team is my team, and though disgust I may have, I will never quit watching, caring, or following them religiously. There is a game today. In spite of my previous rambling diatribe on the disappointment that this team embodies, I feel good. I'm pumped to watch the boys play. I'm pumped to see some football on this Saturday afternoon. I'm pumped to watch OU kick the bloody shit out of Tech down in Lubbock.
Offense
This gets harder to pick every week. I really agree with Mitch that Heupel just doesn't have any ability to game-plan or prepare his players. Much of the blame, admittedly falls on Lonnie, but still. Every time I pick someone they seem to vanish that week, so I'm trying to decide who I should eliminate from the possibility of touching the football and making forward progress. I think I'm going to go with Damien Williams. Not that I want him to disappear, I just think all of this talk about how many carries he should get means we'll force feed him the ball all day. If success follows I've got no problem with this move. He's really been our only consistent weapon on offense to date. I think he breaks at least one long run and cracks 100 yards today.
Defense
The picks don't get any easier over here. I don't know what Tech does well, nor do I care. However, I'm sure that by 6:30 EST I'll know full well. Up to now the ballyhooed (by me, I admit) return of Mike Stoops has been, ahem, underwhelming. I still feel we'll improve with him calling the shots. Today I'm getting back to square one. I'm not going to over-think it, which really means I'm going to be predictable and go with the best player we've got on the field, Tony Motherfuckin' Jefferson. I think Tony has a big day today. I'm not necessarily saying he forces a bunch of turnovers, but I think he'll be noticeably involved and light a couple of poor saps up.
Score
I'm not foreseeing a rout of any sort. I don't think we're good enough to blow anyone out. We are however, good enough to beat anyone we play. Doing so is a different matter entirely. For whatever ever reason we tend to struggle in Lubbock. That's a bad thing for this team. But, I'm optimistic we can get it done today. I think the Sooners do enough, and Lonnie is passable (get it?). OU wins 24-20. It's ugly, but at this point I'm not looking for style points.
Tip the PBR's. Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.
Friday, September 7, 2012
OU vs Florida A&M Preview
Florida A&M is getting a check made out to them for $650,000.00 in exchange for satisfying the blood-thirst of the Sooner faithful (or for filling a slot on the schedule). Everyone knows this. But in their locker room you can bet their coach is giving his best Any Given Sunday speech and his team will be fired up to play. The Sooners can sleepwalk their way to victory but can they match or exceed Florida A&M's enthusiasm?
Two factors should inspire the Sooners to get jacked and deliver the beat-down all God and Man (including everyone on the Florida A&M sidelines) expect.
First, it's the home opener (oh, you already knew that?). If running out of the tunnel for the first time in 10 months doesn't get these guys ready to knock someone's dick in the dirt I don't know what will. I want to see some pep, attitude, vim, vigor, swagger, hustle, umpto etc. Excellent teams bring it no matter who they play.
Sooner fans better bring it also. Again, it's the home opener. There are 6 home games a year. Everyone will have all day to tailgate and the weather will be perfect. I hope my gut is wrong about the student section being half empty at kickoff.
Second, last week proved hype and headlines don't make tackles or score touchdowns.There are many phases of the game the Sooners can "execute" better as Bobby would say. There is zero excuse for not doing so on Saturday. This should be a glorified practice except everyone can play through the whistle. Everyone should have ample opportunity to earn their accolades. Anyone who doesn't needs to take a hard look at themselves (The eye of Sauron is focused on the O-Line).
OFFENSE
I'd like to see Josh Heupel get Landry into the "flow" of the game by letting him fire some passes that require less finesse than a swing pass. Anyone who has ever thrown a ball knows you make it harder on yourself when you try to guide it. Let Lonnie stretch his wing out a bit, step into a throw and let the receivers run to it. Worst case it's 3rd and long like usual. Best case you pick yards up in chunks. Of course this depends heavily on the O-Lines interest/ability in not pulling this, "Ole' bullshit!" on defenders.
I'd also like to see more Roy Finch than Belldozer. I apologize in advance for beating this dying horse but until I see Finch perform terribly I'm going to continue to do it. There's something more than poor pass blocking keeping him off the field and it sucks for everyone.
As for the Belldozer, the Sooners simply should never find themselves in need of his services in this one. Let's work on other things in the red zone. You know, in case it could be useful later. Let's see if Landry can pick up a 3rd and 2 on his own. Again, you know, just in case. The Belldozer Package is the only thing the offense does reliably well the last 8ish games. There is room to improve execution elsewhere.
For my Offensive Player of the Game I'm going with the flavor of the day, DD Williams. I'd like to go on record and say how much I like everything about the name DD. But I also want to see more of this scholars game. In the parlance of today's youth, I'm "intrigued" by his skillset.
DEFENSE
Florida A&M will be without the services of their best Wide Receiver. I don't know what best means exactly and it doesn't matter anyhow. Demontre or Aaron Colvin would have shut him down. So let's spend some time shoring up the middle of the football field.
I'm going with David King as my Defensive POG. This should be a nice opportunity for him to settle into his 3-Technique and unleash holy hell.
The Score
I'm not sure I want to live in an America where the Sooners don't score 63 in this one. I'm more pessimistic about this team than any other of the Bob Stoops era but there is no other reasonable expectation.
OU 63 Florida A&M 0
Crack them PBR Tallboys and Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner
Two factors should inspire the Sooners to get jacked and deliver the beat-down all God and Man (including everyone on the Florida A&M sidelines) expect.
First, it's the home opener (oh, you already knew that?). If running out of the tunnel for the first time in 10 months doesn't get these guys ready to knock someone's dick in the dirt I don't know what will. I want to see some pep, attitude, vim, vigor, swagger, hustle, umpto etc. Excellent teams bring it no matter who they play.
Sooner fans better bring it also. Again, it's the home opener. There are 6 home games a year. Everyone will have all day to tailgate and the weather will be perfect. I hope my gut is wrong about the student section being half empty at kickoff.
Second, last week proved hype and headlines don't make tackles or score touchdowns.There are many phases of the game the Sooners can "execute" better as Bobby would say. There is zero excuse for not doing so on Saturday. This should be a glorified practice except everyone can play through the whistle. Everyone should have ample opportunity to earn their accolades. Anyone who doesn't needs to take a hard look at themselves (The eye of Sauron is focused on the O-Line).
OFFENSE
I'd like to see Josh Heupel get Landry into the "flow" of the game by letting him fire some passes that require less finesse than a swing pass. Anyone who has ever thrown a ball knows you make it harder on yourself when you try to guide it. Let Lonnie stretch his wing out a bit, step into a throw and let the receivers run to it. Worst case it's 3rd and long like usual. Best case you pick yards up in chunks. Of course this depends heavily on the O-Lines interest/ability in not pulling this, "Ole' bullshit!" on defenders.
I'd also like to see more Roy Finch than Belldozer. I apologize in advance for beating this dying horse but until I see Finch perform terribly I'm going to continue to do it. There's something more than poor pass blocking keeping him off the field and it sucks for everyone.
As for the Belldozer, the Sooners simply should never find themselves in need of his services in this one. Let's work on other things in the red zone. You know, in case it could be useful later. Let's see if Landry can pick up a 3rd and 2 on his own. Again, you know, just in case. The Belldozer Package is the only thing the offense does reliably well the last 8ish games. There is room to improve execution elsewhere.
For my Offensive Player of the Game I'm going with the flavor of the day, DD Williams. I'd like to go on record and say how much I like everything about the name DD. But I also want to see more of this scholars game. In the parlance of today's youth, I'm "intrigued" by his skillset.
DEFENSE
Florida A&M will be without the services of their best Wide Receiver. I don't know what best means exactly and it doesn't matter anyhow. Demontre or Aaron Colvin would have shut him down. So let's spend some time shoring up the middle of the football field.
I'm going with David King as my Defensive POG. This should be a nice opportunity for him to settle into his 3-Technique and unleash holy hell.
The Score
I'm not sure I want to live in an America where the Sooners don't score 63 in this one. I'm more pessimistic about this team than any other of the Bob Stoops era but there is no other reasonable expectation.
OU 63 Florida A&M 0
Crack them PBR Tallboys and Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
OU - UTEP Hangover
I've had a few days to marinate and make snap judgments on the Sooners ho-hum 24-7 victory over UTEP.
From the "Polishing a Turd" Department I offer the following. First, 1-0 is better than 0-1. Do not lose sight of the fact that the Sooners are still in the title hunt! Second, as FIL (father-in-law) pointed out, the Sooners learned a lot more about themselves than, say, OSU did in their mockery of a game.
Now back to reality. This game was 10-7 going into the 4th quarter because the offense just looked putrid.
There still hasn't been a time since Ryan Broyles went down where the Sooner offense has had anything resembling rhythm. On this night it would be easy to blame the O-Line, Josh Heupel, dropped passes or Landry (in that order). If the first two do not drastically improve it's going to be a very long and depressing season.
There's no real sugar-coating the lack of depth at O-Line so Josh Heupel has to figure out a way to work around it. The answer in El Paso was a steady, nauseating dose of screens and swing passes. This is done under the guise of trying to get players into the flow of the game but this does not play to Landry's strengths. He does not throw this pass particularly well. What Josh did try that worked was the hurry up offense. It was really effective the three plays it was used. Fingers crossed that this number goes up by the week. I will not hold my breath.
Now, Landry looked quicker than ever moving around in the pocket. He must have done a lot of cone drills with the QB guru out in California. He also made one hell of a throw to Kenny Fucking Shitbag for the first touchdown (backhanded compliment alert) albeit on a desperate 3rd and long cross-field heave. But it was a beautiful pass. Other than that I almost spewed beer out of my nose when the announcers said Landry was in the Heisman discussion.
Dropped passes are going to correct themselves. This will not be a lingering issue.
In other news, I'm pretty excited about the DD Williams era. It's unfortunate it comes at the expense of Roy Finch's playing time but he looks to be the real deal. Dom Whaley looked healthy but he did not play particularly well. Trey Millard gobbled up yards as he is wont to do. The Belldozer's role has expanded from the goal line to 3rd and short. It'll be swell if he can prove he can throw the ball in this situation as that could be lethal. Last year his passing was poisonous.
Defensively it was mildly disconcerting to see so many missed tackles at the point of attack. Just as on offense, the line deserves much of the blame. There seemed to be very little push. UTEP got to Landry better than the Sooners got to the UTEP QB's. This is an indictment of both OU lines.
The D got off to a rough start but got settled down. Giving up less than 100 passing yards to anyone is pretty legit. Giving up 200+ rushing yards is not. No points allowed is nice although the UTEP special teams unit gave the game away. Individually, I thought Chuka Ndulue looked great. Tony MF Jefferson played as everyone expects. David King seemed to get his name called a lot as well. Tom Wort and Corey Nelson had a pretty quiet 11 tackles between them. I was surprised to see the ball thrown at Demontre Hurst as much as it was and I hope this speaks to Aaron Colvin's cover corner ability. I'll be interested to see how the D-Line looks when Casey Walker and Stacy McGee get back into the lineup.
Overall, everything fell short of expectations. I will do my best not to worry until the K-State game on September 22nd. The Florida A&M home opener and a bye week (so two bye weeks?) should provide all the time needed to get into game shape. Then, we'll see what we have.
From the "Polishing a Turd" Department I offer the following. First, 1-0 is better than 0-1. Do not lose sight of the fact that the Sooners are still in the title hunt! Second, as FIL (father-in-law) pointed out, the Sooners learned a lot more about themselves than, say, OSU did in their mockery of a game.
Now back to reality. This game was 10-7 going into the 4th quarter because the offense just looked putrid.
There still hasn't been a time since Ryan Broyles went down where the Sooner offense has had anything resembling rhythm. On this night it would be easy to blame the O-Line, Josh Heupel, dropped passes or Landry (in that order). If the first two do not drastically improve it's going to be a very long and depressing season.
There's no real sugar-coating the lack of depth at O-Line so Josh Heupel has to figure out a way to work around it. The answer in El Paso was a steady, nauseating dose of screens and swing passes. This is done under the guise of trying to get players into the flow of the game but this does not play to Landry's strengths. He does not throw this pass particularly well. What Josh did try that worked was the hurry up offense. It was really effective the three plays it was used. Fingers crossed that this number goes up by the week. I will not hold my breath.
Now, Landry looked quicker than ever moving around in the pocket. He must have done a lot of cone drills with the QB guru out in California. He also made one hell of a throw to Kenny Fucking Shitbag for the first touchdown (backhanded compliment alert) albeit on a desperate 3rd and long cross-field heave. But it was a beautiful pass. Other than that I almost spewed beer out of my nose when the announcers said Landry was in the Heisman discussion.
Dropped passes are going to correct themselves. This will not be a lingering issue.
In other news, I'm pretty excited about the DD Williams era. It's unfortunate it comes at the expense of Roy Finch's playing time but he looks to be the real deal. Dom Whaley looked healthy but he did not play particularly well. Trey Millard gobbled up yards as he is wont to do. The Belldozer's role has expanded from the goal line to 3rd and short. It'll be swell if he can prove he can throw the ball in this situation as that could be lethal. Last year his passing was poisonous.
Defensively it was mildly disconcerting to see so many missed tackles at the point of attack. Just as on offense, the line deserves much of the blame. There seemed to be very little push. UTEP got to Landry better than the Sooners got to the UTEP QB's. This is an indictment of both OU lines.
The D got off to a rough start but got settled down. Giving up less than 100 passing yards to anyone is pretty legit. Giving up 200+ rushing yards is not. No points allowed is nice although the UTEP special teams unit gave the game away. Individually, I thought Chuka Ndulue looked great. Tony MF Jefferson played as everyone expects. David King seemed to get his name called a lot as well. Tom Wort and Corey Nelson had a pretty quiet 11 tackles between them. I was surprised to see the ball thrown at Demontre Hurst as much as it was and I hope this speaks to Aaron Colvin's cover corner ability. I'll be interested to see how the D-Line looks when Casey Walker and Stacy McGee get back into the lineup.
Overall, everything fell short of expectations. I will do my best not to worry until the K-State game on September 22nd. The Florida A&M home opener and a bye week (so two bye weeks?) should provide all the time needed to get into game shape. Then, we'll see what we have.
Friday, August 17, 2012
2012 Oklahoma Sooners Offensive Preview
Not to put too blunt a point on it but this 2012 iteration of the Sooners offense has a lot of issues. In fact, there are so many problems here that it's inexplicable that this team could be ranked in the preseason top 5 of the coaches poll (a fact that also shows how ridiculous preseason polls are).
The Cliff's notes version is that Dom Whaley, the Sooners leading rusher, is coming back from a snapped ankle, leading receiver and safety blanket extraordinnaire Ryan Broyles is in the NFL, a former Quarterback is starting at Left Tackle, a two-year starter at Guard is gone along with a two-year starting Center. Oh, and no Tight End on the roster has ever started a collegiate game.
The Good
If you believe experience is the end-all-be-all then might I offer you a helping of Landry Jones? Lonnie brought the lost to Christ during the offseason and even got married. Now he and his beloved can have sex "walk of shame" free. I don't know how but he managed to find time to work on his game as well. According to my father-n-law, whose crimson-colored glasses make mine look like cheap trinkets, Lonnie went to a QB Guru to fine tune his skill set. The Guru said Lonnie had the best skills he'd ever seen.
That's all well and good but foot work and arm motion in skeleton drills does not make a dynamic Quarterback. Lonnie's three year problem is that if he's calling Red-Green Zulu Go and the defense doesn't give him Red-Green Zulu Go a thick fetid stew leaks out of the seat of his football pants.I am unconvinced the Guru fixed this in a weekend summer camp.
But, he has started 37 career games and that's 37 more than all the other QB's on the roster combined. He should be able to complete 60% of his passes and he should have a good running game to back him up.
Ah, the running game. This unit could have been a five-headed monster if not for the transfer of Brandon Williams. The Sooners return Dom Whaley (Cinderella story. Outta nowhere), one helluva beast-man before getting injured against K-State last year. Roy Finch proved capable of carrying the load (when given the chance), Trey Millard might be the best of the bunch if Josh Heupel can flip past page 3 of the playbook and Brennan Clay makes Chris Brown look electric.
Now bear with me here but what the Sooners have is four distinct running styles, each effective (Whaley - Over, Under, Around and Through; Finch - Jitterbug with power; Millard - Beast Mode with speed to match; Clay - 3 feet and a cloud of dust). Successful offenses keep opposing defenses guessing. The Sooners have the pieces in the backfield to keep defenses guessing. But can they keep from hiding good players on the bench (Finch) or "going to the well one too many times" (a la running 90 straight times against Texas)? In short, they'll have to.
There's also the Belldozer whose QB draw went from desperate shtick to inexplicably unstoppable. I hope the Sooners don't have to rely on this maneuver to near the extent they did in 2011, but, in keeping with the "keep-em-on-their-toes" theme, whatever it takes is what you do.
I will also make obligatory mention of Tress Way and Michael Hunnicut who bring pretty strong legs to the kicking game.
Interesting fact: As of this writing the Sooners have 6 Fullbacks and 5 Quarterbacks on the roster. Millard has all the fullback carries over the last two years with 48 total carries. This makesperfect no sense
The Bad
The Sooners have one unsuspended player who has caught a pass in a game from Lonnie. That's Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills. He was supposed to be the bell cow after the devastating Ryan Broyles injury. Instead, he went from Kenny Fuckin Shitbag (fist pump, high five) to Kenny Fuckin Shitbag (clinched teeth, disappointing head shake).
Trey Franks and Jaz "Hands" Reynolds are of course back in the fold. This is huge and cannot be underestimated because newcomer Trey Metoyer was going to be the unproven great hope to give Lonnie someone legitimate to throw to. Elsewhere in the Wide Receiver corp is Freshman Sterling Shepard. Recruiting fanboys will tell you Shepard is better than Ryan Broyles. Anyone who says this to you should be kicked in the groin repeatedly. But he could be quite helpful, particularly at the start of the season. Justin Brown also comes over from Penn State. He's started 30 games and is described as a possession guy which is the dating equivalent of being described as having a fun personality.
The Ugly
Let's get the more palatable item out of the way first. No Tight End on the roster has caught a football in a D1 college football game. Geneo Grissom is the only one who's name I've ever heard. He played in six games last year at Defensive End.
Why is this a somewhat palatable, ugly problem for the Offense? Two reasons. First, since Jermaine Gresham left, Tight End has been an often overlooked offensive weapon (I'm looking at James Hanna, now turning heads for the Dallas freaking Cowboys). If you don't actually use the position anyways, who cares? Second, the Offensive Line is in flux and this trumps all.
Ben Habern (Two-year starting Center) had to quit the game of football. Senior Tyler Evans tore his ACL on the first day of practice. Lane Johnson, a Quarterback turned Tight End turned Defensive End, turned O-Lineman (Right Tackle last year) is the Left Tackle. Gabe Ikard moved from Guard to Center. Adam Shead, Daryl Williams and Bronson Irwin have played.
Experience and depth on the O-Line are now major issues. If you're reading one of the most obscure football blogs on the Internet (thank you), I don't have to tell you how important the Offensive Line is to the success of a football team. If this unit has issues the Sooners are fucked on offense.
So to recap...
Offensively, the Sooners have a shaky at best offensive line to run block for a quality group of Running Backs who will ostensibly set up a four year SI poster boy Quarterback who hopefully has enough time to throw to a handful of talented receivers (who may or may not be suspended).
Boomer to the motherfuckin' Sooner!
The Cliff's notes version is that Dom Whaley, the Sooners leading rusher, is coming back from a snapped ankle, leading receiver and safety blanket extraordinnaire Ryan Broyles is in the NFL, a former Quarterback is starting at Left Tackle, a two-year starter at Guard is gone along with a two-year starting Center. Oh, and no Tight End on the roster has ever started a collegiate game.
The Good
If you believe experience is the end-all-be-all then might I offer you a helping of Landry Jones? Lonnie brought the lost to Christ during the offseason and even got married. Now he and his beloved can have sex "walk of shame" free. I don't know how but he managed to find time to work on his game as well. According to my father-n-law, whose crimson-colored glasses make mine look like cheap trinkets, Lonnie went to a QB Guru to fine tune his skill set. The Guru said Lonnie had the best skills he'd ever seen.
That's all well and good but foot work and arm motion in skeleton drills does not make a dynamic Quarterback. Lonnie's three year problem is that if he's calling Red-Green Zulu Go and the defense doesn't give him Red-Green Zulu Go a thick fetid stew leaks out of the seat of his football pants.I am unconvinced the Guru fixed this in a weekend summer camp.
But, he has started 37 career games and that's 37 more than all the other QB's on the roster combined. He should be able to complete 60% of his passes and he should have a good running game to back him up.
Ah, the running game. This unit could have been a five-headed monster if not for the transfer of Brandon Williams. The Sooners return Dom Whaley (Cinderella story. Outta nowhere), one helluva beast-man before getting injured against K-State last year. Roy Finch proved capable of carrying the load (when given the chance), Trey Millard might be the best of the bunch if Josh Heupel can flip past page 3 of the playbook and Brennan Clay makes Chris Brown look electric.
Now bear with me here but what the Sooners have is four distinct running styles, each effective (Whaley - Over, Under, Around and Through; Finch - Jitterbug with power; Millard - Beast Mode with speed to match; Clay - 3 feet and a cloud of dust). Successful offenses keep opposing defenses guessing. The Sooners have the pieces in the backfield to keep defenses guessing. But can they keep from hiding good players on the bench (Finch) or "going to the well one too many times" (a la running 90 straight times against Texas)? In short, they'll have to.
There's also the Belldozer whose QB draw went from desperate shtick to inexplicably unstoppable. I hope the Sooners don't have to rely on this maneuver to near the extent they did in 2011, but, in keeping with the "keep-em-on-their-toes" theme, whatever it takes is what you do.
I will also make obligatory mention of Tress Way and Michael Hunnicut who bring pretty strong legs to the kicking game.
Interesting fact: As of this writing the Sooners have 6 Fullbacks and 5 Quarterbacks on the roster. Millard has all the fullback carries over the last two years with 48 total carries. This makes
The Bad
The Sooners have one unsuspended player who has caught a pass in a game from Lonnie. That's Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills. He was supposed to be the bell cow after the devastating Ryan Broyles injury. Instead, he went from Kenny Fuckin Shitbag (fist pump, high five) to Kenny Fuckin Shitbag (clinched teeth, disappointing head shake).
Trey Franks and Jaz "Hands" Reynolds are of course back in the fold. This is huge and cannot be underestimated because newcomer Trey Metoyer was going to be the unproven great hope to give Lonnie someone legitimate to throw to. Elsewhere in the Wide Receiver corp is Freshman Sterling Shepard. Recruiting fanboys will tell you Shepard is better than Ryan Broyles. Anyone who says this to you should be kicked in the groin repeatedly. But he could be quite helpful, particularly at the start of the season. Justin Brown also comes over from Penn State. He's started 30 games and is described as a possession guy which is the dating equivalent of being described as having a fun personality.
The Ugly
Let's get the more palatable item out of the way first. No Tight End on the roster has caught a football in a D1 college football game. Geneo Grissom is the only one who's name I've ever heard. He played in six games last year at Defensive End.
Why is this a somewhat palatable, ugly problem for the Offense? Two reasons. First, since Jermaine Gresham left, Tight End has been an often overlooked offensive weapon (I'm looking at James Hanna, now turning heads for the Dallas freaking Cowboys). If you don't actually use the position anyways, who cares? Second, the Offensive Line is in flux and this trumps all.
Ben Habern (Two-year starting Center) had to quit the game of football. Senior Tyler Evans tore his ACL on the first day of practice. Lane Johnson, a Quarterback turned Tight End turned Defensive End, turned O-Lineman (Right Tackle last year) is the Left Tackle. Gabe Ikard moved from Guard to Center. Adam Shead, Daryl Williams and Bronson Irwin have played.
Experience and depth on the O-Line are now major issues. If you're reading one of the most obscure football blogs on the Internet (thank you), I don't have to tell you how important the Offensive Line is to the success of a football team. If this unit has issues the Sooners are fucked on offense.
So to recap...
Offensively, the Sooners have a shaky at best offensive line to run block for a quality group of Running Backs who will ostensibly set up a four year SI poster boy Quarterback who hopefully has enough time to throw to a handful of talented receivers (who may or may not be suspended).
Boomer to the motherfuckin' Sooner!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
OU - Mizzou Game Tape Review
This article is sponsored by the American Pigeon Museum and Library in Oklahoma City - When you have a message that you want delivered slow or maybe not at all, choose pigeon's, choose the World of Wings.
Some quick thoughts after watching the tape (Presented in bullet points for my man TFrye who, "doesn't have time for paragraphs"):
Some quick thoughts after watching the tape (Presented in bullet points for my man TFrye who, "doesn't have time for paragraphs"):
- There is no real good excuse anymore for Dominque Whaley not being the feature back. The carries between he and Brennan Clay were nearly even. No disrespect to Clay, who really is a solid player, but he doesn't have the "missability" of Whaley (as Emmitt Smith might say). There was a series in the 3rd Quarter where Whaley had a hole close and he made himself small and, "squirted through the line" for a 1st down. The next play he caught a short pass, delivered a hit, stayed in bounds then used a spin move and a leap to get inside the 5. The next play he outran the defense to gain the corner and score. In short, he can do just about anything.
- The Sooners Offense is at it's best when the ball is getting spread around. Any offense is but I mean the Sooners really need to get Trey Millard and James Hanna involved every now and again. Those guys are under-utilized weapons.
- Jaz Reynolds did a nice job stepping up in Kenny Fuckin Shitbag and Trey Franks's stead.
- At the game I felt like Lonnie is a System Quarterback. I believe it more and more. His numbers are gaudy but his pant shitting robs him of real greatness. By pant shitting I mean anytime the pocket may collapse.
- In person I was disappointed in Josh Heupel's play calling. On tape it wasn't so bad. I think it was the fact that the "hurry up to the line play" was beyond predictable. When half-drunk homers in the last row of the upper deck are calling the plays, chances are good your opponent's Defensive Coordinator is dialed in as well.
- The Sooners D-Line is badass and Frank Alexander in particular is a damn beast.
- Gabe Lynn still looks lost on Defense.
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