WVU

As the first light of dawn reached into my bedroom, I awoke. My buckskin pants already on, I turned my legs toward the floor and my feet delved into my fur lined, high-top moccasins. As I stood I simultaneously stretched, and reached for the tassled, tanned leather jacket hanging on a deer antler next to my bed. I pulled its soft, animal embrace over my skeletal frame. Sleep still in my eyes, and morning still on my breath, I placed my time-worn coonskin cap on and threw my musket over my shoulder. My arm pushed open the weathered, wooden door to my bunk and my gaze met the morning sun with a squint. As I took my first breath of the crisp morning air, I felt the familiar deluge of carnal excitement as I went into the next bunkhouse to fornicate with both of my sisters. And it was golden.

--from, "The Mountaineer: My Year of Torrid Incest as an Adult Male Cheerleader", HarperCollins; 2003

There's a less than 3% chance I made that up, which is roughly on par with the chance I give WVU of winning today in Norman. Everyone knows the details of last season's track meet in Morgantown. The Sooners emerged victorious but not before allowing Smith, Austin et al to literally run at will all over our embarrassing, wait-it's-not-two-hand-touch?-defense. It's the worst performance defensively of the Bob Stoops era. It was the least satisfying win I can remember, but a win nonetheless.

All of the key pieces of that onslaught, and of Dana Holgerson's (semi) relevant Mountaineer team of last season, are gone. New QB, new skill position guys and it all showed up (or didn't, depending on..) last week. WVU had to rally, RALLY, in the second half against The Tribe of William and Mary. Granted, I'm sure they were overlooking them a bit, but still. They certainly won't be looking past OU on the road today. However, I'm sure we're eager to shut them down and prove that last year was the exception, not the rule. My suspicion is Mike Stoops has not failed to remind the defense of how fucking terrible they looked last season against these guys. My hope is he's got a game-plan together to show them "what's what".

Last week marked the debut of Trevor Adophilous Knight (probably/certainly not his real middle name, but it sounds damn fine and "right" to me). He showed Sooner Nation his ability to scramble. He also showed he can be woefully inaccurate in the passing game. While I didn't get to watch the game ($49.95 to stream ULM on SoonerSports?? Not a fucking chance), reports indicate he settled down as the game went on. I hope that he's more poised today and starts making the good throws that are there. Of course, it's nice to have our running game as a fallback. I was pleased to see from the box score that Roy Finch had a nice day, and Mitch seems pretty high on Keith Ford. That said I was disappointed that Heupel found enough touches leftover to give Trey Millard one (ONE!?) carry. I hope that changes, though I have strong doubts.

Offense

I liked going with Knight in his debut, and I think a case can be made that he was OPG. Early returns look as though Jalen Saunders may be a favorite target as he had a nice game last week (nice call, Mitchy). I was pleased to see Trey Metoyer find the endzone last Saturday as well. This week, I'm feeling as though Knight picks up the passing game even more, and puts up better numbers. Though I'd love to go with Knight or a receiver, I feel like it's going to be someone on the ground today. The running game is such a tough pick with so many options (underutilized or not) to give the ball to. I'm going to go with Roy Finch. I'm excited that he's becoming a part of the offense (again) because, let's face it, when he is out there he almost always does something awesome. I think 100+ yards is unrealistic with all of our options, but I feel as though an all around balanced day of running and receiving with one score is coming.

Defense

I really wish I could have seen last week's game. It's been so long since we've shut down anyone, regardless of what kind of team it is, to that degree. Only two trips past the 50! I must say it feels good. We're clearly not going to keep putting up those kinds of games in the Big 12, but it's a nice start. Though Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin played well last week, it felt even better to tip a cap toward Frank Shannon and Charles Tapper who both ended up having really nice games. With that in mind, I'm going to pick Frank Shannon as my DPG (Defensive Player of the Game, not Disrespectful Pounding of the Gash). I think he makes a lot of big tackles today, and leads us to another solid defensive performance.

Score

I like what the D showed last week, and I like that WVU struggled to score against William AND Mary (I mean, both of them??) last week. I also think the offense gets rolling even more this week with Knight settling in earlier. Sooners win this one 41-17. Solid performance out of the gate, and we keep the pressure on throughout.

This is my first game of the season to watch, and I couldn't be more excited about the prospect of it. It's payback for last year and we'll do it in a big way. Let's roll heads.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner

OU vs. West Virginia

Judging future performance on the recent past is a tricky business. It's borderline dumb in sports. Any given Sunday and all that jazz. But last week, West Virginia had to throw the kitchen sink at William and Mary to eek out a win at home. I pegged William and Mary for a women's field hockey powerhouse. Nevertheless, a game that was, on paper, the best of the 2013 Sooner home slate now looks a little less appealing.

That's dangerous thinking that the Sooners would be advised not to buy into.

I watched a little bit of the WVU game and the Mountaineers trotted out some half wit at quarterback name Greg Millard. I am delighted to call him Greg Marmalard. I hope he plays early and often. He seemed ineffective.

OFFENSE

Anyone who wasn't pleased with last week's performance is a jerk. Trevor Knight was shaky early in his first meaningful action since high school. That's understandable. Some of his passes should have been caught. He managed the game, his lone turnover was awarded via replay and was a long pass on 3rd down anyway (effectively a punt). He got rid of the ball quickly, didn't take a sack and didn't fool the o-line with snap counts and such.

The running game was damn good too. It might not happen this year but Keith Ford is going to be a star. On one play it took three defenders to bring him down and they all got up slowly. The dude runs hard.

I would expect more of the same this week. I expect the passing to be marginally improved by virtue of the distribution of the ball being a bit better.

For my OPOG I'll go with Roy Damn Finch. He saw more action than I expected and I think he'll break some longer ones this week. The good news is there are options here week in and week out.

Before we move on to defense I'd like to highlight that both Navin and I made awesome picks last week. Both Knight and Jalen Saunders were impressive.

DEFENSE

Sooner fans should be pleased with what they saw on this side of the ball last week as well. Shutouts are hard to get. There is clearly an athletic upgrade across the board from this year to last. They seemed to play with a sense of urgency. I was really impressed by Jordan Phillips and Charles (Chaz) Tapper on the line. Frank Shannon and Corey Nelson both played well. Eric Striker is a linebacker in a Safety's body. Zack Sanchez was solid at DB. Quentin Hayes and (gulp!) Gabe Lynn were both flying around.

I'm cautiously optimistic that the attitude and snarl missing from year's past has finally made its return.

For my DPOG I'm going with Cory Nelson. I'm hopeful that the Sooners might have an answer to all the underneath stuff these widespread offenses are using. The LB's really seemed like they were covering some ground last week. Maybe some of these plays can get funneled to these guys and that they have the athleticism to make the plays.

Seems crazy picking an LB but what the heck.

SCORE

It's too hard to believe that WVU can be as bad as they appeared last week. I chalk it up to new personnel and looking ahead a bit. Also, Dana Holgerson seems like a putz so he probably just didn't have the boys ready to play. So, I think they look a little better this week and score some points.

I do not, on the other hand, believe that the WVU defense can hold a wet fart. This will not be the shootout of last year but there will be lots of scoring.

OU 42 WVU 24

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner

ULM Quick Hits

Quick hits on OU's 34-0 victory over ULM

Trevor Knight

• Trevor Knight made plays on 3rd and long
• He gets rid of the ball fast
• Finally he settled down and made some nice throws
• Lots of room to improve

On the Offense

• Keith Ford will be a stud. He lays the lumber
• Roy Finch got a ton of touches
• Run game was awesome
• Very few penalties was great

Defense

• Defense was fantastic
• Goose eggs against anyone is a big deal
• Frank Shannon was a beast
• Charles Tapper looked great
• Jordan Phillips 
• Zack Sanchez
• Julian Wilson
• The D looked athletic and they had a chip on their shoulder. Definitely encouraging.

34-0 is better than I'd hoped for. We're clearly going to be national champions. JK. Good start though.

PS I'm "Affected"

ULM

For the first time since being totally destroyed on the biggest stage (again) last January, the Sooners take the field with a clean slate this evening. As I mentioned in my post on Wednesday, I have an odd mix of resignation and optimism on the season. But as I wiped my eyes this morning and rolled out of bed, optimism sprung up. While I'm not sure what to expect during the course of the season, today I'm expecting an ass beat be put on the poor saps from ULM.

Yes, the pundits say that ULM is not to be taken lightly. They started their season by beating a respectable Arkansas team on the road and played (a shitty) Auburn close last year. They also had tough losses to such powerhouses as Arkansas State and Louisiana Ragin' Cajuns. With that in mind I'll chalk the Arkansas upset to being overlooked and the others to not being a great team. Listen, they are who we think they are and if you want to crown their asses then go ahead and crown them. Denny Green aside, they're a decent mid-major capable of beating us. However, I don't think it's likely.

The biggest story of our day, and what has me brimming with curiosity and excitement is the debut of Trevor Knight, aka not lonnie jones. I'm pumped to see what this supposed wunderkind can do. I'm also pumped that for the first time in 3+ seasons I'm not going into a game absolutely certain that I'm going to hate at least 10 things our QB does.

Defensively, well, who the hell knows what can happen? In my exhaustive (read: less than 7 minutes of...) research, it seems that ULM did put up quite a few points most weeks in 2012. So it appears that they know (knew?) how to score. This fact gives me more pause than anything else, given that last season we welcomed opponents into the endzone like so many penises into a chubby drunk sorority girl longing for acceptance. I didn't do any defensive newcomer selections, mostly because I didn't think of it (hat tip: Mitch), but the guys I'm excited to see, and think may have big years, are Frank Shannon and Charles Tapper (in addition to, of course, Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin). Let's hope we set the tone early this year by shutting someone down.

Offense

I feel like there are a lot of options here given the amount of talent we have returning to the skill positions. However, given Heupel's play-calling resume, it's a goddamned crapshoot figuring out who will get the ball (read: not Millard, Trey and Finch, Roy). However, there is at least one player guaranteed to get touches. Maybe it's the 3rd cup of coffee ("Jim never has a second cup of coffee at home..."), but I'm doing something I haven't done in those aforementioned 3+ seasons, I'm picking our QB, Trevor Knight, as my offensive player of the game. I think (hope?) that the young buck rambles, scrambles and throws all over the field today and lends me one of those corn-dogs Mitch observed in Mike Stoops' shorts (front, not back). I'm thinking 250+ passing yards, 50+ rushing yards, 3 TD's and 1 int (he'll have hiccups).

Defense

Here I really only have one option at this stage of the season given the number of question marks on D. So no bullshitting around, my pick is Aaron Motherfuckin' Colvin. I don't foresee any int's due to the fact that they'll likely avoid going his direction much in the passing game. That said I think he makes multiple big tackles and forces a fumble in the run game (he can hit).

Score

My hunch is they can score. I'm hopeful we can too. Provided we don't run shotgun draws every play and turn into The Chuck Long Project (the offense, not the progressive rock trio I can only assume exists somewhere) again, I think we'll put up some points ourselves. It might not be flawlessly pretty but I think we win convincingly today 41-24. No I don't like that it's that close but they get a garbage TD in there at the end.

Let's roll heads, it's Sooner football season again.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner!

OU vs. ULM

It's football time in Oklahoma.

Don't be fooled by the bona fides of ULM. They beat Arkansas last year when the Hogs were ranked 8th in the country and they should have been ranked 88th. They beat Auburn and they were awful too. But the Sooners need to respect them. They have a solid QB by all accounts.

I'm eager to take the pulse of Sooner Nation and see how quickly people can put on their big boy pants and get on board the 2013 campaign.

OFFENSE

I think Josher will look to get Trevor Knight in a rhythm early. Knight will probably find a TBD safety blanket pretty fast and once that opens up the running game, it's over. I'm taking Jalen Saunders today for my OPOG. I think some wide receiver will catch about 10 balls. Might as well be him.

I also think the DD Williams train gets rolling. With everything else going on he's been under the radar this offseason. He can serve notice that he'll be a major factor on that side of the ball this year.

Also keep an eye on Roy Finch. He's back in good graces apparently. He's a senior too so it's all or nothing for him this year. Other things I'm excited for would be the return of Jaz "Hands" Reynolds, LaColton Bester and the line.

DEFENSE

Hooboy. The D doesn't have to be great today. I don't think they even need to show the promise of greatness. They just need to be solid. They need to do some things they can build on. Let's take baby steps here.

I'll take greatness though.

I'm picking Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin. There's no other choice really in the first game. I ride with the horse that brought me here. Half a dozen tackles, a couple break ups and a minimum number of balls even thrown his way will make his day a success.

I'll be happy if I can leave the stadium today with a feeling of excitement rather than dread about the future of defense.


THE SCORE

Ultimately, this provides a fine first test. The defense needs to get their sea legs under them fast. Trevor Knight needs some practice under the lights and 90,000 people. It won't be perfect but it will be fun and I'm pumped for another season.

OU 34 ULM 14

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner

The 2013 Steamers

The Sooner Steamroller preseason awards (dba The Steamers) guarantee success or failure just as much as the AP Pre-Season awards. Congratulations to all the "winners".

Without further ado:

The 2013 Sooner Steamroller MF'er

Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin

Goes to Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin. He was, by a mile, the only defensive player last year who played well on a consistent basis. He'll be on an island this year and, by all accounts, he's in full lock down mode. I'm excited about what this ball player brings to the table. He's a senior, he's a captain, he's the 2013 MF'er.

For the uninitiated, the MF'er is the most prestigious award handed out by Steamroller staff. It goes to the defensive player who most exemplifies everything you want in a Sooner. The MF'er brings his hard hat and lunch pail every game and can otherwise best be described as a "Baby Eater" on the football field. He makes plays that make you turn and ask the people around you, "Did you see that play? Aaron Motherfuckin Colvin, man!"

T-Shirts Here

Old Steady

Old Steady is the player (up to this point a running back) who brings the same effort every play. You know exactly what you're getting with Old Steady, a decent yards per carry, no fumbling, no dicking around in the backfield. This year the award goes to Brennan Clay.

Clay was much balleyhooed when he arrived on campus but he began his career as the homeless man's version of the original Old Steady, Chris Brown. Sure, he could get you two or three yards a touch but is that a feature back? Last year, however, he turned it on in a great way. This year, with a better (when healthy) O-Line and no plodding oaf QB to get in his way I see big things happening here.

I'd also like to "give propers" to Trey Millard as well. He's definitely good enough to earn Old Steady honors but, after discussing with Navin, we just don't trust Josh Heupel to feed him the ball enough for him to qualify. It's ridiculous that a lack of touches is a possibility. For Thunder fans it's the opposite of the Kendrick Perkins effect. Stubbornness keeps Perkins on the court and he is a black hole on offense. Millard is always on the field, lined up everywhere and is stubbornly denied the ball.

Gas Rag McGee

Gas Rag McGee
Photo by Chris Landsberger - The Oklahoman

To the player on defense who looks more lost than my mom in a Tokyo subway station. If opposing Offensive Coordinators have two brain cells to rub together Gas Rag McGee is the guy they will scheme endlessly to get man coverage against. Last year it was Tom Wort. Bless his heart he had the "motor" but he just couldn't hang physically.

This year Gabe Lynn puts the trophy back on his mantle. He's been lost in the secondary since he stepped on campus. Until someone steals the title from him, he's the guy. With plenty of newcomers this could be quite the little horse race this season.

Offensive Newcomer

Has to be Trevor Knight. It's not every year the Sooners usher in a new quarterback. Right or wrong the question is will he be the next great one. This implies trips to New York for Heisman ceremonies. That's a perfectly reasonable expectation isn't it? No pressure or nothin'.

Keith Ford could also be a choice here but there's no way he has the impact, good or bad, that Knight will.

Defensive Newcomer

Smart money is on someone like Quincy Russell, DJ Ward or Charles Tapper. The line was hideous last season and if any of these guys can bolster that unit, particularly Russell, then that would be huge. I'm going Quincy Russell here.

If you're feeling a little more daring I would say Hatari Byrd because Mike Stoops is so excited about him he reportedly stalks the practice field with what looks like a corn dog in his coaches shorts.

Coach or Player I Will Blame for Anything Bad Now That Landry is Gone

Josh Heupel. To say I'm underwhelmed by him is too kind. We haven't made a defense look clueless in three years. The only hurry up we do is a quick handoff. The Belldozer package was born of desperation and is successful because Blake Bell is bigger than a Honda Accord.

In my opinion Josher has more pressure on him to show something than Trevor Knight.

Home Game I Can't Believe I'm Missing

West Virginny. Life is full of tough choices. I've chosen a day of music over football on September 7th. Yep, One Direction is coming to town.

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner

This is Sooner Football 2013

Welcome, Sooner fans, to the 2013 season. It's been a long and all too familiar offseason of stewing in one's own stink. Losing ugly to Texas A&M on national television at the Cotton Bowl has the Sooner faithful questioning everything they've long held dear.  The net effect here in the heartland seems to be indifference. Expectations haven't been this low since Bob Stoops arrived 15 years ago.

I understand if you subscribe to the Championship or bust mentality. It has to be the mindset of the greatest college football team of all times. But let's be honest here. The odds of raising an 8th National Championship banner are not good. You say, "But Keith, do you mean not.. good.. like.. one out of a hundred?" I'd say more like one out of a million. But I'm telling you there's a chance!

So we need to make some lemonade out of last year's lemons. Here are five things to get excited about.

1. Landry Jones is Out

The Sooners could lose every game this year and I can say with absolute confidence that I will never utter the words, "No way would we have lost if we still had Landry". It won't happen. Quarterbacks not named Landry Jones are exciting.

2. Trevor Knight is In

A Redshirt Freshman quarterback being handed the reigns at a powerhouse is actually pretty frightening. And don't go tricking yourself into thinking he's the next Johnny Manziel. But this offense could put up 40 points if I was quarterback. It's loaded. The O-Line is experienced, there are playmakers and deep threats at wide receiver and the running backs are stacked. Throw in Knight, who can use his feet to escape pressure and stay ahead of the chains, and we might see opposing defenses on their heels again.

3. A Crapshoot Defense

The odds are stacked against the Sooners because last year's defense was terrible down the stretch. Four starters return from a unit that was ranked 64th in total defense last year (Of note: Brent Venables' Clemson Tigers D ranked 63rd). The situation can only improve in year two of Mike Stoops Part Deux, right? Or, could the inexperience of the new names and faces make them worse? We have no idea what to expect.

4. Jay Boulware, Special Teams Coordinator and Tight Ends Coach

Why is this a big deal? Last year one Tight End caught three balls. That's three balls. All season. They were coached as part of the Offensive Tackles group. I'm not pretending that an effective (existent) Tight End game is the single key to success in modern football. But having the option is nice.

Also note the Special Teams Coordinator title. OU hasn't had a coach with this responsibility since 2005 (Kevin Sumlin). Not coincidentally, special teams have vacillated between average and embarrassing in recent years. Special teams can win or lose football games.

A renewed emphasis on these two groups is definitely a good thing.

5. Trey Millard Decided to Come Back

He should have taken NFL money but I'm glad he's back.  The guy is a man among boys. It appears that the attitude in Norman has changed from complacency to near desperation. Hopefully this means Josh Heupel will be calling Millard's number early and often. If it happens get ready for Millard Mania©.

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner! Coming up next will be Preseason Awards and more prognostication.