Florida A and M

Here we go Sooner fans, another game to start our home football season. After a lackluster debut against a pretty bad team, the Sooners look to right the ship and dominate a presumably bad Florida A and M team. It may be a good sign that the Oklahoman's biggest piece on these guys centered around their marching band, but then they employ Berry "I dress like an 80's talk show guest" Trammel, so maybe that was the "angle" he thought would sell some newspapers. Whatever it is they aren't that great to begin with and in following the OU lead, managed to get several of their players suspended for the game.

Like the UTEP game, I've done very little to learn of Florida A and M. I have no idea what type of offense they run, what type of defense they run, or what players are key to their success. Again like the UTEP game, it really shouldn't matter. We should have our way with them. However, if this game is tied in the 4th quarter again, I may go "chimp" and throw my own poo at the TV. Oh wait, never mind this won't be broadcast here in the NYC. My TV is safe...for now.

The Sooners got some good news this week when the return of Casey Walker was announced. My understanding is that he won't play today but is hopeful for the K-State game in two weeks. I'm just glad he's practicing again. It's likely we'll be able to handle today without him, but we sorely need his depth on the D-line if we hope to do anything worthwhile in conference play. Also, barring a last minute change we should see the debut of Geneo Grissom today as well since his suspension was of the one-game variety. Hopefully that makes a difference in what was a subpar OU passing game last week.

Offense

I have to admit, as I alluded to briefly earlier this week, I really liked that Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills stepped up last week. I think he's more comfortable in the slot and the position suits him well. He was clearly Lonnie's "go-to" guy. In fact Lonnie is already in danger of developing the same tunnel vision with Stills that he had with Broyles. I don't care much for this plan of attack, but if we move the ball like we have in the past I won't complain. Now that I've said all of that I'm picking Dom Whaley again. He looked good last week I thought, but with little to work with in terms of places to run so the numbers were down. I think the line actually opens some holes for him today and he responds with 100+ and a touch.

Defense

Here I'm not sure what to do. I don't know enough about what they do to make a very good pick I don't think, so I'm just going to go with the old gut. I think David King has a really nice day today. I know he's more end than DT but I still see him being a force. I think he disrupts their offensive front all afternoon and maybe even tallies a sack. Let's be honest, he's the best guy we've got up front and I think he takes it personally that they got ran over last week.

Score

Last week I made the mistake of getting caught up in all of the hype and excitement of a new season and grossly over-estimated the score. I don't think anyone thought it would be close but I also don't think anyone would necessarily guess a shutout. Last season whenever we would wet fart on ourselves in a game, we would come back the next week and look like world-beaters. I certainly hope this doesn't become a pattern again this season, but I think for today that the motivation of last week plus the fact that it's our first home game puts Florida A and M in for a world of shit. I think Mikey has the D ready as I'm sure his jaws are woefully sore from chewing ass all week. I think the Sooners get it going a little and hammer them 41-7.

I certainly hope I'm right, because laying another turd will shape this up to be an awfully long season.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner

OU - UTEP

It's time to get this party started.

There was this one time when the Sooners started the season on the road. They featured a much ballyhooed Quarterback who should have entered the draft the previous spring but decided to come back for his Senior season. The Sooners played an opponent of some quality but the game should not have been close. The QB went down to a season-ending injury, an inexperienced QB replaced him, the Sooners lost the game.

Let's not have that happen again.

There are only two things interesting to me about the UTEP Miners. They are coached by Mike Price. Second, the Red State portion of the Sooner fanbase (and there are many) traveling down for this one are concerned about getting caught up in some Mexican borderland violence. Nothing whatsoever on the football field for the UTEP football team intrigues me enough to even look at their roster.

I am keenly interested in the Sooner storylines. Those stories being the return of Mike Stoops, his defense, the Wide Receivers, the return of Dom Whaley, the Offensive Line and the play calling.

I'm not expecting perfection or wholesale changes to the D. But I do expect to see some brahs flying around like their hair is on fire. I want to see the promising beginning of something that, when it is firing on all cylinders, will put fear in opponents.

Offensively, it all starts up front. The O-Line has to give Lonnie time to find his new receivers. Josh Heupel needs to be clever enough to get the running game going and open everything up. It's a simple game really.

Offense

I'm going with Dom Whaley here. This is a pick from the heart. His injury last year was a crushing blow not only for the team but for a great story. Today he can get it going again. Rumor has it he looks like his old self. Why does it look like I have a plantain in my trousers?

Defense

How can I go with anyone other than Tony Motherfuckin Jefferson? He's got a new role where he's free to run roughshod. I look forward to it. Hopefully he can more than justify his selection as the first two time recipient of the MFer Award.

The Score

If this game looks anything like Taking Care of Business (dba TCB) I'll be thrilled. Of course I can't imagine anything else. I'm actually feeling pretty good about utter dominance.

OU 31 UTEP 10

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner

UPDATE:

I searched the roster high and low earlier this week because I wanted to make an award for Most Likely to be Suspended for the Season Opener. I did not make a selection because I figured all the non- judeo christian youth had already been taken off the roster. But lo and behold the tradition continues with Geneo Grissom getting suspended. Good Christ it's as predictable as taxes.

2012 Oklahoma Sooners Offensive Preview

Not to put too blunt a point on it but this 2012 iteration of the Sooners offense has a lot of issues. In fact, there are so many problems here that it's inexplicable that this team could be ranked in the preseason top 5 of the coaches poll (a fact that also shows how ridiculous preseason polls are).

The Cliff's notes version is that Dom Whaley, the Sooners leading rusher, is coming back from a snapped ankle, leading receiver and safety blanket extraordinnaire Ryan Broyles is in the NFL, a former Quarterback is starting at Left Tackle, a two-year starter at Guard is gone along with a two-year starting Center. Oh, and no Tight End on the roster has ever started a collegiate game.

The Good

If you believe experience is the end-all-be-all then might I offer you a helping of Landry Jones? Lonnie brought the lost to Christ during the offseason and even got married. Now he and his beloved can have sex "walk of shame" free. I don't know how but he managed to find time to work on his game as well. According to my father-n-law, whose crimson-colored glasses make mine look like cheap trinkets, Lonnie went to a QB Guru to fine tune his skill set. The Guru said Lonnie had the best skills he'd ever seen.

That's all well and good but foot work and arm motion in skeleton drills does not make a dynamic Quarterback. Lonnie's three year problem is that if he's calling Red-Green Zulu Go and the defense doesn't give him Red-Green Zulu Go a thick fetid stew leaks out of the seat of his football pants.I am unconvinced the Guru fixed this in a weekend summer camp.

But, he has started 37 career games and that's 37 more than all the other QB's on the roster combined.  He should be able to complete 60% of his passes and he should have a good running game to back him up.

Ah, the running game. This unit could have been a five-headed monster if not for the transfer of Brandon Williams. The Sooners return Dom Whaley (Cinderella story. Outta nowhere), one helluva beast-man before getting injured against K-State last year. Roy Finch proved capable of carrying the load (when given the chance), Trey Millard might be the best of the bunch if Josh Heupel can flip past page 3 of the playbook and Brennan Clay makes Chris Brown look electric.

Now bear with me here but what the Sooners have is four distinct running styles, each effective (Whaley - Over, Under, Around and Through; Finch - Jitterbug with power; Millard - Beast Mode with speed to match; Clay - 3 feet and a cloud of dust). Successful offenses keep opposing defenses guessing. The Sooners have the pieces in the backfield to keep defenses guessing. But can they keep from hiding good players on the bench (Finch) or "going to the well one too many times" (a la running 90 straight times against Texas)? In short, they'll have to.

There's also the Belldozer whose QB draw went from desperate shtick to inexplicably unstoppable. I hope the Sooners don't have to rely on this maneuver to near the extent they did in 2011, but, in keeping with the "keep-em-on-their-toes" theme, whatever it takes is what you do.

I will also make obligatory mention of Tress Way and Michael Hunnicut who bring pretty strong legs to the kicking game.

Interesting fact: As of this writing the Sooners have 6 Fullbacks and 5 Quarterbacks on the roster. Millard has all the fullback carries over the last two years with 48 total carries. This makes perfect no sense

The Bad

The Sooners have one unsuspended player who has caught a pass in a game from Lonnie. That's Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills. He was supposed to be the bell cow after the devastating Ryan Broyles injury. Instead, he went from Kenny Fuckin Shitbag (fist pump, high five) to Kenny Fuckin Shitbag (clinched teeth, disappointing head shake).

Trey Franks and Jaz "Hands" Reynolds are of course back in the fold. This is huge and cannot be underestimated because newcomer Trey Metoyer was going to be the unproven great hope to give Lonnie someone legitimate to throw to. Elsewhere in the Wide Receiver corp is Freshman Sterling Shepard. Recruiting fanboys will tell you Shepard is better than Ryan Broyles. Anyone who says this to you should be kicked in the groin repeatedly. But he could be quite helpful, particularly at the start of the season. Justin Brown also comes over from Penn State. He's started 30 games and is described as a possession guy which is the dating equivalent of being described as having a fun personality.

The Ugly

Let's get the more palatable item out of the way first. No Tight End on the roster has caught a football in a D1 college football game. Geneo Grissom is the only one who's name I've ever heard. He played in six games last year at Defensive End.

Why is this a somewhat palatable, ugly problem for the Offense? Two reasons. First, since Jermaine Gresham left, Tight End has been an often overlooked offensive weapon (I'm looking at James Hanna, now turning heads for the Dallas freaking Cowboys). If you don't actually use the position anyways, who cares? Second, the Offensive Line is in flux and this trumps all.

Ben Habern (Two-year starting Center) had to quit the game of football. Senior Tyler Evans tore his ACL on the first day of practice. Lane Johnson, a Quarterback turned Tight End turned Defensive End, turned O-Lineman (Right Tackle last year) is the Left Tackle. Gabe Ikard moved from Guard to Center. Adam Shead, Daryl Williams and Bronson Irwin have played.

Experience and depth on the O-Line are now major issues. If you're reading one of the most obscure football blogs on the Internet (thank you), I don't have to tell you how important the Offensive Line is to the success of a football team. If this unit has issues the Sooners are fucked on offense.

So to recap...

Offensively, the Sooners have a shaky at best offensive line to run block for a quality group of Running Backs who will ostensibly set up a four year SI poster boy Quarterback who hopefully has enough time to throw to a handful of talented receivers (who may or may not be suspended).

Boomer to the motherfuckin' Sooner!

I See Your Bullets and Raise Ye Bullets

I seen that Navin put together some bullets mid-week. That's the kind of hard hitting journalistic gim-gam that will take this blog places. Well played.

Not to be outdone here's some thoughts of my own:

• This is a big week for the Steamroller. This blog's co-authors are going to be together, in person, in Norman for the A&M tilt. There's gonna be a party y'all. If you'd like to meet up, get autographs, touch our sleeves, etc. hit us up. We'll be hanging out in Norman long after the ballgame to watch the LSU-Bama national championship semifinal. After that Navin will be hosting a writer's workshop on drunk blogging. It's "can't miss". 
• I have an idea for filling the void left by Dom Whaley. Trey Millard and Roy Finch doing their best Thunder/Lightning impersonation. They can be on the field together in multiple formations. They both can line up virtually anywhere, and both are dependable. I'm not opposed to sprinkling in some Brennan Clay and Brandon Williams but I think the combo of Millard and Finch deserves about 25 carries. Finch obviously is picking up a lot of the load but Millard has more than earned some touches. Dude is a beast. My father-in-law seems to think Millard will move to Tight End next year. 
• Didn't think I'd be saying it but it sure was nice to have Tom Wort on the field again. He tied for the team lead in tackles and had two sacks. If the Sooners can get Jamelle Fleming back they'll be in business.
• Navin already mentioned the defense but it seems their effort has gone underappreciated. They held a top 10 team, in a hostile road environment to one first down in the second half. Kansas had about 10 yards in the second half against them. When this defense is on I'd put them up against anyone in the country.
• Jaz Reynolds is a bad motherfucker. He continues to improve and has become the 3rd receiver everyone thought the Sooners needed to make things easier for Ryan Broyles and Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills. 
• Speaking of Broyles, is there a craftier carrier of the football than him? They way he uses the sideline is incredible. You think there's no way he stays in bounds and next he's gone 20 yards for a score. The Sooners are going to miss him.

This:

Tony Motherfuckin Jefferson and Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Still as Caped Crusaders

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner

OU vs. Uterus

Damn I hate the Longhorns and I hate them now more than ever because they are ruining my weekdays. Just as recruiting chatter is the bane of my offseason existence, conference realignment speculation is the bane of my gameweeks. And these elitist cockbreaths in Austin are the cause. This week I've had to endure reports that Tulane might be joining the Big 12.

Fucking Tulane?

I'm gagging, barfing and laughing at the same time. I'm laughing so hard I just vomited through my nose and then I vomited so hard I just had to laugh. I even think I wet-farted my pants just know.

Now I've wasted a whole paragraph of my OU-Texas piece not talking real football because of these fuckwits. See how these devils never quit? Let's move on.

I love this matchup for OU. I mean, I'm giddy about it. Here's why:

texas Freshman QB Case McCoy

This Pumpkinhead is texas's starting QB. His Daddy and Mommy are good Texans. They named their boys after a gun and a knife manufacturer, respectively (Colt and Case). "How-do!!, pardner!"

By the way, does anyone want to lay odds that Brent Musberger alludes to this gun and knife business as ABC cuts to commercial following some miracle Case McCoy scramble? 2-1, 3-2? I might, nee will, smash a hole in a wall if this happens. Case is a Freshman and he'll be, "sharing time under Center" with fellow Freshman David Ash. I imagine Brent Venables and the Sooner D are looking forward to giving these two some different looks. In fact, the Sooner D probably feels a little like this guy:

The texas offense leans heavily on the run because Case and Ash (sounds like a Bravo reality show), while accurate by some unknown accounts, are not "gunslingers". They've attempted 55 passes combined on the season. Landry has completed  over twice that many by himself.  Now I've not watched texas (why would I?) enough to call them one dimensional, but they aren't as potent a spread as Mizzou either. All this to say that the Sooner defense is predicated on making their opponents one dimensional. When an opponent does this for them it plays heavily into the Sooners favor (see picture above).

The Sooners have already been forged by fire. Texas has not. The Sooners played well in a very hostile environment in Prime Time and left town victorious (FSU for any knotheads who might be reading. Wait! I didn't mean it, please don't leave the site, we need you). Also, the Sooners dealt with a pretty feisty Mizzou squad. It took a miracle for texas to pass it's only test of the season, at home, against BYU.

Finally, Mack Brown just doesn't have the bullets in his gun. He's playing about 15 freshmen and none of them are named Vince Young. He has almost an entirely new coaching staff. Normally I'd be scared that the horns might have that "back to the wall" mentality but not here. Not with Mack Brown. He just doesn't want to get embarrassed.

OFFENSE

How could I go against Dom Whaley? Sure, I Iignored him for three weeks. I prentended he existed only as motivation for Roy Finch. But Dom Whaley is easily the Sooners' best weapon outside of Ryan Broyles. The fact you have a triumvirate of Landry, Whaley and Broyles makes me feel good. This group of talent is as perfect a trifecta as any collegiate football team could hope for.

I'm taking Whaley just because someone on the Sooners Offense has to step up. No one can make a difference quite like Dominique.  Choosing Broyles is too easy. Also, choosing Landry is unacceptable. Landry is bound to throw some picks and do some stupid shit. As always, his numbers will be gaudy but you'll be left wondering what might have been.

Dom Whaley is a great story. But if you isolate him to this game he's an ever better story because he's going to be the player that people have heard of but haven't experienced. This game always has a Cinderella story Now is his opportunity. Someone has to step up.  If it isn't Whaley I'll also accept Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills, Jaz Reyonolds or Brandon Williams.

DEFENSE

The worst thing that can happen to the Sooner Defense is for texas to have success running the football. If they can do that twice in consecutive series, the Sooners could lose confidence.I'm not terbbibly worried about it. This defense and team is resilient. They can get popped in the mouth and hit right back.

With Travis Old Steady Lewis wearing Number 12 I really can't pick against him. His enthusiasm will be off the charts. I'd also like to pick Tony Motherfuckin Jefferson but my gut insists on Old Steady.

THE RESULT

OU should have their way. The longhorns have earned nothing.Their undefeated record is probably the weakest in college football. Yet, they are texas and have nearly found themselves in the Top 10. The good news for the Sooners is that, for at least this Saturday, this victory will look a lot better than it actually is. Good news for people who like polls and realignment chatter.

OU 35 Texas 17

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner

OU - Mizzou Game Tape Review

This article is sponsored by the American Pigeon Museum and Library in Oklahoma City - When you have a message that you want delivered slow or maybe not at all, choose pigeon's, choose the World of Wings. 

Some quick thoughts after watching the tape (Presented in bullet points for my man TFrye who, "doesn't have time for paragraphs"):

• There is no real good excuse anymore for Dominque Whaley not being the feature back. The carries between he and Brennan Clay were nearly even. No disrespect to Clay, who really is a solid player, but he doesn't have the "missability" of Whaley (as Emmitt Smith might say). There was a series in the 3rd Quarter where Whaley had a hole close and he made himself small and, "squirted through the line" for a 1st down. The next play he caught a short pass, delivered a hit, stayed in bounds then used a spin move and a leap to get inside the 5. The next play he outran the defense to gain the corner and score. In short, he can do just about anything.
• The Sooners Offense is at it's best when the ball is getting spread around. Any offense is but I mean the Sooners really need to get Trey Millard and James Hanna involved every now and again. Those guys are under-utilized weapons.
• Jaz Reynolds did a nice job stepping up in Kenny Fuckin Shitbag and Trey Franks's stead.
• At the game I felt like Lonnie is a System Quarterback. I believe it more and more. His numbers are gaudy but his pant shitting robs him of real greatness. By pant shitting I mean anytime the pocket may collapse.
• In person I was disappointed in Josh Heupel's play calling. On tape it wasn't so bad. I think it was the fact that the "hurry up to the line play" was beyond predictable. When half-drunk homers in the last row of the upper deck are calling the plays, chances are good your opponent's Defensive Coordinator is dialed in as well.
• The Sooners D-Line is badass and Frank Alexander in particular is a damn beast.
• Gabe Lynn still looks lost on Defense.

OU vs. Tulsa Highlights

Stellar highlight package and, in keeping with the theme of "all homer", only the good stuff from OU

There's a lot of nice action here but I enjoyed two plays in particular.

At the 1:57 mark Dominique Whaley breaks tackles, takes some punishment and carries the pile. He'll be facing a lot more contact against FSU and I hope it looks like this.

At 7:49 Lonnie throws a frozen rope to James Hanna. This Lonnie/Hanna connection looks like Mitch/Navin in the park last fall.