UTEP

Today is a great day. The air is a little sweeter, the grass a little greener and Sooner football returns for another fall. This is maybe my favorite sports day of the year. It's as sweet as the last day of the season is bitter. I've got a spring in my step, I keep rubbing my hands together in anticipation, and I'm even wearing a brand new pair of underwear which is really nice. All that leads to the point that I'm in great spirits and so pumped for college football season.

We've covered the offseason and made our picks for the coming year, now it's time for tacks of brass. The Sooners open against Mike Price's miners of UTEP. A fringe team at their best and a total joke at  their worst, they come in light on experienced players and a plan to play two guys at QB. Their running backs have amassed something like 30 carries total as a unit. All of these things bode well for the debut of our newest incarnation of Mike Stoops' Sooner defense. I think we'll have plenty to shut them down and hopefully we won't see the maddening long plays of recent years given up today. I hate the bend-but-don't-break style we've had recently. What's wrong with a steady stream of 3 and outs? Hopefully we'll find out today that nothing is wrong with it.

Offensively, my guess is we'll take a little time to get the passing game clicking. But, I think we'll get it moving and it will be playstation stats all around. I think we'll run the ball well and Dom will look tough. I'm also excited to see what Damien Williams can do. Bottom line, I think we'll cruise in this one and win with a helping of 2nd teamers at the end getting a taste. Quick aside, evidently Geneo Grissom is suspended for this one. I don't have much to say other than I'm getting pretty fucking tired of all of these suspensions. Seems like that it never used to happen and now it's damn near weekly. Anyway, on to the picks.

Offense

As I mentioned before, there should be stats to go around. So who stands out? Up until the moment I was writing this I was thinking Trey Metoyer would be my pick. But, I'm having a last minute change of heart. I'm going with Dom Whaley. I think he's back and I think he wants to prove to everyone that he's back. I think he goes over 120 yards and gets in the end zone twice. I also think I'll uncontrollably get a raging boner at the mention of his name thereafter.

Defense

This is a tougher call for me. There are so many guys I could see having a good day. However, I'm going with the MF of this season, Tony Motherfuckin' Jefferson I think he'll be flying around and lighting dudes up all evening. I could also see him forcing a turnover today, just a gut feeling.

Score

Well, as I said, I think we'll cruise. I think we'll come out fired up on both sides of the ball. The offense is sluggish early but gets rolling before halftime. I think the defense comes out with something to prove and I think they come up big and pitch the shutout. Sooners roll 48-0.

I'm so glad the season is back and real games are here again. Now let's beat the living shit out of these guys and start the season off right.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner.