OU vs. Johnny Football dba Texas A&M

Even though the Sooners were hosed by the BCS, the AT&T Cotton Bowl does present a more attractive matchup than all the other BCS games save the Championship. Our beloved Sooners take on Heisman Trophy™ winner  Johnny "Football" Manziel and the Aggies  down at Jerry World where, according to sources, people are paying $200 for standing room only seats. These folks, with something between "Too Much" and "Not Enough" discretionary income, are eager to see if the Sooners can avoid going 0-3 against Heisman Trophy™ finalists this season.

Elsewhere, in storylines, you have former Sooner Co-Offensive Coordinator Kevin Sumlin going up against Josh Heupel (advantage Sumlin), Landry's last stand, and the Sooner Defense with one last chance to prove it can stop anything in the middle of the football field.

OFFENSE

The 2012 Sooner offense has never really looked like the juggernaut of years past that keeps defenses on their heels with a relentless attack. But it has been able to go toe-to-toe with some of the top offenses in the country. They've struggled against the best defenses but the Aggies are not elite. In fact, I think they're ripe for exploitation.

Of course it starts with Landry. Our relationship might be love-hate but it's never boring. I will toast his obligatory INT. I will seek pleasure in knowing there's three passing TD's following it, that this game means nothing and it's the last I'll ever see of him in a Sooners uniform.

He has everything he needs to go out on a high note. The rest of the offense is all systems go thanks to Jalen Saunders not getting left in Norman after getting busted with marijuana (a deadly gateway drug kids dabble in).

I think the offense will have a field day and I really hope Trey Millard gets a lot of chances. I like him for my Offensive POG. I would like nothing more than for him to show how badass he is to a national audience. As much as I would hate to see him leave, he should take NFL money.

One last note on Landry. I hope that in the NFL he gets to study under a Master thereby improving his chances of success. Say, somebody like the Denver Broncos. That would be an awesome fit. I'm certain Navin feels the same way.

DEFENSE

The last time the Sooner D took the field they looked like they had buttoned some things up. But, they weren't playing a dynamic QB or offense like they'll face Friday night. The Sooners have been abused for a lot of the season. Most of it is their own doing in the form of missed tackles and poor D-Line play more than being lost or out game planned. Can they get it straightened out against a truly top-flight offense?

Don't you think the Sooners have to have one person shadowing Johnny Manziel on every play? Who is that going to be? Not Tommy Wort. Could be Corey Nelson, Frank Shannon, Javon Harris, Gabe Lynn, Julian Wilson or Tony Motherfuckin Jefferson. Maybe they take turns. Hell, I don't know what the answer is here. But Johnny Football is the way, the truth and the light of this offense so the Sooners must break him (in Ivan Drago voice). It would stand to reason that the DPOG should come from this group. But, alas, no.

It seems like in bowl games the best player on defense that year is the defensive POG. This year it's hard to argue for a clear cut best player so I'll go with my favorite, Aaron Colvin. My runner-up choices (for DPOG, not player of the year) would be Javon Harris for the second straight game or Frank Shannon. Neither would surprise me with a good game, particularly Shannon. But Colvin is the choice here.

SCORE

Obviously, this one has shootout written all over it. The advantage for the Sooners is that they call a matchup against this type of offense, "Next".  A&M hasn't faced a Sooner level offense outside of Lousiana Tech (whom they could not stop). I'm also not mentally prepared to put A&M into the elite class of the SEC. If they aren't elite then they're average, contrary to what any SEC fellating scribe  (read: all scribes) might like you to believe. The SEC is overrated this year. Book it.

I like the Sooners here 42-38.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner! Tip them PBR's and enjoy it.

OU vs. TCU

Well that was exciting wasn't it? It was easily a top 5 Sooner game I've seen in person.

For grins, my top 5:

5. OU vs. Texas 1996. It was my Freshman year at OU. Only RRR game I've been to. I bought my ticket the day I enrolled. My seat was about 3 rows behind the texas bench and on the 50 yard line. OU was shit that year but won in overtime. First walkoff win I saw until...

4. OU vs. Oklahoma State 2012. A puncher's brawl. No Defense. Last team with the ball wins. OU had the ball last. Unbelievable game by the Sooners. If half the teams of the Stoops era had this team's guts, Stoops would probably have 3 titles.

3. OU vs. Nebraska 1985 - Being but a wee lad I had no idea what was on the line here. Winning seemed as natural as Saturday morning cartoons. I don't have much memory of the game except for sitting in the North End Zone with my Dad and freezing our asses off. This, along with parking cars for money to buy tickets, are my first memories of Sooner football.

2. OU vs. Nebraska 2000. The cherry on top of the cake that was Red October. Best football atmosphere I've ever felt. First time I physically felt electricity in the air.

1. The National Championship game versus Florida State 2001. The culmination of a boyhood following the Sooners. Grew up during the good times, went to OU during the bad. Standing at the doorway of the real world back on top.

Back to last week.

Man, what a game against OSU. No Defense except when it mattered. A classic Lonnie game. One stereotypical costly pass and gaudy numbers otherwise. Two double digit comebacks. Then an awesome celebration that made you remember these are just college kids. The wind was so strong up in the 103 that my eyes started misting over.

So now TCU. It's TCB Saturday Part Deux. Win and a BCS game invite is all but assured. (Great question posed by friend Lucas Howard. Do you want the Sooners to go to a BCS and face Oregon? Holy smokes. I like their chances against Kent State.) Potential letdown maybe? Sure, but this team has shown over the course of the season that they can take a punch. According to Rocky that's what winner's do.

OFFENSE

Man I want to throw Landry a bone here but I can't. I dare not even speak of what he's been doing the last couple of weeks. Instead I go Justin Brown who's been as reliable a receiver as any of the greats the last few years. He's gathered in something ungodly like 30 catches the last three weeks. Sure handed, hard to bring down, great blocker. Damn, sure do wish we had this guy another year.

PS. Please, dear Baby Jesus, don't let TCU see the tape what happens when you get pressure on Landry.

DEFENSE

It seems ludicrous to say, but maybe the boys are getting their sea legs back under them. Sure, they've given up yards in chunks and they're as soft up the middle as a three dollar tart, but they made plays when they had to last week and they need to hang their hats on these modest victories.

That said, TCU does not have the kind of offense that can score 50 points against average defenses. Even these supposed experts who say the Horned Frogs rush the ball very well are being kind at best and paranoid at worst.

TCU is not that good. I can't believe I'm doing this but I'm going Javon Harris here. If he makes me look like an asshole then it will be no surprise. But, if he can turn 3 whiffs into tackles, the defense just got about two touchdowns better. It's time for him to be a difference maker in a good way.

THE SCORE

TCU comes into the game being able to exploit the soft run defense of the Sooners. But can the Sooners take away the pass and make TCU one-dimensional enough to lock in on the run? Is the historically great TCU defense good enough to keep the Sooners offense off the field?

Maybe and no.

The Sooners are too much of a load on Offense and this could be almost like a home game for the Sooners. Fort Worth is an over 50 Sooner fan's wet dream. The only better regional location is Branson.

All things bode well for our Sooners.

OU 31 TCU 17

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner

Bedlam 2012

OU is finishing up a run against the best offenses in the Big 12. So far, these offenses are who we thought they were. Baylor was savvy but, ultimately, not game. West Virginia was the most potent five-loss (at the time) team you are likely to see. Now it's OSU. Frankly, I fear them the most.

Conversely, the Sooner Defense is no longer who we thought they were. Sometimes statistics don't tell the whole story. Last week it did. The Sooner D at West Virginia was the worst defensive effort in Sooner history. They have been exposed and embarrassed for two weeks. Last week against West Virginia they needed someone, anyone, to step up. Landry Jones of all people bailed them out by playing one hell of a football game.

Speaking of, it's Senior Day for Landry Jones, the most polarizing player of the Bob Stoops era. A QB who re-wrote virtually all record books at OU and yet, the most readily criticized and vilified. Most praise heaped on him is deserved. When he's good he's great.

But much of his criticism is deserved as well.

I will argue forever that he leaves 150 passing yards on the field almost every game. These yards came in the form of interceptions for sure. But more often, it was a terrible swing pass or, worse, locking onto a receiver and ignoring/completely missing a more open target.

Ah well. He won a hell of a lot of football games and I really want him to win three more starting today. I hope next year I don't utter the words, "I wish we still had Landry Jones".

OFFENSE

At home, on Senior Day, against a rival, I expect the Sooners to come out humming like a sewing machine. Only a depleted offensive line can stop it completely.

The Cowboy defense is decent at best but shouldn't be able to hold the Sooners to less than 30. Shutting down Kansas and Iowa State does not make them a defensive juggernaut. No way they can stop the OU receiving corps. Will they be able to get pressure on Landry?

Kenny Fuckin Shitbag is going to pick the offensive unit up on his shoulders and make sure the Seniors, and particularly Landry, go out in style. This is the closest I can come to picking Landry. I like Kenny for 150 today.

DEFENSE

The Sooner defense is dead to rights for these last three games of the season and they know it. The Cowboys, regardless of who the Sooners face in a bowl, are the most lethal.

Joseph Randle could run for 300 yards. I guarantee Cowboy receivers will be running across the middle all day. The Cowboys are not near the levels of the last two years but they can pile up the points.

On the other hand, the Sooners have pride and legacies are at stake. 

What can the Sooners do? They can start making plays at the point of attack or they can change the scheme up a bit. Both seem difficult to do at this stage of the season. Things are a bit hard-baked by now.

I'll take my chances and hope that players will start making plays. It appears to be near impossible for coaches at this level to change schemes. I'm taking Senior DeMontre Hurst. Not that he'll have the most chances to make plays at the point of attack. He's just the most trustworthy not to screw up and he takes away half the field. He's been as solid as any DB in the Stoops era. He's had his position on lockdown for four years and no one has challenged him. He's about the only player you can trust over there these days.

THE SCORE

Of all the teams, nobody schemes on offense like the Cowboys. Of all teams, they are least respectful of the Sooners. If it can be said that anyone occupies time in Bob Stoops' headspace, it's Mike Gundy. In short, OU should be very concerned.

The Defense has been so sieve-like that the Offense might not be able to keep up. Is it possible the Sooner D is this bad? Is it possible to right the ship? Of course it is. And there's no better time than today.

Sooners 42 Cowboys 38 in a barn burner.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner

OU - KState Post Mortem

I'll get to Texas Tech but first let me get out this post K-State ramble I had put together.

Since 2000, every opponent treats a game against the Sooners as if it's the biggest game in program history. And for 90% of opponents that is the case. Even if they've played the Sooners 50 times, if they win, it's the biggest victory in progam history.

Why in the fuck, then, do the Sooners never realize, much less match or exceed, an opponent's level of intensity/urgency? K-State was business like. They acted like they were 3-0 and 4-0 would be a big fucking deal. This game was a big deal.

I like to imagine this Disney movie scene where K-State had to ride down to Norman on a bus with no AC. Someone insulted someone's mother and it turned into a shitshow on that thing. Then Old Man Snyder wouldn't let the boys off the bus until they came together (take that how you like). The squad gels and proceeds to put on a clinic.

Can you imagine that happening with this OU team? No. Frickin. Way. Who is to blame? Is it the coaches? It's their job to get players ready, right? Or, should the players be responsible for understanding the gravity of the situation and it's their fault they aren't ready to play?

I think it's the coaches.

That said, Bobby Stoops can stay as long as he wants. 10 wins a year let's you do as you please. But there is a very serious issue with his team's sense of the moment. It's been a problem for years and it starts and ends with him.

OU played like they could coast until Texas or Notre Dame.

Then there's Landry doing obligatory Landry things. Some of his throws are the worst pieces of shit of all time. It's some of the most god-awful decision making you'll see at this level. It's textbook Pant Shitting. There's always one play where there is no pressure, he has time and he fires a laserbeam  that's literally into an opponent's numbers. It's so awful it's impossible to defend and it's so predictable I feel like I write it every week. Against K-State it cost dearly.

He's a system QB with an overmatched offensive coordinator. Shit rolls downhill. Nate will put a blunter point on it and say something to the effect of, "He's a fucking piece of shit".  Thank Jesus for Nate.

Other offensive miscues, of course, included the Belldozer fumble and the Lonnie fumble for touchdown. You just can't do that and win. The fact that Lonnie is still doing this crap though is real cause for concern.

You can't give the defense a free walk either. They had every opportunity to shut K-State down and get them off the field but they rarely did. They didn't force a single turnover. They couldn't get a stop when they had to. K-State converted a 3rd and 15 in the 4th quarter. K-State valued the football and OU could not get them off the field.

A couple other lines from my notepad:

• Roy Finch had 1 carry for 11 yards. This in and of itself did not cost the Sooners the football game. But for real, why doesn't he play?
• Tom Wort seemed overmatched.

I'd love to talk about what K-State did well. I don't give a shit though. They were handed at minimum 17 points. They deserved to win but fuckem all the same.

OU - Florida A&M Recap - TCB

Not a lot to say about this one. The Sooners needed to get crisp in some areas and they needed to build some confidence heading into the Big 12 opener vs. Kansas State. They needed to stay healthy. For the most part they did all three.

Tony MF Jefferson "went out with an ankle" but he'll be good to go on the 22nd. Hopefully.

As far as being crisp it was an exhibition for the offense. The Sooners piled up nearly 700 yards of offense, 350 of which came on the ground. DD Williams was a beast again. He has that coveted breakaway speed. I am not making a comparison here but OU hasn't had a threat like this since DeMarco.

Quick Story: I'll argue with anyone who will listen that as time goes on DeMarco will go down as the most underrated running back in Sooner history. I nearly mentioned OU hasn't had a threat like DD since AD. See what I mean?

Landry did take his obligatory stab at "World's Worst Pass" in the 1st quarter when he hit a Florida A&M DB right in the chest. The next drive ended with a fumble but then the Sooners reeled off 8 straight touchdowns.

Justin Brown is also proving to be more than capable returning punts. A very nice development indeed.

Defensively there was one major breakdown by Tony's replacement, Jesse Paulsen (From here on he shall be called, "His Name Was Jesse Paulsen" - Shoutout to Nick Pointer for coming up with it).

Stats, stats, yada yada. The day was more about getting back into the swing of tailgating, seeing old friends and enjoying absolutely perfect weather (which rarely happens to start the season).  I took full advantage and the late start gave me plenty of time to, "pull the cork".

My goal for the day was to snap some pics. I pride myself on making terrible photo essays. I feel like I succeeded.

Self Contained

Clearly ready to accept more tailgaters, particularly lady-folk

The Schooner grill, Amurrican flag, Firefighters, guitars, beer, multiple coolers.
The proprietor of this tailgate has an eye patch.
You could not cram more America or Sooner Nation in a tailgate.

Amurrica

Ribs

The official vehicle of our tailgate

There's only one
Pictured: Crimson-colored glasses wearing Father-in-law

Obligatory art shot

At left: Sooner Steamroller Co-Author
At right: A Steamroller fan asking to pose for a picture
Note: I always have time for fans, don't be shy

Action photo

The student section has packed it in.

OU - UTEP Hangover

I've had a few days to marinate and make snap judgments on the Sooners ho-hum 24-7 victory over UTEP.

From the "Polishing a Turd" Department I offer the following. First, 1-0 is better than 0-1. Do not lose sight of the fact that the Sooners are still in the title hunt! Second, as FIL (father-in-law) pointed out, the Sooners learned a lot more about themselves than, say, OSU did in their mockery of a game.

Now back to reality. This game was 10-7 going into the 4th quarter because the offense just looked putrid.

There still hasn't been a time since Ryan Broyles went down where the Sooner offense has had anything resembling rhythm. On this night it would be easy to blame the O-Line, Josh Heupel, dropped passes or Landry (in that order). If the first two do not drastically improve it's going to be a very long and depressing season.

There's no real sugar-coating the lack of depth at O-Line so Josh Heupel has to figure out a way to work around it. The answer in El Paso was a steady, nauseating dose of screens and swing passes. This is done under the guise of trying to get players into the flow of the game but this does not play to Landry's strengths. He does not throw this pass particularly well. What Josh did try that worked was the hurry up offense. It was really effective the three plays it was used.  Fingers crossed that this number goes up by the week. I will not hold my breath.

Now, Landry looked quicker than ever moving around in the pocket. He must have done a lot of cone drills with the QB guru out in California. He also made one hell of a throw to Kenny Fucking Shitbag for the first touchdown (backhanded compliment alert) albeit on a desperate 3rd and long cross-field heave. But it was a beautiful pass. Other than that I almost spewed beer out of my nose when the announcers said Landry was in the Heisman discussion.

Dropped passes are going to correct themselves. This will not be a lingering issue.

In other news, I'm pretty excited about the DD Williams era. It's unfortunate it comes at the expense of  Roy Finch's playing time but he looks to be the real deal. Dom Whaley looked healthy but he did not play particularly well. Trey Millard gobbled up yards as he is wont to do. The Belldozer's role has expanded from the goal line to 3rd and short. It'll be swell if he can prove he can throw the ball in this situation as that could be lethal. Last year his passing was poisonous.

Defensively it was mildly disconcerting to see so many missed tackles at the point of attack. Just as on offense, the line deserves much of the blame. There seemed to be very little push. UTEP got to Landry better than the Sooners got to the UTEP QB's. This is an indictment of both OU lines.

The D got off to a rough start but got settled down. Giving up less than 100 passing yards to anyone is pretty legit. Giving up 200+ rushing yards is not. No points allowed is nice although the UTEP special teams unit gave the game away. Individually, I thought Chuka Ndulue looked great. Tony MF Jefferson played as everyone expects. David King seemed to get his name called a lot as well. Tom Wort and Corey Nelson had a pretty quiet 11 tackles between them. I was surprised to see the ball thrown at Demontre Hurst as much as it was and I hope this speaks to Aaron Colvin's cover corner ability. I'll be interested to see how the D-Line looks when Casey Walker and Stacy McGee get back into the lineup.

Overall, everything fell short of expectations. I will do my best not to worry until the K-State game on September 22nd. The Florida A&M home opener and a bye week (so two bye weeks?) should provide all the time needed to get into game shape. Then, we'll see what we have.

The 2012 Steamers

Or some official awards name TBD.

With an eye towards kickoff let's do some prognosticating on all things Sooner football 2012.

The 2012 MFer

Let's start big here. This award has been around for years and now of course t-shirts are even made. This is the granddaddy of them all. No joke, the MFer has our utmost respect. The MFer is a leader on the football field, he's the lynchpin of the defense, he hits hard, he makes opponents gameplan around him. He is, above all else, the guy who makes plays that make you say, "Did you see [Blank] Mother Fuckin [Blank]?!"

For the first time in Mitch-Navin MFer history we have our first 2-time MFer recipient in Tony MF Jefferson (alluded to here by Nostradamus Navin). Other award winners surely were deserving of two or possibly three-time status. But Tony separated himself from a fairly tight field last year and this year there simply is nobody worthy (on paper) of taking his place. This does not mean he wins by default. It says something about his play that nobody is close enough to make a case.

So congratulations Tony!

The 2012 Old Steady

Here's where things get shaky. In fact, Navin and I have deliberated and we're going to puss out. Not entirely but we can't reach a consensus on this one so we are deferring to week 3 or 4 to make our decision. Hey, it's our blog and our awards so it's our rules. As far as I'm concerned there are only two awards that need a consensus. MFer and Old Steady. So until we have them they are unannounced.

I will attempt to sate our readerships appetite for a selection by guessing that Old Steady will ultimately come from the group of Dom Whaley, Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills, David King, Tom Wort, Corey Nelson, Demontre Hurst or Aaron Colvin. Happy?

Here are some awards that are completely open to our whims.

The Memorial Matt "Gas Rag" McCoy Award for the defensive player who gets torched a little too readily.

The award goes to... Tom Wort

We're humans. We hate giving this award out. But inevitably somebody on the defense is going to stick out like a sore thumb in a bad way. Last year Gabe Lynn snatched it from Javon Harris in one of the most hotly contested races in Gas Rag Award history.

Both Harris and Lynn will see plenty of action this year as well so they are by no means out of the picture. But Tom Wort sometimes looks like he's seeing a forward pass for the first time. If Jayden Bird sees significant action he instantly steals the award.

Perhaps it isn't fair to select a Linebacker. But to that I say quit telling me how awesome they are in pass coverage, or better yet, quit making them cover slot receivers running skinny posts in obvious passing situations.

Offensive Newcomer of the Year

To Trey Metoyer. The Wide Receiving unit needs a hero to replace Ryan Broyles and nobody has enjoyed the offseason ballyhoo more than Metoyer.

Defensive Newcomer of the Year

It's Chuka Ndulue by default. He's the only starter who didn't take significant snaps last year. The only other starting option is RJ Washington who is a Senior. As mentioned in previous posts, Julian Wilson or Gary Simon could also emerge here.

Most Head Scratching Depth Chart Move (View Depth Chart Here)

The omission of Roy Finch everywhere except kickoff returns. I honestly don't know how this guy starts every season in the doghouse. First I read a report the other day that he's moved to slot receiver. I thought it was a joke even though he has been used there. But he's not listed in the top 2 at any WR position. At Running Back he's not listed in the top three.

He was the second leading rusher last year and he only played six games. He was honorable mention all Big 12. When he touches the ball everyone in the stadium holds their breath. It's inexplicable.

Update: Supposedly Finch doesn't play because due to subpar QB protection blocking. Flimsy at best.

Most Likely to have Mike Stoops Living in His Earhole

So many choices here. I'm going with Gabe Lynn. He's starting at the Nickel and is going to be heavily relied on it seems. It really could be anyone in the secondary and they may wind up taking turns like everyone did last year with Soggy Box's number 12.

Most Divisive

Easy: Landry. No one will divide any fanbase quite like this guy. Each side feeds off each other too so it will only get worse. Look, he's a solid Quarterback. He's a lock to give you 60+% completion and 4,500 yards passing. He's competent OK? But if the Sooners are down with one last chance with the ball. Is he going to put the team on his back and win the thing?

Most Likely to Have Kickers Tits

You know. They guy whose moobs poke out below his shoulderpads. This year it's this guy. Eric Hosek (It would be a lock if he spelled his name Erik though).

Most Likely to Get My Father-In-Law Hot and Bothered During Pre-Game Stretch

My father in law likes to get to his seat early to watch the boys stretch. I'm half kidding and I'm cheating a little because I know him too well but my father-in-law goes ape-shit over the "length" and athleticism of Jordan Phillips.



What other categories should we have?

2012 Oklahoma Sooners Offensive Preview

Not to put too blunt a point on it but this 2012 iteration of the Sooners offense has a lot of issues. In fact, there are so many problems here that it's inexplicable that this team could be ranked in the preseason top 5 of the coaches poll (a fact that also shows how ridiculous preseason polls are).

The Cliff's notes version is that Dom Whaley, the Sooners leading rusher, is coming back from a snapped ankle, leading receiver and safety blanket extraordinnaire Ryan Broyles is in the NFL, a former Quarterback is starting at Left Tackle, a two-year starter at Guard is gone along with a two-year starting Center. Oh, and no Tight End on the roster has ever started a collegiate game.

The Good

If you believe experience is the end-all-be-all then might I offer you a helping of Landry Jones? Lonnie brought the lost to Christ during the offseason and even got married. Now he and his beloved can have sex "walk of shame" free. I don't know how but he managed to find time to work on his game as well. According to my father-n-law, whose crimson-colored glasses make mine look like cheap trinkets, Lonnie went to a QB Guru to fine tune his skill set. The Guru said Lonnie had the best skills he'd ever seen.

That's all well and good but foot work and arm motion in skeleton drills does not make a dynamic Quarterback. Lonnie's three year problem is that if he's calling Red-Green Zulu Go and the defense doesn't give him Red-Green Zulu Go a thick fetid stew leaks out of the seat of his football pants.I am unconvinced the Guru fixed this in a weekend summer camp.

But, he has started 37 career games and that's 37 more than all the other QB's on the roster combined.  He should be able to complete 60% of his passes and he should have a good running game to back him up.

Ah, the running game. This unit could have been a five-headed monster if not for the transfer of Brandon Williams. The Sooners return Dom Whaley (Cinderella story. Outta nowhere), one helluva beast-man before getting injured against K-State last year. Roy Finch proved capable of carrying the load (when given the chance), Trey Millard might be the best of the bunch if Josh Heupel can flip past page 3 of the playbook and Brennan Clay makes Chris Brown look electric.

Now bear with me here but what the Sooners have is four distinct running styles, each effective (Whaley - Over, Under, Around and Through; Finch - Jitterbug with power; Millard - Beast Mode with speed to match; Clay - 3 feet and a cloud of dust). Successful offenses keep opposing defenses guessing. The Sooners have the pieces in the backfield to keep defenses guessing. But can they keep from hiding good players on the bench (Finch) or "going to the well one too many times" (a la running 90 straight times against Texas)? In short, they'll have to.

There's also the Belldozer whose QB draw went from desperate shtick to inexplicably unstoppable. I hope the Sooners don't have to rely on this maneuver to near the extent they did in 2011, but, in keeping with the "keep-em-on-their-toes" theme, whatever it takes is what you do.

I will also make obligatory mention of Tress Way and Michael Hunnicut who bring pretty strong legs to the kicking game.

Interesting fact: As of this writing the Sooners have 6 Fullbacks and 5 Quarterbacks on the roster. Millard has all the fullback carries over the last two years with 48 total carries. This makes perfect no sense

The Bad

The Sooners have one unsuspended player who has caught a pass in a game from Lonnie. That's Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills. He was supposed to be the bell cow after the devastating Ryan Broyles injury. Instead, he went from Kenny Fuckin Shitbag (fist pump, high five) to Kenny Fuckin Shitbag (clinched teeth, disappointing head shake).

Trey Franks and Jaz "Hands" Reynolds are of course back in the fold. This is huge and cannot be underestimated because newcomer Trey Metoyer was going to be the unproven great hope to give Lonnie someone legitimate to throw to. Elsewhere in the Wide Receiver corp is Freshman Sterling Shepard. Recruiting fanboys will tell you Shepard is better than Ryan Broyles. Anyone who says this to you should be kicked in the groin repeatedly. But he could be quite helpful, particularly at the start of the season. Justin Brown also comes over from Penn State. He's started 30 games and is described as a possession guy which is the dating equivalent of being described as having a fun personality.

The Ugly

Let's get the more palatable item out of the way first. No Tight End on the roster has caught a football in a D1 college football game. Geneo Grissom is the only one who's name I've ever heard. He played in six games last year at Defensive End.

Why is this a somewhat palatable, ugly problem for the Offense? Two reasons. First, since Jermaine Gresham left, Tight End has been an often overlooked offensive weapon (I'm looking at James Hanna, now turning heads for the Dallas freaking Cowboys). If you don't actually use the position anyways, who cares? Second, the Offensive Line is in flux and this trumps all.

Ben Habern (Two-year starting Center) had to quit the game of football. Senior Tyler Evans tore his ACL on the first day of practice. Lane Johnson, a Quarterback turned Tight End turned Defensive End, turned O-Lineman (Right Tackle last year) is the Left Tackle. Gabe Ikard moved from Guard to Center. Adam Shead, Daryl Williams and Bronson Irwin have played.

Experience and depth on the O-Line are now major issues. If you're reading one of the most obscure football blogs on the Internet (thank you), I don't have to tell you how important the Offensive Line is to the success of a football team. If this unit has issues the Sooners are fucked on offense.

So to recap...

Offensively, the Sooners have a shaky at best offensive line to run block for a quality group of Running Backs who will ostensibly set up a four year SI poster boy Quarterback who hopefully has enough time to throw to a handful of talented receivers (who may or may not be suspended).

Boomer to the motherfuckin' Sooner!

Bedlam

Bedlam. It sucks that this one isn't "the most important football game in Oklahoma history". Though, for OSU, it still is. As I've snarkily pointed out to every Poke fan I know this week, all the hopes and dreams of Cowboys fans and players are right there in front of them. Manifest Destiny and all that.

A Cowboy win would mean the first Big 12 Championship in school history (and the first outright conference championship since prohibition). The first BCS bid in school history. An outside shot at the first title game in school history.

Noooooo pressure.

That sound you just heard was the collective puckering of Poke buttholes.

All season long OSU had the mental advantage in this one. If there is one silver lining to the Sooners losing two games and being out of contention for the title it's that they now have, hopefully, a mental edge.

OU is now the underdog with nothing to lose. Everyone has written them off. They seem destined for a craptacular bowl game. But with one more spectacular effort they can rip the guts out of Little Brother on their own field.

No Big 12 Championship. No BCS. No title shot.

Sooner fans have to hope that the same Sooner team that showed up at Florida State, Texas and Kansas State will show up in Stillwater. Regrettably, this years Sooner squad has played to the level of its competition. Please God let them rise to the occasion today.

OFFENSE

It's Landry Jones. I hope he leaves for the NFL. He is the penultimate system QB. He leaves 120 yards on the table every week with his terrible screen passes. But we need him today. We really need him to not shit his pants and to not make inexplicably awful decisions. Make smart decisions, easy throws and let the run game do the heavy lifting. All he has to do is manage the game because the unit under the gun in this one is the defense.

DEFENSE

Great Oden's Beard these bastards need to show up today. OSU wants to turn the ball over. They love it. Brandon Weeden is not averse to making terrible decisions. Justin Blackmon made one of the dumbest football plays I've ever seen against Texas A&M and is not immune to fumbling. Joseph Randle really likes being careless with the football.

The Sooner D needs to embrace these tendencies. What they don't need to do is let the Pokes run roughshod or let receivers get behind the safeties. In general they should not give up the "Big Play". Unfortunately, they've done just that in spades all year long.

The Sooners will sorely miss Ronnel "The Hammer" Lewis. Now I'm hearing Big Frank Alexander might be out. Um, that sucks.

I'm going for Tom Wort. He's been playing well. Maybe he can get some pressure on Weeden. I think that's the key. Maybe Venables blitzes with Tommy. I actually feel pretty good about this.

THE SCORE

I'm really, really hoping for a defensive score for the Sooners. I think Landry can get a couple TD throws. Jaz Hands Reynolds will be back so that will be a huge help. The run game has been pretty stellar at times recently. I think the Sooners can get 35. That should be enough to win. But....

The D has given up big plays all season long. It's unfortunately their stock and trade. So, count on the Cowboys getting a few. Likewise, Landry could do something dumb and hand the Pokes a score on a platter. I think they take advantage.

Also, Bobby is 6-0 versus Mike "I'm a Man!" Gundy in season ending games. This fact is not lost on the Poke faithful. They are legitimately afraid of Bobby.

OU 35, OSU 24

Oh boy, this one's big. Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner.

OU - Mizzou Game Tape Review

This article is sponsored by the American Pigeon Museum and Library in Oklahoma City - When you have a message that you want delivered slow or maybe not at all, choose pigeon's, choose the World of Wings. 

Some quick thoughts after watching the tape (Presented in bullet points for my man TFrye who, "doesn't have time for paragraphs"):

• There is no real good excuse anymore for Dominque Whaley not being the feature back. The carries between he and Brennan Clay were nearly even. No disrespect to Clay, who really is a solid player, but he doesn't have the "missability" of Whaley (as Emmitt Smith might say). There was a series in the 3rd Quarter where Whaley had a hole close and he made himself small and, "squirted through the line" for a 1st down. The next play he caught a short pass, delivered a hit, stayed in bounds then used a spin move and a leap to get inside the 5. The next play he outran the defense to gain the corner and score. In short, he can do just about anything.
• The Sooners Offense is at it's best when the ball is getting spread around. Any offense is but I mean the Sooners really need to get Trey Millard and James Hanna involved every now and again. Those guys are under-utilized weapons.
• Jaz Reynolds did a nice job stepping up in Kenny Fuckin Shitbag and Trey Franks's stead.
• At the game I felt like Lonnie is a System Quarterback. I believe it more and more. His numbers are gaudy but his pant shitting robs him of real greatness. By pant shitting I mean anytime the pocket may collapse.
• In person I was disappointed in Josh Heupel's play calling. On tape it wasn't so bad. I think it was the fact that the "hurry up to the line play" was beyond predictable. When half-drunk homers in the last row of the upper deck are calling the plays, chances are good your opponent's Defensive Coordinator is dialed in as well.
• The Sooners D-Line is badass and Frank Alexander in particular is a damn beast.
• Gabe Lynn still looks lost on Defense.

Questions on Offense

Now that my esteemed colleague Navin has so completely broken down the Sooner offense I'd like to ask and answer some offensive questions weighing heavily on my mind as we approach the 2010 campaign.

1A. Whither the Stache?
Indeed all of Sooner Nation waits with bated breath to see if Landry "Lonnie" Jones brings his perfectly groomed, Camaro-inspired flavor-savor to the huddle. He says he will but, according to this article, both his mother and girlfriend prefer him clean shaven. Uh Oh. In what may be the quote from fall camp, from Lonnie himself no less, "Sooner Nation needs the stache". Amen brother (In Sam Elliot voice).

1B. Stache Aside, What Can We Expect from Lonnie?
The biggest leap a player makes is from year one to year two. This is true in all sports. Now, given the fact that Lonnie got more than garbage-time reps, (he got a full season's worth of priceless meaningful game reps) he should be more improved than anyone on the team. Period. He entered the offseason as The Man and it has been his job to lose. And by lose I mean he would have had to fall out of a truck (twice), get caught stealing pot or get an illicit job at a car dealer. I expect him to be vastly improved.

So where does that put us? Would you be willing to say at least equal to Sam Bradford's first season (2007)? That would mean a nearly 70% completion percentage and a TD/INT ratio of 36 to 8. Gaudy numbers. Last year Lonnie went 58% with 26 TD's and 14 INT's. ~65% with 30+TD's and 8 INT's suddenly doesn't seem so far fetched and good things will happen with numbers like that.

2A. Will there be Some Semblance of Stability on the O-Line?
As Navin pointed out this unit is the biggest question mark on Offense. Last year these guys changed positions more than Sasha Gray in Face Invaders 4(Link Safe for work). Of course injury can be blamed for much of this. Hell, when a First Round Left Tackle is playing Center because of a lack of depth you have problems.

That said, I'm of the opinion that last years weakness is this year's strength. That's the beauty of college football. Because of injury and player movement, a lot of these guys got some meaningful reps across the line. This can only make this unit better, right? Can they stay healthy? Can they gel as a unit? I sure hope so because there are some fine players on this unit.

But it begs the question...

2B. Will some Mouth-Breathing Knuckle-Dragging Clod on the O-Line Quit the Team Come September 2nd?
I don't know what it is about O-Linemen but it seems like a right of Autumn that one of these jackoffs has had enough of windsprints and Oklahoma Drills and quits the team. I'm always one who says if they're not tough enough to handle it we don't need them anyways. Which is true. But just this once can these jackholes keep it together long enough to develop some chemistry before Cincinnatti? Pretty please?

3. What Body Part will Keep DeMarco Murray Off the Field at the Worst Possible Moment?
Frankly, we're running out of options here. The good news is he spent the offseason honing his MMA skills with 2010 M.F.er Quinton Carter. This bodes well. Also, this is the first offseason Murray has spent completely healthy. If you don't think I'm banging on wood right now like a hooker at a handjob contest you don't know me very well. We need this guy healthy. He changes absolutely everything we do. And whilst he's not the only home run threat the Sooners have on Offense he is still the most electrifying.

4. Uh, Does Anyone Want to Step Up at WR Besides Ryan Broyles?
As Navin said there is a Conglomerate of Mediocrity with Brandon Caleb, DeJuan Miller, Jaz Reynolds, Adron Tennel and Cameron Kenney. Each have had their opportunity and each has done some good, some bad with it. Evidently the smart money is on Freshman Kenny Stills. As Navin pointed out he's been penciled in as the starter since he arrived on campus. Personally, I try to avoid the recruiting hoopla and thus haven't paid much mind to this guy. But his high school numbers are ridiculous. Take it with a grain of salt of course but in three years the guy caught over 130 balls for 3000 yards for an average of 22 yards per catch. He could be the answer if he can simply complement Broyles and DeMarco and keep opposing defenses honest.

Great, now I feel like I just flushed a handful of Viagra with some Crown Royal. An improved Lonnie at QB with cohesion on the O-Line coupled with three home run hitters in DeMarco, Broyles and Kenny.