Baylor

Though it's only been one week off from posting, I feel as though it's been longer. The last time I "published" something on here I was tailgating on the cusp of attending my first Sooner game in far too long. That, by the way, was bad fucking ass. However, if one thing could have pissed on my lunch box (aside from a loss) it was Broyles getting hurt and being out for the game/week/season/career. Shit.  

Needless to say, that is big loss seeing as he is out for all of the former with "a knee". If that wasn't enough, we snuck back into the national title race (albeit barely), only to have those hopes obliterated by an incompetent OSU squad last night. Rest assured however, that they will look like world beaters in two weeks when we come to town. Their loss nearly guarantees us no chance at the title game even if we win out. 

Tonight offers a serious road test, and frankly I'm a bit nervous about it. Baylor is better than their record, and much better when playing at home. RG3 is really good, and if he played for almost any team apart from Baylor he would probably be a serious Heisman contender. Our defense certainly has it's work cut out.

The good news is we've had two weeks to prepare for them. While it is on the road, I don't know that Baylor is exactly the Terrordome of collegiate sports. I certainly hope we come ready, and I hope Venables took the time to come up with a decent game plan rather than just going with the base package come hell or high water. Moreover, I hope he adjusts if things are't working out, but after a decade of not adjusting I'm not sure why tonight would be the watershed moment.

OK, I'm rambling. I'm half drunk from last night and really have no idea where any of this is going. I'm pretty sure that's the exact recipe for a "shitty read". On to the picks.

Offense

Man, without Broyles in there it really opens things up, and maybe not in a good way. We've lost our two best offensive weapons this season. What I'm really hoping for is that Broyles' injury induces the Ewing Factor for our offense (not going to explain that, if you read Bill Simmons when he was good you know, but suffice it to say it's a good thing: dba false hope). I really want to go with Fuckin' Shitbag today, I really do. However, I'm feeling a bit feisty and going with a guy who has been coming on of late and picking Jaz "hands" Reynolds (try to do jazz hands after he makes a play and not like it, go ahead, try). He has been coming on strong and I think he breaks out for real today. 100+ and at least one touch.

Defense

As you all know, I'm horny for Frank Alexander (in the truck driver/lumberjack manly sort of way). He has just been dominant all season. But, on the opposite side of the D-line the Hammer has been almost quietly as good if not better. With that in mind, I'm pick the Hammer today. His first ever nomination from me. In fact, coupled with my pick on offense, I've stepped out of my usual realm today. I think we see Ronnell get after RG3 today, and bury his shifty ass more than once. I love that.

As for the score, I'm a little torn here. On one hand I can see it being a track meet given the two offenses (and defenses). However I feel like that often those types of games go the other way. Couple that with the fact that I think our offense needs a little time to get it's footing post-Broyles and I think it's lower scoring than most would think. Also, I think that with the OSU loss fresh in our minds, we may not be as "up" for it as normal given that our national title hopes are probably gone. I like us in this, one but I think it's a tough win. OU takes this one in a battle 27-20. 

Let's beat these motherfuckers, and let's at least make it hard for the assholes to decide who should play in the national championship. 

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.

OU vs. Baylor

It's been a hell of a couple weeks. Since we last wrote in this space the following events occurred in college football: The Penn State Child Rape scandal, Mizzou's Gary Pinkel got a DWI, a Syracuse basketball coach got accused of being a pederast and a plane crash killed OSU women's basketball coach Kurt Budke.

"WTF"

On the football field, the Sooners lost their Offensive wunderkind, Ryan Broyles. Undefeated Stanford got smoked by Oregon. The Cowboys went ahead and looked like ass against Iowa State and got beat. In so doing, Brandon Weeden bequeathed his Heisman hopes (not too sad about it but I wish OU could have done this for him) and the Cowboys threw a serious wrench in OU's title game chances.

We are in the next to final act of the college football season. Act 1 was leading ourselves to believe there were so many good teams we might see 4 go undefeated and all the BCS speculation that goes along with it. Act 2 had some of those unbeatables losing and people believing that the shakeout was complete. There was anticipation in knowing that the remaining contenders would simply play out the string before meeting to decide it all. We're now in Act 3 which is the most fun. All the experts look like assholes because teams keep losing. It's the "Oh shit what's gonna happen" portion of our season where everyone has to win and everyone needs everyone else to lose and then we'll wait and see what the judges deem the best matchup. All of a sudden we've gone from possibly having 4 undefeated's to determining who's the best 1 loss team. It happens every year.

That's college football.

And now our 1 loss Sooners find themselves in Waco, Texas to face those wacky Baptists of Baylor. Prior to the season I was fairly nervous about this one. Last year I felt the Sooners really dodged a bullet when they played a Robert Griffin III-free Bears team. RGIII is a badass. His numbers this year are PlayStation esque.  Through his first 6 games he had some ludicrous stat like more TD's than incompletions. Unheard of.

He's come down to earth since. The Bears have gone on to lose 3 but  RGIII is still on many Heisman watch lists. He is, without a doubt, the heart and soul of the Bears. The Baylor offense is prodigious and the Sooners will have their hands full.

On the other hand (or, OTOH in text speak) the Sooners offense find themselves in the unenviable position of having to redefine themselves mid-season. Gone is the safety blanket of Broyles and the ho-hum reliability of his 14 catch, 170 yard performances. This loss is huge and cannot be understated. Lonnie Jones's world just got shaken and that's bad. Me no rikey nervous Lonnie. Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills is a Number 1 receiver on most any other team but Sooner fans are fooling themselves if they think the loss of Broyles will be completely made up for.

There is good news. It looks like the Baylor defense is pretty shitty so praise Jehovah the Sooners have what appears to be a fine opportunity to work out the kinks of this newish offense before Bedlam.

OFFENSE

Obviously the key is how does Lonnie play without his bosom chum and safety blanket? Which Wide Receiver(s) step up? To what degree does the offense change?

I think Lonnie will be fine the next two weeks. Kenny Fuckin Shitbag is a badass as we all know. Jaz Hands Reynolds has come on "in a great way" this year. It looks like DeJuan Miller will get the first crack at being the new 3rd wheel. If DeJuan doesn't work out there's always Trey Franks and Kameel Jackson.

My head tells me to pick a RB because I think the Sooners will come to rely on the ground game a bit more. But my head doesn't know what the hell it's talking about. The pick here is Kenny Fuckin Shitbag. He's clutch and has the swagger of a number 1 guy. Now there's no deferring to one of the all-time Sooner greats. The moment is his, the time is now.

The real wise pick might be the Belldozer. Dude brah is a force of nature.

DEFENSE

It's pretty simple. Stop Robert Griffin III. The hard part is stopping Robert Griffin III. It will take a total team effort.

Since I really have nothing else to add (This article is free. You get what you pay for) I'm going all heart here. I'm taking a page out of Navin's playbook and picking Big Frank Alexander. Blood flows to my groin region when Big Frank wreaks havoc on the football field. And he's wreaked a lot of havoc this football season. But I haven't picked him too much. So here it is.

THE SCORE

In my perfect scenario (read: Crimson Colored Glasses) I see the Sooners offense as a wounded and cornered animal. They lost their best running back. Now they've lost their best player. What's left is a group that must throw the kitchen sink at the opposing defense to be successful. Implementing the Bulldozer is evidence of this mentality. Now it's taken a step forward. So, it's conceivable we could see a pretty dynamic offense with no page of the playback left un-turned. That's my hope. In reality I think the Sooners look good these next two weeks in a false confident sort of way. By that I mean their opponents just aren't up to snuff. The offense looks like it hasn't missed a beat but they won't have really been tested. Who cares though. It's all about winning football games right now.

Defensively all I care about it making RGIII look human. Do that and we hold them under 30 points and we win.

OU 35, Baylor 17

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner

A&M

Well, I'm officially at the Sooners tailgate and I really couldn't be happier. I'm attempting to bang this out on my phone, aka worst case scenario. In turn, this is going to be unusually short. I'm fairly nervous about this one. These guys are better than their record indicates. They've lost their games by what seems like a collective 5 points or some shit. Anyway, we have our work cut out for us.

Offense

I don't know who to go with here really but as the season goes on it's becoming increasingly obvious that Broyles is the "safe" pick. That said I'm going with Kenny fuckin' shitbag Stills. I like him, I love him, I want some more of him.

Defense

Over here I think I'm going to go with Tony Motherfuckin' Jefferson. I think he is an animal and unlike K-State they have a dynamic offense. With that in mind, I think Tony will have multiple opportunities to to make plays, and I think he'll respond.

So the score here is tricky but I really do think that our guys are pissed off about last year. I think the Sooners take this one 38-24.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner!

I See Your Bullets and Raise Ye Bullets

I seen that Navin put together some bullets mid-week. That's the kind of hard hitting journalistic gim-gam that will take this blog places. Well played.

Not to be outdone here's some thoughts of my own:

• This is a big week for the Steamroller. This blog's co-authors are going to be together, in person, in Norman for the A&M tilt. There's gonna be a party y'all. If you'd like to meet up, get autographs, touch our sleeves, etc. hit us up. We'll be hanging out in Norman long after the ballgame to watch the LSU-Bama national championship semifinal. After that Navin will be hosting a writer's workshop on drunk blogging. It's "can't miss". 
• I have an idea for filling the void left by Dom Whaley. Trey Millard and Roy Finch doing their best Thunder/Lightning impersonation. They can be on the field together in multiple formations. They both can line up virtually anywhere, and both are dependable. I'm not opposed to sprinkling in some Brennan Clay and Brandon Williams but I think the combo of Millard and Finch deserves about 25 carries. Finch obviously is picking up a lot of the load but Millard has more than earned some touches. Dude is a beast. My father-in-law seems to think Millard will move to Tight End next year. 
• Didn't think I'd be saying it but it sure was nice to have Tom Wort on the field again. He tied for the team lead in tackles and had two sacks. If the Sooners can get Jamelle Fleming back they'll be in business.
• Navin already mentioned the defense but it seems their effort has gone underappreciated. They held a top 10 team, in a hostile road environment to one first down in the second half. Kansas had about 10 yards in the second half against them. When this defense is on I'd put them up against anyone in the country.
• Jaz Reynolds is a bad motherfucker. He continues to improve and has become the 3rd receiver everyone thought the Sooners needed to make things easier for Ryan Broyles and Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills. 
• Speaking of Broyles, is there a craftier carrier of the football than him? They way he uses the sideline is incredible. You think there's no way he stays in bounds and next he's gone 20 yards for a score. The Sooners are going to miss him.

This:

Tony Motherfuckin Jefferson and Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Still as Caped Crusaders

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner

Bullets for those short on time

• That game last week was amazing really. Granted their offense is the kind we typically shut down, but to our credit apart from a period in the first half where we lost consciousness we did just that. One first down in the second half? Wow.
• Dom Whaley, out for the season. That really blows, we really don't have a legit type back that is proven aside from him. Brandon Williams probably will be someday, but he isn't now. While Roy Finch and Brennan Clay do a nice job, I think it's pretty clear that they're not a pure RB like Whaley was. For the bitter sweet note of the day, at least he's finally on scholarship. 
• Games like that make the Tech game all the more puzzling. I just can't fathom how we lost that. Clemson going down helped us for sure, but it feels like Stanford escaped their close call for the year, and honestly after the Tech game I have my doubts as to whether or not we'll even win out. Our schedule isn't exactly a creampuff from here on out. Even after all of that, it's also hard to believe us passing a one loss Alabama/LSU given how good their collective cocks taste to the media.
• Finally, I've woken up every morning with matted pubes and my underwear glued to my thighs in anticipation of heading to Norman this weekend. It's my first trip in far too long to say the least. I couldn't be more fired up about seeing all of the boys and taking in a Sooners game in person. Until then...

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner

K-State

Well, that really sucked hard last week. Nothing is better than having the national championship out of the picture in mid-october. I didn't watch the game and thanks to the rain delay my DVR missed it as well. Turns out that was a good thing. From what I read, it sounds like the offense wasn't in sync early, but make no mistake, if you score 38 points and lose, the offense isn't the main problem. Fucking Venables. I'm sorry, but with the talent we have year in year out, it shouldn't be over a decade since our last title. And let's face it, our offense has scored a shitload of points every year since probably the Paul Thompson season. Anyway, enough dwelling on that. It fucking sucked last week, but nothing is left to do now but hopefully win out.

If you've read this at all the last few weeks, you'll know I'm pretty nervous about this one today. K-State, isn't dominant but they do the right things, by playing solid D and not turning the ball over. Simply doing those two things will keep anyone in nearly any game. As such, we need to come ready to do the same thing today. I'd like to see Gabe Lynn horsewhipped on the field prior to the game and then benched permanently. It's now official in my eyes, though I need to discuss it with Mitch, that Gabe Lynn is the first Matt McCoy memorial Gas Rag recipient in several seasons.  Considering shifting a safety (Aaron Colvin) over to replace him turned out to be a huge upgrade says a lot.

As for today, I think we'll be coming out looking to kick some ass after last week. I hope that we can do it in a tough road environment.

Offense

I don't really know who to go with here, but I'm going with one of my favorite players. I'm going with Kenny Fuckin' Shitbag Stills today. I think he's due, and he has seemed to play well in hostile environments. Here's to hoping he does it again today.

Defense

Today I'm going with Old Steady. K-State appears to like to run the ball quite a bit. As a result I think that Old Steady will make roughly one shitload of tackles today. Not sure he gets a turnover, but I think he'll be all over the place today, and I think he's damn pissed about last week to boot.

I'm nervous about this one, I think it will be tough as hell to win here. However, I think that after last week we'll be ready. I think OU wins a tough one here today, 31-28. My ass is puckered, but let's give these fuckers a much needed defeat and get back on track.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner

OU vs. K-State

Last week was an abomination. Gabe Lynn got torched so bad that Brent Vanables had to use a fire blanket to pull the lad's scorched corpse off the field. The Sooners tackling was atrocious but it's hard to say it was worse than their ability to shed blocks. The offense lacked imagination until it was too late. 5 consecutive three and outs is impossible to imagine. But it happened. Then there was the oft-maligned kicking game.

Was it a lack of motivation or Texas Tech just playing a great game? Is OU a bad team? Injuries? I can't believe it was a motivation issue. With each passing week the ultimate prize is one week closer. Even a 19 year old should be able to grasp that pretty easily.

Let's face facts: The Sooners looked average against Mizzou. They looked great against an inferior texas team. They looked average against a woeful Kansas team. And they gave up 41 points at home to a Texas Tech team that barely lost to Kansas State and Texas A&M.

Next up for the Sooners? Kansas State and Texas A&M. Oh my geez.

This week is make or break.

The matchup with K-State was already looming large but now it sets the tone the rest of the way. Lose, and nothing that lies ahead is easy save an Iowa State home game. Win, and confidence is renewed going into next week with another big one against A&M.

One last gripe about last week. The game started late and the weather sucked but by the time the Sooners were going for an onsides kick there were about 20,000 people left in the stadium. OU fans are the worst. 65,000 "faithful" were happy to bail and the oft criticized student section was never full.

OFFENSE

I'm tempted to pick Roy Finch because he played so well last week and I have no idea if Dom Whaley will be back. On the other hand I seem to be on a run of jinxing whomever I pick. In that vein I'll go with James Hanna. That way if I'm wrong it'll be so right because anytime the Sooners remember you can attempt a forward pass to a Tight End good things usually happen. And if I'm wrong it'll be just like every other game and Broyles and Kenny Fuckin Shitbag can get theirs again.

DEFENSE

I'm just going to come out with it: Demontre Hurst. Last week he actually got picked on a little bit and the Red Raiders had some success. So I think K-State will try it since they saw it on film and I think Hurst bounces back.

Let me also just say how desperately this Defense needs to get its swagger back. After ball-hawking the first 5 weeks the Sooner D has forced exactly 0 turnovers the last two weeks.

THE SCORE

I'm more nervous about this game than any other all season (that's straight from the whodathunkit files). K-State is going to be quite interested in beating some Sooner ass and ripping their spirits apart. We'll see the true measure of this Sooner football team today.

I think they'll do just enough. Josh Heupel will be playing keep away from the K-State offense. The Defense has been humbled. The coaches know they share in the blame of last week. Bobby Stoops and Venables will want to beat their Bill "Mock Turtleneck" Snyder.

Their should be no lack of hunger for anyone on the Sooner sideline. I think this could be a vicious, physical game.

Sooners 31 - K-State 24

Tip them PBR's and Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner