Oklahoma Sooners versus Texas dba the Dr. Pepper AT&T Red River Shootout

The two programs solely responsible for the financial viability and national reputation of the Big 12 conference find themselves squaring off today in a race for the bottom of the Big 12. The Sooners (1-2, 0-2 Big 12) are coming off back to back disastrous losses to Kansas State and Iowa State and are staring into the void and struggling to find their purpose in a season that is on the precipice of becoming truly meaningless. 

The Longhorns (2-1, 1-1 Big 12), as per usual, are shithead assholes. Let's get that out of the way. Predictably, they were overrated to start the season and rode a victory over the Miners of UTEP to a top 10 ranking before throwing it all away against TCU last week. They aren't out of the top 25, though, because we live in a world where we're a month into the "season" and Ohio State hasn't played a game and is ranked number one.

So today is a chance for both teams to try and course correct and provide some glimmer of interest for the remaining campaign. It could actually be a pretty entertaining game from that perspective even if the national implication is pretty much zilch.

OFFENSE

The Sooners best defense today needs to be the offense. Sooner Nation has become accustomed to the high scoring, quick strike Lincoln Riley offenses and I am certainly not implying the Sooners should purposely take this off the table. However, the defense sucks so horrifically that the Sooners need to find ways to extend drives and hang onto the ball. Some of Lincoln Riley's best work is when he takes eight minutes off the clock and sucks the soul out of opposing defenses. Not only would this help the Sooners today but it could be big for the development of Spencer Rattler. 

That said, I would love to see a wide receiver break out in this one. It would be awesome if that wideout was Charleston Rambo but I think Marcus Mims is the better candidate. The Sooners need to find ways to get him quick catches, in space, and let him pick up yards in chunks. He's my OPOG.

DEFENSE

Prepare yourself now for pain and frustration. I see Sam Ehlinger in my fever dreams carrying the pile for first downs early and often. 2nd and 4? He'll run for 6. 3rd and two? He'll get three. Much like Coronavirus, you can wish it away all you like but it's coming and the Sooner D is playing like a person wearing a mask like a chinstrap. 

Forget one on one tackles, the Sooners need to, at a minimum, slow down the ball carrier at the point of contact. I'm talking baby steps to mediocrity here. Just slow them down and let the cavalry arrive. To add to the complexity, the Sooners need to be very aware of play action and not be too aggressive attacking the line or we'll be seeing the same plan I just laid out for Marcus Mims being deployed against the Sooners.

Still no DPOG. 

THE SCORE

Hey everybody I'm expecting the worst and hoping for the best here. Can the Sooners win? Of course they can because Texas is second to none in undershooting expectations and are the most perennially overrated team in the history of college football. But the Sooners have proven on the field this season that they are more than capable of pooping down their pants legs without having a spare pair of undies in the locker room. 

The Sooners need some one, or group of someones, on both sides of the ball, to step up and take control. It can't be the coaches or the gameplan or the environment of a rivalry game or any other magical thinking. The guys on the field need to take a step forward today. There's no better game and no better opponent to find yourself than the Longhorns and the Cotton Bowl.

::Puts on crimson-colored glasses:: I'm going to say Sooners 28, Longhorns 24

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner

texas

 I’m so disgusted after last week that I’m really going through the motions more than normal this week. If it wasn’t texas I’m not sure I would have even had the energy. But, I think back to my first year at OU when the Sooners won two games the entire season, OSU and texas. It wasn’t a successful season by any stretch but it made an awful season slightly better. I don’t think OU is that level by any stretch but they are bad. The defense continues to hit new lows and the offense, while solid, isn’t bailing them out this year. It’s disappointing to say the least, but here’s hoping they at least best OSU and texas. 

Offense

Rattler has not been the juggernaut we’d all assumed he would be. However the bar was almost unattainably high for a guy who’d never played a meaningful collegiate snap. So, while I think he’ll put up good numbers, I’m not going with him today. I’ll take McGowan. If OU has any hope of winning, they’ll lean on the run game to do it. 

Defense

See last week’s non-pick. What a joke. 

Score

For the first time in several years, texas has a marked advantage at the QB position. That worries me, particularly with how terrible the defense has been. But, I will go against my better judgement and hope for a James Allen-esque miracle. Sooners win it 31-30. 

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner.

Oklahoma Sooners versus Iowa State

Quick post today, my friends, because, like the Sooners against K-State, I too can bail on quality work before the game or season is over.

Why the hell is there a culture of ineptitude on defense? How can you roll over both player and coach personnel and still continue to have a culture that allows big plays at bad times and is always awful at tackling in space?

I'll give a pass to the offense because Spencer Rattler was making his second career meaningful start and is not accustomed to playing with his back against the wall. For him, it was a good learning experience. You look at the last three QB's and all were seasoned before they stepped foot on campus. But this defense, my God. They had an opportunity to take a step forward, to bail out the offense and to secure a game at home. Instead, they shit down their trouser leg and take three steps back. Maddening.

OFFENSE

Today the Sooners need to demonstrate a killer instinct and cannot under any circumstance take their foot off the gas. Spencer Rattler has to take a step forward and learn from last week's interceptions. He can't cram the ball into double coverage. There is no need. He doesn't need to play hero ball with his arm. For my OPOG I'm going Austin Stogner. He seems like a security blanket that Rattler can check down to instead of forcing something downfield. 

DEFENSE

Christ Almighty these guys. I guess the bar is so low here that I'd be satisfied if we can not allow a former walk on linebacker cum quarterback to turn in a Heisman worthy performance. Is that too much to ask? I fear it may be.

Look, I have to go to soonersports.com every week just to scroll through the roster to find someone to pick on this side of the ball and I've been doing that shit for about six years. I'm tired of it. I'm not picking a DPOG today and maybe not for a while until some one, any one, can start turning in a consistent enough quality performance such that I can remember their name from television from week to week. The whole defense can be DPOG by not stepping on their own dicks and maybe forcing a turnover. For real this is bullshit.

SCORE

You know Iowa State is going to play hard just like K-State and that they're well coached and that the Sooners have a preternatural knack for playing to the level of their opponent. So of course you should expect this to be closer than it ought to be. I'll say Sooners 35 and Iowa State 34.

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner.

Iowa State

I’m still at a loss for last week’s game. My devotion to OU football has waned as I’ve gotten older. Of course I’m still a huge fan and make efforts to watch all of the games, but I don’t follow it like I did when I was in my 20s. But, games like that still infuriate me in the moment. At this point, you would think I’d be used to it as it’s happened every season for as long as I can remember. Nevertheless it still annoys the bloody hell out of me. On the plus side, now that the seats of the uniforms are fully shit stained, it makes the ensuing games less maddening. 

Offense

It was probably foolhardy to assume Rattler would just step in and win the heisman, but Riley has been a bit of a QB whisperer. But Rattler looked very unsure when up against the ropes in the second half. There is plenty of blame to be laid on the defense and special teams but sustaining even one drive down the stretch would’ve put that one away. I like a bounce back this week from Rattler and I’m going with him for my OPG. 

Defense

These assholes. I’ll go with no one until somebody looks remotely like they understand how to tackle. 

Score

I have no doubt Iowa state will play lights out. They must be tamping down boners right now at the thought of facing the OU D. But optimism gets the best of me and I like the Sooners to eke it out, 38-35. 

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner. 

Oklahoma Sooners Versus Kansas State

 

The Sooners are 1-0 and happy to be here frankly. As of this writing, it is unclear whether Kansas State will be able to field a team on account of Covid. Such is the world we live in. The Sooners say they’re ready though and I feel sorry for the Wildcats as the Sooners come off a bye week and a glorified scrimmage against Missouri State. The Sooners looked polished in that one and proved the cupboard is not bare.

Spencer Rattler looked like the real deal as he fired 50 yard lazer beams that looked effortless. Also, standing out was Seth McGowan who physically looks like a leaner Trey Sermon but who has tremendous vision for the hole and speed to get to it and through it quickly [Insert “That’s what she said” joke here].

Let’s pretend this game will happen and that we have any idea what’s going to happen, shall we?

OFFENSE

I think Sooner quarterbacks combined to throw passes to no less than 34 different receivers so I look for that to continue this week as they feel out who can be reliable and the next “big star”. Marcus Mims threw his hat in the ring last week by flipping the field on punt returns (which was nice to see) and by hauling in one of the longer TD passes from (snake strike sound) Rattler.

I want to see more of this Seth guy, though, because he has legit homerun ability. He’s my OPOG today.

DEFENSE

I wish I could say I got some feel for these guys, at all, against the Bears but truth be told this game was over midway through the first quarter and I was in the hot tub already dipping into the bubbly.

Alas, there was a guy, number 24, Brian Asamoah, who seemed to be flying to the ball. He seemed ready for the moment. I’ll ride that pony to my DPOG this week.

THE SCORE

I like the Sooners big here provided the game gets played. Look for Spencer Rattler domination and I’ll predict the D gets two turnovers.

Sooners 49, Kansas State 14

 

Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner.

K State

After a week off, the Sooners resume the tenuous 2020 campaign. Coming off of a demolition of Missouri State that was no surprise (but let’s be honest, in the past there have been plenty of instances where B was not TC’d in similar instances), the Sooners look to keep rolling against a Kansas State club with a ton of inexperienced starters (including, I believe, the entire O Line). Speaking of those starters, they embarrassingly lost to Arkansas State in week 1. If trends continue, it will be a long Saturday afternoon for the Wildcats. Thanks to there being no network willing to show a top 5 team when there were about 6 other games two weeks ago, I have very little in the way of insight. But, getting any good intel from this column has become like having a firm stool after eating Arby’s, just isn’t going to happen. 

Offense

By all accounts Spencer Rattler was as advertised. I believe he played little, if any, of the second half after absolutely torching the pathetic Bears. Also, if you had any doubts about Rattler being selected over Mordecai (injury and game scenario not withstanding), both went 14/17 last week, but one went for 290 yards, 4 TDs and no picks vs 157/1/1. And  while Rattler is probably the safest bet for big numbers, I’m going with Seth McGowan for a big game today. He looked like the next standout Sooners RB and I’m eager to see him get more involved in the passing game as well. 

Defense

I’m hopeful that this is the year the D finally becomes average. And while that wasn’t much of a test two weeks ago, they still put up zeros. Which, as I alluded to earlier, was no given in years past. So, one benchmark made, now just keeping adding to it. No one player lit it up as best I can tell, but I’m going with Brian Asamoah. Mostly I’m hopeful he becomes a meaningful player on that side of the ball. 

Score

K-State no doubt had a wake up call two weeks ago. But, as I mentioned, they are pretty inexperienced. Plus, this is just year two with their new coaching staff and we still don’t really know how that will play out. The spread is just 28, that feels ripe for a little trip to cover city. I think OU fingerblasts the wildcats to the tune of 55-10. 

Boomer to the Motherfuckin’ Sooner. 

Missouri State

Welcome back to another season of Sooner Steamroller. I'm frankly shocked that this is even happening, but here we are and the season appears to be going on. I know that you faithful reader(s) have come to expect subpar writing from me. I combine terrible writing with an almost complete lack of preparation. However, I want to say that I've lowered the bar even more this season as I've spent the last few weeks expecting a cancellation announcement and, in turn, have read literally nothing about the team. So here comes some garbage.

Offense

The combination of player attrition and my lack of attention have left me with an extremely limited list of players that I can even name on offense. But, even if I'd known every player on the offense, I still would've gone with Spencer Rattler. He's been given the access codes and he's now manning the console for the season. I, for one, am very much looking forward to hearing about his performance (as I'm not ponying up for PPV vs Missouri State...this is another tirade I'll spare you). I think he throws for 300+, rushes for 75+ and accounts for 4 TDs.

Defense

Full disclosure, off the top of my head I couldn't name one active defensive player this morning before I talked to Mitch. As a result, I fully agreed with him and went with Jaden Davis. I see him making tackles and generally seeing the field today.

Score

As a former attendee of Missouri State, located in my hometown, I can unequivocally say they've been abysmally awful my entire life. They did hire Bobby Petrino in an unabashed grab at relevance. That said, this will be a professional assbeat. The last spread I saw was 44.5, I think OU covers and wins 63-10. It's strange to be back.

Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner.