Fucking Tulane?
I'm gagging, barfing and laughing at the same time. I'm laughing so hard I just vomited through my nose and then I vomited so hard I just had to laugh. I even think I wet-farted my pants just know.
Now I've wasted a whole paragraph of my OU-Texas piece not talking real football because of these fuckwits. See how these devils never quit? Let's move on.
I love this matchup for OU. I mean, I'm giddy about it. Here's why:
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| texas Freshman QB Case McCoy |
This Pumpkinhead is texas's starting QB. His Daddy and Mommy are good Texans. They named their boys after a gun and a knife manufacturer, respectively (Colt and Case). "How-do!!, pardner!"
By the way, does anyone want to lay odds that Brent Musberger alludes to this gun and knife business as ABC cuts to commercial following some miracle Case McCoy scramble? 2-1, 3-2? I might, nee will, smash a hole in a wall if this happens. Case is a Freshman and he'll be, "sharing time under Center" with fellow Freshman David Ash. I imagine Brent Venables and the Sooner D are looking forward to giving these two some different looks. In fact, the Sooner D probably feels a little like this guy:
The texas offense leans heavily on the run because Case and Ash (sounds like a Bravo reality show), while accurate by some unknown accounts, are not "gunslingers". They've attempted 55 passes combined on the season. Landry has completed over twice that many by himself. Now I've not watched texas (why would I?) enough to call them one dimensional, but they aren't as potent a spread as Mizzou either. All this to say that the Sooner defense is predicated on making their opponents one dimensional. When an opponent does this for them it plays heavily into the Sooners favor (see picture above).
The Sooners have already been forged by fire. Texas has not. The Sooners played well in a very hostile environment in Prime Time and left town victorious (FSU for any knotheads who might be reading. Wait! I didn't mean it, please don't leave the site, we need you). Also, the Sooners dealt with a pretty feisty Mizzou squad. It took a miracle for texas to pass it's only test of the season, at home, against BYU.
Finally, Mack Brown just doesn't have the bullets in his gun. He's playing about 15 freshmen and none of them are named Vince Young. He has almost an entirely new coaching staff. Normally I'd be scared that the horns might have that "back to the wall" mentality but not here. Not with Mack Brown. He just doesn't want to get embarrassed.
OFFENSE
How could I go against Dom Whaley? Sure, I Iignored him for three weeks. I prentended he existed only as motivation for Roy Finch. But Dom Whaley is easily the Sooners' best weapon outside of Ryan Broyles. The fact you have a triumvirate of Landry, Whaley and Broyles makes me feel good. This group of talent is as perfect a trifecta as any collegiate football team could hope for.
I'm taking Whaley just because someone on the Sooners Offense has to step up. No one can make a difference quite like Dominique. Choosing Broyles is too easy. Also, choosing Landry is unacceptable. Landry is bound to throw some picks and do some stupid shit. As always, his numbers will be gaudy but you'll be left wondering what might have been.
Dom Whaley is a great story. But if you isolate him to this game he's an ever better story because he's going to be the player that people have heard of but haven't experienced. This game always has a Cinderella story Now is his opportunity. Someone has to step up. If it isn't Whaley I'll also accept Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills, Jaz Reyonolds or Brandon Williams.
DEFENSE
The worst thing that can happen to the Sooner Defense is for texas to have success running the football. If they can do that twice in consecutive series, the Sooners could lose confidence.I'm not terbbibly worried about it. This defense and team is resilient. They can get popped in the mouth and hit right back.
With Travis Old Steady Lewis wearing Number 12 I really can't pick against him. His enthusiasm will be off the charts. I'd also like to pick Tony Motherfuckin Jefferson but my gut insists on Old Steady.
THE RESULT
OU should have their way. The longhorns have earned nothing.Their undefeated record is probably the weakest in college football. Yet, they are texas and have nearly found themselves in the Top 10. The good news for the Sooners is that, for at least this Saturday, this victory will look a lot better than it actually is. Good news for people who like polls and realignment chatter.
OU 35 Texas 17
Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner
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