For those interested, Mitch and I make a point not to A) discuss our picks prior to making them and/or B) read one another's "piece" prior to writing our own. That said, I just read his "piece" after writing mine and we were a Sooner touchdown away from having an unprecedented first ever identical picks day.
Just sayin'...
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Tech
Back again for another week of Sooner football, this time v. Texas Tech. Though not the pass happy yard hogs of the Mike Leach era, these Raiders still put up pretty impressive numbers offensively. And though I haven't bothered to look, naturally, I'm assuming that ours are better offensively. Mostly because few teams who play competition like ours put up our kind of numbers. I don't know much about the defense either, matter of fact I really know dick about the whole Red Raider squad. I know their QB has a last name that is probably hard to pronounce, or at least not obvious from the spelling, and their coach was a failure at his previous job. All of that with the topping of Owen Field spells trouble for their club.
The Sooners are well positioned to dominate in this one. Coming off a lack luster performance against an inferior team, they will be ready to eat babies and and shit on the collective township of Lubbock. However, what is weird is I hope it's closer than it looks like it will be. The reason is, if we run them out of the stadium today to the tune of 56-3 or something that spells trouble. Here's why. Every game we've played this season where we've looked like a team that could win it all, we follow it up with at least one half of shit football the following week (read: Mizzou and Kansas et al). I'm not sure we can survive in Manhattan next week by taking a dump in our socks in the first half of that one. Can you tell I have a bad feeling about next week?
Anyway, today looks promising for the Sooners and really you have to win this one before we can worry about the next, and win I think we will. We have too much on both sides of the ball for them to hang. They will probably score a few on us, but I don't think this one will be too close for comfort. I say all of that with the caveat that last week I would have bet my scrotum that we were up 21 on KU at half, and that game was competitive well into the third quarter, so who the fuck knows.
Offense
I honestly don't know what to do here, I'm hard downstairs for so many players on our offense and defense that's it's getting tough to avoid picking the same two or three each week. However, I'm going with a "safe" pick this week. I don't think I've picked him yet this season and I'm too lazy to go back and look, but this week I'm going with Broyles. In all likelihood I'm a week late with this, but I don't care. He's been lights out all season, and is just putting up huge numbers when everyone knows he's our biggest weapon. That's impressive. I think the crowd will be wet in the crotch to welcome him home after breaking the record and I think he responds.
Defense
This week, I'm getting back to my roots so to speak. I picked him once earlier in the season and lately I just feel like he's playing at a higher level. He's living up to his moniker after a shaky beginning, and I think we see a nice afternoon out of Tony Motherfuckin' Jefferson. I see multiple tackles, one forced turnover, and here's the kicker one "wow" play. By wow, I mean we see him in the post-game shower to the tune of 9 inches of deli meat tucked between his legs and bruising his hammie's as he twists back and forth (I've been drinking).
This game looks to be a prime week for a tune up. As I said before Tech can't hang with us. I don't know what the spread is but I think we put a fair amount of points up, and a fair amount more than them at that. They'll get some, but we'll handle it setting up a huge showdown for next weekend. Sooners take this one 49-21.
Let's TCB this week, and get the t's crossed and our lower case j's dotted for the stretch run.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner
The Sooners are well positioned to dominate in this one. Coming off a lack luster performance against an inferior team, they will be ready to eat babies and and shit on the collective township of Lubbock. However, what is weird is I hope it's closer than it looks like it will be. The reason is, if we run them out of the stadium today to the tune of 56-3 or something that spells trouble. Here's why. Every game we've played this season where we've looked like a team that could win it all, we follow it up with at least one half of shit football the following week (read: Mizzou and Kansas et al). I'm not sure we can survive in Manhattan next week by taking a dump in our socks in the first half of that one. Can you tell I have a bad feeling about next week?
Anyway, today looks promising for the Sooners and really you have to win this one before we can worry about the next, and win I think we will. We have too much on both sides of the ball for them to hang. They will probably score a few on us, but I don't think this one will be too close for comfort. I say all of that with the caveat that last week I would have bet my scrotum that we were up 21 on KU at half, and that game was competitive well into the third quarter, so who the fuck knows.
Offense
I honestly don't know what to do here, I'm hard downstairs for so many players on our offense and defense that's it's getting tough to avoid picking the same two or three each week. However, I'm going with a "safe" pick this week. I don't think I've picked him yet this season and I'm too lazy to go back and look, but this week I'm going with Broyles. In all likelihood I'm a week late with this, but I don't care. He's been lights out all season, and is just putting up huge numbers when everyone knows he's our biggest weapon. That's impressive. I think the crowd will be wet in the crotch to welcome him home after breaking the record and I think he responds.
Defense
This week, I'm getting back to my roots so to speak. I picked him once earlier in the season and lately I just feel like he's playing at a higher level. He's living up to his moniker after a shaky beginning, and I think we see a nice afternoon out of Tony Motherfuckin' Jefferson. I see multiple tackles, one forced turnover, and here's the kicker one "wow" play. By wow, I mean we see him in the post-game shower to the tune of 9 inches of deli meat tucked between his legs and bruising his hammie's as he twists back and forth (I've been drinking).
This game looks to be a prime week for a tune up. As I said before Tech can't hang with us. I don't know what the spread is but I think we put a fair amount of points up, and a fair amount more than them at that. They'll get some, but we'll handle it setting up a huge showdown for next weekend. Sooners take this one 49-21.
Let's TCB this week, and get the t's crossed and our lower case j's dotted for the stretch run.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner
OU vs. Tech
This rabid Sooner fan went to a costume ball last week instead of watching the game. Then, I fat fingered (technical term) my DVR so I pretty much got to see dick of the contest last week. I was able to make it home in time to see the second half thanks in large part to a terribly timed closing of the bar. (Note to future party planners: If you want the party to end just close the bar. It's fool-proof) It sucked that I missed seeing Ryan Broyles smash the FBS receiving record. But, Navin offered some small measure of consolation by pointing out that, "It'll probably happen again next year".
I'm glad I missed the defense's uninspired first half. Lazy dumb crap wears me out more than anything anyways. The second half was where it was at on that side of the ball.
So this week offers up a mysterious Texas Tech squad. I still have yet to figure out their identity now that Tommy Tuberville has taken over. I guess they still rack up the yards. I heard their QB is leading the league (maybe nation) in total offense. I'd look it up but it's Texas Tech. Those are 10 seconds I might not get back.
I do know Tech has lost two games in a row, presumably to the only decent competition they've faced. Those two teams are K-State and A&M which OU has not played. So, tough to compare.
All of my confidence derives from the fact that this game is at home. It's been a while since the boys played at Owen Field. It will be nice to see them again in person and I'm sure my feelings are reciprocated by the squad. Also note: Texas Tech does not play the Sooners well in Norman.
Are you picking up what I'm putting down here? These are all glad tidings.
OFFENSE
I was a great date at the costume ball. I grabbed a beer and a chair and proceeded to watch ESPN Gamecast on my phone. I was able to keep up with what has to be one of the statistically poorer games of Lonnie's career. He started off 0-4. That never happens. System QB's don't go 0-4 during any stretch in this OU offense. Quoth Charles Barkley, "That's Turrible".
A home game is the tonic for Lonnie's game. I'm not picking him though. Hell no. Navin and I are now seeing things eye to eye on Lonnie.
You can also mark it down that whomever I pick will play sparingly, if at all, and will have little to no impact on the outcome of the football game.
So I'm picking Ryan Broyles. He's a can't miss. If he catches less than 10 balls and goes for less than 150 then I'll justyank my telegraph right out of the wall fling my iPad 2 like a frisbee and give up this weblog business. I kid. My public needs me.
DEFENSE
Jamell Fleming is out. Not that I would pick him anyways but I wanted to prove I could read the scrolling ribbon on ESPNNews. I'm happy to let Navin have dibs on Franky Alexander.
I'll go with Tony Motherfuckin Jefferson. He nearly had 4 INT's the last time the Sooners were at home. A spread attack is where he makes hay. He's a gentleman, a scholar and hell of a guy. Works for me.
THE PICK
On paper last week was business as usual and expected. Everyone knows better. The Sooners have to be more consistent and have better execution. That's bad news for Tech.
It's not as close as the score would indicate but the Sooners come out on top 42-21.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner. Tip them PBR's
Praise Jehovah Jireh forYouTube
I'm glad I missed the defense's uninspired first half. Lazy dumb crap wears me out more than anything anyways. The second half was where it was at on that side of the ball.
So this week offers up a mysterious Texas Tech squad. I still have yet to figure out their identity now that Tommy Tuberville has taken over. I guess they still rack up the yards. I heard their QB is leading the league (maybe nation) in total offense. I'd look it up but it's Texas Tech. Those are 10 seconds I might not get back.
I do know Tech has lost two games in a row, presumably to the only decent competition they've faced. Those two teams are K-State and A&M which OU has not played. So, tough to compare.
All of my confidence derives from the fact that this game is at home. It's been a while since the boys played at Owen Field. It will be nice to see them again in person and I'm sure my feelings are reciprocated by the squad. Also note: Texas Tech does not play the Sooners well in Norman.
Are you picking up what I'm putting down here? These are all glad tidings.
OFFENSE
I was a great date at the costume ball. I grabbed a beer and a chair and proceeded to watch ESPN Gamecast on my phone. I was able to keep up with what has to be one of the statistically poorer games of Lonnie's career. He started off 0-4. That never happens. System QB's don't go 0-4 during any stretch in this OU offense. Quoth Charles Barkley, "That's Turrible".
A home game is the tonic for Lonnie's game. I'm not picking him though. Hell no. Navin and I are now seeing things eye to eye on Lonnie.
You can also mark it down that whomever I pick will play sparingly, if at all, and will have little to no impact on the outcome of the football game.
So I'm picking Ryan Broyles. He's a can't miss. If he catches less than 10 balls and goes for less than 150 then I'll just
DEFENSE
Jamell Fleming is out. Not that I would pick him anyways but I wanted to prove I could read the scrolling ribbon on ESPNNews. I'm happy to let Navin have dibs on Franky Alexander.
I'll go with Tony Motherfuckin Jefferson. He nearly had 4 INT's the last time the Sooners were at home. A spread attack is where he makes hay. He's a gentleman, a scholar and hell of a guy. Works for me.
THE PICK
On paper last week was business as usual and expected. Everyone knows better. The Sooners have to be more consistent and have better execution. That's bad news for Tech.
It's not as close as the score would indicate but the Sooners come out on top 42-21.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin Sooner. Tip them PBR's
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Tuesday Thoughts
Well, mere hours after I gave him the highest of praise, Lonnie regressed to the system QB I often detest. So many missed balls in the first half especially. It's crazy really, he'd miss a pass to wide open receiver that was as simple as a game of backyard catch one down, then follow it up by threading the needle on some 30 yard crossing pattern. I can't figure him out, and maybe that's just it. He's simply inconsistent as hell. Next week, he'll look like a world-beater again at home. However, I'm getting more and more nervous about that game at KSU in two weeks. That crowd will be hostile, that team is built on defense, and Lonnie on the road generally spells poor performance.
As for the defense on Saturday, it was truly a jekyll and hyde performance. They looked fairly disinterested in the first half and allowed a generally terrible KU team to hang around. To their credit however, they looked dominant once again in the second half allowing a total of six (6!!) yards. That is beyond Playstation numbers.
Also, how about Broyles. Not just breaking the all-time national receptions record but absolutely shattering it. I also thought it was pretty fucking sweet that the coaches dialed him up for a bomb on the record breaker. That was a pass that Lonnie couldn't have thrown better, perfectly in stride and Broyles broke away easily. Props on that shit, I'm interested to see how much distance he can put between himself and Stubblefield now.
Speaking of nice performances, Whaley again looked hard. 30 for 165 is damn good, and it proves he's gone beyond a co-feature back to being the workhorse. Granted, Brennan Clay is clearly more hurt than anyone is admitting, but Finch got meaningful carries (and was a great change-up, looked like last season) and Whaley still ran it 30 times. I'm not sure one back hasn't gotten that many carries since AD was on campus.
This Saturday should be a good one, the Sooners feature a decent Tech team in Norman. More to come on that later in the week however.
As for the defense on Saturday, it was truly a jekyll and hyde performance. They looked fairly disinterested in the first half and allowed a generally terrible KU team to hang around. To their credit however, they looked dominant once again in the second half allowing a total of six (6!!) yards. That is beyond Playstation numbers.
Also, how about Broyles. Not just breaking the all-time national receptions record but absolutely shattering it. I also thought it was pretty fucking sweet that the coaches dialed him up for a bomb on the record breaker. That was a pass that Lonnie couldn't have thrown better, perfectly in stride and Broyles broke away easily. Props on that shit, I'm interested to see how much distance he can put between himself and Stubblefield now.
Speaking of nice performances, Whaley again looked hard. 30 for 165 is damn good, and it proves he's gone beyond a co-feature back to being the workhorse. Granted, Brennan Clay is clearly more hurt than anyone is admitting, but Finch got meaningful carries (and was a great change-up, looked like last season) and Whaley still ran it 30 times. I'm not sure one back hasn't gotten that many carries since AD was on campus.
This Saturday should be a good one, the Sooners feature a decent Tech team in Norman. More to come on that later in the week however.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
OU vs. Kansas
Boy this one stacks up pretty one-sided. I don't think Kansas is good at anything. I wasted a few minutes of my life watching them early in the season and the KU Defense looked like they dressed out part of the KU marching band.
For OU this one is about two things. First, no texas hangover. The good news (and I am vigorously knocking on wood as I type) is that Bobby Stoops's Sooner teams have never lost the game after texas.
Second, keep everyone healthy. There will be no good excuse for Landry Jones playing more than a series in the second half if this one goes as expected.
This game is not appealing at all. That said, how bout them Sooners last week? Damn they looked good. And, as of this writing, those same longhorns who got taken behind the woodshed last week gave OSU a bit of a game. So, I think that makes what the Sooners did look a tad better.
As previously reported on this website early on in the season, our defense is fucking hard. They are running all over the football like a bunch of scald ass apes. They really managed to "get their hands on a lot of balls" didn't they?
OFFENSE
Because this game is expected to be a snooze I'm going on a limb here. No, I won't be picking Roy damn Finch. That limb snapped mercifully. No I'm taking Brandon Williams. He should get 20 carries and I'd like to see some razzle dazzle. "Feel me"?
Also, I'm going to go ahead and pencil in Ryan Broyles for 7 catches, 159 yards.
DEFENSE
Hmmm. This really could be anybody. Everyone should have some success today. I guess I'll go ahead and say Ronnell "The Hammer". I don't think I've picked him yet and he seems due.
This needs to look like PlayStation set on Rookie
THE RESULT
I guess what I am most looking forward to see is how the O-Line works the running game. The run game is the weakest link so far so let's get that shored up.
I don't guess I've got much else to say this week.
Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner y'all.
For OU this one is about two things. First, no texas hangover. The good news (and I am vigorously knocking on wood as I type) is that Bobby Stoops's Sooner teams have never lost the game after texas.
Second, keep everyone healthy. There will be no good excuse for Landry Jones playing more than a series in the second half if this one goes as expected.
This game is not appealing at all. That said, how bout them Sooners last week? Damn they looked good. And, as of this writing, those same longhorns who got taken behind the woodshed last week gave OSU a bit of a game. So, I think that makes what the Sooners did look a tad better.
As previously reported on this website early on in the season, our defense is fucking hard. They are running all over the football like a bunch of scald ass apes. They really managed to "get their hands on a lot of balls" didn't they?
OFFENSE
Because this game is expected to be a snooze I'm going on a limb here. No, I won't be picking Roy damn Finch. That limb snapped mercifully. No I'm taking Brandon Williams. He should get 20 carries and I'd like to see some razzle dazzle. "Feel me"?
Also, I'm going to go ahead and pencil in Ryan Broyles for 7 catches, 159 yards.
DEFENSE
Hmmm. This really could be anybody. Everyone should have some success today. I guess I'll go ahead and say Ronnell "The Hammer". I don't think I've picked him yet and he seems due.
This needs to look like PlayStation set on Rookie
THE RESULT
I guess what I am most looking forward to see is how the O-Line works the running game. The run game is the weakest link so far so let's get that shored up.
I don't guess I've got much else to say this week.
Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner y'all.
Kansas
On the heels of one of the more enjoyable, if not closely competitive, OU texas games of recent memory, we face what will probably be the worst team we play all season (yes I'm aware Ball State was on the schedule). Looking back at last week briefly, I have very little to complain about shockingly. From the credit where it's due file, Lonnie played without question his best half of football as a Sooner. His throws were on time, accurate and he calmly handled pressure. Took a sack and even threw one (that I remember) away! If this is the new Lonnie, he may get my offensive MVP before the year is out...but probably not.
What can you say about the defense? They too were straight HARD last week. Frank Alexander has to be coming up in National defensive player of the year talk now. He's been an absolute menace all season, and has emerged in my opinion as the best player on our defense (not a small compliment). I'm pumped to see what they can do against an overmatched KU squad today.
Kansas gave up points in epic fashion to an OSU squad who is looming large on our schedule at this point. (speaking of, KSU looks like it will be a tough win which would have been a laughable thing to say going in to the season). I think it's unreasonable to think we'll put up 70 on them, that just doesn't happen too often against anyone in college. I do however think this one will be over before the clock runs out. We've got too much on both sides of the ball and they, have jack shit as far as I can tell. (true to form, no homework here).
I have no venom for KU in football season (though it's a small redemption to kick their fucking asses seeing as I hate them in basketball season so much, and they're far harder to beat then), it's hard to hate a team that fucking sucks shit. They're never good, and now that Mangino isn't smuggling calzone's under his armpits on the sidelines anymore, they're harder to make fun of. In short, I have little to say about them. On to the picks.
Offense
I went out on a limb last week with James Hanna and was rewarded with one catch for 7 yards, and a dropped pass. Stellar work on my part. I have no intent on going out on said limb again this week. I think Whaley (apart from the 64 yard run) was irritated with being bottled up a lot last week. I think this week he "gets his" as the urban youths are wont to say. Over 100 yards, and two scores. Not a gutsy pick. Nonetheless, I think it will come to fruition.
Defense
Call it foreshadowing (writer speak, don't bother trying), but I'm going with the previously alluded to Frank Alexander. He's poised to break my single season record of most DPG (defensive player of the game, not disrespectful pounding of the gash, though that's good comedy) picks in a year. Really, I don't give a fuck either. I'm hard for him, no two ways about it. I think whoever their QB is gets pummeled a lot today, Frank merely is in on the fun.
Finally, we're favored by I think 37 or something crazy like that. I didn't place any bets, but I do think we'll cover in this one. KU has an epically bad defense, literally the worst in football. That isn't a good recipe for winning against our offense. Big days all around on O, and we win it going away. Brandon Williams might even get to atone for his fumble (didn't do himself any favors for playing time down the stretch there), for which I'm sure coaches gave him a big fucking bowl of "told you so" this week in practice. Sooners dominate 56-10.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.
What can you say about the defense? They too were straight HARD last week. Frank Alexander has to be coming up in National defensive player of the year talk now. He's been an absolute menace all season, and has emerged in my opinion as the best player on our defense (not a small compliment). I'm pumped to see what they can do against an overmatched KU squad today.
Kansas gave up points in epic fashion to an OSU squad who is looming large on our schedule at this point. (speaking of, KSU looks like it will be a tough win which would have been a laughable thing to say going in to the season). I think it's unreasonable to think we'll put up 70 on them, that just doesn't happen too often against anyone in college. I do however think this one will be over before the clock runs out. We've got too much on both sides of the ball and they, have jack shit as far as I can tell. (true to form, no homework here).
I have no venom for KU in football season (though it's a small redemption to kick their fucking asses seeing as I hate them in basketball season so much, and they're far harder to beat then), it's hard to hate a team that fucking sucks shit. They're never good, and now that Mangino isn't smuggling calzone's under his armpits on the sidelines anymore, they're harder to make fun of. In short, I have little to say about them. On to the picks.
Offense
I went out on a limb last week with James Hanna and was rewarded with one catch for 7 yards, and a dropped pass. Stellar work on my part. I have no intent on going out on said limb again this week. I think Whaley (apart from the 64 yard run) was irritated with being bottled up a lot last week. I think this week he "gets his" as the urban youths are wont to say. Over 100 yards, and two scores. Not a gutsy pick. Nonetheless, I think it will come to fruition.
Defense
Call it foreshadowing (writer speak, don't bother trying), but I'm going with the previously alluded to Frank Alexander. He's poised to break my single season record of most DPG (defensive player of the game, not disrespectful pounding of the gash, though that's good comedy) picks in a year. Really, I don't give a fuck either. I'm hard for him, no two ways about it. I think whoever their QB is gets pummeled a lot today, Frank merely is in on the fun.
Finally, we're favored by I think 37 or something crazy like that. I didn't place any bets, but I do think we'll cover in this one. KU has an epically bad defense, literally the worst in football. That isn't a good recipe for winning against our offense. Big days all around on O, and we win it going away. Brandon Williams might even get to atone for his fumble (didn't do himself any favors for playing time down the stretch there), for which I'm sure coaches gave him a big fucking bowl of "told you so" this week in practice. Sooners dominate 56-10.
Boomer to the Motherfuckin' Sooner.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
OU vs. Uterus
Damn I hate the Longhorns and I hate them now more than ever because they are ruining my weekdays. Just as recruiting chatter is the bane of my offseason existence, conference realignment speculation is the bane of my gameweeks. And these elitist cockbreaths in Austin are the cause. This week I've had to endure reports that Tulane might be joining the Big 12.
Fucking Tulane?
I'm gagging, barfing and laughing at the same time. I'm laughing so hard I just vomited through my nose and then I vomited so hard I just had to laugh. I even think I wet-farted my pants just know.
Now I've wasted a whole paragraph of my OU-Texas piece not talking real football because of these fuckwits. See how these devils never quit? Let's move on.
I love this matchup for OU. I mean, I'm giddy about it. Here's why:
This Pumpkinhead is texas's starting QB. His Daddy and Mommy are good Texans. They named their boys after a gun and a knife manufacturer, respectively (Colt and Case). "How-do!!, pardner!"
By the way, does anyone want to lay odds that Brent Musberger alludes to this gun and knife business as ABC cuts to commercial following some miracle Case McCoy scramble? 2-1, 3-2? I might, nee will, smash a hole in a wall if this happens. Case is a Freshman and he'll be, "sharing time under Center" with fellow Freshman David Ash. I imagine Brent Venables and the Sooner D are looking forward to giving these two some different looks. In fact, the Sooner D probably feels a little like this guy:
The texas offense leans heavily on the run because Case and Ash (sounds like a Bravo reality show), while accurate by some unknown accounts, are not "gunslingers". They've attempted 55 passes combined on the season. Landry has completed over twice that many by himself. Now I've not watched texas (why would I?) enough to call them one dimensional, but they aren't as potent a spread as Mizzou either. All this to say that the Sooner defense is predicated on making their opponents one dimensional. When an opponent does this for them it plays heavily into the Sooners favor (see picture above).
The Sooners have already been forged by fire. Texas has not. The Sooners played well in a very hostile environment in Prime Time and left town victorious (FSU for any knotheads who might be reading. Wait! I didn't mean it, please don't leave the site, we need you). Also, the Sooners dealt with a pretty feisty Mizzou squad. It took a miracle for texas to pass it's only test of the season, at home, against BYU.
Finally, Mack Brown just doesn't have the bullets in his gun. He's playing about 15 freshmen and none of them are named Vince Young. He has almost an entirely new coaching staff. Normally I'd be scared that the horns might have that "back to the wall" mentality but not here. Not with Mack Brown. He just doesn't want to get embarrassed.
OFFENSE
How could I go against Dom Whaley? Sure, I Iignored him for three weeks. I prentended he existed only as motivation for Roy Finch. But Dom Whaley is easily the Sooners' best weapon outside of Ryan Broyles. The fact you have a triumvirate of Landry, Whaley and Broyles makes me feel good. This group of talent is as perfect a trifecta as any collegiate football team could hope for.
I'm taking Whaley just because someone on the Sooners Offense has to step up. No one can make a difference quite like Dominique. Choosing Broyles is too easy. Also, choosing Landry is unacceptable. Landry is bound to throw some picks and do some stupid shit. As always, his numbers will be gaudy but you'll be left wondering what might have been.
Dom Whaley is a great story. But if you isolate him to this game he's an ever better story because he's going to be the player that people have heard of but haven't experienced. This game always has a Cinderella story Now is his opportunity. Someone has to step up. If it isn't Whaley I'll also accept Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills, Jaz Reyonolds or Brandon Williams.
DEFENSE
The worst thing that can happen to the Sooner Defense is for texas to have success running the football. If they can do that twice in consecutive series, the Sooners could lose confidence.I'm not terbbibly worried about it. This defense and team is resilient. They can get popped in the mouth and hit right back.
With Travis Old Steady Lewis wearing Number 12 I really can't pick against him. His enthusiasm will be off the charts. I'd also like to pick Tony Motherfuckin Jefferson but my gut insists on Old Steady.
THE RESULT
OU should have their way. The longhorns have earned nothing.Their undefeated record is probably the weakest in college football. Yet, they are texas and have nearly found themselves in the Top 10. The good news for the Sooners is that, for at least this Saturday, this victory will look a lot better than it actually is. Good news for people who like polls and realignment chatter.
OU 35 Texas 17
Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner
Fucking Tulane?
I'm gagging, barfing and laughing at the same time. I'm laughing so hard I just vomited through my nose and then I vomited so hard I just had to laugh. I even think I wet-farted my pants just know.
Now I've wasted a whole paragraph of my OU-Texas piece not talking real football because of these fuckwits. See how these devils never quit? Let's move on.
I love this matchup for OU. I mean, I'm giddy about it. Here's why:
 | |
| texas Freshman QB Case McCoy |
This Pumpkinhead is texas's starting QB. His Daddy and Mommy are good Texans. They named their boys after a gun and a knife manufacturer, respectively (Colt and Case). "How-do!!, pardner!"
By the way, does anyone want to lay odds that Brent Musberger alludes to this gun and knife business as ABC cuts to commercial following some miracle Case McCoy scramble? 2-1, 3-2? I might, nee will, smash a hole in a wall if this happens. Case is a Freshman and he'll be, "sharing time under Center" with fellow Freshman David Ash. I imagine Brent Venables and the Sooner D are looking forward to giving these two some different looks. In fact, the Sooner D probably feels a little like this guy:
The texas offense leans heavily on the run because Case and Ash (sounds like a Bravo reality show), while accurate by some unknown accounts, are not "gunslingers". They've attempted 55 passes combined on the season. Landry has completed over twice that many by himself. Now I've not watched texas (why would I?) enough to call them one dimensional, but they aren't as potent a spread as Mizzou either. All this to say that the Sooner defense is predicated on making their opponents one dimensional. When an opponent does this for them it plays heavily into the Sooners favor (see picture above).
The Sooners have already been forged by fire. Texas has not. The Sooners played well in a very hostile environment in Prime Time and left town victorious (FSU for any knotheads who might be reading. Wait! I didn't mean it, please don't leave the site, we need you). Also, the Sooners dealt with a pretty feisty Mizzou squad. It took a miracle for texas to pass it's only test of the season, at home, against BYU.
Finally, Mack Brown just doesn't have the bullets in his gun. He's playing about 15 freshmen and none of them are named Vince Young. He has almost an entirely new coaching staff. Normally I'd be scared that the horns might have that "back to the wall" mentality but not here. Not with Mack Brown. He just doesn't want to get embarrassed.
OFFENSE
How could I go against Dom Whaley? Sure, I Iignored him for three weeks. I prentended he existed only as motivation for Roy Finch. But Dom Whaley is easily the Sooners' best weapon outside of Ryan Broyles. The fact you have a triumvirate of Landry, Whaley and Broyles makes me feel good. This group of talent is as perfect a trifecta as any collegiate football team could hope for.
I'm taking Whaley just because someone on the Sooners Offense has to step up. No one can make a difference quite like Dominique. Choosing Broyles is too easy. Also, choosing Landry is unacceptable. Landry is bound to throw some picks and do some stupid shit. As always, his numbers will be gaudy but you'll be left wondering what might have been.
Dom Whaley is a great story. But if you isolate him to this game he's an ever better story because he's going to be the player that people have heard of but haven't experienced. This game always has a Cinderella story Now is his opportunity. Someone has to step up. If it isn't Whaley I'll also accept Kenny Fuckin Shitbag Stills, Jaz Reyonolds or Brandon Williams.
DEFENSE
The worst thing that can happen to the Sooner Defense is for texas to have success running the football. If they can do that twice in consecutive series, the Sooners could lose confidence.I'm not terbbibly worried about it. This defense and team is resilient. They can get popped in the mouth and hit right back.
With Travis Old Steady Lewis wearing Number 12 I really can't pick against him. His enthusiasm will be off the charts. I'd also like to pick Tony Motherfuckin Jefferson but my gut insists on Old Steady.
THE RESULT
OU should have their way. The longhorns have earned nothing.Their undefeated record is probably the weakest in college football. Yet, they are texas and have nearly found themselves in the Top 10. The good news for the Sooners is that, for at least this Saturday, this victory will look a lot better than it actually is. Good news for people who like polls and realignment chatter.
OU 35 Texas 17
Boomer to the motherfuckin Sooner
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